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RichLP -> RE: On the issue of forgiveness...... (5/12/2008 2:33:58 PM)
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To the OP:
Your story reminds me of a story involving the friend with whom I’ve reduced contact.
“PAUL” is married and has 3 kids. He is habitually late – during the days I didn’t have a car, he would call me telling me he’d pick me up at a given time, almost “chide” me to ensure I’d be ready on time… and be 30 to 45 minutes late. What would irk me is that he would not call to tell me he’d be late, and I had to call him and ask him why he was late. He is STILL like this.
And I know this because “JONATHAN,” with whom I’ve developed a close friendship, is also friends with Paul… and has been made to wait by Paul many times. Jonathan, like Paul, is married with children.
One time, on a Sunday afternoon, Paul phoned Jonathan to ask Jonathan if he’d like to meet him at a park with the kids. Jonathan agreed, went to the said park with his children, and waited for Paul. Paul never came. 1 hour later, Jonathan phoned Paul and Paul said, “oh you know what, I’m really tired, so I don’t think I’ll go…”
When Jonathan told me this story I was flabbergasted at Paul’s rudeness.
But you think this is bad?
A few summers ago, when Jonathan and Paul each only had 2 children, they vacationed together. Jonathan is a multi-tasker and usually punctual. They booked the same flight, and Paul was late to arrive at the airport; Jonathan and his family nearly missed the plane because Paul was so late.
And, on the day they were to return (note that the vacation took place outside America), Paul was late checking out – in fact, he was so late that BOTH FAMILIES missed their flight back!
And yet, according to Jonathan, Paul said nothing to express remorse or to apologize – at the airport, when both men realized the plane had left, Jonathan and his wife scrambled to get tickets for a flight on the same day to avoid getting stuck in that foreign country for one more night (as they didn’t want to pay another hotel’s night stay).
Paul was nonchalant and just said, “you know, I’m hungry.”
Now note that Jonathan is far less blunt and confrontational than I am; in fact, I believe that my tendency to sometimes be confrontational when something annoys me has caused some friction between Paul and myself in the past. I asked Jonathan if he ever pulled Paul aside to complain, whether right there or afterwards – and Jonathan said “no.”
I told Jonathan, “man… if that was me… I would’ve just taken the flight without him.”
These stories totally coincide with the many occasions Paul was very late and did not call to inform me he’d be late when we had plans. Two years ago, in fact, Robert, another good friend of mine celebrated his birthday. Paul, I, and a 3rd person, Oddie, were to take Robert out. Neither Robert nor I were or are close to Oddie, but Paul liked Oddie and wanted him to come.
Oddie ordered more food than we expected and did not go along with our plan to treat Robert. So Robert ended up paying on a night he was to eat for free. And then, Oddie, Robert, and I went to a bar for beer, and only THEN Paul arrived. I think my face showed anger at Paul’s lateness, for Paul barely looked at me. And frankly, I don’t think Paul really understood the wrongfulness of his action; and again, Paul never called either Robert or me to tell us he’d be late.
Don’t be surprised, therefore, when I tell you that after I started getting close to Jonathan and thus heard from Jonathan how Paul is often flaky, late, and all, that it became that much easier for me to pull away from Paul. There were other factors – his narrow-mindedness, his refusal to eat certain foods, his refusal to go to certain establishments (none indecent).
Some people you are just best off not hanging out with.
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