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WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Online Fellowship for Single People (4/28/2008 6:36:32 PM)
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Thank you all for your replies so far! [sm=redhairsmile.gif]
And y'all are going to save me a lot of typing because now I can just quote your posts and respond. LOL [:D]
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ORIGINAL: ladioffaith
Also ... there are a few people in these forums who USED to be married and can give us insight about marriage. Shar-Mar, you and Johnno come to mind. quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
I agree. Do we need to make sub-folders for those who are divorced or widowed? I don't think so. Di, thank you for what you said. While I wasn't specifically thinking of my having been formerly married (or anyone else) when I started this thread, there is validity in what you said (regarding anyone who's ever been married before).
And Michelle's point is something else I was contemplating.
Where does the segregation stop? If we created a sub-folder for only the people who have been both divorced AND widowed (as in my case), there would only be a couple of us allowed in there. The same could be said for absolutely everyone's lives . . . not a one of them has been lived exactly like any one else. There's beauty in that; not cause for segregation.
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ORIGINAL: Focusing
I agree that married folks can provide some good insight into the single life - after all, they once were single too. [;)] Excellent, Sam! I was thinking the same thing earlier. There are separate folders for Men and Women because a woman can not really know what it's like to be a man, and a man cannot really know what it's like to be a woman. And even though we live in an age of gender-reassignment, I still don't think someone born of one can gender can truly relate to all the nuances of the opposite gender as fully as someone from the opposite gender can.
BUT. Every human being does start out their life unmarried. The very vast majority of married people have lived at least part of their adult life as a single person. They can relate to it on varying levels. Often they have valuable insight for Singles that came not from being Single, but from being married and looking at things retrospectively.
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ORIGINAL: Focusing
I guess I don't see any of the forums as being exclusive ... with the obvious exceptions of Women's Only and Men's Only - and in those cases, it is a matter of respect to keep our noses out of there. I have, even on very rare occasions, posted in Extreme Teens; and I can guarantee you that my teen years are loooooong since behind me. [sm=pinkhairsmile.gif] Interestingly enough, I've yet to see any teen put up a raucous when an adult makes the occasional post in any one of their threads. They may not respond (which is fine), but they don't complain about it.
Additionally, I am neither married nor a parent, but I have occasionally posted over there as well; admittedly, with the Parent folder, it's extremely rare that I have posted over there; in fact, I cannot pinpoint the last time I did, so it's been quite a long while (possibly years). However, again, when I have posted over in either of those threads, no one has gotten upset about it.
The only folders in this community that are segregated and have specific rules governing who can post in them are Men, Women, He Says, She Says and the Protestant-Only subfolder of General Faith.
I truly don't see the occasional appropriate post here in the Singles' folder by anyone (regardless of their marital status) as being some unforgivable deed.
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ORIGINAL: Pauley464
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just because someone has moved on to married life, they can still keep in touch with their single friends.
Repeating myself--I believe that is what the "Community Lounge" is for. I am a whole person also, not just a single man. For that reason I visit, "Men Only", "Community Lounge", "He Says", "General Faith", "Relationships", "Morality & Ethics", "Science & Origins" and on rare occasion I have posted on "She Says".
Paul, I agree with you. People should be whole persons. I encourage people to actually cruise around the forums; there's a whole wonderful world in this Community other than just "Singles."
I do disagree that only people who are presently Single should be welcomed here.
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ORIGINAL: John_O
Good question. On one hand I agree with Pauley. On the other hand I agree with Di on the other hand I've got something to add to it...
In every singles forum, group, club or even just random gathering the search for a mate plays a part. We may not want to admit it sometimes but many singles are looking to not be single anymore and they will look at who's around to see if anyone fits. As long as there are singles, this will not change. John, not every singles group, etc. have people searching for mates. I can think of several such groups that are made up entirely of singles specifically not looking, not waiting, not doing anything focused on finding a mate. Additionally, in the groups that do have singles looking, waiting, etc., there are also going to be people in those groups who are not. Nothing wrong with either.
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ORIGINAL: John_O
As was stated in the other thread, it makes it hard when you are talking to someone and getting along really well and then find out they are married in the singles forum.
The issue comes down to (as Di said) that the married can't allow themselves to dominate the conversation. I think it would also help if they mentioned they were married from time to time so no one could lead on. I have seen people identify themselves as being married when posting here in Singles - many times.
Additionally, I think people here in this folder sometime forget that according to this site's very own rules, this Singles' Forum is not a pick-up joint. It's expressed purpose is not for Singles to hook up with each other; it's for us to edify and encourage each other. If people come together as a couple after getting to know one another that's all fine and good; but if someone thinks they're being led on, then perhaps the issue lies with their own motives as to why they're posting in here or to a specific person and not necessarily an issue of someone else's motives (for clarity, I am not implying such motives are necessarily improper). This isn't an across-the-board-statement because obviously I don't know every single poster who posts here and there's always going to be inappropriate people anywhere . . . but I've seen enough married people post in here with very honorable attentions to give other married posters the benefit of the doubt when they post in here.
Additionally, I've personally have experienced this pick-up joint mentality here in Singles, and it's one of the reasons why I stopped posting in here for a while. I can go anywhere else in this community and not get bombarded with PMs from guys I don't even know wanting to "get to know me a little better." But here in the Singles, I will invariably get PMs from men who sometimes I haven't even seen the first one of their posts but they've seen one of mine somewhere in Singles . . . and they're sending me notes "wanting to get to know me better". THAT is definitely a pick-up mentality. Amusingly enough, I've taken to responding back to them that I am not interested a romantic relationship with anyone, and if they want to get to know me better, they can do so in the threads. Ironically, the vast majority of them never do reply after that; and the ones that do think I'm playing some kind of a "chase me" game . . . until I threaten to report them. THAT is also definitely a pick-up mentality.
I understand that this folder is specifically named, "Singles". But what's the harm in married people posting in here once in a while? Why is that so threatening to some people?
Why does everything have to have this "Singles vs. Everyone Else" feel about it? Why are we sometimes even seemingly hostile to married people or to people who are getting married?
I understand that some single people are, in fact, looking for a spouse. Wonderful! I truly have no problem with that. I love it when two people find each other. But why does it have to come down to no one else but Single people ever being allowed to come into our clubhouse?
I think these types of mindsets are akin to shooting oneself in the foot.
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