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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 8:04:05 AM
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SkillfullGourmet
Posts: 66
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline
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Well, he said "okay" when I asked him to wait to tell people, but I guess he didn't mean it. I'm definitely going to forgive him, and I understand where he's coming from. It just hurt. I hate feeling like I'm an object for people to discuss -- it's my body and I just don't want the goings-on up for discussion right now and I don't want people to feel sorry for me again when it "doesn't work out." I'm also a little angry with his mom for never calling/writing/sending flowers/doing ANYTHING with my last miscarriage. I don't she didn't know what the right thing to do would be, and I don't want to withhold any grandchild from her over it, but I guess I just don't want to be hurt in the same way again.
I still am kind of mad at my mom for buying all this baby stuff for me with my last pregnancy (at 8 weeks!) when I begged her not to.
I realize the issues are mine more than anyone else's. I would appreciate prayer about all my fear/anger. And honestly, I appreciate your wise advice Sideways, thank you.
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 8:10:08 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 2029
Joined: 4/12/2005
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It sounds like you have some legitimate feelings of hurt and anger concerning both potential grandmothers. Do you feel like you can talk to either of them? Clear the air perhaps?
And I'm sorry to say this, but get used to being discussed like an object. It's not fair, but for some reason, a pregnant lady is sort of viewed like community property. You'll have to gently stand up for yourself more then once on that account.
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 9:37:08 AM
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purejoy
Posts: 614
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
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Skillful, I'm sorry you're upset. 
I think the other ladies gave you wise advice. Maybe part of it is how you and your husband deal with things? My husband is a complete introvert. I'm sure he could've kept the pregnancy quiet until we brought the baby home.  I haven't struggled with miscarriage, but it took us a long time to get pregnant. He really didn't want to tell ANY one until at LEAST 12 weeks. Reasonable. Except that for me to gain comfort in the situation, I really felt like I wanted at least my mom and my sister to know right away...knowing that if (in my mind, when) something happened, I would need their understanding and support. In his mind, not having people know would have made it easier if something happened. Both reasonable, just totally different. So we had to work through that and come to agreement. All that to say, maybe your husband just deals with the joys/worries/stresses/excitement of pregnancy differently than you do?
I pray that God will comfort your fears and worries as you are growing this beautiful baby! And I pray that any relationship issues with your mom, MIL, husband, etc. are healed as well.
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 10:43:10 AM
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lilyofthefield
Posts: 1244
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: The Dark Side of the Moon - yeah, I'm a Floyd fan.
Status: offline
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SG, I'm sorry you were hurt that way. I understand how you feel. DH and I decided just to tell parents/grandparents in the beginning and asked them not to tell anyone else until we gave the go ahead. We hadn't experienced the m/cs you did, but had been trying for 3 1/2 years. If it didn't work out, we really didn't want to deal with everyone knowing/feeling sorry for us, etc. We felt we had to tell our parents because they were keeping up with all our fertility stuff anyway... and we wanted to tell my grandparents b/c my grandfather is dying. Anyway, some of them decided to tell others anyway. I wasn't horribly upset until the phone call from the most insenstive family member I have (uncle) who said, "Well, I guess this means you're not a virgin anymore." Of course, pregnancy hormones don't help either, but the idea that people are taking your fears so lightly hurts. They just didn't understand, and I guess they can't be expected to. I realize they were just excited and happy for us, but next time they won't be finding out right away!
Sorry for the novel...
_____________________________
Our baby boy is due in 4 days!
A boy is Truth with dirt on its face, Beauty with a cut on its finger, Wisdom with bubble gum in its hair and the Hope of the future with a frog in its pocket. - Alan Beck
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 12:11:54 PM
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TheEgyptianPrincess
Posts: 121
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lilyofthefield
"Well, I guess this means you're not a virgin anymore."
lovely!... preggers or not ... no male should say such thing !!... I actually can't believe there are still people in this dayNage that are that insensetive...
I remember after our wedding night my husband got calls from his cousins to ask him if "he had crossed the street".....!!!!!! I was so shocked! but thankfully he is much more tactfull than I am!....
anyways... just wanted to update you ladies that i am feeling a little bit better... I actually came into work today... the cough seems to be taking a rest from 1 cough every 30 seconds.. to 1 cough every couple of minutes.... hopefully this weekend it will get much better as I would have been on the antibiotics already 1 week.... .
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 12:39:34 PM
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myka
Posts: 811
Status: offline
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SG, I really understand the feelings. My dh did a similar thing (while I was away). It was because he was excited about my pregnancy, and he wanted to share the good news. I think that our dh's are a bit more removed from our pregnancies, and miscarriages don't affect them in the same ways (we get the physical effects and emotional ones, too).
I'll be praying for you. I was also reminded about Mother's day yesterday... It is a good time to pray for all women.
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 12:47:25 PM
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following_christ
Posts: 148
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
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EgyptianPrincess, I'm glad your feeling better. It really stinks to be sick while pregnant (not that it's fun when you're not!) I hope things just keep getting better.
((((Skillful)))) I'm sorry you're so upset and hurt. It sounds like there are a few things that would be helpful to address with your mother, MIL and DH. It really isn't healthy to be harboring such feelings of anger and hurt (it sounds like you realize this). I will be praying for you.
My baby shower is tomorrow! I'm so excited. I feel really unprepared for the baby right now because I literally have nothing for her (besides a car seat). We haven't bought a thing because we know the grandmothers are going crazy buying stuff (this is the first grandchild on both sides). So it will be really nice to be able to see what all I have for her and what else I need so I can finish getting ready for her. It's going to be a huge shower. My mom is hosting it. It's mosly all of her friends that will be there (I don't really have any friends since leaving my last church), and the guys are invited too (DH isn't too excited about that, but oh well)! It's going to be like a BBQ potluck type thing. I can't wait!
It's all kind of frustrating. We are remodeling most of our house. My DH is doing it all himself to save us money (he is very handy). But it's moving really slowly because the only times he has to work on anything are the weekends pretty much (which means Saturday since church stuff takes up most of our Sundays), and half the time we have somewhere we have to be. So the baby's room is full of tools and building supplies and there is a lot of work we need to do in there before anyone could live in there. So it's hard to hear about everyone getting their nurseries ready and having all the exact right furniture and stuff when I don't even have a room and probably won't until July or August (or later!). Most of the time it doesn't bother me because I know it won't make any difference to the baby and she'll be in our room for a few months anyways, but once in a while I start feeling really over whelmed about everything that isn't done and won't be done before the baby is born. I think my nesting instinct is kicking in and I'm trying to prepare for the baby, but there is nothing I can prepare because everything is a work in progress right now!
Ok, vent over! I just had to get that off my chest! It's really not that big of a deal, but it makes me feel unprepared. Pregnancy hormones and mood swings have been setting in full force this week. Lots of emotions and most of them don't make any sense.
_____________________________
It's a GIRL! Eden Marie, due June 6th!
36 weeks pregnant as of 5/9
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 1:34:12 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11754
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
Status: offline
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quote:
It's all kind of frustrating. We are remodeling most of our house. My DH is doing it all himself to save us money (he is very handy). But it's moving really slowly because the only times he has to work on anything are the weekends pretty much (which means Saturday since church stuff takes up most of our Sundays), and half the time we have somewhere we have to be. So the baby's room is full of tools and building supplies and there is a lot of work we need to do in there before anyone could live in there. So it's hard to hear about everyone getting their nurseries ready and having all the exact right furniture and stuff when I don't even have a room and probably won't until July or August (or later!). Most of the time it doesn't bother me because I know it won't make any difference to the baby and she'll be in our room for a few months anyways, but once in a while I start feeling really over whelmed about everything that isn't done and won't be done before the baby is born. I think my nesting instinct is kicking in and I'm trying to prepare for the baby, but there is nothing I can prepare because everything is a work in progress right now!
if it makes you feel any better, our second didn't even have a room... for the first three years of her life she slept with us every night...partly because we co-slept, but mostly we co-slept because there was nowhere else to put her. Emma, we had set up a nursery of sorts, but before she was born (less then a week actually) our stuff came (that's when we moved to Germany and our stuff took three months to come...showed up the week before she was born). We ended up putting the kids in that "nursery" we had set up and moving the baby bed to our room and the other nursery stuff to various other parts of the apartment. She didn't really have a room that was hers until months later....then we finally got Jake's room cleaned out (from storing all the stuff from moving) and put Emma in with Hannah. Jack was born when I was at my moms staying there while hubby was deployed, so he didn't have a room either. He finally got his own space/room when he was over a year old and we lived here in OK. This new baby won't have his own space/room either.....we will eventually add him to Jack's room, but for now the only thing in here that is really for the baby is the clothes that are in one side of Jack's dresser. The only one of our kids that had a fully set up nursery ready to go when they were born was our first...and we lived there til he was six months old...so it didn't last long.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, and Jack
Baby Boy due June 25, 2008
"God has a plan for your life...and so does everybody else." ~said by Doinkdom
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 1:42:57 PM
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kpenn05
Posts: 320
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline
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Skillfull - sorry! I understand how you feel, because my dh was so excited he wanted to tell everyone right away. Luckly we comprimised and only told his best friend and people at his work, and left his family out of the loop for several weeks. Anyways, I hope your feelings of hurt go away and that you can sit down and tell you MIL and mom about how you feel. I am praying for you!!
Glad you are feeling better Egyptian! Rest up this weekend!!!
following - enjoy your babyshower! I am still overwhelmed with where to put all of my stuff from last weekend!! I really need to get in there and just put stuff away, and start on thank you cards! I am really not good at them though.
Just take a deep breath about the remodeling, it will get done. And enjoy saving the money it would take if you dh wasn't doing it. Does he have any extra vacation days he could use to work around the house???
Well, I am quite a mess today. Yesterday I woke up from my nap unable to move. Every step I took hurt. Between my hips spreading and my satica nerve, I was miserable. So I didn't go to my LLL meeting. Which makes me sad. It is hitting me hard that I could possibly ahve my baby next month. I haven't read all the books I wanted to. I haven't finished decorating or organizing the nursery. I don't have my house organized....haven't found a peditrician...the list can go on and on. I need to take a deep breath and prioritize.
Also if one more person tells me I am going ot have to have a c-section I am going to scream. They seem to think since I told them the dr. said I am going to have a large baby, that is the only comment they can come up with....grrrrrr!!!
On a good note, I slept till 11:30 today and that was going to bed at 9:30. I think I need to get my iron levels checked. Because I can fall asleep standing up anymore.
I think I am off to clean out cabinets. The thing that is the least important but on my mind the most.
Oh and can I say I love the big exercise balls, it is the best seat ever. It really helps my hips!
_____________________________
~KRISTIN~
Baby BOY PIERCE MICHAEL due somewhere between June 22 and July 12, 2008...
and I am...
somewhere between 30 and 34 weeks as of May 10, 2008
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 1:44:51 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9340
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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If it makes you feel any better, we have yet to have a real nursery and this is #5.
#1, we lived in a one bedroom trailer and we made our livingroom his room (in retrospect, we should have made the one bedroom his, because we were often trapped in our room until he got to sleep and then had to tiptoe everywhere because he was right there).
#2, we didn't know as an infant, but when we moved back up here to have visits with him, we were occupying 2 rooms (for 4 people and ALL our stuff) at my parents'.
#3, we moved to this house the day before she was born. Nuff said.
#4, his room has been the "extra stuff" room too. I'm just now getting it cleaned out, and he's 15 months old.
#5, his/her room will also be #3's room and is being decorated to suit her, no matter what the gender of the baby is.
My feelings on nurseries...if you want to do it up nice, wonderful. If you want it just to be functional (like we have), that's great too. We really don't use any of the bedrooms for anything but sleeping, so it's not odd to us to not have a specially decorated nursery.
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 1:46:35 PM
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Royal.Fortress
Posts: 1894
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Ontario
Status: offline
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New (35 weeks) belly pics HERE.
Adria - I completely feel your pain!! The room for our baby doesn't even have a wall/door to close it off yet ... it's just an open space! My dad's going to come up in the next month and do that for us, but we likely won't be painting and finishing it for some time afterward - since the baby will be coming so soon after it gets finished. Like you, we're planning to have baby sleep with us for the first months, so it's not a huge deal, but it's hard to 'nest' when you've got nowhere to put stuff!!! I also understand about the baby stuff - until my shower this past weekend, we really had VERY LITTLE for June Bug and I was terrified he/she would come early and we would have no diapers/clothes, etc. for him/her! (((hugs))) I'm sure after this weekend you'll feel much better!
_____________________________
Kim
my blog -> kim thru the looking glass
36 weeks pregnant with our June Bug!!
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 1:53:17 PM
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kpenn05
Posts: 320
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline
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Kim you look so great!!!
_____________________________
~KRISTIN~
Baby BOY PIERCE MICHAEL due somewhere between June 22 and July 12, 2008...
and I am...
somewhere between 30 and 34 weeks as of May 10, 2008
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 1:57:22 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11754
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
Status: offline
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quote:
I haven't finished decorating or organizing the nursery.
even if you were done organizing the nursery, you will find that once the baby comes you can better organize it to the way it works out being, not just the way you think it needs to be now. Things will change when you figure that out....so I say just ignore it for now, or do the basics, and really analyze it when the baby gets here. You may find that how you do it now is totally opposite of how you will need it in the thick of things.
as far as organizing the house, again....like you said...one little bit at a time. Also when baby comes things will probably change the way you look at things around the house, so don't over-organize to the point that it isn't even functional and you have to start over again. Just wait and see.
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, and Jack
Baby Boy due June 25, 2008
"God has a plan for your life...and so does everybody else." ~said by Doinkdom
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 2:18:15 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 972
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
Status: offline
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Had my 20 week check up today. BP fine. Couldn't get the heartbeat, because baby was so wiggly!! She would get on the edge of the heartbeat and he'd move. I could hear him moving on the doppler. She had a stinker of a time trying to get it. Finally she gave up and we got an u/s. He's fine, of course. With being that wiggly I wouldn't expect anything else.
Little frustrated, though, she made mention that I've gained a lot since my last appt. But she failed to see that I've gained around 15 since my pre preg weight. I didn't gain much in my first trimester. So I could be making up for it. I'm really watching what I'm eating. I exercise, I don't know how much more I can do. I don't want to eat any less, that would harm both myself and the baby. I say, it's better to have a little extra weight at the end and have a healthy baby, rather than trying to fit into their little box. I lost 15 lbs nursing Nadia in the first year anyway. I need reassurance here.
But other than that, baby is fine. Very wiggly, very healthy. I can't wait to meet him!!
< Message edited by HomeSpunLady -- 5/9/2008 2:27:25 PM >
_____________________________
Kathryn
Just Me
Second bun in the oven
21 weeks - Due Sept 24
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 2:28:20 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 9340
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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I agree that you're fine, Kathryn. I didn't mention after my last appointment, but I gained almost 9 pounds in 3.5 weeks, bringing my total so far (at 21.5 weeks) to 15 pounds also. I've learned that somewhere between 18 and 24 weeks is always my biggest weight gain, and to expect it. Obviously, big things are happening in there, and I didn't eat any differently than I did the first 17 or so weeks, AND I know I had more exercise because it was so nice out here!
Don't worry about it. 
_____________________________
<----We love you, Mom!!!
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
~Psalm 13:5-6~
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 2:35:28 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11754
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
Status: offline
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ok...just to make everyone feel better about their own weight gain.....#1 I gained over 100lb (toxemia related mostly), #2 I gained 19lb, #3 I lost 20lb then gained about 20lb, #4 I gained 23lb. This time I have gained over 40lb!!!!!! Not eating/exercising any different then the other times, it's just what this pregnancy is doing. So yeah...15 sounds good to me compared to 40!!!
_____________________________
Proud Army Wife
Mom to Jake, Hannah, Emma, and Jack
Baby Boy due June 25, 2008
"God has a plan for your life...and so does everybody else." ~said by Doinkdom
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RE: '08 Pregnancy support thread...part 3 - 5/9/2008 3:54:30 PM
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following_christ
Posts: 148
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
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Thanks for the encouragement ladies. I really appreciate you all! I really don't care if the nursery is perfect. The whole thing is pretty much going to be mismatched things from garage sales and thrift stores, I just wish there was a little space to work with, you can barely even open the door to that room right now it's so packed with stuff.
Kim, that is exactly how I feel! I'm sure that I will feel much more relaxed after my shower when I know what all I have.
I have decided to stop feeling sorry for myself for the rest of the day. I've spent enough time on that. Instead I decided to work with what I have. I'm going to try to get our room cleaned out today. That's more important anyways since that's where the baby will be for a while. We still have boxes stacked in corners from when we moved in in November (there's nowhere to put anything until we get a few projects done). So I'm going to try to unpack what I can, and move the rest of the boxes into the already bursting future baby room. Then I'll have some space to work with to set up a little nursery in our room after the shower!
I'm so emotional today. I was crying earlier because I miss wearing my wedding rings! I was watching a movie and I caught a | | | |
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