venting over stepdaughter issues (Full Version)

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lflemin4 -> venting over stepdaughter issues (5/1/2008 12:03:16 AM)

My 9yo stepdaughter told me a couple days ago that she was going to enter a spelling bee contest at her school. She's not very good at spelling yet, but I was happy that she was interested in doing this. I told her I'd be happy to help her study for it, and mentioned a website that helps kids learn their spelling homework as a good resource for her. Well, tonight I asked hubby if he knew when her spelling bee was going to be. He told me that she wasn't going to do it. He said she says it's "not her thing." I said, "But she just told me a couple days ago that she was planning on entering the spelling bee." I said that she must have realized it was going to require some effort on her part, and she decided to quit. I also said that we shouldn't be making it so easy for her to have a 'quitter's attitude'. He said, 'Oh she probably just changed her mind', and acted like it was no big deal.

We both know that she's the type of kid to quit things she finds difficult. I think something should be said to her to encourage her to try things even if they seem difficult. Should I say something to her, or just let it be?



karlie -> RE: venting over stepdaughter issues (5/1/2008 12:09:46 AM)

It's possible that she realized she was in over her head and didn't want to be humiliated. If you both know she isn't good at spelling, why would you want her to possibly fail in front of everyone? I would think working with her on her spelling skills in private would be much more beneficial to her.

I'm all for encouraging kids to try new things, but not something that you know they are likely to do badly at. That could humiliate them and make them even less willing to try something else in the future. Find something you think she could excel at, or at least compete fairly in, and encourage her to do that. I'm sure she has giftings and talents that you can help her develop that would really build her self confidence.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: venting over stepdaughter issues (5/1/2008 12:30:48 AM)

quote:

If you both know she isn't good at spelling, why would you want her to possibly fail in front of everyone?

I agree! Definitely not the thing you want to encourage on, lol.



Hislittleone -> RE: venting over stepdaughter issues (5/1/2008 12:58:19 AM)

I agree with Jenny and Karlie. I'd let this go, especially if her dad already decided to allow her to quit.



pbaribeault -> RE: venting over stepdaughter issues (5/1/2008 9:37:02 AM)

quote:

I'm all for encouraging kids to try new things, but not something that you know they are likely to do badly at.


Definitely.

The best thing you can do for her confidence is to help her find her skill set where she can do well. This is how you can help her overcome her "quitter's attitude".

It will probably be more healthy for both of you if you could learn to perceive her "quitter's attitude" as something more positive, like... A hopeful girl that tends to get caught up in wishful thinking somewhat above her abilities... If she is really like that, it's probably a good thing that she learns to think through and assess these unrealistic hopes, and sometimes 'quit' before she (as an adult) wastes a lot of time and effort pursuing something unattainable.

BTW, comments like this, "I said that she must have realized it was going to require some effort on her part, and she decided to quit." Will really erode her self confidence, which will work against what you are trying to bring out in her. I sincerely hope that you meant that you were discussing it with your husband, where the girl could not hear you, when you said that.



Szaftoo -> RE: venting over stepdaughter issues (5/1/2008 9:44:16 AM)

This sort of reminds me the first episodes of American Idol. Unfortunately some of the young people are really horrible, singing is just not their thing. However, their mothers are backstage telling them the judges are wrong and they will be a star someday.
I think we should always be supportive of our kids, but I also think we need to recognize their own unique gifts and abilities and guide them in that direction.
You sound like a really caring step-mother who wants the best for her step-daughter and she is lucky to have you. Maybe spelling is just not her thing for now.



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