SAHW/empty nester support

SAHW/empty nester support (Full Version)

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funny_girl -> SAHW/empty nester support (5/1/2008 12:23:20 PM)
Are you a stay at home wife, a empty nester or soon to be one? I'm told that I need to prepare myself. How are you preparing for this transition in your life? Have any goals for when this happens?

42servehymn -> RE: SAHW/empty nester support (5/1/2008 4:42:00 PM)
I am not a SAHW but I am a soon to be empty nester. I have 2 sons. The oldest is just finishing up his second year of college. He is going to graduate college next year since he has worked very hard to graduate in 3 years. My youngest will graduate high school in a few weeks. He is planning to go to a culinary arts school here in town and he isn't sure yet if he will live at home or room with someone. I think my sons have helped tremendously to prepare me for this phase of life. They are both very independent and have pushed for their own space and freedom. Back when they were both in high school we allowed them to make their own decisions. They both had jobs through high school and managed to keep up on their schoolwork. They both bought their own cars in high school. They both have had girlfriends. My youngest has taken some pretty extensive Summer trips for the last few years. He planned the financing, travel, lodging and activities for each of his trips.They each applied to college without help from us. They are each paying for their own college and lined up all the financing on their own. My husband and I have managed to keep a very close relationship through the child rearing years and we are looking forward to being like honeymooners again. We share quite a few interests and hobbies. I am as ready as I can be for the empty nest years and I think a lot of my comfort has to do with the fact that I believe the boys are ready to go out on their own. We worked hard to prepare them for this stage of life and now we can feel safe that they are prepared to face whatever they need to. We will keep them in our prayers and always be there for counsel when they ask us.

funny_girl -> RE: SAHW/empty nester support (5/1/2008 10:29:39 PM)
Thanks for your reply. By the way, I like Littleton. Our situation is a little different and over the past 2 years it's been harder on my husband and I as we realize how our sons can't live a 'normal' all American life because we are missionaries living in a foreign country. We moved here as our oldest was entering high school and our youngest the 8th grade. Before we moved here we prepared our kids for life in similar ways by having them open savings accounts and paying for certain items on their own. My oldest is 18 and will be graduating high school this year. My youngest is a Jr. and will be turning 17 soon. They both received their drivers permits during summer vacation last year as we had traveled up to the states to do a home remodel. Even though they've never had a job outside of the house they are responsible for many things around the house. They are also helping set up and tear down for crusades. They are presently my main musicians on the worship team at the bi lingual church my husband pastors. Their lives are different and my husband and I agonized over what direction we need to take. My oldest is interested in YWAM. Many YWAM missionaries attend our church as their is a base close by. They also have access to a recording studio. They a have a lot experience that 'normal' kids in the US have never had. They've mentioned recently that they've traveled more than any other kids they know. I decided that I can't think about it. About them moving back to the states. We bought a home here in Mexico. I don't know how long they will stay with us because they are accustomed to the way things are done in Mexico. Pretty much the kids stay living with the parents until they marry and sometimes continue to stay living in the same home after marriage because the economy is so bad. They are aware that at 18, they are free to be our on their own which is the "American" way, but they also know that they are welcome to stay which is the "Latin" way. Last week we traveled Monday-Saturday driving from Guadalajara to Texas and back. We took the boys to a Guitar Center where they purchased their new instruments for themselves with their own money. This afternoon my oldest mentioned that he'd like to work in a Guitar Center. He's a wonderful person but had difficulty in school He was never diagnosed with a learning disorder, but I wonder. He's either slow or really immature in some areas. I've noticed maturing recently and have been really pleased to see the changes. After talking with some other relatives and close friends of ours they assured me that it's from the lack of responsibilities. My husband and I were working 2 jobs at his age and were also engaged. He's so shy and opposite from us that he's never had a girlfriend. He's the personality type that I sometimes wonder if he'll get married. One of our best friends is the same personality type. She's really intelligent but content being single. She's really helped me understand my son and gave me great advice. He's not easily motivated and she recommended giving him lots of options and it's worked! My youngest son has a girlfriend, asks to drive, wants dad's car and wanted to go and get a job but couldn't. It's customary in Mexico to pay musician's $10 per service that they play because finances are so tight. We decided that the boys deserve this. They were doing it voluntary but since they can't go out and get a regular job they get paid $100 pesos or $10 for each service. They're responsible for maintenance of their instruments. We don't pay for their clothes anymore either. That stopped at age 16. Family members give them money for Christmas and birthday and it's their responsibility to shop when they have the money. Basically, that's what I do too. I don't know what's going to happen but they'll have to make the initiative like your boys for college. There's some options for them here on the field, but so different than a normal life in the states.

Harvie -> RE: SAHW/empty nester support (5/2/2008 12:47:07 AM)
Just a reminder that we're heading off at 5am on Saturday May 3 to Seattle, where we will board Holland America's Oosterdam for a 7-day inside passage cruise to Alaska. (Hubbard Glacier, Mendenhall Glacier, Juneau, Sitka, Ketchikan, and Victoria, British Columbia.) Our shore excursions include Whale Watching, Otter Watching, a hike through the Alaskan rainforest, as well as visits to the Eagle Center in Ketchikan and the Raptor Center in Sitka. We are also taking city tours of Victoria and Seattle. (Pictures when we return!)

Szaftoo -> RE: SAHW/empty nester support (5/2/2008 10:07:41 AM)
I was a SAHM until my kids were in high school. My daughter graduated from Bible college and is working at the headquarters of our denomination. She still lives at home and looking at her options for living on her own. She lived in a dorm for four years while in college so it felt like she had left home. My son is in culinary school and lives at home. He knows now he will probably move out after graduation for better opportunities in his field. My son recently asked me what I thought about having no kids at home someday. I told him it would be my most difficult time but also my proudest.

funny_girl -> RE: SAHW/empty nester support (5/2/2008 10:25:29 AM)
I agree that knowing our kids are out there succeeding makes us feel proud. It doesn't matter to me whether they fail, as long as they fail by learning and fail forward. Knowing that they are failing assures me that they are advancing and aren't afraid to try something new. My heartache is thinking that we may live so very far away from our children. Especially the oldest. He prayed for the home we are living in here in Mexico, but he loves trees and country like his momma. When we dicussed possibly moving back to the US and starting a church plant in our hometown, he was all for it. But our youngest, who has a girlfried, loves it here. For our family, living in the states seems to be a lot easier. But I'm not so sure it'd be so easy for my husband and I. The boys could go to college, work, have thier own place if the wanted and we wouldn't be living very far from them. On the other hand, in the 20+ moves that I've made over the nearly 20 years of marriage, my mother has only been to 2 homes that I had outside of our hometown. There's the phone, e-mail, and transportation available. It's a bit of a sore spot with me and my mother that she hasn't bothered to come and visit me. We've made numerous trips to where she is. I just couldn't live that way. I'll be visiting my kids, on occasion, if they live out of town. I think because my sons seem a bit on the immature side, I don't feel like they're ready. Last week I asked some wise friends of ours, they're senors, if any ever feels that they are ready? They said no and no one is ever good enough to marry their kids either.

caringnurse -> RE: SAHW/empty nester support (5/2/2008 12:13:51 PM)
My children have been gone for some years. We have 4 children. The oldest lived with us a year after collage untill he got a full time job. The second son is living with us now. He lost his job last June. He found a job now but has a lot of debts to pay off before he can find a place of his own. The third child is a girl who is married with 4 children. Thank goodness she hasn't had to move in with us. Our youngest daughter was living in orlando with husband and 2 children. The violance was so bad where they lived they moved her a year ago. They have a 4 week old baby. They have a house to move into here and will be moving in june. Houses in orlando are very hard to sell now. I don't think you can be prepared to deal with empty nest. Each person is different and copes different. If you work or have a hobby I think it helps. Be aware they can always show up on your door step.

funny_girl -> Mammoni's (5/10/2008 7:25:39 PM)
60 minutes is suppose to run this special tomorrow and I got a sneek peak. Is this who I'm raising??? I hope so! The clips continue so if you play the first, I think it'll play them all and there's quite a few if you're interested. Me, w/the American possiblity of soon facing an empty nest, HA! I moved to Mexico which has a similar mindset to that of Italy! Viva Mexico!!!!! http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/ ... 1&src=news http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/ ... 1&src=news http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/ ... 1&src=news http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/ ... 1&src=news My husband made me some picture frames for Mother's Day w/one blown pic of me on the stage. We hung it on the second floor and my son said, "Ah, makes it more homey!" My husband said, "Put a picture up of his momma and it feels more homey!" Which is one of his points in tomorrows Mother's Day sermon. Well, that mom is the center of making home feel homey.

funny_girl -> RE: Mammoni's (5/24/2008 6:43:04 PM)
I see this thread is kind of slow. I think we have a lot more mommies or new brides using the board. Well, my son has voiced that he'd like to move back to the states and get a job. My husband and I don't think he's ready to be out on his own and so since he was interested in YWAM I've encouraged him to go that route and still be close to us. The base is right here. He's OK with that. If you think about us, would you pray that my husband would sense clear direction from the Lord. We have to be driven by vision. I want to nest. I love our home but it's an hour from his church and so he's selling my home. The sad thing is that we won't be able to have something as nice near the church because it's a lot more expensive there. He's also talked about going back to the states. So, I've submitted myself to his leadership and I'm praying for him to make a wise decision. Do you girls ever have a hard time packing up and moving? Remember the "How many times have you moved thread?" I don't really want to keep moving. I'm trying to keep my chin up and look at it as another adventure. I'd like to know soon please.

firefightermama -> RE: Mammoni's (5/24/2008 8:36:53 PM)
Where are you living now, is it a big move to go back to the states? We are facing big decisions about moving or selling our house and rebuilding here on the same property. It's hard to know the right thing to do. I haven't read the whole thread...how old is your son?

funny_girl -> RE: Mammoni's (5/24/2008 10:58:29 PM)
Thanks for asking Yolanda. We live way down south in Mexico. My son is 18 and his brother will be 17 in a couple of weeks. So my husband is not only thinking of the oldest, but his brother. I talked to him this afternoon and he admitted to what he really wants but he is thinking of the rest of us. He misses the order of the states. It's so disorganized in Mexico. He even missed me putting the food on the table. I sold all my serving dishes before moving down here and the living spaces are so small here, which means dining room tables are smaller, and the wife serves everybody. So we mostly do buffet. If we move back to the states, we won't have jobs or a place to live. [&o] Sounds like you're thinking of doing an extreme home makeover! That'd be cool!

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