Am I alone in this? (Full Version)

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Love2play -> Am I alone in this? (5/1/2008 1:24:34 PM)

Have you ladies ever attracted men that you're not interested in?
And the men that you are interested in, are not interested in you or don't show signs that they are interested?

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm doing anything wrong.
Am I alone in this?



fluffmonkey -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/1/2008 1:40:38 PM)

Yea I've been there... but you gotta ask your self... are you doing something to attrack these men ( the ones you dont seek) ? Like example...dressing immodestly? If so maybe thats why it scares away the ones you want to attract because some Christian guys I know told me they stay away from ladies who do.

When I was in highschool I thought it was okay to wear short skirts and shorts...and cute tops because they made me feel like I was pretty and sexy but I didnt understand that I was being immodest...I just thought this what attracked guys...and I was right it attracted guys but the wrong ones... and once I started to see that I changed the way I dressed.



Love2play -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/1/2008 2:03:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffmonkey

Yea I've been there... but you gotta ask your self... are you doing something to attrack these men ( the ones you dont seek) ? Like example...dressing immodestly? If so maybe thats why it scares away the ones you want to attract because some Christian guys I know told me they stay away from ladies who do.

When I was in highschool I thought it was okay to wear short skirts and shorts...and cute tops because they made me feel like I was pretty and sexy but I didnt understand that I was being immodest...I just thought this what attracked guys...and I was right it attracted guys but the wrong ones... and once I started to see that I changed the way I dressed.



Oh no fluffmonkey. I know I dress appropriatly. I dress moderatly for the correct occasions. Nice clothes on sundays, casual clothing for hangouts etc.

Recently, I found out that a friend of mine liked me, but I didn't see him in that way. He's a great guy and a great man of God, but I just dont have romantic feelings for him.
I seem to be attracting guys that I am just not plain interested in even though they are great guys. If I dont have feelings for them, I just don't, you know?
But the guys that I am interested in, are interested in other girls at church.
That's why I'm in a confused state right now.



pumpkin -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/1/2008 2:26:02 PM)

Love, I always had that problem... and now I'm happily married. =)

I swear I went through about 15 years of attracting those who I was not interested in. I did not dress inappropriately.... except maybe I dressed modestly, and the guys I was interested in seemed to like the less modestly dressed females around me. It always seemed as though it went something like:

I liked Brian, Brian liked Julie, Julie liked Kevin, Kevin liked ____ and so and and so on. This is the reason that I only had two serious boyfriends before getting married, and I married at 31. =) I was always told that I was the type of girl that they wanted to marry, not the type that they wanted to date. I always told them that they were going to end up married to the type that they were dating, and that they weren't going to marry me if they didn't date me... but you know... that's how it goes.

Oh, and these were good christian men/boys who seemed to have good heads on their shoulders too.



Auben -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/1/2008 3:54:21 PM)

I think that happens to everyone at some point in their lives.

If guys who are your friends crush on you, try to become friends with guys who are closer to what you'd like to date.

You may also want to reevaluate what kind of guys you crush on and who crush on you. Are you giving the 'friends only' guys a chance? Are the guys you like out of your reach or unhealthy for you?

If those are all good eventually you'll hit it off with someone.



Love2play -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/1/2008 6:53:15 PM)

Thanks pumpkin and auebn, I'm really grateful for your time and answers [:)]

quote:



I think that happens to everyone at some point in their lives.

If guys who are your friends crush on you, try to become friends with guys who are closer to what you'd like to date.

You may also want to reevaluate what kind of guys you crush on and who crush on you. Are you giving the 'friends only' guys a chance? Are the guys you like out of your reach or unhealthy for you?

If those are all good eventually you'll hit it off with someone.


To answer your question auben,
I prefer dating a guy that is my friend first, so we can get to know each other and build up a friendship and the first triat that I look for in a guy is that he loves God and serves Him wholeheartly.
and that's the thing, I do like a guy that's friends with the guy that likes me.
But I guess time will tell and I'll just let God be in control :)



csl7037 -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/1/2008 9:59:41 PM)

I married my dh (partly, joking of course) because he wasn't a total goofball and he was actually taller than me! But it seemed like I only attracted doofuses (sorry, just being honest) who were like ultra short! I feel your pain.



HisCovenant -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/2/2008 12:12:54 AM)

I had the same problem and wish I had had Auben's advice... nothing I tried worked. I always suspected that the problem was that I showed Christian love to everyone and some guys mistook it for interest. It's a great idea to intentionally show that friendship and Christian charity more intentionally to the type of guys you want to date.

Unpopular alert!! This next paragraph may make readers angry. It is not my intent to do so, so please read to the end without flaming up because you are a part of the "no one should judge me parade:"

I know you told fluffmonkey that you dress appropriately, and I believe you, but would advise you to take an objective look at yourself. What people see on the outside can attract certain things, and it may not be anything immoral, like dressing inappropriatly. For example, I drive a convertable and it changes how people percieve me. They act like I am fun (when I'm really of a calm, introverted personality) and have a frivolous car. I didn't get anything like that when I drove my Altima, and my car is not frivolous in that it meets my needs (I don't have children needing a backseat) and wasn't anymore expensive than if I chose another Altima. Another example is my weight, when I was thin, people (men and women) treated me totally differently than they do now that I am 30 lbs overweight. It was their view of me that changed. Of course, I'm not saying that you have to change yourself for a man to love you. I guess what I am saying is be yourself, but don't short change yourself by giving off an impression that you are unapproachable, unhealthy, a stick-in-the-mud, inactive or whatever that might attract the type of guy you could like back. We might not like that people judge our outside, but they do because the outside reveals some of what is inside. So, the other part of what I am saying is if you are looking for a guy who dresses nicely, don't be a slob. If you are looking for a guy that is active, don't live an inactive lifestyle. If you are looking for a guy who is serious about health issues, don't smoke.



fluffmonkey -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/2/2008 10:41:45 AM)

I agree with Auben & Zippy

Its easy to fall for a friend, its easy for a friend to fall for you... and in some ways I do think some guys take that nice christian friendlyness as interest.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/2/2008 1:26:34 PM)

quote:

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm doing anything wrong.
Am I alone in this?


I don't think so.

I somehow managed to attract my very wonderful, awesome husband.

However, in the past (and actually recently), I had some really creepy (scary creepy) guys attracted to me.



ladyamythist -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/3/2008 12:45:20 PM)

You always want what you can't have. So, if those guys know that they can't have you, they want you. Relationships are built on psychological principles. If you are too available, they don't want you, you're easy, they figure. They don't have to hunt and conquer. It's hard to keep an interest in someone that you like quiet.



Love2play -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/3/2008 4:09:23 PM)

Alright ladies
you all have been a huge help in different ways
I am hurt right now because last night I found out that a guy that I like, likes another girl and they're gonna be going out
This seems like a pattern to me and I am just so confused, but I know the Lord is with me. His joy is my strength and that's what keeps me going.
But still, I just feel so hurt[:(]



Cloak -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/3/2008 5:24:30 PM)

I know the feeling Love2play and will keep you in my prayers ((())))!



Love2play -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/4/2008 7:03:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloak

I know the feeling Love2play and will keep you in my prayers ((())))!



Thanks Cloak,
I appreciate your concern.
May God bless you [:)]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/4/2008 9:49:33 PM)

I've had that problem, but it tends to go away after awhile. When you get old.

Hey -- old is nice! when I was young, I dared not tell a man that he looked good, that he was handsome, that I liked what he was wearing. Now, I can say it without fear! Now, I can even say funny things to men, and they don't even imagine that I'm flirting! They know I mean what I say, or am just trying to make them laugh, and that I am not looking for some sort of payback! They just walk on, smiling.

Old isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Some of it is actually FUN!



Love2play -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/5/2008 8:25:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga

I've had that problem, but it tends to go away after awhile. When you get old.

Hey -- old is nice! when I was young, I dared not tell a man that he looked good, that he was handsome, that I liked what he was wearing. Now, I can say it without fear! Now, I can even say funny things to men, and they don't even imagine that I'm flirting! They know I mean what I say, or am just trying to make them laugh, and that I am not looking for some sort of payback! They just walk on, smiling.

Old isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Some of it is actually FUN!



haha, thanks for those encouraging words Covaan!
If I liked how something looked on a guy, whether it be new haircut, clothes, shoes etc, I'm not afraid to let out my opinion
The guys know I dont mean it in a "more than a friends" way
At least I hope they dont lol
On the other hand, if a guy tells me I look nice or something along htel ines of that, I'd think he is interested in me
Does anybody else think this way or am I wrong?



deljefferson -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/5/2008 11:00:32 PM)

Keep in mind that attractiveness doesn't have anything to do with what you wear or don't wear. Sometimes you can be attractive to someone and don't know why.



Love2play -> RE: Am I alone in this? (5/6/2008 12:56:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deljefferson

Keep in mind that attractiveness doesn't have anything to do with what you wear or don't wear. Sometimes you can be attractive to someone and don't know why.



You are 100% correct deljefferson ...
Most of times when I'm interested in a guy, it's not because of his looks, but for who he is on the inside
Looks don't really matter to me ... just as long as they know how to clean themselves up and know how to dress



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