RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (Full Version)

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FullyAlive21 -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/11/2008 10:45:33 PM)

quote:

But, until he is ready and willing to show initiative, industriousness, motivation and responsibility, then marriage is the last thing that this young potential couple should be considering.


We've been considering it, but we know we're not ready. But we've been making steps toward it, with it in our heads for a loong time! Am I missing something here?



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/12/2008 1:12:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TMeeks

when it comes to marriage, saying love is everything is completely unscriptural, unless that love results in supporting his family with income... which means money in our culture.


1 Timothy 6:9-11
11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

Nowhere does it state, "'O, man of God, become wealthy so your fiancée will be pleased and marry you."

Love covers an umbrella of segments. If you love your spouse/partner, you're certainly going to want to provide for her; physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, etc.

Many other things come before money, although an important aspect, it shouldn't be the end all be all. If it is, it shows your lack of faith in God to provide for you, as He promised He would do.

1 Timothy 6:17
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.



Konstantinos -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/12/2008 8:28:54 AM)

quote:

Honey, it's like this...no $$, no home. no $$, no car. no $$, no medical insurance. no $$, no savings.
Loyalty, love, understanding and support is nice, but when the pantry and checking account are empty, that stuff becomes secondary.
Personally...I'd tell him, you have X amount of time to look for and find a job or I'm outta here..end of the discussion.


secondary?

dont worry, if you told me that, i'd be out of here before your ultimatum is up(did i even use that word right?).

honestly? i think girls are far far too worried, and seems today satisfying those insecurities have become the right thing, whereas as you put it, the rest has become secondary.

i mean really.. when is the last time you heard about a family that died of hunger? much less a loving christian family with college degrees. in your profile you say you have 6+ kids so i can understand partially why you'd be more concerned with money, but again, when did you have a problem with money?

i also think most posters here should try to understand men a bit more before trying to do whatever seems right to them. do you want to fix this relationship, or do you want to throw it away? fixing it takes two, one of which is a man



preserved -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/12/2008 11:33:56 AM)

Your subject topic is incorrect from what I am reading here...Should be "You want to ger married and he has no job"...

You mentioned that he is hesitance of his career "Ministry" prehaps he is tyring to seek what direction God wants him to go... If he goes full force into the ministry are you with him rather on the same page?

He has told you that he is not ready for the working and saving of marriage yet.....This is your answer....Do not give him an ultimatium..give him time for him to get his self together as to what he will decide to do...Whatever decision is to be made...let him make the decision since he is the one who needs to find himself...

I also feel that you are not ready for marriage right now yourself...If you give him an ultimatium...then you will be acting on your own and not of God.... Just sit down and talk with him and suggest the two of take the summer to pursue getting jobs, etc...and let God handle to rest...



NotDoneYet -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/12/2008 8:15:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Konstantinos

quote:

Honey, it's like this...no $$, no home. no $$, no car. no $$, no medical insurance. no $$, no savings.
Loyalty, love, understanding and support is nice, but when the pantry and checking account are empty, that stuff becomes secondary.
Personally...I'd tell him, you have X amount of time to look for and find a job or I'm outta here..end of the discussion.


secondary?

dont worry, if you told me that, i'd be out of here before your ultimatum is up(did i even use that word right?).

honestly? i think girls are far far too worried, and seems today satisfying those insecurities have become the right thing, whereas as you put it, the rest has become secondary.

i mean really.. when is the last time you heard about a family that died of hunger? much less a loving christian family with college degrees. in your profile you say you have 6+ kids so i can understand partially why you'd be more concerned with money, but again, when did you have a problem with money?

i also think most posters here should try to understand men a bit more before trying to do whatever seems right to them. do you want to fix this relationship, or do you want to throw it away? fixing it takes two, one of which is a man


When did I have a problem with money? When I was homeless.

And if you'd be gone before the ultimatum was up then you weren't worth the effort or time.

To "fix" this relationship...seems to me that he needs to take responsibility...waiting for a job to fall out of the sky isn't showing much responsibility...

But...what do I know...I'm just a middle-aged woman who has lost everything, had nothing, and worked to regain some sense of security, financial and otherwise...



Above_All -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/14/2008 12:24:13 AM)

For those who say money isn't everything. In essence that's true. But I think the greater issue here is his desire to be a good provider and whether or not he is showing responsibility to be a good one. The amount you make is not the issue. And we also have to be careful. G-d does bless and does provide...but if you cannot show G-d that you would be a good steward of His money then why should he give it to you? Faith without works is dead.

I personally feel that if a man is unsure about going into ministry then most likely he is not called into it. And if he is not called into it then marriage alone will be top priority. If he is called into ministry then it could mean a sign that it would take precedence over marriage, at least for a season.

Having said that, all you can do really is to keep praying and to wait for a clear answer from G-d.



landabee -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/14/2008 3:26:33 PM)

Good post, AboveAll.




(Proverbs 21:25) “The desire of the lazy man kills him, for his hands refuse to labor.”

(2 Thessalonians 3:10-15) “. . . If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread. But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good. And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.”

Christians should work to meet basic needs.

(Acts 20:34-35) “Yes, you yourselves know that these hands have provided for my necessities, and for those who were with me. I have shown you in every way, by laboring like this, that you must support the weak. And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Christians should provide for their own household.

(1 Timothy 5:8) “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”



deermousie -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/14/2008 5:49:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RatherDashing

I disagree with the majority of posters. Money isn't everything. Love is.

I plan on getting married in the next few years, while either attending or taking an online course for my degree in youth ministry. I've had one job in my lifetime. I saved and stocked the very little I made and gave a large percent back to God, and He blessed me in many other ways. I expect Him to take care of the finances, so I'm not worried about it.


We are called to a life of faith, but I'm afraid you have misapplied the Bible of the theme of working to support your family:

1 Timothy 5:8 says:
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

God makes it clear that a Christian man is to support his family. That rules out just waiting for God to do it for you while you pray about it. God calls that denying the faith. That would make a man be worse than an unbeliever in His eyes. Not good.

Even the Apostle Paul took a job (making tents) so that other believers wouldn't have to support him, when he could have legitimately claimed their support for himself as an elder. Acts 18:3, 1 Tim. 5:17,18, 2 Thess. 3:8 He could have said, "God will provide" but he took a job. We ask God for help when we find ourselves not in a position to help ourselves. Gal. 6:2 talks about bearing one another's burdens, and the Greek suggests it's for when the person is overwhelmed, not just normal burdens that everyone has. We're expected to carry our own burdens.

2 Thessalonians 3:10
For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."

Jesus condemned the Pharisees because the money they should have been giving to support their aged parents they gave to God as a gift. Corban. God expects us to use our resources to do our duty to the family He gives us, not give it to Him and expect Him to support those you should be supporting. Mark 7:11

Love *is* critical. Love means you sacrifice yourself for others' benefit. Love means you take care of others. Love means you feed your family and put clothes on their bodies. It means you put a roof over their heads. God gave you youth, strength and intelligence to do this. Even the ants know to work in summer so they can survive the winter. Prov. 30:25
If you don't steal the food and clothes (which I am not advocating) then you have to work for them.



worthaboverubies -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/15/2008 12:57:22 AM)

quote:

1 Timothy 5:8 says:
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.


deermouseie, I see that you got to that scripture before I did.

Let's not spiritualize and romanticize this situation. The simple fact is that no job = no money = bad marriage. And I'm not talking about wealth. You may not like it but it is true.

Concentrating on how much you love each other will not make dollar bills appear in you pocket.



NotDoneYet -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/15/2008 6:01:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: worthaboverubies

quote:

1 Timothy 5:8 says:
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.


deermouseie, I see that you got to that scripture before I did.

Let's not spiritualize and romanticize this situation. The simple fact is that no job = no money = bad marriage. And I'm not talking about wealth. You may not like it but it is true.

Concentrating on how much you love each other will not make dollar bills appear in you pocket.


ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!



deermousie -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/15/2008 7:35:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: worthaboverubies
deermouseie, I see that you got to that scripture before I did.


Yeah, but I was beaten by Landabee. You and me got pwned! [:D]

As a single, I went through a time of no job - not that I was lazy but got turned down everywhere I applied. My parents had an old house that was being vandalized and they asked me to stay there to protect it. So falling down house (not up to code in lots of ways), and a pitcher of water in the frig. Empty cupboards. God provided, but I wouldn't marry a guy who couldn't do better.

After marriage, DH's job evaporated and we went bankrupt and lost our home. No income, kid to feed and clothe, us to feed and clothe, etc. Someone gave us an old mobile home for free because they couldn't sell it, it was so broken down and ugly. We had no water indoors for 6 months and bathed under the faucet. DH got two part-time jobs, driving an old car that the door wouldn't close so he roped it shut through the window that wouldn't close. The heater didn't work, either, and we had snow all that winter. DH busted his backside finding whatever work to keep us fed and the electric heaters on.

The OP's guy doesn't sound like my husband...

BTW, DH still works like crazy to make a modest living for us. We aren't rich , but our kid walks with the Lord, so I guess we are rich. And our kid appreciates what we do have and knows how to get by with less and never complains. I'm not complaining, either - just sayin'.



worthaboverubies -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/16/2008 11:55:35 AM)

Sounds like you have a good man deermousie.



deermousie -> RE: We want to get married and he has NO job!! (5/16/2008 3:42:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: worthaboverubies

Sounds like you have a good man deermousie.


Thanks, Worthaboverubies, I do. I think the single gals always gave him a pass because he was overweight, and no one looked to see his sterling character and tender heart. I think God protected him so he could meet me. God is good! [:)]



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