Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (Full Version)

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timzagain -> Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/18/2008 12:29:47 AM)

This is a bit long ... sorry!

A few months ago, DH and I agreed to be a part of a church team to go on an overseas missions trip in the summer. DH has been on a few other short term missions a bit closer to home. Because of this, the pastors and everyone felt that DH "just had to be a member of the team" DH encouraged me to sign up too - it would be my first short term mission.

To be perfectly honest, I can't say that I ever felt a strong pull to be a part of the team, and probably wouldn't be on the team were it not for DH's suggestion.

There've been times in the past where God made it clear to me that He wanted me to take a particular course of action, especially when it's something I wouldn't normally do in my own strength. I don't have that sense of clarity or conviction about this trip. Right now, I feel as though my decision is based more on "Well, I can't think of a good reason NOT to go" as opposed to "God has specifically instructed me to go"

There was a time, before I signed up for the mission, when I felt strongly that our involvement in this trip was supposed to be in the form of a financial contribution to assist one of the youth to go. It is a very costly trip.

The team's fundraising has not gone as well as we had hoped. Unlike previous trips where DH received so much unsolicited financial help that he had a surplus (which was used to bless some of the people he was helping) - we have had absolutely no success with fund raising. DH and I are not the kind of people that will ask people "Would you please give me some money so that we can go on the mission trip" We feel strongly that we are not supposed to go begging for funds to cover our costs. However, we will sell tickets, wash cars, do whatever to raise money for the team. But even our efforts in that regard seem to be blocked! If the team's fundraising efforts don't bear more fruit, it will hit our family's pockets pretty hard! (We're the only couple on the team - with three school aged children)

I'm becoming more and more convinced (or is it convicted) that we AREN'T supposed to go. DH also 'fessed up that he's also having serious doubts about whether we should go. It's not just about the money either. Suffice it to say that we both have this deep seated, nagging feeling that we are to withdraw NOW! Of course, it just might be the enemy playing tricks with our minds to throw us off course. We've prayed about it but the "don't go there" feeling just will not go away! I just don't feel as though God has called me to this particular mission field. I'm not even sure that the team should be going - there have been quite a few roadblocks along the way.

The problem is that our withdrawal will increase the travel costs to the remaining team members, as a group rate was negotiated with the airline. DH thinks that if we do withdraw, and no replacements step forward (unlikely so late in the game), we should basically pay the difference so that the others are not disadvantaged.

There is a family trip coming up (my parents, siblings, nephews etc) a few weeks after the proposed missions trip - it will be the first time, we would have been able to do it. We were planning it from last year, t then we shelved because it seemed unrealistic but now in the past few weeks all sorts of things have fallen into place to make the family trip possible, at a much, much lower cost than we anticipated.

This may sound really odd - but I have a stronger sense of conviction about that "vacation" trip than I do about the missions trip, as though the family trip is something that we need to do now! Things are falling into place for the family trip in a way that I am not seeing for the proposed missions trip. It will be next to impossible to do both trips. But I'll admit - I feel pretty stupid saying that we HAVE to take a family trip, foregoing the mission trip to do so!!!!

Are we being selfish? Should we hang in there, stick with the plans for the mission trip and hope for a financial miracle? Or should we withdraw now?



stimulus -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/18/2008 1:35:22 AM)

quote:

Suffice it to say that we both have this deep seated, nagging feeling that we are to withdraw NOW! Of course, it just might be the enemy playing tricks with our minds to throw us off course. We've prayed about it but the "don't go there" feeling just will not go away!


Just my two cents, but I think you already have your answer in the above quote.

My story:

I've had a huge passion for missions since I was a teen. Knew I was called to missions, in one way or another. The first team was something I knew God was leading me to join because, as you put it, "God made it clear to me that He wanted me to take a particular course of action, especially when it's something I wouldn't normally do in my own strength." My normally shy self signed up for a domestic trip with others from my home state. I didn't know anyone who was going, yet I knew he had told me to go and his peace was there.

Other trips followed. Some were times when I distinctly felt God leading me to go. Other times, I went because there wasn't a reason NOT to go, just as you said you had initially approached this trip. I don't think there is anything wrong with either way, as you don't need specific permission from God to join a short-term team any more than you need his specific permission to accompany your church's kids to camp as a counselor. Some things you just volunteer for.

But I've also backed out after initially expressing "why not?" interest in a couple trips. One was very recent; I had intended to spend about 6 months serving overseas this year. My approach as I prayed about it was that I was looking for God to tell me no. If he didn't tell me no, I assumed that was a yes, as I was already called, so "why not?"

As I got further along in the process, the deep-seating nagging feeling you mentioned kept growing. I too worried about how people would perceive my actions, but in the end, I backed out because God's peace just wasn't there and I knew it wasn't right.

That whole experience was like the first time my "why not?" approach didn't work out. During college, my college ministry planned a team. Because I had been on other teams and loved missions, a lot of people assumed I, like you husband, just had to be on the team. I prayed about it some, thinking I didn't really need a clear directive from God to go. I had that same nagging feeling, but I ignored it because I didn't have a reason not to go. I applied, but there were more applicants than spots on the team, and my pastor and the team leader rejected me. My pastor told me that it didn't make any sense to him, but he knew the others were supposed to go, and that didn't leave a spot for me. I told him I agreed; I couldn't explain it, but I had a growing sense I shouldn't go.

Weeks later, the same ministry that rejected me for a 10 day missions trip asked me to serve as an officer for the upcoming school year, specifically with the goals of starting and leading ministries for international students and spreading a missions vision within our campus ministry. God helped us launch that ministry that summer, during the same time I would have been busy raising funds had I gone on a 10 day trip instead. By the time the fall semester started, I knew why God had wanted me to stay home.

After this last time, I'll tell you that I don't think I'll every do a "why not?" trip again. I won't be looking for a huge sign from heaven either, but it's gotta be a "why not?" and God's peace is there trip for me to say yes next time.

quote:

Of course, it just might be the enemy playing tricks with our minds to throw us off course.

I was concerned about this both times, too. It's good that you're concerned about it! In my recent case of initially saying "why not?", I knew the lack of peace I was feeling was a big deal because of my first experience in college. But yet I was worried that I might be letting my emotions get the best of me either. In the end, I decided to fast for a few days in order to help me focus in prayer and sort my natural anxieties from a lack of true peace. By the end of the fast, I was at peace with looking at my pastor, friends, and family and saying, "No, I'm not going."

So that's what I suggest you do - fast and pray for a period about it. At the end, you should be able to give anyone your decision with the confidence only his peace can impart, regardless of how it looks to anyone else.



timzagain -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/18/2008 3:09:54 PM)

Thanks for taking the time to reply! I will follow your advice - fast and pray.



RJR_fan -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/19/2008 6:39:55 AM)

quote:

Are we being selfish? Should we hang in there, stick with the plans for the mission trip and hope for a financial miracle? Or should we withdraw now?


Honey, the ball is in your husband's court. Assuming he has said item(s), and rejoices in responsibility. You can share your reservations with him, help him process alternative courses of action, but is this really my business? Or Crosswalk forum business?



stimulus -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/20/2008 12:56:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: timzagain

Thanks for taking the time to reply! I will follow your advice - fast and pray.



That's probably the best advice I could ever give someone. [;)]

Yesterday, my former youth pastor was elected as our church's new senior pastor. Last night, he preached from the passage in Exodus 14 where, after the Israelites complained to Moses about being in the desert and the approaching army, God asked the Israelites why they were crying out to Him and told them to move on. My pastor's key point was that, sometimes, you need direction, but other times, you already know what you're supposed to do and you just need to obey. When you sincerely don't know what to do, his advice was the same - fast and pray. If you're committed enough to God's will to fast and pray as you seek His guidance in a matter, chances are you'll have the faith to obey.

9 times out of 10 that would mean going on the missions trip. Yet, I could sit there listening to a sermon by a pastor I admire greatly, with all the emotional overtones of it being my former youth pastor who counseled me as I recognized my call in missions, a man I genuinely want to make proud in all the right ways... and yet be completely, entirely at peace with the decision I made to not go because I know I heard from God.

I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense, but it wasn't a small thing for me to not go. I don't think you should back out of trip lightly, and you don't seem to be doing that. You need to be sure, because you don't want to regret it later or always wonder what you should have done. But when you know, do what you gotta do, and move on.

quote:

It will be next to impossible to do both trips. But I'll admit - I feel pretty stupid saying that we HAVE to take a family trip, foregoing the mission trip to do so!!!!


IMO, you need to separate the two issues. Seek God about whether to go on the missions trip. Put all the financial stuff on the back burner and just find out if it's His will for you to be on that team. If you know, deep down, that it's His will, faith that He will provide will rise in your heart, and He will indeed provide.



Irish_Light -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/20/2008 4:02:40 AM)

I’m just back (3 weeks) from a mission trip to Belarus and I was in a similar place to you fro about two months before I went.

I went last year and had a powerful and amazing time and knew I would like to go again when I came back. I signed up for this year’s trip at Christmas feeling it was the right thing to do.
There have been a few long running nagging issues with my extended family and they started dragging me down and about two months before I went I really started to doubt if I should go or not, getting annoyed with some of the fund raising ideas, was I worthy of going and having a general negative outlook about the trip. This is not my normal frame of mind at all. I went anyway and I was blessed from the minute I sat on the plane, God gave me so many answers in the first few days and I was 100% sure I was right where he wanted me. The trip was nothing short of a lift changing trip for me and God bless me and others in so many ways. I know mission trips are to server others but in giving a serving others we receive.

Not sure if this will help you in any way,


I Pray that you will make the right decision and be blessed in all you do. Amen



RJR_fan -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/20/2008 4:21:16 AM)

quote:

When you sincerely don't know what to do, his advice was the same - fast and pray. If you're committed enough to God's will to fast and pray as you seek His guidance in a matter, chances are you'll have the faith to obey.


Folks, the lady has a husband.



Hislittleone -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/20/2008 5:17:21 AM)

I think that if you made the commitment to go and people are counting on you then you should either still go or find people to replace you. It wouldn't be good to go back on your word and leave everyone in a pickle.

If you really believe God doesn't want you to go on this trip then pray that He will provide the finances and additional people to take your place.

I agree that praying and seeking God's will is a must.

RJR___fan:
quote:

Folks, the lady has a husband.


I'm a little confused by this statement. No one has said she doesn't have a husband. [&:] It sounds like you're saying that since she has a husband she needn't worry about seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit in this matter. (?) Maybe I'm misunderstanding?



RJR_fan -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/20/2008 8:28:53 PM)

quote:

I'm a little confused by this statement. No one has said she doesn't have a husband. It sounds like you're saying that since she has a husband she needn't worry about seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit in this matter. (?) Maybe I'm misunderstanding?


Holy Spirit, si. Strangers online, non. Marriages are strengthened when spouses find God's will together. Marriages are weakened when wives sneak around behind the husband's back for husbandly services, such as godly direction.



hjemerson -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/24/2008 12:44:30 PM)

Coming from a strong misson base church I Know the feeling the couple may be feeling . Pray yes Understanding. God plan may change, He may be opening the door for some else to go that have the desire but did not sign up in time .( you be suprise at time who stand up at the last minute) I would talk with the group leader after prays and them made you deside, As for the family trip it sound has God may be leading you to share Christ to your family ,as we all know families are one of the Hardes to show Christ to. Give the support to the group you have and then ask for the door to be open to place some elsa. But I feel if you do not have the calling to go on this trip stay at Home Pray and let the other go. You will share the Blessing been a pray support more at home than if you were on the trip and unhappy and know this was not where you are to be! Money is not eveything! If it God will the money will come in to assit the trip. Things are tight for all Christian and Non Christian in these day with the cost and I belive you will have your answer soon! God Bless!



BibleL7 -> RE: Should DH and I go on this missions trip? (5/25/2008 12:31:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: timzagain

This is a bit long ... sorry!

A few months ago, DH and I agreed to be a part of a church team to go on an overseas missions trip in the summer. DH has been on a few other short term missions a bit closer to home. Because of this, the pastors and everyone felt that DH "just had to be a member of the team"




DH also 'fessed up that he's also having serious doubts about whether we should go. It's not just about the money either. Suffice it to say that we both have this deep seated, nagging feeling that we are to withdraw NOW! Of course, it just might be the enemy playing tricks with our minds to throw us off course. We've prayed about it but the "don't go there" feeling just will not go away! I just don't feel as though God has called me to this particular mission field. I'm not even sure that the team should be going - there have been quite a few roadblocks along the way.




You stated in first paragraph that the Pastor and others thought DH should go not DH then in other paragrah I left in you say DH also feeling you should not go. Talk with your Pastor and others and ask them if there is someone else who might be called to go instead. Perhaps there is someone else who God has in mind to go who did not apply cause they figured you and DH should go instead. Let them know of the financial concerns as well as the door for the family trip being opened for you and not the mission trip. You also stated you felt like you should be only involved with this financialy perhaps a little financial help is just what the couple that should go needs. Pray about it with your pastor and other leaders. These are just the thoughts I see in post perhaps it is not the closing of a door but then the Pastor and other leaders should also be praying about your concerns to see where the Lord wants who to go. The more involved in prayer the better. Just some thoughts.

one last thought perhaps someone else had fears about going and the Lord needed to put you and DH in for a stand in till they were convince they should go so the arangements could be made and He possibly put the road blocks in to urge you to step asside so someone else could step up oh and take all concerns you posted to the leaders to pray on.



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