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kj88il -> RE: Shifting Gears with Kimberly (5/30/2008 8:56:47 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: collie1 Kimberly, you are amazing! well, thanks...but i can't even imagine why you said that. i feel soooo totally unamazing right now. i had to drive into town to go to 'aunt margaret's" visitation (she and her sister were my toddler sunday school teachers. [:)] ). on they way in, i must've passed a dozen big trucks...and just wanted to cry. i'll probably NEVER again say 'i drive one of those.' i worked SO hard to do that! and i was good at it!! and now it's gone. no more travelling. no more seeing my kids every other week. no more freedom. no more stopping at my favorite bbq place in georgia. no more driving out west through those majestic mountains and forests. no more minnesota or wisconsin lakes. no more kentucky and tennessee foothills. no more mississippi cottonfields in bloom. no more windy roads thru the northeast. and no more (one of my favorites) driving thru chattanooga, crossing nickajack lake, and up and over monteagle. i get this sense of peace like no other when i drive between atlanta and nashville...via chattanooga. and now...who knows when i'll be back there. [&o] i'm sorry i'm still whining, y'all. i was doing pretty well, til i got to the funeral home and everyone kept saying "so what are you doing now, kimberly?" or "are you still driving one of those big trucks, kimberly?" and my mom would pipe up "oh no! she can't drive anymore." just hearing it made it really sink in, ya know? it's not like this was my lifelong career, or my heart's desire. so why is it bothering me so much tonight? Lord....please fill up this hole in my heart tonight. i know You know i'm hurting...but please...i need Your Holy Spirit to fill up everything that's drained outta me today. i want to say all kinds of wonderful things...i've typed a dozen of them...but it wasn't real. my heart wasn't in it. it all sounded like a good prayer...but when i read it...i couldn't feel it. i'm so tired of crying, Lord. and of being alone. and now i've lost this thing that gave me joy. so i most definitely DON'T feel like praying tonight. You're just gonna have to hold me, and get me thru tonight. i just can't do it, Lord. i'm begging for You to hold me up here . all these things i pray in Jesus' name...amen.
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