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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/4/2008 9:35:44 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 2699
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Well, I was about to comment on your second post, but it appears you deleted it. Suffice to say, I love a good dose of sarcasm, but my monitor didn't ... I had a mouthful of water. 
I can understand why you started this thread, but I think I'm going to start repeating myself in all of these threads.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/4/2008 10:08:35 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 2699
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I've heard the phrase "die to self" thrown around a lot, and I understand the sentiment, but I think if moms die to self to much ... sooner or later, there's no self left.
Every woman finds fulfillment differently. Some don't need a blessed thing but to cook, clean and take care of hubby and kids, and it doesn't matter if they get 2 hours of sleep and haven't had 30 minutes to themselves in years. And THAT'S FINE.
But we're not all built that way, and I think that's okay, too. How to encourage a struggling mom? Well over the internet it's hard. All we can do is say that we care about you, we're praying for you, and we've been there, too.
I personally hate the phrase "This too shall pass", because when you're ready to fall apart from sleep deprivation and loneliness, then it just seems like forever. And once this stage passes, there's always something new waiting for you.
God does provide for us, but often it requires us helping ourselves a bit. Like try to get some fresh air and exercise whenever you possibly can. Try to reach out to neighbors if you see each other on a walk (hey that's how I met a few people). Try the Library reading hour and talk to other moms. Be the first one to speak up and break the ice. Ask for help whenever that's possible.
And ignore anyone who makes you feel guilty for feeling your feelings. A mom is not bad for slipping and falling ... bad moms don't care when they've messed up with their kids. Good moms do mess up, but they care enough to want to be better.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/4/2008 10:09:34 PM
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woodwind228
Posts: 461
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From: Atlanta
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quote:
Are there mothers out there who truly never get frustrated? If the answer is yes, what prescription is she on?
Inquiry minds (moms) want to know!! Especially this one!
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*~* Susan *~*
These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. --John 16:33 KJV
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/4/2008 10:28:46 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10188
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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General Mommy at your service.  <----that's the mean mommy face.
At ease, soldier.
LOL...sorry...the "general" thing gave me a giggle. Thanks! I needed it!
quote:
How should we give encouragement to a struggling sleep deprived mother? Is calling the frustration of motherhood selfish a true statement? Are there mothers out there who truly never get frustrated? If the answer is yes, what prescription is she on?
I don't think any mother is never frustrated. I think some are better at hiding it than others, and sometimes the hiding is not a good thing. We're all human and we need to be a bit vulnerable sometimes to encourage someone else that they are not alone.
Chronic sleep deprivation can cause all kinds of nasty symptoms. Instead of saying, Oh well...that's life with a baby, I think it's more helpful to try to come up with ideas on how to help mom get more sleep, or more downtime, more time to relax and recharge for the wearying hours ahead. That will be different for each mom, but I personally don't think any mom should feel bad for wanting time away from their little darlings. I love my kids dearly, but I also cherish my time away from them, as meager as it sometimes is.
Also, some people are capable at functioning at a much higher stress level than others. We need to know our own limits and not be afraid to admit we HAVE limits! If someone doesn't have those limits...wonderful for them, but I believe most women/moms do have them. I am all for being unselfish and caring for others, but there is a time and a place for mom to state her needs and make sure that she is healthy (emotionally, spiritually, phsyically) so that she can care for her family better.
< Message edited by PrincessDonna -- 6/4/2008 10:42:53 PM >
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/4/2008 10:40:33 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11311
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
The intent of this thread is to move discussions out of the Baby thread, SAHM thread or any other thread the OP feels is getting off topic.
So....here we are 
 thanks
quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
General Mommy at your service. <----that's the mean mommy face.
At ease, soldier.
LOL...sorry...the "general" thing gave me a giggle. Thanks! I needed it!
I got a giggle out of that too cause Paul says that's my "rank"...lol. Actually he says I am a "General Sergent Major"...lol
anyway...to the topic...
quote:
I don't think any mother is never frustrated. I think some are better at hiding it than others, and sometimes the hiding is not a good thing. We're all human and we need to be a bit vulnerable sometimes to encourage someone else that they are not alone.
YUP...completely agree...and if you are never frustrated then you haven't been a mother long enough yet...just wait!!!!!
I know that lack of sleep is a biggie for me....HUGE one actually. I MUST sleep enough or I can't function. I have had to learn over the years that that is my #1 priority in life when I need it. I have put myself through so much over the years (emotionally wise) because I haven't put that as #1 and have let other things creep in there...like cleaning the house, or volunteering for things, or whatever else it is. It took a few kids for me to realize that having that as my #1 priority wasn't wrong...even if we were eating off of paper plates and you have to step around things to walk through the house. Those things have their place too, but for me sleep HAS to be #1. I have chosen in many instances to make parental decisions based on that too...such as, mandatory nap time every day no matter how old our kids are...or co-sleeping....or nursing (those two allow me to sleep more...I can nurse or co-sleep and still get my own required sleep...I know some people can't but it is a life saver for me).
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 10:13:41 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11311
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KatMack
I think one of the biggest things we can do is truly validate the mom's feelings. So often we validate then qualify and by qualifing we just make the mom feel lousy. I think that's what was happening in the previous discussion that inspired this thread. I know other posters had the best of intentions at heart, but all it ultimately did was inspire guilt (at least in me  ).
--Kat
I agree about validating it, however this thread was started because even with validation it was off topic for the other thread. Some of us weren't "not validating" we just wanted the thread to stay on topic...and that topic didn't go there. If someone needs validation or support there are ways to get that without taking any other thread off topic to do so. So in a way I agree with you....but I don't see how it is wrong of someone to not validate others when the conversation doesn't belong where it is. I also don't feel it was wrong of me (the OP of the other thread) to point that out and ask that it be taken other places. I was not "not validating" her by doing that....just trying to keep things on the topic that THAT thread was started for.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 11:14:21 AM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/2/2005
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quote:
I agree about validating it, however this thread was started because even with validation it was off topic for the other thread. Some of us weren't "not validating" we just wanted the thread to stay on topic...and that topic didn't go there. If someone needs validation or support there are ways to get that without taking any other thread off topic to do so. So in a way I agree with you....but I don't see how it is wrong of someone to not validate others when the conversation doesn't belong where it is. I also don't feel it was wrong of me (the OP of the other thread) to point that out and ask that it be taken other places. I was not "not validating" her by doing that....just trying to keep things on the topic that THAT thread was started for.
Sarah . . . . I don't think this is what Kat's post is talking about at all. I believe she's talking about the discussion itself and some of the responses, not whether it was off topic or not. At least that's the way I read it. I don't think she was referring to you at all. Am I right, Kat?
< Message edited by isaacsmom -- 6/5/2008 11:20:46 AM >
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 11:33:05 AM
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Karaboo2
Posts: 1716
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
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Even though the kidlets are all sleeping through the night, I'm still up at least twice to pee ... oh the joys of being preggers ... and inevitably my foot finds a toy which got left on the floor or something like that, so I slip and slide and then I'm AWAKE!!! And I end up staying awake for at least an hour. I don't log on here during those hour sessions, as I'd get too caught up in the CW life ... I usually make a cup of tea or something hot like that and sit and read until my eyes get heavy again.
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I thought a thought, but the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I'd thought. So then I thought when I think a think, I'll write it down in pen and ink.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 12:08:50 PM
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KatMack
Posts: 969
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Along the Canopy Roads
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quote:
ORIGINAL: isaacsmom
quote:
I agree about validating it, however this thread was started because even with validation it was off topic for the other thread. Some of us weren't "not validating" we just wanted the thread to stay on topic...and that topic didn't go there. If someone needs validation or support there are ways to get that without taking any other thread off topic to do so. So in a way I agree with you....but I don't see how it is wrong of someone to not validate others when the conversation doesn't belong where it is. I also don't feel it was wrong of me (the OP of the other thread) to point that out and ask that it be taken other places. I was not "not validating" her by doing that....just trying to keep things on the topic that THAT thread was started for.
Sarah . . . . I don't think this is what Kat's post is talking about at all. I believe she's talking about the discussion itself and some of the responses, not whether it was off topic or not. At least that's the way I read it. I don't think she was referring to you at all. Am I right, Kat?
100% correct! I agree that the topic was OT. Didn't mean you at all, Sarah! Sorry for the confusion!
--Kat
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<-- My sweet blessings.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 12:20:02 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2323
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Room2Grow
There are times I want to curl up in a ball and cry. There are times that I beg God to just make her go back to sleep. Most days, I just suck it up and deal- this is my life right now. Prepetual tiredness- someday, someday, she will sleep.
You have explained my feelings exactly. I haven't had a good night sleep since I was 8 months pregnant with Jimmy.
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 4:37:18 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 2860
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
Status: offline
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quote:
Chronic sleep deprivation can cause all kinds of nasty symptoms. Instead of saying, Oh well...that's life with a baby, I think it's more helpful to try to come up with ideas on how to help mom get more sleep, or more downtime, more time to relax and recharge for the wearying hours ahead. That will be different for each mom, but I personally don't think any mom should feel bad for wanting time away from their little darlings. I love my kids dearly, but I also cherish my time away from them, as meager as it sometimes is.
A good way for us here in our house to *usually* (but not always) guarantee some downtime and relaxation for me during the day is to have my girls on a routine, which has turned into more of a schedule (since they both go down for naps at the same times every day). That way I get to spend some one on one time with Hannah while Jael takes her first nap and then I get some "me time" while they're both napping in the afternoon. I love my downtime and it recharges me for the rest of the afternoon/evenings.
Of course there are days when things don't go as planned and I just cannot wait until their bedtime...but I do truly enjoy my time with my sweet girlies. Maybe it's because we were made to wait on the Lord for what seemed such a very long time for our Hannah Grace...
quote:
I agree, and I do try and validate but there are times when I feel like the mother doesn't deserve validation (just being honest) I see across my two forums alot of mothers who are NOT doing what is best for their children, and they aren't working to find solutions to the various problems they are having and instead choose to just whine about it over and over and over and over again. They have children with reflux, or asthma, or eczema and don't care to find the proper help for their child and in that selfishness and negligence I have trouble validating them.
I agree...
As far as lonliness during the day and the need for validation, IRL, there is always MOP's. It's a fabulous orginaztion for women to share, love on each other, and encourage each other through this tough season with preschoolers.
< Message edited by clag4christ -- 6/5/2008 4:44:25 PM >
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RE: General Mommy Thread - 6/5/2008 4:49:25 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1413
Joined: 8/13/2005
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I don't know that dwelling on the hardships of motherhood is very productive, but it never hurts to be honest. Always painting a rosey picture is not honest.
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My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy! ~Thomas Jefferson
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For a few months when both he and Biruk were waking multiple times I night, I said some things while crawling out of bed that I really regret. 
