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Is it true? - 6/8/2008 6:44:33 PM
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StephenJ
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Do women actually blow off guys for being to nice, and gravitate towards guys who won't treat them as well?
I've heard this and of course it's painting with a wide brush but is it true for many women (including in the church?)
Thanks for reading.
Stephen.
< Message edited by StephenJ -- 6/9/2008 3:15:07 AM >
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RE: Is it true? - 6/8/2008 8:43:17 PM
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Auben
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No, it's not true for a majority of women.
Many women will cut you some slack (or give you excuses) for a period of time if they really like you, but most won't put up with it for long.
While being treated well does factor into dating someone, it is rarely the main reason a woman begins to date a man. It factors more in the 'continue dating, stop dating' section.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/8/2008 8:56:24 PM
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BugLady
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..glad you said it's painting with a wide brush because that's true.
quote:
Do women actually blow off guys for being to nice, and gravitate towards guys who won't treat them as well.
Some women may do this, but I'll go as far as to say most do not. In my observation, the women who do, usually have a subconscious belief they don't deserve to be treated well.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/8/2008 9:00:00 PM
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rgod
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I think it depends on the woman and her level of maturity and where she stands in the Lord. Also, I think it depends on the level of woundedness in her life. Insecure women who do not know how to be treated well are often the ones that let guys treat them badly. Women who have unresolved issues often do the same thing. But women who know their worth, who understand who they are in Christ, and who are secure in themselves as people don't. I think too, that soul ties play a role. It seems that the bad guys are experts in getting you tied to them. The wise woman guards her heart and takes her time to get to know a man first before giving her heart. Otherwise if that tie is formed, the bad boy can tug at that soul tie whenever he wants and the woman will come running. She won't even understand why. Praise the Lord that He can break that tie.
Also, I think part of this is also how ready you are to connect with someone. I don't know if picking and being attracted to a "bad boy" means that a woman isn't really ready for a serious relationship. I think that when you are ready, you know your worth, you've unhooked yourself from the "bad boys" (if you were ever hooked in the first place), you look for the good guy. The bad guys still come around, but you recognize them and won't tolerate their poor treatment.
I think sometimes women get lonely waiting for the good guy to come along. It seems that this is exactly when the bad boy comes sauntering along. I've had this happen to me more than once - I can usually spot a counterfeit a mile away, but I did almost fall into the trap once (I gave my heart way too quickly). Thank God I realized it before anything serious could develop or compromise could occur - so it was nipped in the bud. But during times of great loneliness, it is not unusual for some guy to come along who seems like "Mr. Right" - only for you to find out later that he is a "bad boy" in disguise. A lot of women fall right at that point.
Sometimes women have the wrong criteria for selecting a mate. They base it on hollywood and romance novels and they end up with the bad boy instead of the nice guy. It is the same with men who want women who look a certain way. I'm not saying that Christian women aren't attractive, plenty of them are. But that hollywood look takes time and money. That's hours at the gym, the mall, getting your hair done, nails, feet, facials, spa, and maybe even surgery if you don't have a certain body type naturally. Not every worldly woman does this, but you'd better believe that women who are "players" know exactly what bait to use to attract men. And, the "bad boy" knows the bait to use too (sweet words, aggressiveness, "undying" love and affection, emotionally laden secrets, then the "hot and cold" routine to keep you off balance).
I think for all of us as Christians, the inner takes precedence over the outer. That is not to say that physical attraction is not important, but because our focus is internal - those who are running after Christ might not always be noticed. So a Christian woman might not notice the nice guy - even if he is right under her nose. And the same for a Christian man. I am truly amazed at how many Christian men run after non-Christian women or very carnal Christian ones. And I see some Christian women do the exact same thing.
< Message edited by rgod -- 6/8/2008 9:08:18 PM >
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RE: Is it true? - 6/8/2008 10:19:50 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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I've met a lot of women -- far more than I want to admit -- who love a "bad boy." The fact is that I tend to be this way, but I never wanted to have a close relationship with a "bad boy" as some women will commit to. There is something within me that wants to "save" the "bad boys" I know, unless they are bad enough to seem unsalvageable. Even more so, I gravitate toward "boys" I perceive as having been abused. I want to "save" them, too.
When my daughter was young, she did this, too, and I could not get her out of it, because his parents, the father being a minister in the church we were in, overrode me with the support of the pastor. This horrified me. The fact is that the boy was one of those "bad boys" who seemed salvageable, but I didn't want him with my daughter. I felt sorry for him, but not sorry for him enough to sacrifice my daughter, for good night! But they told both of us that if she broke up with him, and he went to hell, it would be our faults.
The whole "bad boy" thing seems to be a package deal that includes people who are willing to sacrifice something for the sake of the "bad boy" and people who are naive enough to try.
"Bad boys" are "bad boys" by their own choice. Walk away.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/8/2008 10:48:30 PM
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Prairiehiker
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I tend to gravitate towards men who are adventurous and "exciting" and love to try new things. When you mention "nice guys", I tend to think about guys who are kinda boring and unoriginal. Men who are scared to be different. Men who do things because that is what they think they are required to do. I don't know. It's probably just me. I always say there's a difference between a good guy and a nice guy, and I go for the good ones who are a bit daring. And good ones tend to march to the beat of their own drums.
But no, there's no woman who would ever want a man who would treat them badly. I doubt that you'll find one of those in this world. There are women who have a pattern for falling for the type of men who would mistreat them. The attraction is not the "mistreatment" part. It's something else.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/8/2008 10:48:40 PM
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4IMPersuaded
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Yeah, some do and a couple of valid reasons have been submitted. All of us, men and women alike, tend to gravitate toward relationships that mimick those we are familiar with. That is why it is so important for men to love their childrens' mother in a godly way-- so that they learn what a healthy relationship looks like.
As a result of this leaning, some of us tend to be missionary daters, or look for men who will treat us in a way we are familiar with. It is difficult to break this cycle, but with God's help it can be done.
Blessings-- keep being a "nice" guy! Seek Jesus first, and the rest will be added to you.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/8/2008 11:02:53 PM
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h_seaton
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Some do. A girl wants to feel special, important. If she can change a guy from bad to good, then she feels like she is both.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/8/2008 11:21:04 PM
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BugLady
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quote:
I think sometimes women get lonely waiting for the good guy to come along. It seems that this is exactly when the bad boy comes sauntering along. I've had this happen to me more than once - I can usually spot a counterfeit a mile away, but I did almost fall into the trap once (I gave my heart way too quickly). Thank God I realized it before anything serious could develop or compromise could occur - so it was nipped in the bud. But during times of great loneliness, it is not unusual for some guy to come along who seems like "Mr. Right" - only for you to find out later that he is a "bad boy" in disguise. A lot of women fall right at that point.
This is a good point. But the really hard part is when you see through the counterfeit when no one else seems to. It takes a lot of restraint keeping your mouth shut.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/9/2008 2:56:40 AM
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StephenJ
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Thanks for the insight.
How much do you think the media has to do with it?
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RE: Is it true? - 6/9/2008 4:43:34 AM
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car2ner
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IN some respects, too many of our choices are media driven. Look at how people dress, highly media driven. Look at the junk we eat, media driven. Look at our politics, media driven. How we see each other, unless the Holy Spirit is there, it is also media driven.
And of course, there are many of us who know better....
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RE: Is it true? - 6/9/2008 10:26:35 AM
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fluffmonkey
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Yep I agree with Car2ner, media has effect on alot things in our lives
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RE: Is it true? - 6/9/2008 7:15:30 PM
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jlp1
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I know a lot more than few girls who like guys with the roughness. They say they want a man who will protect them if need be. Me personally I usually like the nice guys, the gentleness gets to me. Quite and humble, easy going......
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RE: Is it true? - 6/9/2008 7:17:27 PM
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BugLady
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The media practically controls the world. *sigh*
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RE: Is it true? - 6/14/2008 5:34:33 PM
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_CANCELLED_
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quote:
ORIGINAL: StephenJ
Do women actually blow off guys for being to nice, and gravitate towards guys who won't treat them as well?
I've heard this and of course it's painting with a wide brush but is it true for many women (including in the church?)
Great question! Unfortunately, it seems to be true with a lot of women. But I attribute it to maturity, which can come at any age. I know women in their 30s and 40s who still only go for 'the bad boy' and others in their 20s who do love 'nice' men. I never really went for the bad boy. I might've admired his beauty from a distance but I didn't feel safe with them. There are a lot of us out there like that. I love kind, thoughtful men who are just as comfortable receiving as giving.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/25/2008 6:48:30 PM
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BlessUsLord
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I don't know why a Christian woman with any sense would gravitate towards a "bad boy"...unless there were abuse issues in her past. I wish more men were nice guys.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/25/2008 7:14:15 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
Do women actually blow off guys for being to nice, and gravitate towards guys who won't treat them as well?
I know I don't. I find nice attractive. Well, I find gentlemanly attractive. And I would be turned off by rude humor, callous treatment of ones female relatives, etc.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/25/2008 8:17:03 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BlessUsLord
I don't know why a Christian woman with any sense would gravitate towards a "bad boy"...unless there were abuse issues in her past. I wish more men were nice guys.
Teaching a child to care more about being compassionate toward the underdog than compassionate about her own boundaries will do it, too. Just believe me on this one.
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"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Is it true? - 6/25/2008 10:24:23 PM
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Anamchara
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not true at all here, I wouldnt even consider someone who I didnt find nice and thought they treated me well
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RE: Is it true? - 6/25/2008 10:31:01 PM
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cheeky_monkey
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Looking back I can see this was true for me when I was younger. I didn't even realize it at the time, though. I can't think of a single guy I dated (not that I dated a lot) that treated me well, but I can remember several really nice guys that were truly interested that I wouldn't give the time of day. I have absolutely no idea why I gravitated toward the guys that didn't treat me all that well.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/29/2008 3:11:31 AM
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beachcooky
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Hey Stephen! I think it is VERY true that many women blow off guys for being too nice.
The majority of my girl friends (I have more guy friends than girl friends) are dating men that don't treat them too nicely.
For me, I respect myself and I would like a guy to treat me with the same respect that I have for myself. I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago, because he wasn't a Christian. I was dating him since April and I committed my life to God in early May. And God was telling me I had to break this thing off. It was really hard...but I knew I had to. But he paid me respect...but on some things, he didn't. And it really made me mad.
I guess what I'm trying to say that you are right. Many women date "bad boys" and guys that don't treat them right. Why? I don't exactly know. Maybe they're struggling with their own insecurities or just don't have that much respect for themselves.
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RE: Is it true? - 6/29/2008 9:43:49 PM
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free-to-worship
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Funny, because someone just accused me of being just that way, and they were very much in left field with that one. The person who accused me of this was an unwanted suitor in the first place. I did not refuse him because he was too nice. I refused him because he was too desperate, and seemed a little crazy and controlling. All that being said, there are multiple reasons why a woman will pull away from a guy, but him being too nice is probably not one of them. Most women want men to be very nice to them, it is attractive, and it's just good up-bringing. If a woman pulls away from a guy and the only reason is, because he was too nice, then she has some issues that need to be dealt with.
< Message edited by free-to-worship -- 7/1/2008 12:36:54 AM >
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