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W.O.F. -> RE: Cleaning the house (7/4/2008 12:09:39 PM)
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FAWHITT,
You've gotten a lot of good ideas on how to deal with their not doing their chores....(and ones I have used as well)...
I imagine one thing you have heard lately is "I just didn't feel like it."
One thing I have had to "pull" at times is that I don't do my chores (like cook dinner, etc) for a day..when they ask "where's dinner" I say "I just didn't feel like it...."
Mainly, I sit my kids down when they go through this phase and simply tell them..."We are a family..and as a family we help each other out....now, I could do all the chores...but it would take me hours...or we can all work together for 30 minutes and get the same amount of work done.....HOW do YOU want to do it? for hours, or a few minutes...." and then I remind them of the consequences of NOT doing their chores.....
My Masquerade,
I am sorry..but your reasons for not requiring your daughter to do chores sound more like excuses than reasons. My sister was a single mom of one child (still is..but that child is grown)...and she did require her daughter to do chores that were age appropriate. It, in the long run, made my sister's life much easier, as well as my niece's...because she didn't have to wait on mom to do stuff for her, and she also learned the value of doing things for the value of doing things...not simply to get paid or rewarded.
I think that singleton children (only children) need to have chores as much if not more than children who have siblings...they need that core stability of being a PART of their world...not just having it revolve around them. I have had many friends who were singletons...and the ones who enjoyed being only children the most were those who did have chores and responsibilities to the house, without chances of reward or remuneration.
"Most experts agree that chores are good for children. For instance, parenting expert and author Jim Fay calls chores for children essential. Here's why: In addition to our needs for physical and emotional safety, love and affection, and healthy amounts of control, he says, we also all need to be needed. That's because we're pack animals by nature.
"If your child never has to raise a finger, that basic need has been stolen away," says Fay. "Children need to feel as though they're a cog in the wheel. But they can't feel that way if they don't have chores and make contributions to the family."
In her book, Raising Compassionate, Courageous Children in a Violent World, Janice Cohn, PhD, cites studies showing that helping others not only promotes higher self-esteem, but increases academic and social skills while decreasing the risk for depression and anxiety disorders"...from an article on WebMD.
Bradley Hospital has this to say about chores: "It is interesting that parents who would never think of relaxing the requirements of personal hygiene, homework and school attendance will frequently allow their children to avoid household chores.
It is difficult to say why many of today's parents have loosened their grip on such a readily available and effective teaching tool. Maybe they are unaware of the relationship of chores to the development of social responsibility. Maybe they don't see chores as a means of strengthening family ties. Maybe they are unaware of the critical role social responsibility will play in their child's teenage and adult life.
Do not pay your children for completing their chores. The purpose of chores is to teach children about their social responsibilities to their family and equip them in the best possible manner to meet the many social responsibilities that confront teenagers and adults.
The value of chores resides in the lessons learned from accomplishing them: a sense of pride, the development of self-respect and the experience of being connected to others who depend on and value the child's contribution. Payment defeats the purpose."
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