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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 3:40:37 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 516
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
Status: offline
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I guess that I'm the only one who has problems in this area.
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 3:40:57 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 6613
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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No, it doesn't change the longing. But it's just something we have to deal with like everything else.
I think it can be worse sometimes having already been married. I know what it's like to be with a man, and dealing with the hardships and (some) wonderful times in such a union.
However, on the flipside, I know how horrible it was and am in no hurry to get to that point again. Consider me gun shy for lack of a better term.
There are those who haven't been hurt like I have who don't know what I'm talking about and have nothing to run or hide from. You have to feel bad for that too.
It's all just a matter of how strong are we willing to allow God to be through us?
_____________________________
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 4:49:10 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1986
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hotsaucygma
If the definition on WordWeb counts: Comes to terms or deals successfully with...
Yep, I'm coping. I am successfully dealing with being single. I have come to terms with being single. Am I always happy with being single? No. Am I ok with that. Yes. I wasn't always happy married either... now that's an understatement if I ever heard one... 
Life is good. Like Tink said quote:
I don't want to be 80 years old lying on my deathbed and say, "man...I wasted 80 years wishing I were married."
I also wouldn't want to be 80 years old saying "man I wish I hadn't been married all those years..."
I also love what Lioness said- quote:
I contend that there is no richer life, there are only different kinds of richness. I love and except the richness of my life in this given moment, yep, I'll "cope" with it just like it is right now, Thanks Lord!
^^^^What these people all said^^^^^
quote:
quote: Pauley
While I can easily dismiss all of this as the unrealistic demands of the natural world on the spiritual man, it is failing in my own personal ambitions that hurts. Having a wife and children was a personal thing. My personal desire for a lifetime mate and my own children has nothing to do with the worlds beliefs about what a successful man is. It is about me and my goals and ambitions.
So, Pauley...should I consider myself a failure because I wasn't able to stay married to one man all my life? Even though it's not my fault that he died? It was still my ambition, my goal. Therefore should I feel shame?
Of course not.
My ambitions and goals for my life should be God's ambitions and goals for my life. It is my understanding that to live a life pleasing to God I should seek only Him and His goals and ambitions for me. If at any point my own ambitions and goals conflict with His ambitions and goals for me, then I can rest in the fact that He never planned those things for me, therefore I am not required to accomplish them.
Don't get me wrong. I am not discounting the pain of your singleness or mine. It hurts so much sometimes I find myself gasping with the pain! But my point is that it should not hurt because it is some kind of standard that we failed to meet. It should not be a source of shame.
My prayer is that you will be able to be free of any shame or self condemnation over this.
It ain't your fault, buddy.
besiderself
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 6:20:07 PM
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RubySparkles
Posts: 256
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I guess that I'm the only one who has problems in this area.
No you're not Pauley. I totally admire people who are happy with being single and never worry/get angry about it.
_____________________________
Lord, all our success is because of what you have done, so give us peace.
Is 26:12
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 6:27:24 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 516
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
So, Pauley...should I consider myself a failure because I wasn't able to stay married to one man all my life? Even though it's not my fault that he died? It was still my ambition, my goal. Therefore should I feel shame?
Of course not.
That could never have been your fault because the powers over life and death aren't yours to command. But in 44 years of life I should've been able to develop a relationship with a woman sometime, somewhere. That failure could only be mine. It is also a failure on my part for never having been able to discern what God's plan for my life is so I could align myself with that. I should have been able to figure out that God didn't desire marriage for me years ago.
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 6:43:45 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1577
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Toronto the Good
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Tink - awesome post!
Thanks!
I actually thought I was going to get jumped on for it...LOL
I'll jump on you for it, although not very hard. It's an awesome post, if it works for you. If singleness still hurts it still hurts and your post does nothing to address the very real pain some of us feel.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 10:25:47 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1410
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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I don't know why Christians worry about their "status" so much, especially Christian singles who worry so much that they will never get their prince or princess because everyone marries around them and thinking that God has not grant you that wish because you are a failure.
This is what the adversary wants you to think because we often think about what we don't have instead of thanking God what we have, which is our legs, our arms and every fiber of our being.
I was watching a fella from Austraila who was visiting Greg Laurie's church yesterday by the name of Nick Vuijjic. Nick does not have any legs nor arms, but it does not let it get it in the way of having a desire for life. Nick in spite of coping that he does not hardly having any body at all, took the focus off himself and put his focus on the Lord.
I'm not trying to pick on anyone here, and please do not think I'm being offensive to some here, but the only way single christians should cope is to take our eyes off ourselves and put them where they need to be and that is on the Lord and let him direct our desires and not worrying about the world and Christians think.
I'm posting it in love and concern because the only way that we can cope as single christians to not caring what people think.
_____________________________
Remembering Topher...
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 10:36:48 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
I don't know why Christians worry about their "status" so much, especially Christian singles who worry so much that they will never get their prince or princess because everyone marries around them and thinking that God has not grant you that wish because you are a failure.
This is what the adversary wants you to think because we often think about what we don't have instead of thanking God what we have, which is our legs, our arms and every fiber of our being.
I was watching a fella from Austraila who was visiting Greg Laurie's church yesterday by the name of Nick Vuijjic. Nick does not have any legs nor arms, but it does not let it get it in the way of having a desire for life. Nick in spite of coping that he does not hardly having any body at all, took the focus off himself and put his focus on the Lord.
I'm not trying to pick on anyone here, and please do not think I'm being offensive to some here, but the only way single christians should cope is to take our eyes off ourselves and put them where they need to be and that is on the Lord and let him direct our desires and not worrying about the world and Christians think.
I'm posting it in love and concern because the only way that we can cope as single christians to not caring what people think.
I'd like to believe that Crosswalk and the Singles folder is a place where people can be real and where they can be honest about the pain that they feel.
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Money in the bank may be nice, but it will never beat sunrise from a sleeping bag in the mountains. " - climbhard511
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/14/2008 10:45:48 PM
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thedivabrat
Posts: 433
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: North and South
Status: offline
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I am so encouraged by all of you. Some of you are suffering and some are soaring but all with your hearts tuned into God and His plans for you. Some of you have made me laugh, some bring tears and some make me shake my head and wonder what you are saying. I so appreciate your transparency--thank you for helping me to see and understand some things I think and feel differently about. Life is a wonder(ful) journey.
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This is the day the Lord has made; let us be glad and rejoice in it. Ps 118:24
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 5:34:25 AM
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Vently
Posts: 9
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
Tinkerbell_
I could be so many worse things than single. *shrug*
I can name a few.
The thought struck me, being single has much in common with being disabled:
(please bear with me)
1. There are general symptoms, but its truly a personalized condition.
No two are truly the same. Tailor fit for each individual.
2. Normal is a swear word. Something you hope to be and the world
trys to inflect on you. ~ As if ~ one could solve major dilemma with a
quick snap of the fingers.
3. There are rumors of a cure, but danged if you can find it.
4. Other people have a hard time with your condition. To the point
that there are common actions // reactions
a) Denial -
you're single. Funny you don't look single, well thats nice. Nice? nice?
You bursting into flames would be nice.
b) Pity -
Poor thing how do you deal with it all. with Firearms and antidepressants
how else. ( ok thats mean but I bet you'll laugh next time someone gives
throws out the pity response.)
c) contagious -
stay away from me I don't want to catch that "singleness"
d) paranoia -
Really I didn't come to church to steal your wife/girlfriend
but your car is looking realllllly good.
e) Fix it -
Yup I know your cousin's brother's roommate's sister's niece is
single, but I wonder what makes us compatible? The crack addiction,
alcoholism or felony warrant? These are kinda of a turn offs.
f) Blame -
No wonder you're single. (Bet you have heard this. Especially
the never-marrieds.) Didn't know that Job's friends were walking
around still today? well, they are and they still suffer the
foot-in-mouth problem. You don't look, dress, act right so
it has to be your fault. But mostly ~Sin~! some secret sin.
And if only you confess all this suffering will be over.
g) Help-me's -
Yes I have an army of robots that does all my chores,
Housework and cooking. Also I'm a secret billionaire -
So I have all the time and $$ to help you with all of you with
all of your troubles. P.S. Thanks for volunteering me before asking.
From now on I'll let you explain why I wasn't able to.
5. The pain is real and cannot be explained by mere words.
Somedays a real solid ~hurt~ other times as if you're missing something
like an old friend.
6. Understanding. Just to be understood is a dream unto itself
(however we could classified this as a human condition)
7. Self examination becomes an art form. Be honest - how many self-help books do you
own ( or checked out of the library) ?
8. I think God has forgotten me or this is the plan for me all along.
(ouch ! pointy words. And I think it could be a thread all to itself.)
I had this time in life when people I prayed with got their requests.
I got silence. It got to be a joke. Only I wasn't laughing. Really 4 -5 people
getting their desires and me... nothing. For months and months the same.
I asked God about it. ( ok really I complained.)
Are you really sure you want to hear the answer?
9. Cope. I triple-dog-dare you to ask that in the marriage forums. After the flames
die down and the insulted cool off they would say the same thing as us
singles.
Faith and Hope
_____________________________
I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. Job 42.2
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 7:34:53 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8913
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: online
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Wow. That ^^^ is a great post.
_____________________________
The beatings will continue until the morale improves.
9.7.08
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 8:28:44 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7618
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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great post Vently!
I never cope with being single.
I sometimes cope with a saw though.
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 8:36:07 AM
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okrox
Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
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BRAVO, VENTLY!
Especially the "Paranoia." Oh, would that we had an appeal so dangerous and strong as they sometimes think we do! HA!. We would use is for good, and not evil, of course. But it would be nice to think it were that easy!
And I am a total self-help-aholic. I bet I can match anyone here book-for-book.
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 9:24:46 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
9. Cope. I triple-dog-dare you to ask that in the marriage forums. After the flames
die down And the insulted cool off they would say the same thing as us
singles.
Vently, your post gave me good laugh this morning. I spit out my coffee. I just want to disagree with your final comments. Perhaps, we're been single too long, or been in a bad marriage that we tend to put down marriages because it's something we don't have. I've known some horrible marriages like my friends who have been married 4, 3 And 2 times. However, I've known some truly great marriages also.
My parents have been married 63 years. To this day, my mom won't eat without calling my dad, And vice versa. If my mom goes to the store for a few minutes, my dad sits by the porch And waits for her, And vice versa. Their friends who have been married 60 years still flirt with each other And tickle each other in front of us. For heaven's sake, she jokes about their sex life still And they are in their 80s. Both my parents And their friends have gone through death of their children, sickness, kids addiction, kid's going to jail, kid's divorce, financial difficulties, you name it, they've gone through it, And stuck with each other through And through.
I see my sister in law who is now a widow still visits my brother's grave often after 5 years of being a widow because they had a brief but amazing relationship. Something I idealized at times. She still talks about him like she's still with him, though she's not suffering by any means. It just means that they had a great marriage. I see my sister who's husband won't last a day without calling her while at work just to talk about how his day is going. I see my other sister who's husband wasn't the best man out there but she stuck with him but he's now done a 180 And are quite happy. I've seen so many happy marriages in this life that I will never ever think that it's a miserable place to be in.
The other day, I was cycling with my daughter And we saw this couple who are probable in their 70s riding their bikes. They are the old bikes with fenders that look like they're from the 50s. My daughter looked at me And went, "aw, That's so sweet, someday, mom I'd like you to meet someone like that so you can go biking with him until you're old). It was very sweet to see people grow old together. (of course, I don't know if they just met And are just starting to date, loll)
Yes, there are bad marriages. And yes, when the romance has cooled off, it's not the same as the infatuation stage. It's better. That's when real relationship begins. And it's beautiful from what I've seen from those people who never let go of God's original design in marriage. It's about two people DOING LIFE together, through thick And thin like my parents do. It's not something we should trivialized or put down because we see it as it's unattainable. If we attach a lot of negativity to marriage, instead of viewing it as a beautiful design by our creator, we probably shouldn't ever think about marriage.
*ok, I'm getting off of my soapbox*
_____________________________
________________________________
Money in the bank may be nice, but it will never beat sunrise from a sleeping bag in the mountains. " - climbhard511
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 9:51:04 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7618
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
And yes, when the romance has cooled off, it's not the same as the infatuation stage. It's better. That's when real relationship begins. And it's beautiful from what I've seen from those people who never let go of God's original design in marriage. It's about two people DOING LIFE together, through thick And thin like my parents do. It's not something we should trivialized or put down because we see it as it's unattainable. If we attach a lot of negativity to marriage, instead of viewing it as a beautiful design by our creator, we probably shouldn't ever think about marriage.
*ok, I'm getting off of my soapbox*
Great rant PH!!! SOCCOL!!
I have to take one small issue though. When the infatuation stage is over that DOES NOT mean that the romance has cooled off. It just means that the romance is now more sincere and deeper. It can be just as hot (hotter) but it is different. (Been there, done that)
_____________________________
Resistance is futile (if less than .25 ohms)
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 9:58:54 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26516
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
9. Cope. I triple-dog-dare you to ask that in the marriage forums. After the flames
die down And the insulted cool off they would say the same thing as us
singles.
Vently, your post gave me good laugh this morning. I spit out my coffee. I just want to disagree with your final comments. Perhaps, we're been single too long, or been in a bad marriage that we tend to put down marriages because it's something we don't have. I've known some horrible marriages like my friends who have been married 4, 3 And 2 times. However, I've known some truly great marriages also.
My parents have been married 63 years. To this day, my mom won't eat without calling my dad, And vice versa. If my mom goes to the store for a few minutes, my dad sits by the porch And waits for her, And vice versa. Their friends who have been married 60 years still flirt with each other And tickle each other in front of us. For heaven's sake, she jokes about their sex life still And they are in their 80s. Both my parents And their friends have gone through death of their children, sickness, kids addiction, kid's going to jail, kid's divorce, financial difficulties, you name it, they've gone through it, And stuck with each other through And through.
I see my sister in law who is now a widow still visits my brother's grave often after 5 years of being a widow because they had a brief but amazing relationship. Something I idealized at times. She still talks about him like she's still with him, though she's not suffering by any means. It just means that they had a great marriage. I see my sister who's husband won't last a day without calling her while at work just to talk about how his day is going. I see my other sister who's husband wasn't the best man out there but she stuck with him but he's now done a 180 And are quite happy. I've seen so many happy marriages in this life that I will never ever think that it's a miserable place to be in.
The other day, I was cycling with my daughter And we saw this couple who are probable in their 70s riding their bikes. They are the old bikes with fenders that look like they're from the 50s. My daughter looked at me And went, "aw, That's so sweet, someday, mom I'd like you to meet someone like that so you can go biking with him until you're old). It was very sweet to see people grow old together. (of course, I don't know if they just met And are just starting to date, loll)
Yes, there are bad marriages. And yes, when the romance has cooled off, it's not the same as the infatuation stage. It's better. That's when real relationship begins. And it's beautiful from what I've seen from those people who never let go of God's original design in marriage. It's about two people DOING LIFE together, through thick And thin like my parents do. It's not something we should trivialized or put down because we see it as it's unattainable. If we attach a lot of negativity to marriage, instead of viewing it as a | | | |
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