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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 12:05:50 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 894
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: online
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Genesis 2:18
18 And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him
Yes, we learned to spin it in various ways so we learn to live with being alone, but God didn't design us to be alone. He even said it is not good.
I'm not saying that being alone isn't healthy or even necessary for us from time to time. It's in the times that I felt so alone that I also felt closer to God and drew closer to Him more. However, I realize that I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, though I'm prepared to do it. Just like everyone here, I've got a lot of things on the go, and pretty much seem like I don't need anyone. Even my friends think I enjoy being single way too much. But deep down where all our deep desires are hidden and tucked away from everyone, I'd really like to do this life with someone other than my daughter. Perhaps it will happen. Maybe it won't. I'll live, and probably continue to enjoy life without blaming God. Maybe questioning, but never blaming.
_____________________________
___________________________________
<-----------------------
My lovely daughter and me
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 1:06:07 PM
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okrox
Posts: 126
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Genesis 2:18
18 And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him
Yes, we learned to spin it in various ways so we learn to live with being alone, but God didn't design us to be alone. He even said it is not good.
I'm not saying that being alone isn't healthy or even necessary for us from time to time. It's in the times that I felt so alone that I also felt closer to God and drew closer to Him more. However, I realize that I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, though I'm prepared to do it. Just like everyone here, I've got a lot of things on the go, and pretty much seem like I don't need anyone. Even my friends think I enjoy being single way too much. But deep down where all our deep desires are hidden and tucked away from everyone, I'd really like to do this life with someone other than my daughter. Perhaps it will happen. Maybe it won't. I'll live, and probably continue to enjoy life without blaming God. Maybe questioning, but never blaming.
Perfect.
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 2:44:44 PM
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Vently
Posts: 9
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
CoeurdeLeon
Wow. That ^^^ is a great post.
Thankyou all, for the complements
This thread has many many many great posts. So Bravo on the Thread
quote:
mutinywxgirl
Does it need stars?????
Somehow I get the feeling this involves a *bonk* to the head.
should I duck? 
quote:
Prairiehiker
*ok, I'm getting off of my soapbox*
No don't. The world needs a good advocate for marriage.
Even reminded that it is a Godly purpose.
Sadly, we don't get to hear enough of the good things.
quote:
9. Cope. I triple-dog-dare you to ask that in the marriage forums. After the flames die down and the insulted cool off they would say the same thing as us
singles.
Forgive me, I can be cynical at times, It was not my intention to
diss on marriage.
If we were to post "How do you cope with being Married"
What do you think the responces would be?
I think we'd get flamed - that is <many> angry posts.
(sure there would be a few who are coping with hard circumstances)
But many would be offended - dare I say torches and Pitch forks-
(really we wouldn't consider Marriage (in general) needing to be
coped with.
However even good Great marriages have tough times.
How do we get though tough times? (single or otherwise)
Hope and Faith.
* Arggg* ok that makes sense in my head and hopefully here too.
I would take out my brain and show it to you but it would be gross and I'm using
it ATM.
Maybe I'm a bit offended at the notion of "having to cope with being single"
Honestly I never really put any thought into it.
I deal (cope) with many things and yes, Singleness, at times, weighs on me too.
So when I boil down all of my own personal copping (skills?) for all of life's challenges, I am left with just simply --- Hope and Faith.
*I hope that makes sense*
quote:
Pauley464
Being totally transparent here, I don't cope with being single very well and as time passes, the worse I cope. Having a wife and children has been my greatest desire for as long as I can remember and so far the Lord has chosen to deny me that. Not only am I single/never married at 44, I have never had a woman express an interest, no girlfriend, nothing even close.
quote:
caviezelfan
I am 44 years old, I have never had so much as a first date before, and I feel that maybe God has "programmed" all single men's brains to stay away from me because I am single - maybe they see a big sign on my forehead that says, "Never dated before, never had boyfriend before", and they shy away from me. I have been part of adult singles' groups in many different churches, and I was always treated the same - I was always treated like some kind of freak because I have never been married, nor have ever even dated before. I have even been accused, by the same people in those singles' groups, of being a lesbian because I have never dated before. Talk about a horrible, hurtful accusation. Not only that, but when I would be in those groups, the people would usually pair up, and leave me standing by myself, because they didn't wish to interact with me.
I'm not going to add insult by even pretending to know, understand or feel your
pain // frustration.
I wish that there were some magic words to make it all ok.
Take your rest here with us. You are welcome here.
You're NOT a freak or cursed. Just single.
It's ok to be single.
It's ok to desire a spouse.
It's even ok to be frustrated, confused and even hurt by God's silence.
quote:
I guess that I'm the only one who has problems in this area.
No Sir, you're not.
It is a trick of the enemy to get one to feel alone, rejected and even forgotten
by God. Rest asured it is not true.
Matthew 10:30
It is ok to cry and mourn. Truly you suffer a loss, and sometimes it is not even
noticed among your peers.
Forgive us. That is, those of us who rejoice in our singleness.
Sure we too would love to find that special someone.
Sorry, for <some> now it's a bit of an advantage or prudent choice.
Not meant to be a put down nor lemon juice in the eyes. Just our
circumstances are different. Please refer to:
quote:
1. There are general symptoms, but its truly a personalized condition.
No two are truly the same. Tailor fit for each individual.
No pats to the head, snappy lines nor (always) great Bible verses.
Simply,
No you're not alone.
_____________________________
I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. Job 42.2
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 2:53:16 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12662
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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CDL - care to explain the STARS, please????? 
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 2:55:51 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 571
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: caviezelfan
To me, "singleness" is a very dirty word - it is, nor will it ever be a part of my vocabulary.
There is nothing wrong with desiring to have a companion in your life, to share joys/sorrows, feelings, thoughts and other things with, because you sure can't share them with yourself. Having a good companion doesn't necessarily mean you have to be married to them, but it would be nice to have that special someone around so that you could laugh with, or even have a shoulder to cry on. Putting your arms around yourself, and attempting to cry on your own shoulder is not very comforting.
Going to the movies alone, and eating out alone are not fun either, especially if you're a single woman like I am - I have done that in the past and I have receive all kinds of looks from the surrounding people, ranging from "What is wrong with her? Women don't eat out alone" to "Maybe she is just waiting for her boyfriend to show up". It would be fun to go to the movies with a good companion/boyfriend, go out to eat with that person, just to share time with, and to enjoy those moments together. Holding hands, feeling a protective arm around your shoulders would be wonderful.
I am 44 years old, I have never had so much as a first date before, and I feel that maybe God has "programmed" all single men's brains to stay away from me because I am single - maybe they see a big sign on my forehead that says, "Never dated before, never had boyfriend before", and they shy away from me. I have been part of adult singles' groups in many different churches, and I was always treated the same - I was always treated like some kind of freak because I have never been married, nor have ever even dated before. I have even been accused, by the same people in those singles' groups, of being a lesbian because I have never dated before. Talk about a horrible, hurtful accusation. Not only that, but when I would be in those groups, the people would usually pair up, and leave me standing by myself, because they didn't wish to interact with me.
So, I do know that being single, especially a never-married nor never-dated single, can be very lonely. It does make a person wonder where they have failed in life, when they are at this age. Does God tell single men to not approach me for a date? Does He give them some kind of mental signal to stay away from me, because I am an unmarried woman? I still can't figure that out, but I do hope and pray that I will at least have a wonderful Christian man to come into my life to be my companion if not to eventually become a husband.
If a person chooses to remain single, then that is what they desire. But, if a person has a need for another person in their life, then they have a need. I am a people person, and I can't stand being alone - there is nothing wrong with wanting people around. People can cope with being single if they so desire, but it shouldn't have to be something that all single people should have to endure - being single can be a death sentence to some, while it can be a blessing to others, especially those who have been in a rocky relationship, or even marriage.
And that is my two cents' worth.
I am your male counterpart. I am also 44 and my experiences have been almost indentical to yours.
I go out to eat alone, go to movies alone, I'm left standing by myself at functions for singles and women of all ages have always displayed a strange aversion to me as soon as they find out the I'm single. The only women I have good relationships with are already married.
I've also been accused of being homosexual because I've never been married
I feel the same way you do. I wonder if God has seperated me from the marryable people of the world and plastered some sign on me that only the single women can see that warns them off. I also wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me that I'm not aware of and only single women can see, I wonder if I am failing to say and do the right things.
I've been on a few dates but the ladies that I dated refused to go out with me a second time.
I desire campanionship and the company of a lady the same way and for the same reasons you desire the comanionship and company of a man.
You're not alone, I am with you, one hundred percent.
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/15/2008 3:01:51 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12662
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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Thank you!!!!!
And, thank you. 
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 1:39:03 PM
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BCW1969
Posts: 61
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: South Florida
Status: offline
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Just as has been stated above,"it is NOT good for a man to be alone...." etc., and as a hopeless romantic, I would love the opportunity to be married one day and have a family and enjoy domestic life---I would absolutely love that. However, I have no desire to be married to the wrong person either( I don't think anyone really does). It is certainly not wrong for a man or woman to desire a spouse, that is a good and healthy thing---the question is not if you have that desire, but rather how far does that desire go. What I mean is this, If my desire for a mate, or yours or anyone else's desire for mate is the main driver that dicatates how we spend Our time, where we go, and with whom we associate with----then I do believe that any such life has gotten off track and out of focus.
I truly do believe at this point that it is our relationship with the Lord, and what he has changed inside of us by us letting him into our hearts and into our lives, that is suppossed to be the driving force behind our lives and the path we take and the decisions that we make. We all need to remember that we did not just receive Jesus into our hearts and into our lives as savior, but also as Lord. Jesus being the Lord of one's life means that HE calls the shots, and the more we allow him to make us more and more Like Jesus, the more we are all only going to want what he wants for us anyways. That is why in scripture God can easily say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you--or delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of our hearts--because if He and his kingdom is what we are truly seeking in our lives, God can and does change our desires such that we will only want what he wants for us.
Yes, I desire marriage, but I am so much beginning to understand that the choices of who what and when in my life, regardless of what subject of life we are talking about, are all truly up to the Lord. Let me tell you, if it is truly the Lord that has that responsibility,and we know it inside, it takes a great weight off of our shoulders and allows us to trust HIM with our singleness in a way we never did or could before.
Blessings,
Brad
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 2:46:28 PM
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deanna48
Posts: 13
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
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Being married to the wrong person - is definitely worse than being single. I was married for 12 years to an alcoholic/drug addict and I have been single for 18 years - he passed away. I was more lonely married than I have ever been single. Yes I do get lonely and when I start "coping" with singleness, I am usually getting my mind off of the Lord and putting it on my circumstances. I have family that thinks single life is the pits and they try to encourage me to "find" someone now that my children are no longer little and my last is about to leave the nest. I had no idea I would be single for 18 years; but I have been and have grown closer to the Lord and the Word says He is a husband to the widow. I have learned to trust Him as husband, friend, Lord, etc. Not long ago I was beginning to wonder where oh where is my true love . . . . and I was reminded the He is my true love for now. I have to be content that He is enough for now and to get my eyes back on Him. I usually have no problem with being single or being in crowds where everyone has "someone" until it's brought out that I don't have what they have. I definitely don't want what some have - Yes I want that special someone - but I also don't want to be out of God's will. He has given me glimpses on what it will be like when I remarry - The Lord told me to pray for my future spouse a year after my husband died - I can wait. Find God's will for your life in this area and pray according to His will and your contentment in His will, will give you the peace and take away the unrest in your spirit.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 4:19:09 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6865
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Great post 61 Brad!. Star worthy
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 7:40:18 PM
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rgod
Posts: 429
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: online
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What an interesting thread. Some are content, some discontent. I think the general consensus is that most of us cope. Well - I totally cope. Totally. But, I think for me how difficult or easy it is to cope with being single ebbs and flows - kind of like the tide. Sometimes - like today - it is wonderful. The tide is in, I am in the water - laughing and enjoying the spray of the ocean. I am happy, I'm about to start a new job that I probably wouldn't be able to have if I had to worry about a family or little kids, and my future seems wide open and bright. I'm in a transitional phase right now as I'm starting to move into the things that I believe is the purpose for my life. I am trying to just work out relationships step by step - just forming healthy friendships - and growing in general. And I'm just so thankful to the Lord.
Other times, when the tide is out, the beach looks so lonely and desolate - scattered with shells and empty sand - it is difficult. I look at my empty apartment, my silent phone, listen to messages from telemarketers on my phone instead of a boyfriend - a husband or children. Married people try to tell me that I'm obsessed with being single - maybe I am - but I don't think so - because the pain is so great - like a person who is suffering from great physical pain. I feel sad then, when I see families walking together or boyfriends and girlfriends - some half my age - holding hands and walking together. I am in a fellowship that started out with a good group of singles - within months all of the the singles left (except me, a girl, and two guys) and the other girl and one the guys are getting ready to be married. Everyone else is already married so suddenly I am out of place.
I try to take it one day at a time. If I am down, I just accept that - I trust Jesus with it - and I try not to let it last for too long. I enjoy the times when I am up. I've taken action with online dating and met a few people. I even had a brief little romance - my first and I'm sure that it won't be my last. But I also saw that there were a lot of things that I want to have settled in my life prior to marriage. So it was wonderful to have had those experiences and to have met those people.
Right now, I'm at a point where the Lord has spoken to my heart about just believing what he's already spoken to me concerning marriage. I will definitely be married one day and both of us will be ready - it will be right. I have always been one who has doubted God, hedged my bets to avoid heartache and pain. I know all about that - and wouldn't dare chastise anyone for feeling hopeless about the situation. I've been there so often. But the word of the Lord to me in this season, is the way that I am supposed to cope is by standing firm and believing, despite what I see. And because I want to be married, because I want to please God, I choose to believe God.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 8:18:58 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 7636
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: online
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^^^^Stars please. Succinct and very insightful.
_____________________________
I'm Greek
I'm ancient
Therefore you should revere my Wisdom!
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 9:06:13 PM
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totalfaith
Posts: 111
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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Well, I looked up the definition, because when I think of coping it sounds negative to me, but here's one of them:
to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, esp. successfully or in a calm or adequate manner:
I posted in the other thread about 50 being a death sentence, but I'm 41 now, so I have a little time. I do cope based on this definition, but with the added support of our Lord Jesus Christ. So, coping is something we do everyday with many things we don't have control of. Coping of course can also be self destructive depending on how you deal with things, which is how I initially thought of this and how I've dealt with things in the past.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 9:16:33 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 894
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: online
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Since the term "coping with singleness" started with me, when I mentioned it, I really didn't have any negative connotation to it. Perhaps my understanding of the English language is somewhat shallow.
As I mentioned previously, it probably wouldn't receive such negative response if I used the word "adapting". It's a more sophisticated word which doesn't have much stigma attached to it. I'd still prefer the term coping because it's an honest reflection of what I feel from time to time.
_____________________________
___________________________________
<-----------------------
My lovely daughter and me
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 9:37:59 PM
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YvetteS
Posts: 6
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline
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"[I]...wonder if God has seperated me from the marryable people of the world and plastered some sign on me that only the single women can see that warns them off. "
I believe this is the enemy harrasing you two (guy who posted this and the woman who felt the same way).
It may be true that God has not chosen a spouse for you yet. You may be called to lifelong singleness or God may have a spouse for you later in life.
But fretting over whether God is up there planning and scheming to keep all the men or women away from you is not healthy for your spiritual growth. It can only make you think of God as miserly and mean.
I DO think that people who have a strong desire/need for marriage or friendship can sometimes come across as "needy" without meaning to. This can scare people off.
But the key is not to just "act less needy" while your heart is overwhelmed with longing. Your behavior is influenced by the state of your heart.
I wish I could say something to you that would make your intense longings just go away, or would help you get married quickly.
But all I can tell you is to keep giving your need to God, to praise Him for His blessings in your life even when you don't feel like it. He does love you. He is NOT holding out on you because He has not yet given you a spouse, even if it feels like it. He wants to give you "a hope and a future."
If God wants you to be single, He is the only One who can make you content with singleness, and give you the qualities necessary for serving Him as a single person. The same is true for marriage. You can not just "fix yourself" and get married. Only [b]God can make you who you should be right now -and pair you off with who you should be with.
The solution is not to look to yourself and keep wondering where you went wrong -or where society went wrong. The Key is to ask and keep asking God to fill you with Himself.
Constantly tell yourself, I believe God's Promises to me, I believe he has plans for me, Today, I accept His offer of salvation, I place myself in His hands, and I KNOW in spite of my longings and my doubts, God will make my life exactly what He wants it to be - and nothing, not even my life-long inability to find a partner, will stand in His way.
Romans 8:38-39 Says:
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
For each of us, Satan inserts into this text But not my problem with.....xyz. That is a problem too big for God's Love
With you two, it is marriage. For me, it is another big issue. Even though I don't pretend to understand your suffering, I know how hard it is to believe God's Promises in spite of your feelings.
I will pray for God to give you both joy and peace.
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RE: "Coping" with Singleness? - 7/16/2008 10:56:24 PM
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thedivabrat
Posts: 277
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: North and South
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: utilityfielder
Singles can be divided into two groups. One are those who have been in relationships and are not in one now. Those are the ones who have known the joys and sorrows of both sides of the street.
The other group are those who have never been in a relationship. All they know is the one side. The other side of the street, the one they have never walked, looks like the promised land to them.
How true--
_____________________________
This is the day the Lord has made; let us be glad and rejoice in it. Ps 118:24
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