quote:

ORIGINAL: swrundeep

There is a key aspect of life most people do not understand because 99% of people are not effected by it. That is not having other people or relationships in life. I am not in any hurry or desparate to be married, although I desire it. What I am interested in is forming relationships. I am not asking to be analyzed here, so save your advice. I am merely pointing out something most people are not aware of. The typical single person, even in middle age, has a bunch of relationships so their needs are met. It may be their parents, siblings, children if they are divorced, other relatives or some friends. All of these validate who that person is, even if it is their sister calling to ask you to move some furniture. Contact and communication from others close to you, affirm, validate and nourish who you are. For these people there is no sense or urgency to rush into forming new friendships or relationships because their needs are being met at some level. It is like being inside a cabin next to the fireplace on a bitter winter day - no impetus to move. Other people such as me, who have no family, and friends all have their lives - are like a person outside that cabin in the cold. We the minority, have a definite sense of urgency to move things along when we meet someone - to form friendships.
As I said, being married is not a big priority and I could live without being married. What I do want is to form genuine real relationships but the problem is nearly everyone else has no time or desire. It is like they have an invisible force field that says "I have enough friends and people in my life"
Case in point, just this past week on another Christian dating website, I was contacted by a local woman. She seemed real genuine, decent and of interest. We message back and forth and then spoke by phone for nearly an hour. We both agreed we should meet for a short time to have an initial meeting just to say hi. We live less than 5 miles from each other. I am a flexible easy going accomodating guy. You would think it would be easy to arrange a 1/2 hour walk by the river. This woman could not find the time. Every single day was booked solid for her as if she had the schedule of the President. Finally she emails that "she is not ready for a relationship"
and wants to put things on hold.
This is what shakes my faith in the promises of Jesus. She has children, a big family and so forth. Metaphorically, she is sitting next to that cabin fire. (Just being blunt here) I had no desires of laying claim to her, did NOT appear needy, or desparate, kept the communications lite and amicable and so on. A simple thing like trying to meet a fellow believer to see if a frienship is even possible was even thwarted. It would be foolish to expect to meet someone and burden them down with your problems or expect them to commit to a lifetime relationship 45 seconds after meeting. I do not do that. But when fate/life or whatever does not even orchestrate a simple meeting of someone to see if we could be friends, then I begin to question everything especially the bible verses that say Jesus will meet all your needs and has wonderful plans for you.
If faith, hope and love are the greatest things as said in the new testament with love being the most important - and I earnestly seek to find and share that - Then it seems incongruous, illogical, inconsistent with his word not to allow even a simple platonic friendship for one of his children (me) who is dying on the vine for it. Such a simple hope and expectation of mine for a basic friendship that is consistent with his word is not being fullfilled. It makes me skeptical if promises are valid. Is it any wonder why so many people turn to new-age thought?

quote:

Thank you Choir DJ, you are one of the only ones here that understands where I'm coming from here. And when you talk about "the woes of being single and wallow in it and the pity that goes with it," it is no good because it is grounds for Satan (And I'm sorry if it is offensive to some) to invade your thought life and other things which are not christ like...Last night I wanted to leave these fourms and the singles especially because of one post this brother posted that I felt in other words, I don't need your encouragment because what you said was judgemental. There were also a few other people who said that also. It makes me feel that I'm the enemy here and I'm not that at all. I'm not a stranger like this indivisual said, but a fellow sister in Christ who went through and still going through things too, but in a different mindset and not letting those conditions rule her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rivermoon

Hi Swrundeep,

I'm one of the minority as you described. I have been so desperate to find genuine friendship for a long time now, and I still do. I don't have any relatives, and most of my friends are at superficial level. You exactly said the point that it seems that majority just have too many friends, that they don't have any desire to make some new ones. Even this is not so, a lot of them are so contend with superficial friendship, just to get together for fun, eat and drink. If you happen to share with them something deeper, they will tend to put up their guard and then stay away since then. It's even sad that this scenario happens within my circle of Christian friends most of the time. Instead I do get more encouragement, and they won't back off (at least, change of facial expression in front of you), and they will still treat you with no difference (no attempt of avoiding you) next time I see them, from my non-Christian friends.

This is so sad as it's not supposed to that way, and it happens so often in church (the body of Christ). But not to give up, as I keep telling myself, I don't want to be cornered and be forced to say I give up. If I will ever say that, it'll mean I will completely give up on life. Life without hope is not life at all. I just keep myself being genuine, and act according to what Jesus wanted us to act, and just keep doing it, without any expectation. If anybody who doesn't treasure my genuineness, or have no desire to get know of me more, I'll move on. I'll refuse to let myself dwelling on this, as this is not a relationship I'm looking for. Even if I force it, it won't turn out what I want.
This world is so corrupted with selfishness and superficiality. But I believe God wants us to carry out His act. If we don't do it ourselves, how can we expect other brothers and sisters to do it. It's very difficult to feel not validated. Therefore I keep reminding myself, I do it not to let others to validate me, I do it just to please God, and be validated by Him. This is the belief which keeps me going, and refuse to stop and decide to give up. It's not easy. It's a conscious decision everyday. But please not to give up. We are part of God's plan, and He needs us to carry out His plan.

Hope what I said makes sense, and keep you encouraged too,
Do take care & God Bless,
Rivermoon. :-)

quote:

So, no . . . I not "coping" with being single.
It's simply an aspect of who I am.

And to go further, I enjoy being single.

quote:

ORIGINAL: swrundeep

There is a key aspect of life most people do not understand because 99% of people are not effected by it. That is not having other people or relationships in life. I am not in any hurry or desparate to be married, although I desire it. What I am interested in is forming relationships. I am not asking to be analyzed here, so save your advice. I am merely pointing out something most people are not aware of. The typical single person, even in middle age, has a bunch of relationships so their needs are met. It may be their parents, siblings, children if they are divorced, other relatives or some friends. All of these validate who that person is, even if it is their sister calling to ask you to move some furniture. Contact and communication from others close to you, affirm, validate and nourish who you are. For these people there is no sense or urgency to rush into forming new friendships or relationships because their needs are being met at some level. It is like being inside a cabin next to the fireplace on a bitter winter day - no impetus to move. Other people such as me, who have no family, and friends all have their lives - are like a person outside that cabin in the cold. We the minority, have a definite sense of urgency to move things along when we meet someone - to form friendships.
As I said, being married is not a big priority and I could live without being married. What I do want is to form genuine real relationships but the problem is nearly everyone else has no time or desire. It is like they have an invisible force field that says "I have enough friends and people in my life"
Case in point, just this past week on another Christian dating website, I was contacted by a local woman. She seemed real genuine, decent and of interest. We message back and forth and then spoke by phone for nearly an hour. We both agreed we should meet for a short time to have an initial meeting just to say hi. We live less than 5 miles from each other. I am a flexible easy going accomodating guy. You would think it would be easy to arrange a 1/2 hour walk by the river. This woman could not find the time. Every single day was booked solid for her as if she had the schedule of the President. Finally she emails that "she is not ready for a relationship"
and wants to put things on hold.
This is what shakes my faith in the promises of Jesus. She has children, a big family and so forth. Metaphorically, she is sitting next to that cabin fire. (Just being blunt here) I had no desires of laying claim to her, did NOT appear needy, or desparate, kept the communications lite and amicable and so on. A simple thing like trying to meet a fellow believer to see if a frienship is even possible was even thwarted. It would be foolish to expect to meet someone and burden them down with your problems or expect them to commit to a lifetime relationship 45 seconds after meeting. I do not do that. But when fate/life or whatever does not even orchestrate a simple meeting of someone to see if we could be friends, then I begin to question everything especially the bible verses that say Jesus will meet all your needs and has wonderful plans for you.
If faith, hope and love are the greatest things as said in the new testament with love being the most important - and I earnestly seek to find and share that - Then it seems incongruous, illogical, inconsistent with his word not to allow even a simple platonic friendship for one of his children (me) who is dying on the vine for it. Such a simple hope and expectation of mine for a basic friendship that is consistent with his word is not being fullfilled. It makes me skeptical if promises are valid. Is it any wonder why so many people turn to new-age thought?