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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/15/2008 6:57:14 PM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 135
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
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I am "interracial"...latina, native american and caucasian. I am married to a caucasian/native american...my best friends are african american...
I don't understand what the problem would be...under the exterior differences, we are all alike.
ndy
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Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/15/2008 8:01:37 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 463
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From: So Cal
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quote:
I'm just wondering here what the reaction would be if it was a white person saying this.
Excellent point manda59...I had a white roommate that made a similar point back when we were in college. We we talking about the African American groups/clubs that had formed on campus, reverse discrimination and such. He asked what would be the likely response if the White students got together and decided to start their own club? At one point in my career when I was a social worker, I was solicited to join the NASW (National Association of Black Social Workers). To this day, I have never joined any such group because I am certain their would be an outcry among the Black community if someone decided to start a NACW.
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"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/15/2008 10:01:40 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 463
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From: So Cal
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landabee...could you please give me some clarification on what it was about my post appeared to contribute to a bottomless pit of animosity? I think my post actually speaks out against it if anything.
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"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/15/2008 10:08:40 PM
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lexie
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From: Toronto
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My husband comes from a beautiful culture where it is rare to find someone who is only one race. Even if it is generations back, most can claim a mixed heritage. I love the country's motto - out of many, one.
We like to think of our family as that. Neither of us has lost our race, our family is a unique blend of cultures. My husband is black with white and native mixed in at his great-grandparents. I am white (Dutch and Canadian).
We always find it interesting when people talk about someone of another race being too different for a relationship to happen. Dh and I both had never met anyone as similar as we are for each other.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/15/2008 11:43:10 PM
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rgod
Posts: 436
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Lexie, I agree with you. In a way, the assignment of race is a bit ... schizophrenic (I'll explain more later in the post) - having less to do with culture than with physical appearance. Yet for some people it is more real that Christ, more real that God's word. I self-identify as a Christian first, woman second, and black american next - and I am fine with who I am. In my house, I was basically raised as a west-indian and also as a black american. So, some african-american cultural things come to me second hand - but I embrace and love both cultures very much.
I find that I tend to have more in common with people who have a middle class upbringing, regardless of race - because there is a sameness to middle class culture (At least in the USA). I don't have any problems with dating someone who is not black, west indian, american, or middle class. I personally feel for myself that it would be limiting to me to exclude people. But, even though I've definitely experienced discrimination, I've also had a lot of positive experiences with people of different cultural backgrounds - so it isn't really that big a deal for me. I think if someone has had a lot of negative experiences, it might be a lot harder for them - and I can understand that and have compassion. It also helps that I find a lot of different looking men to be attractive - I can't say that I necessarily have a type - I just know what I like. So, I wouldn't have a problem with being in an interracial marriage.
Pman- I would have to say that interracial marriages are definitely not wrong. I know that people have provided scripture on that. But another reason that they aren't wrong is just a very practical consideration. Sometimes your racial identification changes depending on where you are in the world. I have an Arab friend who is considered white in her country. She sees herself as white. Well, the first time she referred to herself as white during a presentation in the U.S. you could have heard a pin drop. No one in the class considered her white and in fact some had treated her really poorly because she is Arab (and for other reasons that related to her personality). Yet, because she is also from Africa, she is treated in the country lives in (in the middle east) as an African in some ways, but white in other ways. It is a very complicated situation. For myself I have been considered "colored" in South Africa because of the texture of my hair when it is natural. I'm very dark skinned, so this was quite a shock to me. But colored there isn't quite the same as bi-racial here. It all felt very schizophrenic to me to go from town to town and to be treated differently based on the way I wore my hair and whether I spoke (and they heard my American accent). And of course, if I'm with my family in the United States (everyone has an accent except for me, my sister, and my dad), there are people who don't really consider me to be a real American because of the accents - although I've been here for most of my life. I have a good friend who is considered black, but because she has an accent and speaks spanish fluently, sometimes gets moved over to the hispanic category (which is ethnicity and not race - but we treat it like race which is why I mention it). So in my experience, this race thing moves around quite a bit depending on where you are in the world and even the time in which you live. The reason is because it truly is a social construction - real in a sense, but artificial in another sense - and we use it to make a lot of decisions about a person's character, worth, personality, motives -- and worse, we divide over it.
But in reality, the only real divisions in God's eyes are saved and unsaved. Even male and female are together in Christ (though we are still our distinct genders). So the only thing that God asks that we do is marry a saved person of the opposite sex. In actuality racism is one of the major largely unrepented of sin in the American church. And believe me, the rest of the world sees this and takes note. But we aren't the only country to sin in this way. It is the elephant in the room that very few seriously address. We notice it sometimes and guilt/shame drives us to address it every once in a while - but we still sit in the room with it and tolerate it because it has always been there.
< Message edited by rgod -- 7/16/2008 10:17:33 AM >
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/16/2008 2:01:10 AM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1470
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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P Man, why you want to ask this question? I think if God does not care who you marry, why do you care? Do you have a problem with interracial relationships, especially among Christians? If you do, I hope you and others here who have a problem search your heart and repent of indifference toward others.
Stuff like this divides the body of christ further because of people's indifference, not only in interracial dating (race should not be a problem, period--) but relationships within the body.
That is my two cents here and I'm out because conversations like this are fruitless and does a disservice to the body of Christ.
< Message edited by gaylel1 -- 7/16/2008 2:07:14 AM >
_____________________________
In Loving memory...
Christopher "Topher" Laurie
Called home to glory on July 24, 2008
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/16/2008 4:13:47 AM
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Kyrillos
Posts: 23
Joined: 7/15/2008
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Interracial dating is absolutely not a problem with me. My grandmother comes from Mexico, but I'm pretty white thanks to my mom's side of the family (from Germany and Greendland, apparently). I grew up with both cultures (the latino and caucasian) and languages, so when I dated a Mexican woman a few years ago my grandmother was overjoyed, and the rest of my family who don't identify so much with the culture since they don't speak the language were mostly just confused as to how I could date someone whose parents couldn't communicate with my parents. Hmm. Never really thought about it, since when you grow up with two languages you're always translating anyway.
Anyway, it'd be very hypocritical of me to turn around and say that I'd only date white women, and honestly...I feel like I'd be missing something. Language and culture are very important to me, so anyone who could not at least honestly attempt to relate to that part of my identity just won't work for me. I guess I sort of agree with Preserved in that way, though I don't attach this idea to any one race, since everyone regardless of where they come from can learn to appreciate any culture. Basically, I would date anyone who knows what it means to respect the people around them, both in their differences and their similarities.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/16/2008 7:22:43 AM
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landabee
Posts: 3176
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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quote:
Landabee - I would have to say that interracial marriages are definitely not wrong. I know that people have provided scripture on that. But another reason that they aren't wrong is just a very practical consideration. Sometimes your racial identification changes depending on where you are in the world. I have an Arab friend who is considered white in her country. She sees herself as white. Well, the first time she referred to herself as white during a presentation in the U.S. you could have heard a pin drop. No one in the class considered her white and in fact some had treated her really poorly because she is Arab (and for other reasons that related to her personality). Yet, because she is also from Africa, she is treated in the country lives in (in the middle east) as an African in some ways, but white in other ways. It is a very complicated situation. For myself I have been considered "colored" in South Africa because of the texture of my hair when it is natural. I'm very dark skinned, so this was quite a shock to me. But colored there isn't quite the same as bi-racial here. It all felt very schizophrenic to me to go from town to town and to be treated differently based on the way I wore my hair and whether I spoke (and they heard my American accent). And of course, if I'm with my family in the United States (everyone has an accent except for me, my sister, and my dad), there are people who don't really consider me to be a real American because of the accents - although I've been here for most of my life. I have a good friend who is considered black, but because she has an accent and speaks spanish fluently, sometimes gets moved over to the hispanic category (which is ethnicity and not race - but we treat it like race which is why I mention it). So in my experience, this race thing moves around quite a bit depending on where you are in the world and even the time in which you live. The reason is because it truly is a social construction - real in a sense, but artificial in another sense - and we use it to make a lot of decisions about a person's character, worth, personality, motives -- and worse, we divide over it.
I'm unsure if you understood that I agree with your point of view. 
_____________________________
"God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts."~Unknown
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it. " ~ CourdeLeon
Love On A Plate
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/16/2008 9:22:41 AM
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WesP
Posts: 2254
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: Where God needs me to be
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
P Man, why you want to ask this question? I think if God does not care who you marry, why do you care? Do you have a problem with interracial relationships, especially among Christians? If you do, I hope you and others here who have a problem search your heart and repent of indifference toward others.
Stuff like this divides the body of christ further because of people's indifference, not only in interracial dating (race should not be a problem, period--) but relationships within the body.
That is my two cents here and I'm out because conversations like this are fruitless and does a disservice to the body of Christ.
How is this thread different from when you start a post about race? JC. 
At any rate, I do not buy into the whole race concept either. The level of pigment, differences in structure, etc. are derived from geographic location. The only prohibitive influences from my perspective are religious belief and cultural practices. Truthfully, those 2 things are inevitably intertwined and inseparable.
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Peace,
Wes
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<--- BTW, this is the true function of corn! It is to help the oil industry and its functionaries, not detract from them! 
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/16/2008 10:16:18 AM
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rgod
Posts: 436
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
I'm unsure if you understood that I agree with your point of view.
Sorry Landabee - I was catching up on my forum reading (I was reading a lot of them last night) and somehow thought that you started the thread. It was actually Pman. So I meant to address the remarks to him. I'll edit it in my original statement. Yes, we are in agreement!
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/16/2008 12:35:55 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 596
Joined: 7/13/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pman.
How do you feel about interracial relationships...being honest (lol)...
Would you date someone outside your race?
Would you marry someone outside your race?
If not, why?
I have dated outside my race but I married someone of the same race. I don't see any problem with dating/marrying someone outside your race except that you'll face more outside problems (because of others prejudices) than a couple of the same race. If you date/marry outside your culture you will likely not only encounter prejudices but will also have to deal with many cultural differences as well. The latter isn't a bad thing but can be difficult.
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/16/2008 8:56:35 PM
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lexie
Posts: 2955
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:
The only reason I probably wouldn't date a person out of my race is if that person's family is very prejudiced against my ethnicity because you do "marry" that person's family when you marry that person.
I did this. Believe me, it's not fun. Some very hurtful things have been said to me and about me.
But, my husband and I made up our minds very early on that we love each other and we won't let anyone have a say in our marriage. Yes it strained my husband's relationship with his mother and his sisters. But why were we going to let someone elses prejudices dictate our relationship.
As I always say, at the end of the day I climb into bed with my husband. Not my mother in law, not my sisters in law, no one else but my husband. He is the only one who matters to me.
(Two years later, things are much better between my MIL and I. My relationship with my SIL's will never be perfect but I was never looking for that. I always said, I already have a sister so I don't need more and I already have friends so I don't need more. As long as we can be civil in each other's presence is enough for me.)
_____________________________
Are you ready should our Saviour call today?
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/16/2008 9:16:23 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 10921
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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I married a Dutch man (son of two Dutch immigrants) and now attend a Dutch (mostly) church, and I am living in an area with a lot of Dutch people. Being totally non-Dutch myself, I am finding myself getting sucked into an ever-growing vortex of Dutchiness! AAHHHHHHHH!!!
We went to Buffalo, NY yesterday and spent a few hours with my half Polish, half Italian aunt, her son, and my (Polish) grandmother. I felt like my world was becoming centered again. Ahhh. 
Oh, were we talking about marrying ethnic groups that are MORE diverse? This is diverse, too, ya know, even though Kevin and I don't look totally different. 
Okay, I'll play nice.
Yes, if I were still single, I'd date (and, if God led to it, marry) outside my White appearance.
I have no problems with it in others as long as they share the same faith and attitudes about the major issues (children, money, etc. - ya know, the stuff every couple should agree on when they marry).
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Tricia
"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department generally uses water." ~Unknown
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/17/2008 12:32:52 AM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1470
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: online
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I'm African American by birth, but what matters is that I'm a Christian who is saved by grace. Color lines should not matter in a relationship, but Christians too make an issue out of color which it should not be the case. Look at some of the attitudes of some on this fourm who say that it is better to get along with your own kind, which I feel that is utterly ridiculous because the reason why people make these statements is because they are not free of their bad experiences with other people who are not of the same race. And in order to be healed, one should forgive that person and move on, not harbor hate against people.
I'm not trying to step on toes or not hate on anyone, however, these comments makes us feel who married someone out of our race that we are the "bad guys".
I was one of those people who married out of my "race". His mother in law did not accept our relationship because of me being a different race, but through time and all through his graduation to heaven, the mother accepted me as her daugher in law. And I believe that God had a hand in this because he can open people's eyes and make people know that people are loved in spite of their racial make up. He also loved me for who I was, not because I was black or me accepted me because he was Italian, but he loved me as a Christian sister in Christ.
And yes, I would do it again, and I don't care what people think because it is between them and their God.
Sure, people may say that interraical relationships will have problems, but also those who have same race relationships have greater problems, even a high incidence of divorce.
But these types of attitudes against it is part of a deep seeded problem and that is racism within the body of Christ, which this topic belongs in the racial issues folder here on this website. That is another topic for another time.
Oh, and btw, Nicole C. Mullen, the christian singer, Tiger Woods, and many other entertainers and pastors and ministers have successful marriages because they turned back and did not care what negative people said.
_____________________________
In Loving memory...
Christopher "Topher" Laurie
Called home to glory on July 24, 2008
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RE: Interracial Relationships - 7/17/2008 12:55:28 AM
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rgod
Posts: 436
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: online
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Gayle, thanks for sharing your experiences about your marriage. You've alluded to it many times, but I never heard quite as much about the story as I did in this post. I hope that you have a blessed evening.
rgod
< Message edited by rgod -- 7/17/2008 1:04:47 AM >
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