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RE: Lack of good friends - 9/23/2009 10:39:05 AM
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tylakeland
Posts: 19
Joined: 11/14/2008
Status: offline
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Im almost 30 and have had this problem. I remember being so lonely and getting to the point that I prayed for a friend. I had a very good buddy, but he moved out of the country and all my other male bonds were based on sports and supperficial things that didnt matter.
Almost as soon as I prayed, God shed some light on something. He said open your eyes, ears and heart. I was walking through life so lonely and worried about my own problems and issues that i didnt really care to hear others issues and concearns. At the time I was in a touring band and there were about 6 guys and 4 girls. The "new" guy was a couple of years younger than me and I really never spoke to him because I thought he was stupid. One day we were having lunch as a group and I mentioned that I was satrting to jog again.
You can see where this is going...he mentioned that he wanted to lose some weight and get fit. I gave him one of those "well...if you want you can meet me at 9 pm thats when I go." I didnt really think he would show up, but he did. And we started jogging 3 to 4 times a week, after the span of about 4 months. We had gotten close and one day I had an incident on a tour with another group. I was low and had no one to talk too, I ended up telling Him, He was a blessing and encouraged me in the Lord.
Since then, we've been good friends. We're different races ages and in different states now, but we talk every week. And pray for each other. God also sent me two other poeple who are totally out of my financial, racial and any other area that we can think of. But I will have these friends for a while. We HAVE faught, their are times where we cant discuss certain things, but after a while things cool off. We have made coventant with each other to stay brothers no matter what. Sometimes that means not having to SAY anything and letting the other person grow.
The point is...GOd wants men to have unity. We're married, but we also need MEN in our lives. Some things, women dont understand and and cant do, but a good friend sticks closer than a brother. Gentlemen, lets pray for friends, lets expand our ideas of what friend is. Its tough to be alone. I am shy like some of you, but everyone loves a person that is caring and willing to listen. If you are open to the Spirit guiding you into a bond with another man, He will lead you, and you will be blessed for it.
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RE: Lack of good friends - 9/30/2009 7:43:14 AM
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shoe
Posts: 16
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline
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Recently, I have found that God works in his own time - amazing discovery I know - and He'll fill that spot with someone. I have been searching for that same friendship as most men and until the past few weeks have I was about to give up. But a few days ago that lack of friendship has started to be filled, and from the most un-obvious places. Now I am curious how these new or rekindled friendships will turn out.
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RE: Lack of good friends - 9/30/2009 9:44:09 AM
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tylakeland
Posts: 19
Joined: 11/14/2008
Status: offline
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Exactly...His own time...Im glad to see that God is rewarding your patience.
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RE: Lack of good friends - 10/4/2009 3:11:17 AM
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perikles
Posts: 3
Joined: 7/27/2009
Status: offline
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To tylakeland, I'm glad you've found a close friend and other friends. I also found mine, and I posted my story back in July. My friendship really grew these past few months, and now we're best buddies. He's like a brother I've never had and finding him at this stage in my life (i.e. midlife) is truly a blessing!
I smiled when you mentioned about what you originally thought of your friend. True, first impressions cannot be trusted. One has to open eyes, ears, heart for that special friend that God will send. For my friend, when we first volunteered together at my son's PE class, he told me he was there at my son's birthday party months back. For the life of me I could not remember him. I just made an excuse that there were just too many people during the party. A few weeks ago, I was looking through old video footage of my son's birthday party, and found him right there smack in the center of my camera view. and he didn't even register with me at that time. He was so "generic".
But those times we would volunteer together, and just talk was the key. I remember he would tell me about his bad traits, and I realized now that he felt I was someone who would not judge him. And no one tells you negative aspects of themselves unless they think highly of you and felt you're someone to be trusted. When I had my "life" meltdown, he was the one I talked to, as I felt that I can trust him too. In a way, I showed him also my vulnerability.
Once you find that true friend, the next step is to continue to nurture the friendship. For us, it's easy since we practically see each other every day after we drop off our kids in the same school, and also during once a week volunteering. We look for each other and make it a point to chat. It's like being in high school where I had a best friend that I always hang around with. And on some weekends when we're babysitting our kids and our wives are at work, I try to find ways we go out together taking the kids to some fun place. We also email each other, sharing music, movie opinions, important news that might affect each other's family. We look out for each other.
At work, I've also made a friend, my coffee buddy, who I also have some great honest conversations. If with my primary friend I have so many similarities in terms of personality, life choices, this secondary friend is quite the opposite. But I like talking to him, intrigued at the differences. He freely expresses his inner thoughts and also shares about his family life. He recently became a father. It's nice that the new male persona is someone who is comfortable expressing himself. It's no longer that stoic-type where such sensitive feelings are not to be shared as it is not "manly" enough...
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