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RE: "Controlled Crying"

 
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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/8/2009 5:32:38 PM   
nicole6598

 

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Oh I had that problem with Grace and her dummy. My kids never had bottles in their bed, but I did give her a cup of water to take instead of the dummy and she liked that. Then she was old enough to reason with in taking the cup of water :P
I don't have any advice, but I hope you can work it out. I think with anything persistance will be the key

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Post #: 226
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/8/2009 5:51:29 PM   
manda59


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
Fast forward to this weekend when, deciding I couldn't take the guilt of it anymore , I substituted his bottle of formula with a bottle of water. NO GO. He throws the bottle from the crib and cries terribly - it's like starting all over again lol! So, today I am forming a battle plan for the rest of the week. Honestly I know it will only take a night or two, but I'm dreading it and being a big baby myself.



You can either make him go "cold turkey" with either a bottle of water or nothing, or you could try gradually reducing the amount. How much is/was he having in the bottle?

What's his bedtime routine like? Another way of doing this would be to change his bedtime routine completely so that his last bottle is a lot earlier, and then having a cuddle/pray/story instead before putting him to bed, still wide awake, with a selection of books and toys to amuse him in his bed.

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/8/2009 9:13:36 PM   
mamajennleigh


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I think a bottle of water is the approach I'm going to use as it seems to be ok with him sometimes. The thing is, he isn't really on a feeding routine of any kind anymore now that he's a year old. He really just takes the bottle throughout the day as he's not really eating all of a sudden and for comfort. He comes to the kitchen and points up at the bottle station I have set up and cries or squeals until we give him the bottle! I've really made a mess of it, but when I spent the first 5 months of his life getting no sleep and nothing done, I thought I was in heaven when he was sleeping in his crib all night and a couple of 2 hour naps, bottle and all!

There are a few things bothering me right now and not sure how to go about rectifying my mistakes:

1. He takes a bottle to bed with him.
2. He refuses to eat very much solid food so he ends up with probably 6 or more 6 oz. bottles per day.
3. He won't sit still to drink the bottle, so he walks around with it and "snacks" on it (this worries me from a dental standpoint more than him taking the bottles to bed with him).
4. He seems very aggressive and hits and screams a lot. Very strong-willed. This is sort of why all of the above has been tolerated. I'm not very proud of that, but there it is.

I know, I know, not good excuses, and really I'm not trying to make any, I'm just giving you the honest reasons I even started putting him to bed with a bottle in the first place. Now it's just killing me seeing as he now has 8 teeth and a new molar coming in, and I don't want to rot his teeth. Plus, we have set up habits that are bound to cause us a lot of grief in the near future if we don't grab hold of them now.

Manda, to answer your questions, he takes a few ounces (usually 4) to bed with him. He rarely finishes it. I go in about an hour later and retrieve it from the crib, with usually half still in it. Sometimes, if he didn't eat well at dinner (which is a lot lately), he will drink it all and then throw it from the crib, like it's bothering him to be in with him His bedtime routine is basically this: eat dinner, bath (he isn't always getting one, though, sometimes it's just pajamas), brush teeth, brush hair, hugs and kisses, straight to bed. He's a crab throughout the bath process - all of a sudden he hates it, and then cries while I'm getting him dressed until I lay him down. I think he needs to be going to bed earlier, but I'm not sure. He usually ends up in bed at around 7:45-8pm. It is really difficult for me to do this routine any earlier due to dinner and showers for the other 3 boys. Summer is here, though, so I am going to work on trying to get him to bed earlier.

Any ideas?

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Post #: 228
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/8/2009 9:34:42 PM   
manda59


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
He really just takes the bottle throughout the day as he's not really eating all of a sudden and for comfort.

Whilst his appetite could be down because of his teething, you really don't have to compensate by giving him a bottle, and certainly not whenever he wants. And in any case, if he can have milk as and when he wants his appetite isn't really likely to pick up anyway as the milk will be taking the edge off his appetite.

At a year old he really should be having a feeding routine - ie eating meals when you say so, perhaps with a small snack in between. If he is thirsty in the day between meals, he should have water or very diluted juice, not milk.

And it's also important to get him onto a cup for his daytime drinks asap. Have you tried him on a sippy cup yet?

I'd suggest you get rid of the bottle station. Move it out of sight or get rid of it completely. His bottles don't need sterilising now anyway, they only need a good thorough wash.

Does the bottle system you use make "sippy cup" style teats that fit the bottle?

quote:


His bedtime routine is basically this: eat dinner, bath (he isn't always getting one, though, sometimes it's just pajamas), brush teeth, brush hair, hugs and kisses, straight to bed. He's a crab throughout the bath process - all of a sudden he hates it, and then cries while I'm getting him dressed until I lay him down. I think he needs to be going to bed earlier, but I'm not sure. He usually ends up in bed at around 7:45-8pm. It is really difficult for me to do this routine any earlier due to dinner and showers for the other 3 boys. Summer is here, though, so I am going to work on trying to get him to bed earlier.

Any reason why you think it should be earlier? My ds at that age was going to bed later than that.
What time does he wake up in the morning?

What you might want to do is make his bedtime routine longer - throw a story, cuddle, talk and prayer in there perhaps. So that he's more relaxed by the time he actually goes to bed.

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Post #: 229
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 9:55:39 AM   
mamajennleigh


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In anticipation of your questions, Manda, I made some observations:

He is usually up at 6:30am - ugh! He gets up and cries for his bottle, which we give him. He lays in my husband's lap (or mine) and nurses the bottle for about 5 minutes or so, then he's up and wanting to play, meanwhile toting the bottle around and taking sips here and there. If we allowed him to, this would go on for an hour or more. I tried to encourage him to take the bottle and finish it by putting him on my lap and giving him the bottle and then taking it whenever he got down from my lap. He was not happy about this. In fact, he is generally a very crabby baby in the mornings.

I try to feed him breakfast at 8am, and again this morning he would not eat. I give him a sippy cup with his meals, and he will usually sip a bit and then play with it by manipulating the end until he "paints" his high chair with the contents of the cup, which at this point is regular milk.

He goes down for his nap at around 10am and takes a bottle with him. He rarely finishes it; in fact, I'm pretty sure he's just using it to get to sleep. He drinks about 4 oz or so. He sleeps for about 2 hours.

I try to feed him lunch at around 12 or 1pm, and sometimes he will eat, mostly he will not as of the last two weeks. Once he gets down, he goes to the bottle station (and by bottle station, I simply mean an area where all the clean bottles and nipples are kept on the counter) and wants a bottle. If I give him one, he will again "snack" on it until he gets bored with it.

I try to put him down for a nap in the afternoon, say around 2pm and sometimes he will take one, mostly he will not. He really would like to take a nap around 4 or 4:30, but I'm afraid when he gets up at 6 or 6:30 that he won't go to bed until late. . . which actually might not be a bad thing now that I think about it.

That's all I've got for now. If I think of anything else I will let you know. I know he's tired right now, so I'm going to try to put him to bed with water and see if he'll take a nap.

Any suggestions are welcome!

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Post #: 230
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 10:22:56 AM   
manda59


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Jenn

At the moment it seems that your baby boy is in charge of his bottles - he's in charge of when he has one and what he does with it, and I think this is the source of the problem, because he can't cope with the responsibility and it's encouraging him to be demanding.
quote:

ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
He is usually up at 6:30am - ugh! He gets up and cries for his bottle, which we give him. He lays in my husband's lap (or mine) and nurses the bottle for about 5 minutes or so, then he's up and wanting to play, meanwhile toting the bottle around and taking sips here and there.

How much milk does he have in this bottle? I'd suggest you take the bottle away from him the minute he gets down (and don't give it back, whatever). If he's not happy about it, let him not be happy about it.
quote:


I try to feed him breakfast at 8am, and again this morning he would not eat.

If he's only had a bottle at 6.30am, I'm not surprised he's not hungry at 8am. If his breakfast *has* to be at 8, then I suggest you give him a lot less milk at 6.30am.

What do you (try to) give him for breakfast?
quote:


I give him a sippy cup with his meals, and he will usually sip a bit and then play with it by manipulating the end until he "paints" his high chair with the contents of the cup, which at this point is regular milk.

I'd suggest you change his sippy cup drink for mealtimes to be either water or very watered down juice. And strictly no bottle afterwards, come what may.
quote:


He goes down for his nap at around 10am and takes a bottle with him.

Halve this bottle to 2oz and then start to very slowly water it down. I'd suggest you give it to him before his nap and don't let him have the bottle in bed with him.

Alternatively, is it possible that you could go out with him in the morning instead of this bottle/nap habit? Out in the car or out for a walk? That way you might find he goes down easier after lunch.
quote:


I try to feed him lunch at around 12 or 1pm, and sometimes he will eat, mostly he will not as of the last two weeks.

Again, I am not surprised if he has had milk at both 6.30am and 10am. If he's getting his calories from his milk, he's less likely to be hungry for food.

What do you offer him for lunch?
quote:


Once he gets down, he goes to the bottle station (and by bottle station, I simply mean an area where all the clean bottles and nipples are kept on the counter) and wants a bottle. If I give him one, he will again "snack" on it until he gets bored with it.

I honestly think that the bottles after meals etc need to go. He's got in the habit of going there and demanding, and I think maybe he needs to see that the bottles are "gone". It will likely involve some tears and tantrumming, but somehow this habit needs to be broken, and you and your dh need to be back in control.

IMO aiming to cut the bottles back to 2 a day, first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and none at all through the day, would be an initial good goal. From there, you can gradually phase out the bedtime one too. With both my two, the morning bottle was the last to go.

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Post #: 231
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 11:38:52 AM   
peculiar_lady2

 

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just a small note...it sounds like he is old enough to put his bottle away when he gets down from your lap. When he tries to get down, just tell him "If you are going to get down then we have to go put your bottle in the sink"...then carry him to the sink and have him drop it in there. Then put him down to tottle away. It may take a bit of persuasion at times, but it would get it out of his hands and out of your hands (thus you wouldn't be swayed to give it to him again while he is walking around)

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Post #: 232
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 12:01:38 PM   
mamajennleigh


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You are both right, of course. I have been letting him get away with this bottle insanity because I was afraid he wouldn't get enough nutrients otherwise, but honestly, he is fully capable of eating all of his meals without having to have a bottle at all. I've just been holding off taking the bottle because he is just such a stubborn child. Very willful and demanding.

I gave him a few ounces of water and put him to bed after my last post. He was ok at first, but then threw the bottle out of his crib and screamed for almost 45 minutes off and on. I went in to make sure he hadn't gotten his leg stuck in the slats of the crib (he has had some issues with this in the past few weeks) and he had a dirty diaper. I changed him without making a fuss, gave him the bottle and put him back to bed, where he screamed another 10 minutes and the fell asleep. He's been quiet since, and I suspect he'll get up shortly and be hungry enough to eat lunch, since he hasn't had a bottle since 6:30am and only ate a few bites of his scrambled egg at breakfast.

Manda, as far as his menu goes, he gets a scrambled egg with a half slice of buttered toast or whole wheat english muffin (or regular oatmeal with milk and a touch of butter and sugar) for breakfast. Lunch is usually leftovers from dinner the night before, so it really varies depending on what we had and whether or not he would actually eat it. If no leftovers, then I usually give him macaroni and cheese with a vegetable or something similar.

I am going to follow the two bottles a day advice. It really is time to begin weaning him off the bottle altogether, especially since he doesn't seem to really be having them because he's hungry. He's ready and we just need to buck up and do this the right way, and stop letting the 1-year old run the show.

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 12:13:48 PM   
Mrs.Wifey


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I would suggest that you start transitioning slowly. I would first stop giving him a bottle first thing in the morning, work on offering breakfast a little earlier around 7:00-7:30, if that works well then I would start doing the same thing for other meals as well as swapping the bottle for a sippy cup.

Gabby's last bottle to go was at night, since that seemed to be the one she was most attached to having, and because she ate a really good breakfast and I never felt she needed any extra nutrition at that time of the day.

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 12:24:47 PM   
manda59


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
I would suggest that you start transitioning slowly. I would first stop giving him a bottle first thing in the morning, work on offering breakfast a little earlier around 7:00-7:30, if that works well then I would start doing the same thing for other meals as well as swapping the bottle for a sippy cup.

Gabby's last bottle to go was at night, since that seemed to be the one she was most attached to having, and because she ate a really good breakfast and I never felt she needed any extra nutrition at that time of the day.


We've suggested totally different things, haven't we? LOL

Jenn will just have to read both our suggestions and see which suits her best!

I got rid of the lunchtime bottle first, then the teatime bottle, and then the bedtime bottle, leaving the breakfast bottle till last because both mine were ravenous (and thirsty) when they woke up in the morning and I was quite happy to leave actual breakfast till 9.00-9.30am. Jenn has said that her ds is crying for his bottle when he wakes up, so he may not be that pleased to not be given it (and she may find it hard to cope if he gets really upset about it that early on).

I think the main problem is that he is demanding bottles as well as meals. He's getting down from eating (or not eating) and demanding a bottle, so I personally think that any bottles he does have need to be as distanced from mealtimes as possible (hence keeping the morning and evening bottles in place).

I personally was especially keen for the bedtime bottle to go, as that meant reducing the possibility of nappy leaks at night.

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 12:43:53 PM   
peculiar_lady2

 

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I definitely would say change your routine...that seems to be the easiest way to transition babies (and yourself) out of bad habits and into good ones. Start a log of when he wants a bottle during the day. Log when he wants it and his attitude or any signs before hand that you start to see. Then just change what you offer him before those signs start to show up. If he isn't hungry at 7:30 when you offer breakfast, but then at 8:30 he wants a bottle, then try a time in between but before he hits that bottle time zone. I also love Manda's "go for a walk" advice...it really does work. You would get some (I am sure much needed) air and exercise, and baby would have only what you deem necessary until you get home...so you again can't give in in a moment of weakness.

btw...our now 2yo (3yo next month) was the HARDEST to get sleeping in his crib by himself for naps. He is still fighting this one. I have been trying to set up better habits since he was 18mo and I was pregnant with his little brother. Nothing I used on the three previous kids worked with #4 though. I just had to let him scream it out every few days...and scream he did!!! The first time it was a 3 hour scream fest (with me sitting at the computer in the same room, so he was safe). He can be SOOOOO stubborn!!!! Everything with him has been a hard thing to break. (BOY OH BOY, you would think he were the red head of the family, not his little brother...lol)

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 12:59:41 PM   
Mrs.Wifey


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Honestly, Gabby wasn't all that attached to her bottles. I think we switched her to sippy cups around 11-12 months, and then at 13 months Micah and I had a miscommunication(I said bottles only at night, he heard NO MORE bottles at night) and she was weaned, lol!

Now pacifiers(or bippers as we call them) will be a whole 'nother story But I'm in no rush...

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 1:13:19 PM   
4lilMonkies


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

Now pacifiers(or bippers as we call them) will be a whole 'nother story But I'm in no rush...


Oh wow, I hear ya on that one!! It was an easy transition to the sippy cup. In fact, Mary pretty much did it on her own. Now the paci, that will be quite different.

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Post #: 238
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 1:25:02 PM   
manda59


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I had no trouble at all with either of mine getting rid of their dummies (your pacifiers). Up to age 6 months they had them whenever they wanted; after 6 months they only had them for sleep times and when I got them up, out came the dummy and it was put on the chest of drawers at the side of the cot (crib). So after 6 months or so they were accustomed to only having them for sleep times. By about 18 months, I was ready for them to give them up for sleep times too, and so when they flattened, as all dummies do, I just didn't replace them and they became less attractive. All dummies were gone even for nighttime by the time they were 2.

These weren't my ideas btw, I got them out of a Parenting book. And they worked brilliantly!

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 1:35:42 PM   
Mrs.Wifey


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Hmm. Your pacifiers must be different. Ours definitely don't flatten, we have a couple that Gabby has been using since she was born and they are still going strong She is already only having them at naps and bedtime, or in the car occasionally but she is quite attached to them at night. I really don't care if she keeps using them another 6-8 months although maybe we should be totally done with them before we bring another baby home...

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Post #: 240
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 1:43:36 PM   
manda59


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One thing I know some people try is piercing the dummy with a pin, making it deflate when they suck on it, making it a less pleasant experience. I didn't put any pressure on mine to give up their dummies at night, it just naturally happened.

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 2:15:37 PM   
bolt.

 

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First thing in the morning, when you baby is hungriest might be just the time to get him to try something new. Perhaps you could try a bowl of yogurt or oatmeal with apple sauce or canned fruit. Serve that with an open cup with less than an inch of milk. If he's still in his PJ's it doesn't really matter if he sloshes over himself etc. and he will learn to drink well enough by trial and error. (Refil the cup with another inch-full when as much as he wants.)
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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 2:55:27 PM   
manda59


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
First thing in the morning, when you baby is hungriest might be just the time to get him to try something new. Perhaps you could try a bowl of yogurt or oatmeal with apple sauce or canned fruit. Serve that with an open cup with less than an inch of milk. If he's still in his PJ's it doesn't really matter if he sloshes over himself etc. and he will learn to drink well enough by trial and error. (Refil the cup with another inch-full when as much as he wants.)



Breakfast at half six? Yikes!!

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RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 3:44:34 PM   
manda59


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
I am going to follow the two bottles a day advice. It really is time to begin weaning him off the bottle altogether, especially since he doesn't seem to really be having them because he's hungry. He's ready and we just need to buck up and do this the right way, and stop letting the 1-year old run the show.

There's bound to be some tantrumming over this, but it will pass once he realises things have changed. It's vital that you and your dh are on the same page, as you both need to be consistent. It won't help at all if one of you is being firm and the other one gives in. And each of you must be consistent individually - give in once and you will undo whatever you've achieved so far and prolong the transition period. The sooner that you are firm with him, the sooner the phase will pass.

It might help to have some distractions prepared (like going out, some water play, etc, a snack), for those times when you just know that he is going to demand a bottle. If he goes to the "bottle station", or rather where it used to be, you could also lift him up and show him that they've gone, "bye bye bottles" and do your best to ignore any squawking and screeching.

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Post #: 244
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 4:19:05 PM   
mamajennleigh


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Manda, speaking of squawking and screeching, it seems to be his only language right now! He was only asleep for about 45 minutes when I last posted (and feeling so smug) and then he got up in a horrible mood. Screaming every time I told him "no" (as in, "no" to climbing on the couch, "no" to hitting me in the face, etc.) and of course hitting me when he was angry or frustrated. Boy, that kid has a squeal that goes right through me!

SO, I let him have lunch around 12:30pm. He ate really well, grilled pork tenderloin and macaroni and cheese from leftovers. When he didn't want anymore, he spit out a mouthful and began playing with it. He drank regular milk out of his sippy cup, and then began spilling it all over his high chair, so I took it from him and told him "no". This caused a meltdown of magnificent proportions. I literally stood there with my mouth hanging open. Needless to say, lunch was over and out of the highchair he went.

Unfortunately, he woke up the baby I sit for, and so I had to feed her a bottle, which caused a further meltdown as he clawed at her feet and my arm, screaming the entire time. I would swear I have never seen a 12-month old (seriously, he just turned 12 months on MONDAY) act like this. He threw himself forward and busted his lip on a riding toy, and bled all over the front of my shirt as I tried to calm him.

After I fed the baby (who only ate 4 oz. because he was screaming and she was too nervous to eat!), I made a peanut butter sandwich and put her in the highchair and sat at the dining room table. He kept coming up to get small bites and was pretty pleasant, saying "please", so I got out his sippy cup of milk and let him have some. He drank quite a bit of it and then began using it to paint the kitchen floor, so I took it from him, and here we went again - MELTDOWN OF MAJOR PROPORTIONS. I am talking snot everywhere, eyes puffed and swollen, screaming, lying in the floor kicking meltdown.

Wow.

SO, against my better judgement and to save my sanity and the ears of the poor infant I was watching today, I put him in bed with a bottle of formula at 3:30pm. As soon as I laid him down on the crib mattress, he put the bottle in his mouth, rolled over on his side, pulled his blanket up under his chin and closed his eyes. Not a peep out of him since. I'm definitely going to have my hands full with this one.

I think I need to sit down and put together a solid plan (I've very much liked all the ideas given here so far) and come up with a way to transition maybe a little more slowly into weaning him. Maybe he really isn't ready and I was wrong about that. My husband's answer to the dilemma was, "leave him alone, give him his bottles, he's the last one, it's ok to spoil him" to which I replied, "no it isn't, and he'll end up running the house and living with us forever if we don't get him under control!" Ok, maybe that's a bit much, but I was feeling particularly frustrated at that moment. I really wish I had used the pacifier to soothe him back when I was using the controlled crying method to get him to sleep in his crib.

I'm really more concerned with all the squawking and screeching and hitting and general obnoxiousness than I am with the bottles at this very moment.

If he's like this now, what kind of 2-year old is he going to be? Should I be stocking up on sleep now while I can?

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Post #: 245
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 4:32:11 PM   
manda59


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Jenn

Has it occurred to you that he might be jealous of the baby you watch? And that demanding bottles, being picky over food, and acting up is his way of asserting himself and getting your attention? He's honestly very young to be having to share you.

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Post #: 246
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 4:42:11 PM   
mamajennleigh


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From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
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Manda,

I told my husband this a few weeks ago, and he thinks I'm making it up because I don't like babysitting. (Which is very true and I wouldn't be doing it at all if we didn't need the money so badly)

Aaron has been a demanding baby since birth, but he really has started showing out in an incredible fashion since I started watching this other baby. He tries to sit on her anytime I put her on the blanket on the floor. If I put one of his toys anywhere near her, he will come and retrieve it and then try to throw it at her. He is not curious about her at all, just MEAN. I've tried telling him that we are to be "nice" to the baby, and showing him how to stroke her leg or arm, but he will have none of it, unless it's to get the praise and then he's back to hitting and trying to pull her legs off.

His refusal to eat and being a terror in general really began when I started watching her and the funny thing is, now that you are mentioning it, he doesn't really act this badly at all on the days she is not here. Usually, I keep her on Mon and Tues and an occasional Wed. By Friday, he is back to normal, and not throwing fits at every turn (don't get me wrong, he's still a handful, just more of a manageable handful). My husband always makes the joke that I get one or two days of peace before Kaylee comes back and Aaron goes back into monster mode.

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Post #: 247
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 5:34:42 PM   
peculiar_lady2

 

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WOW...your son sounds so much like my 4th child!!! (the one that is now 2yo). Boy could he squeal too!!!! I just consistently say "I don't listen to screaming. When you get ready to talk to me I will gladly listen". I had to start that around 12mo I think. Many times I had to take him to another room while saying it, and then go back to what I was doing. Mostly he did it at night...and would get so mad he would physically try to hurt me. I would just put him off my lap and say the same thing...over and over...and OVER. It seemed like that phase went on FOREVER with him. My others were very easy to transition out of that one, but not Jack...he was determined to keep with it and see who's will was stronger.

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Post #: 248
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 5:37:29 PM   
manda59


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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
His refusal to eat and being a terror in general really began when I started watching her and the funny thing is, now that you are mentioning it, he doesn't really act this badly at all on the days she is not here.

I think you have your answer as to what this is about.
quote:


I told my husband this a few weeks ago, and he thinks I'm making it up because I don't like babysitting. (Which is very true and I wouldn't be doing it at all if we didn't need the money so badly)

It honestly may come down to which you need more: the money or Aaron behaving better.
I personally think it's a lot to expect of him at his age to act any differently.

You might want to talk over with your husband exactly how much you *need* this extra money, and if it could come in any other way.

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sharonjef, October 2009
Post #: 249
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 6/9/2009 5:46:53 PM   
mamajennleigh


Posts: 982
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: online
Manda, I think you may be right. The thing is I have been sitting here thinking this over and I am positive that the babysitting has had a major impact on his behavior, and the thing is it doesn't feel fair to take away his bottles at 12mos while he's watching me give bottles to another baby. I had to do this when my two middle ones were 12 mos and newborn and it was heart-wrenching to watch my 12month old cry and cry while I was giving bottles to his baby brother (he wasn't aggressive and didn't hit or scream but he cried and cried the entire time my newborn ate).

I think it's going to be very difficult to get anywhere with this behavior and feeding issues until we figure out a solution to the babysitting. I honestly thought it would be easier to have a baby (she's only 5 1/2 mos old right now) around because it would give him someone to play with and I could help out financially, but he doesn't want to play with her at all, unless you count pulling her feet and sitting on her every chance he gets as playing with her

My hubby and I will talk this through tomorrow as he has the day off to prepare our 16-year old to go off to NJ for his first ever summer job. We have the whole day to ourselves (with Aaron of course) and we can discuss it and decide where to go. If it turns out I have to continue babysitting for a while, we'll just relax on the feeding situation and take things one step at a time. Probably a good idea anyway.

quote:

I just consistently say "I don't listen to screaming. When you get ready to talk to me I will gladly listen". I had to start that around 12mo I think. Many times I had to take him to another room while saying it, and then go back to what I was doing. Mostly he did it at night...and would get so mad he would physically try to hurt me. I would just put him off my lap and say the same thing...over and over...and OVER.


WOW, peculiar_lady. This could be my son right now. I'm going to try that statement, and I think he will respond because when he screams for a bottle, I've made him say please before giving it to him. Now he points at it and at least he says "please" before he can have it. I do the same when he's trying to grab toys from me and other things out of my hands. He is stubborn for sure!

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