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kricketsmom9467 -> RE: Teenager Issues (12/16/2008 10:36:39 AM)
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I'm here, because I'm worried. I know the Lord doesn't want me to worry. I love my daughter so much, and she has been so wonderful, but now she is very hard to live with. I've tried to talk about this in cafe mom from myspace, but the replies were so upsetting, i won't try that again. If you respond to this, please know, that I pray about this all the time, and seriously try to do what I feel the Lord would have me do. I'm tired of blame as well, from all involved here. I just want her to grow and be a healthy, happy, Christian woman.
Currently, she is 14. Her grades plummeted 2 years ago, but she's in 9th grade, and she is trying harder. This past summer, I know that she has had alcohol and marijuana with friends, and she was caught shop-lifting. A few years back, she cut on herself, because she thought she was fat, and she still doesn't eat right. I'm not crazy about her friends, but she doesn't have many, and she's had social issues since grade-school. I hear a lot of talk between them using foul language, making fun of others, and talk of getting in fights, and laughing about it. Her best friend is now 15 and pregnant, due in June. Her friend's dad is moving them to another state, and my daughter is devastated, it is another loss in her life, and I fear she will run away. She has had a bad temper all her life, but it's getting worse, and she is strong, and talks about fighting to back up her friends, and she could really hurt someone, so I'm making her go to anger-management.
Yesterday she told me that she would rather move away with her best friend than live with us. I stewed for a while, and finally blew up at everyone. I went to the bedroom and prayed. I knew God wanted me to apologise, but also that I'd made the situation worse. I spoke with my husband and then to him and her together. It was so frustrating. She was pouring on what I've done wrong in her life, and refusing to listen to reason. It was difficult not to show my anger and tears. After she left the room, angry, I was discussing the situation with my husband and my mom, mainly, because my mom's feelings were hurt too, because of my outburst. I had so much apologizing to do, even my nephew had left, and I still need to apologize to him. I just buried my face into my pillow and begged God to tell me what to do. (Don't worry, I am well aware that I have issues as well, and God has taken me a long way this year in healing spiritually).
Anyhow, I had a hard time believing what came into my mind as I was praying. I knew the Lord was listening and answering. Of course, I discussed it with my husband, and he was in agreement. Deep inside, I wondered how many people would judge what we would do, but we called her back in, and waited until we could all be civil again, then we told her the plan. Her friend is supposed to move in January, so there's not much time here. We told our daughter that she could stay with her friend until Christmas Eve, with the exception of school, church, (Wednesdays and Sundays), and her anger-management sessions. And, when it's time for her friend to leave, we will all go over to say goodbye, then in the summer, when it's time for the baby, we'll find a way for her to visit.
Strangely enough, I felt better. As the evening went on, I kept thinking about how worried I wasn't feeling. Then, it occurred to me, that there was one thing I had told her, is "You know you don't deserve this, right?" It became clear that this was something the Lord gave as an answer, because THIS WAS GRACE! He gives us favor that we don't deserve, all the time. He especially did so on the cross. I could feel Him saying, let go, and let God. When I came to bed last night, my husband told me he was so proud of me. I just said I felt it was what God wanted us to do.
I really don't know what else to say right now, but I'm feeling so desperate to know how to be a parent now. I thought I was a good parent until a few years ago. I didn't think teens had to be hard. I thought it was a huge misconception of society. Almost every time I read something about troubled teens, my daughter makes the list of red flags. I feel like going to live out in the woods or something isolating her until she's grown, but I don't think that is really the answer. I know I did much wrong as a teen, but I justified my behavior, because I lived in an abusive home. Because my daughter has not been abused, I have strained to understand where she is coming from. I have prayed to see her as God sees her and to love her the same as well. It has helped. We've gone a few months without a flare-up, until yesterday.
I will stop, and hopefully I can see some positive feedback. Don't blame, because I have loads of shame. I just feel so alone in all this, isolated, and stupid, yet I feel I have to lean on my faith in the Lord, and I'm trying, and I hope I have enough faith to get through this time.
Love and God bless,
Lora
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