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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 2/5/2009 2:19:10 PM
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tz3
Posts: 590
Status: offline
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Wow I am single again because my husband passed away in March of 2007 so after 18 years of marriage I am learning what it is like to be single again and this is what I have learned so far.
Everyone seems to have a different defenition of what flirting is and if you ask Webster's Dictionary it is a very negative defenition but basicly means to amerously toy with out serious intent.
Guy's prefer to call it showing interest instead.
The Bible says that girls should not flirt. I would have to look the scripture up to quote it properly, but in a nut shell it says that God will bring the right person to you ladies. When God brings the right person to you it is the right person in the right timing and no fear need be present because you are in the will of God. It does not have the same message for men. Men are to be our pursuers.
Now I would like to make a destinction here. I don't know if it is right or wrong as I am kind of relearning this stuff as I have not done it with anyone other than my husband so as not to give men the wrong impression and to honor my husband. And that is this...while I don't think showing interest is wrong...ie...laughing at a joke, bantering, smiling, hand shakes, and side arm hugs and light conversation about current topics, but when it moves from this to staring into each others eyes or making and holding eye contact, holding hands, and seeking to know more about the other person on a more personal level or full body hugs it has crossed the line into flirting and it does arouse those endorphins and pheromones which unlock pandoras box of desires. Your now playing with someone's emotions and thus can be playing with fire not just for yourself but with the other person's emotions. Because you spend extra amounts of time thinking about the other person you would not have before and we are told to guard out thoughts and hearts. You have to determine exactly how far you are willing to go with this before it's to late and more importantly if you are doing what is best for the other person as the Bible instructs us to, and this is a Christian site so I am assuming you are seeking God's will for your life then it is not just what feels good to you than you will honor their boundries as they set them without offense.
Boundries are suttle ques we give each other that tell us not to cross the line to out right in your face verbal direction, as some people don't get hints or suttle ques. For me that is hand holding. If a guy isn't interested in a relationship he has no business holding my hand.
Being friendly and speaking in Spanish is not a problem...you have to look at what your saying to the other person...is it leading them on (the intent of your heart)? Are you or they asking personal questions? In my oppinion if they are flirting just because that is who they are they will not ask for your phone number or ask to see you again at which point if their flirting is causing you to be uncomfortable you need to estabilsh your boundries before they get ugly with you because they go to far.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 2/5/2009 2:46:12 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7802
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Good post tz3.
First let me offer my condolences. I lost my M in 2005 afetr 18 years. We've a few widows/widowers here.
You're right in that you need to know where your boundaries and your goals are. If you're just playing and the person you are flirting with is serious (or vice versa) someone's getting hurt big time.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 2/7/2009 11:39:29 AM
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not4saken
Posts: 584
Status: offline
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I think the harm or fun in flirting depends very much on the two people involved.
What may be harmless silliness to one party may seem like serious interest to the other ... that's no good.
But when both parties are just joking around and having fun - what's the harm?
I think it is best to (try to) be aware of what is going on in any situation. Flirting is too ambiguous a term for so many actions. I generally think of it as being cute and silly, but some may think it means showing a more romantic interest. And honestly it can be both. Some might call myself just being "me" flirting ... while I think I'm just being silly. Then again, I might be TRYING to flirt with someone to get their attention, and they think I'm just being silly.
So anyways - unless someone is purposely toying with someone, or is making some kind of inappropriate advance on someone they shouldn't (like someone who is married or of the wrong age) ... well, I don't personally see any harm in it.
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