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WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Is it wrong to flirt? (11/15/2008 8:55:24 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
Well, there was a reason I asked.
(This was quite a while ago.) I was with one of my friends at a restaurant, and she told me I flirt with the (Latino) waiters...all the time. But, with the incident she was thinking of (the incident right before she told me), I'd asked the waiter for some sugar (in English). He knew English, Spanish and Italian.... but I think I was confusing him with the way I made the request. So, I asked for it in Spanish. But then he started talking to me in ALL Spanish... after I asked him how to say a word. At the time, I didn't know how to say "ice." I HATE a lot of ice in my drinks, so I REALLY wanted to know. After that... no more inglés....just español. We talked about more than just food though...but... my friend knows no Spanish at all (she told me she doesn't want to put in the effort because she doesn't think she can learn another language <shrug>), so she only knew what we said because I told her. Still though, I do that in every Latino/Mexican restaurant I go to that has native waiters. It's a good way to learn (and I have a little fun). I do not consider this to be flirting. If anything, what it did was put the waiters at ease and prevent a lot of language-barrier frustrations for both of y'all (you and the waiter).
quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
What IS flirting? I thought it usually included some kind of amorous intent. That's a good definition. [:D]
quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
Is it wrong to flirt? I know that I'm in the vast minority here . . . .
. . . I don't know that I would say flirting is wrong; but when done haphazardly, it certainly can be emotionally dangerous.
To flirt with anyone and/or everyone . . . I find that to be irresponsible. Flirting gives people endorphine rushes; and to flirt soley to receive those rushes without taking into consideration the effects the flirt is having on the other person is what I mean by "irresponsible." People can get really hurt by misconstruing the intentions of a flirt directed toward them.
Generally, I do not flirt, unless:
(a) I am interested in a romantic relationship with a specific man who I also feel is interested in a relationship with me. And, to expand on this, the timing has to be right, as well; i.e., if I'm interested in him, but at the moment am not wanting to enter into a deeper relationship with him, then flirting would not be appropriate;
-or-
(b) I am already in a relationship . . . then I will flirt with him as much as I want. [sm=icon_smile_kisses.gif]
I don't return flirts neither (unless the man flirting with me fits into one of the two above explanations). I may smile and say thank you to what they've said (if saying thank you would "fit"), or I may smile and not saying anything. And if I do smile, it's not a great big grin, because that would seem as if I'm encouraging more flirtation. Neither do I give a lot of credence to someone flirting with me (unless, again, that person happens to fit into one of the above categories).
Also, if a man perceives me to be flirting with him and that's not at all what I'm doing, then I'll tone my friendly personality down a notch or two around him, because I really absolutely do not want anyone to misunderstand my behavior and my motives (or, rather, lack of motives).
Also . . . there's "flirting" and then there's "bantering." I do banter. A lot. With both genders.
Regarding the difference between "flirting" and "bantering" (specifically, with men), the measuring stick I use is my 80-year old married friend. He and I have bantered with each other from the moment we first met. He and his wonderful wife are also the hosts of the homechurch that I attend.
If I'm in front of another man and my behavior is something I would also say (or do) to (or with) my 80-year old married friend, then I'll banter away in good fun. If it's not something I would say (or do) to (or with) my 80-year old married friend, then it quite possibly might be considered flirting; and unless the man fits either (a) or (b) above, then it's very most likely going to be a no-go with the flirting.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
To nutshell the above [sm=icon_smile_tongue.gif] . . . I was in the coffee shop the other day talking to a guy about my upcoming new career goals. This guy's ideals and mine are completely polar opposite each other . . . on everything.
At one point, he said, "Oh cool, Sharon-Marie! You'll be able to flirt with and pick-up all the guys you want!"
Someone who was near enough to hear the conversation starting laughing and then said, "You obviously don't have the first clue about Sharon-Marie."
'Nuff said.
[sm=redhairsmile.gif]
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