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Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/20/2008 1:21:06 PM
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blueeyedgirl2
Posts: 2233
Joined: 8/31/2008
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Are you ever overwhelmed by life and all of it's responsibilites?
There are times when I have things totally under control and I feel that I can handle it all. I'm an independent person and 99% (OK, more like 75%) of the time I feel confident and proud of what I can do on my own. Then there are times where I'm just tired of all the day-to-day responsibilites of being a single person. The laundry doesn't get done unless I do it. There's no groceries unless I buy them. The bills don't get paid unless I pay them. The snow doesn't get shoveled unless I shovel it. I don't know. . . sometimes I just long to share all these things with someone else so the burden isn't all on me. It doesn't help that my family nor friends really understand where I'm coming from.
So my question is. . . do you ever feel this way? And besides prayer and full reliance on Christ and His strength, what are some other tangible ways you get through life when you're feeling overwhelmed?
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/20/2008 1:42:23 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 4325
Joined: 5/2/2005
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Absolutely! There are times it just stinks to be single and living alone!! No matter how strong and independent we are and how much we strive for competence and a strong relationship with the Lord, we all have times when we feel overwhelmed (whether we recognize it or admit it or not). We were designed by God to be in relationship. Sometimes, it's not just doing things together that I miss, it's pure companionship. Having someone to talk to, to share with, to encourage, to grow with.
Some things that have helped me is to get involved with other people through church, family activities, etc. Lots of interaction with people. Call a friend just to chat. Pray, for the Lord understands what you're feeling and won't think negatively. And sometimes I just cry. Once, I was feeling particularly down and put on a movie to cry. Well, the movie wasn't that sad, so I just made myself cry. And you know what? I felt sooooo much better afterwards. 
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/20/2008 3:01:13 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2865
Status: offline
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quote:
So my question is. . . do you ever feel this way? And besides prayer and full reliance on Christ and His strength, what are some other tangible ways you get through life when you're feeling overwhelmed?
Oh my goodness YES! Life is hard. To be honest the only way I know to handle it is to press into God and lean wholly on Him. I take it just one moment at a time and do what I know I can do as I wait on Him to show me the next step.
Stepping back and just doing what you can do now and letting go of those things you cannot control (placing them at the Father's feet and trusting Him with those things) is the only way I have ever made it through anything ... and I have been through quite a bit.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/20/2008 7:30:39 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1927
Joined: 4/25/2005
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blueeyed - yes, I feel like this at times. I think it is just normal to feel this way - we are single, many of us have to do all of these things alone - and there are lots of things to do. Right now, I've got so much to do that I'm up to my eyeballs in work. I have a tendency to do too much; if I had a husband, he might be able to reign me in a bit. Also we'd be able to split the work.
Basically, when I'm overwhelmed, I pray about it and ask God for strength. I had to learn the hard way how to deal with being overwhelmed at the first onset. If I don't I'll get depressed. I lived many years in depression because I was continually overextended. I concquered that, praise God, but it still sneaks up on me. Last year that happened to me in May because I let my advisor, a research project, and another professor's conference stress me out so badly that I was depressed for close to two months after I completed all of their work (I also got my first bad grade in graduate school - fortunately my teacher was very lenient with me - but I didn't make a good impression on him at all ... he probably thought I was lazy or couldn't do the work when in actuality I just let other people pile all of their expectations on me until I became overextended).
From that lesson, I've learned that at the first sign of overwhelm (like now) I start pulling back immediately. For example, if I got a call to do something tomorrow that would tack 3 hours onto my already long (11 hour) day. Because I won't have a day off until New Years because I'm having a guest for Christmas and will be running all over the place - I said no. And, I'm not spending one more moment stressing about it.
I think too blueeyed, you have to find out what destresses you. I feel a lot less stressed when things are clean and in order. So, I'll spend a lot of time tonight doing just that. I'm kind of wierd about the organization thing - but for you it might be playing a game or going for a walk. Writing, reading a good book, watching a sappy movie, or listening to something fun on the internet also helps to destress me a lot.
I also find that pacing myself helps too. Like, I won't do everything at once - which is my natural tendency. But I can do a little at a time. For example, I have lots to do to get my business up and running - and originally I wanted to get everything done by the end of the year. Well, you know what? Not gonna happen. So, I've decided that January 31st is a good target date to have the basics done. That way, I can do a little at a time and still be done sooner rather than later. Another thing that I do is find a way to delegate what I can. Like for example, instead of writing out bills - which stresses me out - I just do online banking and have it done automatically. Then all I have to do is just check up on it once a month - add a little money here or there - and I'm done in maybe a 1/2 hour at most. I also hate shoveling snow. It doesn't snow here, but I'd probably see if a neighbor kid wanted to do the shoveling for me for heavier snow falls - and I'd pay him. Same for the grass - maybe once a month or something I'd see if someone could do it so that I could take a break. It doesn't turn out to be too expensive in the long run and it helps you to keep your sanity and enjoy life.
< Message edited by rgod -- 12/21/2008 6:44:32 AM >
_____________________________
We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes! If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking ...
- Kim Walker "How He Loves Us"
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/20/2008 9:55:43 PM
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Mended
Posts: 62
Joined: 12/16/2008
Status: offline
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Oh goodness, you are not alone! I feel that way at times too...especially lately. I agree that hanging out with friends or doing more with my church family helps too. Unfortunately at times I kind of go the other way too and avoid doing the things I need to because I'd rather be with those I love...being home with all the responsibilities gets old. When I finally settle in to do things at home I usually blast out the radio and sing my heart out to the Lord.
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/21/2008 2:36:09 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1434
Joined: 6/1/2008
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My snarky reply which might not be too snarky after all, but is not meant to take away from things on this one...
Usually, I feel like I don't have enough whelms, but on occasion, sure, I'm overwhelmed.
The thing I have to watch for is where are the whelms coming from, and am I burying myself in those I create for myself, or do I leave that out of it.
_____________________________
"Now Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, 'Oh that Thou wouldst bless me indeed, and enlarge my border, and that Thy hand might be with me, and that Thou wouldst keep me from harm, that it might not pain me!' And God granted him what he requested."
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/21/2008 7:49:02 AM
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TNBelle
Posts: 351
Joined: 10/10/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: blueeyedgirl2
Are you ever overwhelmed by life and all of it's responsibilites?
...do you ever feel this way? And besides prayer and full reliance on Christ and His strength, what are some other tangible ways you get through life when you're feeling overwhelmed?
<smiles> Is this a trick question Becky?
Of course I feel overwhelmed! I lost my husband (14.5 years) in the spring, and suddenly found myself responsible for everything. I was always pretty much "in charge" of the household anyway, but now I'm also responsible for what little maintenance needs to be done, the yard, the vehicle, and finances.
But the biggest thing that overwhelms me is the responsibility of being a single parent to an angry, grieving 10 year old boy. I know that I don't have what it takes to do that on my own, I have to reach out to friends and family for advice and practical help. Also, I can't help looking down the road, and I know that I don't have the knowledge to help my son grow into a man. And that overwhelms me.
Add to that, it's the holidays and we miss hubby so much it is sometimes a physical pain. So yes, I'm overwhelmed.
I am relying on God and time to heal us both, and prayer is a major part of that. But to answer your question about tangibles: friends and family for advice and help, wonderful men in my church for help occasionally around the home, a morning quiet time (I know that's God again, but the tangible benefits for me are a calm and focused mind, heart and spirit), and an evening cup of tea.
Blessings,
Belle
_____________________________
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
~Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/21/2008 8:30:47 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 4191
Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Inside my head
Status: online
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quote:
Are you ever overwhelmed by life and all of it's responsibilites?
Of course! Especially by those things I never had to take care of when I was married...taking care of the car, doing the yard work, shoveling, home repairs. I balk at changing light bulbs for goodness sake!
I've got 2 kids, a home and a business. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm only one person doing the work of 2 and cut myself a break. There really is only so much I can do and when I try to do more than that, my witness breaks down and my kids have a mean mom. Not cool.
_____________________________
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
What have we to fear?
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/21/2008 1:09:49 PM
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-Justyna-
Posts: 1922
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: Northampton, U.K.
Status: offline
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I used to get really overwhelmed by life and all the respnsibilities I had to take care of. I remember those times in my life. Now...not so much. I feel like my responsibilities are right where they should be. I trust God and I let Him lead me and guide me. I dont think He wants us to feel like this. He wants us to trust Him completely. Before I was not trusting Him 100%. Now I am and I see the difference big time.
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/22/2008 1:01:06 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7800
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: blueeyedgirl2
Are you ever overwhelmed?
Only by my humility.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/22/2008 1:05:31 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7800
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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And now for the serious answer.
Am I ever overwhelmed? No.
I do sometimes feel whelmed however. By everything. I am a single dad with an incredibly beautiful 8 year old daughter. I'm whelmed just worrying about the teen years and we aren't there yet.
I'm whelmed with the thought of being a good daddy and knowing I'll never achieve it. I'm whelmed by work and by play and by church and everything else.
But I rest assured that God is with me and everyone else in the whole world is in the same boat as I am. If I really foul things up I know that teh Girl is saved and I'm saved and life is just a mere blip on teh timeline of eternity, so eventually I'll forget the messups.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/22/2008 3:08:42 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2372
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
Status: offline
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quote:
So my question is. . . do you ever feel this way? And besides prayer and full reliance on Christ and His strength, what are some other tangible ways you get through life when you're feeling overwhelmed?
I used to get really overwhelmed, particularly with my store, more so than I do today. The way I overcame it was first to establish a routine. For instance I do the same thing first thing everyday. There are also specific things I do on certain days.
Something I started doing recently was to make a list of things that I have to do that day. Some people will do this and list things in priority order. I don't, I just make the list and start working at it. It really helps sometimes to do the easiest tasks first, it gives you a sense of accomplishing something and that alone can give you a boost. Also limit distractions. If someone calls and you are in the middle of a task ask them to call back or if you can call them back.
Don't overcommit yourself, learn to say "no". Recently my landlord asked if I wanted to shovel the snow at the mall where I am located. A while back I probably would have said yes in a heartbeat, after all I would get paid for it. I resisted the urge to say yes, thankfully, and turned him down. Saturday the landlord and his son spent at least 3 hours shoveling snow. There is no way I could have handled doing that alone after I closed Saturday night and again yesterday and then yet again today plus all the snow at home. The biggest thing is learning to not feel guilty for saying no. That can be hard to do but maybe you can contribute in some other way for instance I make sure I shovel the entire area in front of my store so the landlord doesn't have to shovel at least that much.
Work on things that have to be done even if you only have a few minutes to work on them. When I rebuilt a large section of my model railroad I would work on it before I went to work in the morning even if that was for 5 or 10 minutes and made a huge amounts of progress in a relatively short time.
Lastly never be afraid to ask for help. All of us need help with things from time to time. There is no shame in admitting you need help with something. When I started my store I was bound determined I could do it all by myself it didn't take long to figure out I couldn't do it all alone. There are things I just didn't understand or just plain couldn't do alone.
ETA the last paragraph.
< Message edited by trainfan -- 12/22/2008 5:02:32 PM >
_____________________________
Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/22/2008 6:48:11 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 4325
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
quote:
So my question is. . . do you ever feel this way? And besides prayer and full reliance on Christ and His strength, what are some other tangible ways you get through life when you're feeling overwhelmed?
I used to get really overwhelmed, particularly with my store, more so than I do today. The way I overcame it was first to establish a routine. For instance I do the same thing first thing everyday. There are also specific things I do on certain days.
Something I started doing recently was to make a list of things that I have to do that day. Some people will do this and list things in priority order. I don't, I just make the list and start working at it. It really helps sometimes to do the easiest tasks first, it gives you a sense of accomplishing something and that alone can give you a boost. Also limit distractions. If someone calls and you are in the middle of a task ask them to call back or if you can call them back.
Don't overcommit yourself, learn to say "no". Recently my landlord asked if I wanted to shovel the snow at the mall where I am located. A while back I probably would have said yes in a heartbeat, after all I would get paid for it. I resisted the urge to say yes, thankfully, and turned him down. Saturday the landlord and his son spent at least 3 hours shoveling snow. There is no way I could have handled doing that alone after I closed Saturday night and again yesterday and then yet again today plus all the snow at home. The biggest thing is learning to not feel guilty for saying no. That can be hard to do but maybe you can contribute in some other way for instance I make sure I shovel the entire area in front of my store so the landlord doesn't have to shovel at least that much.
Work on things that have to be done even if you only have a few minutes to work on them. When I rebuilt a large section of my model railroad I would work on it before I went to work in the morning even if that was for 5 or 10 minutes and made a huge amounts of progress in a relatively short time.
Lastly never be afraid to ask for help. All of us need help with things from time to time. There is no shame in admitting you need help with something. When I started my store I was bound determined I could do it all by myself it didn't take long to figure out I couldn't do it all alone. There are things I just didn't understand or just plain couldn't do alone.
ETA the last paragraph.
Excellent post!!!
I think that sometimes our expectations of ourselves are pretty high. We expect that we can keep up with everything we're supposed to do, and still feel good about it. And you know what? Sometimes we do a great job! We're able to balance everything effortlessly... but the thing is, we can't keep it up all the time. We have to discover what we can do and what we can't do. Routine helps greatly in keeping things balanced.
Single parents, especially, have to keep from overdoing it. We want to do it all for our kids!! We hear about this mother who does this or that father who does that... then perhaps we want to do everything that all of them do. It sneaks up on us. We hear about a mom who bakes cookies for every function and is at the school every time the door opens. We wish we could be like that and so we try, and we're successful. Then we hear about another who is at every sports practice and game... and they're involved in 2-3 sports! We want to be like that. So we add that to our repertoire. We visit their immaculate homes. Then the teacher looks at us like "but all the other moms spend 3-4 hours with their kids on homework... why don't you?" And then we lose it (and we haven't even covered Church activities yet)!
In this day and age, it's very common for us to feel overwhelmed. There are expectations being hurled at us from every direction... even in the dating-world. We just need to learn to take it to God and let Him bring us comfort (though it would be nice if my comfort came in a 6'0", dark haired, blue eyed package  ).
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/22/2008 7:48:24 PM
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twinkly
Posts: 428
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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I think everyone here has answered for me pretty much.
I am a single mom of 11.5 year old twins.
My simple answer to your question is : YES!
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RE: Are You Ever Overwhelmed? - 12/22/2008 8:08:33 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2372
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
quote:
ORIGINAL: trainfan
quote:
So my question is. . . do you ever feel this way? And besides prayer and full reliance on Christ and His strength, what are some other tangible ways you get through life when you're feeling overwhelmed?
I used to get really overwhelmed, particularly with my store, more so than I do today. The way I overcame it was first to establish a routine. For instance I do the same thing first thing everyday. There are also specific things I do on certain days.
Something I started doing recently was to make a list of things that I have to do that day. Some people will do this and list things in priority order. I don't, I just make the list and start working at it. It really helps sometimes to do the easiest tasks first, it gives you a sense of accomplishing something and that alone can give you a boost. Also limit distractions. If someone calls and you are in the middle of a task ask them to call back or if you can call them back.
Don't overcommit yourself, learn to say "no". Recently my landlord asked if I wanted to shovel the snow at the mall where I am located. A while back I probably would have said yes in a heartbeat, after all I would get paid for it. I resisted the urge to say yes, thankfully, and turned him down. Saturday the landlord and his son spent at least 3 hours shoveling snow. There is no way I could have handled doing that alone after I closed Saturday night and again yesterday and then yet again today plus all the snow at home. The biggest thing is learning to not feel guilty for saying no. That can be hard to do but maybe you can contribute in some other way for instance I make sure I shovel the entire area in front of my store so the landlord doesn't have to shovel at least that much.
Work on things that have to be done even if you only have a few minutes to work on them. When I rebuilt a large section of my model railroad I would work on it before I went to work in the morning even if that was for 5 or 10 minutes and made a huge amounts of progress in a relatively short time.
Lastly never be afraid to ask for help. All of us need help with things from time to time. There is no shame in admitting you need help with something. When I started my store I was bound determined I could do it all by myself it didn't take long to figure out I couldn't do it all alone. There are things I just didn't understand or just plain couldn't do alone.
ETA the last paragraph.
Excellent post!!!
I think that sometimes our expectations of ourselves are pretty high. We expect that we can keep up with everything we're supposed to do, and still feel good about it. And you know what? Sometimes we do a great job! We're able to balance everything effortlessly... but the thing is, we can't keep it up all the time. We have to discover what we can do and what we can't do. Routine helps greatly in keeping things balanced.
Single parents, especially, have to keep from overdoing it. We want to do it all for our kids!! We hear about this mother who does this or that father who does that... then perhaps we want to do everything that all of them do. It sneaks up on us. We hear about a mom who bakes cookies for every function and is at the school every time the door opens. We wish we could be like that and so we try, and we're successful. Then we hear about another who is at every sports practice and game... and they're involved in 2-3 sports! We want to be like that. So we add that to our repertoire. We visit their immaculate homes. Then the teacher looks at us like "but all the other moms spend 3-4 hours with their kids on homework... why don't you?" And then we lose it (and we haven't even covered Church activities yet)!
Thank you G-n-M.
quote:
In this day and age, it's very common for us to feel overwhelmed. There are expectations being hurled at us from every direction... even in the dating-world. We just need to learn to take it to God and let Him bring us comfort (though it would be nice if my comfort came in a 6'0", dark haired, blue eyed package ).
 Trainfan looks in the mirror.........well alrighty then.
_____________________________
Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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