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hmmph - 1/2/2009 10:21:43 AM
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Lyrach
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I don't quite get it. My husband agreed to a schedule for our 27month old son, and yet he still sets his alarm for a later wake up time than we agreed to. HE justifies this by saying that when he's in charge of our son, that he will decide what parenting actions are best, but when my son wakes up at 8:30am , and (I work from home, now, contrary to what most peoples' misconceptions are, I have set hours, and I have to left alone in the office d/t confidentiality issues, concentration, etc, or I lose my job!) I hear him saying "Mommy, Daddy" for over a half an hour, and my husband is to be up at around 9am latest - he says it's good for our son to have some alone time , e.g. my husband wants to sleep in longer- I figure this is all in selfishness. If you want alone time as a parent, you either do it when the kids are asleep, you get a babysitter or daycare, or you don't get it. Sorry. That's being a parent. My husband always says these things aren't about him & his sleep or schedule, but he's a night owl & doesn't like to get up until later - but, in my opinion, you are a father first, then comes your night-owling. If you want to stay up until 2:30a.m. every morning, fine. Just know that your son's wake up time is between 8am-8:30 am (which, if I must say, is a lot later than most toddlers I know, but that's another issue in and of itself). Sorry to vent, I have asked my hubby about getting our son into a morning learning program (from like 8 - noon), to which he always says , "no, we're not spending the money when we can work out our schedules"...Well, this apparently isn't working. I am the mother, and I feel it is my job to call the shots on the kids' schedules. Did anyone else have problems like this? I could also work on - site for my job, but that doesn't help the problem either, because he'd just get our son up at the same time, I just wouldn't be around to express my distaste about it.
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 10:34:58 AM
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Psalms274
Posts: 2866
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I am not married, so this is not something I have experienced, but I have a friend share an experience with me about something similar. (It is not a story filled with any wisdom, but is was funny ... she had a good sense of humor about it despite the lack of sleep.)
She and her husband had there first child later in life, she was in her early forties and he was in his late forties. I asked her if her husband helped with the late night feedings and she told me,
"Well we agreed that we would divide them up evenly, but when it was his turn I heard him mumble something about shark-bait, so I just got up instead." She now teases him with it, and he is helping me without the threat of feeding them to the fish! It's amazing what a lack of sleep can cause one to say. 
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 10:38:37 AM
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bolt.
Posts: 1758
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From: Canada
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You seem absolutely sure that your style of attentive parenting is the best for your son.
Your husband has a different opinion about your son having the opportunity to develop independence skills, even when someone could be tending to him.
Really, both styles are fine and workable, so you have no parenting issue whatsoever.
What you have is a difference of opinions between parents, and both of you feel that you have the right to veto rather than negotiate. That plan never works.
You need to respect that plenty of people think that young children should learn to be alone. You husband is one of them. (and taking that opportunity to get some good rest at the same time is nothing but 'killing two birds with one stone") You husband has been entrusted (same as you) by God to do for his son what he thinks best. Your parenting should respect a blend of the two styles of the two parents God assigned to that child.
If you husband holds any opinion in your home, the sooner you grasp that the procedures of your home should take that preference into account, the happier you will all be. If you want to play the mommy card and act like you are the one who knows best about everything, you will probably find yourself either lone-parenting (in marriage) or single parenting in fact. It's far wiser to learn to work as a team, taking both your opinions into account.
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 11:14:27 AM
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Auben
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Frankly it doesn't sound like you made a mutual decision. It sounds like you made a decision based on what you think is the right way to care for your son.
There's nothing wrong with your son being alone for 30 minutes, as long as he has objects around him he can play with. The question becomes can you work through any distractions he hands out and will your husband respond to emergencies or excessively loud behavior?
Sounds like it's time to go back to the negotiations table. This time remind yourself that being the mother does not give you the right to set the schedule. Take notes for 1-2 weeks. Make note of every time your son is crying or yelling and the length of time for each. Make note of any emergencies you had to respond to because he was sleeping. Note what time your son gets up every day and then what time your husband comes and gets him.
If at the end of this time you see that most of what is happening is your son calling for someone (not afraid or hurt) sometimes, let it go. If he's not sitting in his crib for more than 30-60 minutes and is not unhappy, then I think you should try your best to cope with the situation. Turn on some music. Move to a different room in the house. Your son is not hurt. He is learning to entertain himself. Just make sure he has toys to play with when he wakes up.
If at the end of this time you see that your son is distressed or that you are spending significant time every day in dealing with him during this time (he's climbing out of the crib, he's wet the bed, he's screaming), show your husband your findings and let him know that you can't work at home under these conditions. Give him options. He gets up at a specific time every day. Your son goes to day care. Someone comes in for an hour or two every morning. You leave the home for 2 hours every morning or you work in an office. If he chooses to get up and he doesn't there has to be a consequence. For instance, you will sign your son up for daycare or hire a babysitter from 730-930 every morning after you have to deal with X more number of situations during work time.
And if things don't work out, go through with it. Don't say 'he said no.' You are an independent person with a job that deserves your time. Probably you work for someone else. Even though you work at home you want to be honest about the time you are spending on your job. It's unfair for your husband to expect you to cheat your boss on that hour.
And if your son is calm and unhurt, it's unfair of you to expect your husband to jump up when you start work. Let him parent your son in his own way during that time and do your best to cope.
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 11:28:16 AM
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csl7037
Posts: 1255
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Auben
Frankly it doesn't sound like you made a mutual decision. It sounds like you made a decision based on what you think is the right way to care for your son.
Or you made what you thought was a mutual decision because he just agreed with no real intention of going through with that plan.
Given your other posts, I'd say the issue isn't about your son and your dh getting up or not but about you two getting on the same page. I'm not saying you have to agree on every little thing but if you do "agree" then there needs to be mutual follow through.
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 11:34:32 AM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 951
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From: Newberg, OR
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I don't agree that your son staying in his room, calling for you and dad, and no one coming is healthy.
You and your husband had an agreement. And, your husband is not keeping up with it because he wants to sleep in? Or, do you truly think he wants your son to learn independence and have alone time.
Briefly leave your office and go to your son's room. "Sorry, mommy has to hurry and get back to work, why don't you go lay down with dad in our bed for a while until he wakes up." Then bring your son to your bed (grab some books on the way) and hope that he keeps still enough for your husband to catch a little more zzzs.
_____________________________
-Stina
Turn right to go left
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 12:29:16 PM
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macokjc
Posts: 279
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quote:
I am the mother, and I feel it is my job to call the shots on the kids' schedules
Personally, I feel that this is the heart of the problem. Just because you are the mother, doesn't mean that you get to call the shots. That child is a product of TWO people.
NOW - if you had an agreement, you need to go to your husband and tell him that you are upset. It's obvious that he doesn't agree with your schedule. If you think your child is being neglected, then you need to make other arrangements for your work or for childcare.
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 3:48:48 PM
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SurpassingPeace
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I am not sure I understand why you feel as the mother you would call the shots with the kids schedules. I am a sahm and my husband leaves for work at 5am and returns no earlier than 5pm. Because I am her primary care giver, not because I am her mother, I set her schedule. However, if my husband had a concern about that schedule or felt he needed input into the schedule then he has as much right and responsibility as I do. We are both her parents.
Personally, I would not leave my daughter to cry out for me but each person parents differently. If this is truly a parenting style issue then you probably need to let your husband parent in his own way. I agree with the poster that said the worst thing you can do is to constantly tell your husband his parenting style is wrong because it differs from yours. It leads to frustration. However, if you feel it is due to laziness on your husbands part then you may need to take the situation into your own hands. Another care provider is one solution, either in your home or daycare. If possible, perhaps you could either start after your husband wakes up or take a break during the time in question.
I am sorry that you had an agreement and now your husband is not honoring it. I can't think of anyway you can make him hold up his end of the agreement. You may have to work away out on your own.
Karen
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 5:04:35 PM
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MrsTracy72
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Is your child crying or just calling you and your husband? If your child is crying then of course he should get up with him. We used to do the 10 minute rule. If they cry for more than 10 minutes, we get up. But if he is just calling out to you, he just needs to be reassured that you are there and that it is not yet time to get up.
I do have to say though, since you do have to work and need the quiet, if it got to be a problem, I would do what one above me suggested and put him in bed with your hubby. But it does sound like you might want to touch base with him and maybe agree to when it is and isn't appropriate to let your child stay in bed alone.
They do need to learn how to be alone and sleep through the night, but you are talking about morning when he already has slept through the night and is ready to get up. Maybe you could try putting him to bed half an hour later?
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 6:13:32 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 1758
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From: Canada
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quote:
If your child is crying then of course he should get up with him.
I'm confused, Mrs. Tracy.
It sounds like you are saying that since you think that attending to a crying child in the morning is the absolute right way to do things, then the preferences of the child's father bear no weight in the decision and ought to be disregarded.
To me, really only doctors & experts have even the slightest prerogative to set their own parenting ideas above the preferences of a child's parent.
Lots of people agree with the mom in this situation (like you) but lots of people would say that the dad has the right idea.
When you tell the mom that you think her idea is right, are you just trying to tell her that she's got some merit? Or do you genuinely support the idea that she should dictate parenting practice to her husband, in contradiction of his own ideas?
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 6:23:35 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 1838
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I'm still wondering why a 27 month old has an alarm clock...or did I read that wrong? We let our children get themselves up in the morning...so they pretty much set their waking 'schedule' but it's never later than 8 am because they go to bed roughly at the same time every night. And it's not permitted before 7 am...
It sounds to me from what you've said that your husband is exhibiting some passive/aggressive behavior to 'get back' at you and your "I'm the mom and I pick what's right" attitude. What does your husband do while you're working from home? Is he a Stay-at-home-dad?
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
Capitalism is the Marxist term for Christian Society. -David Chilton
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 7:27:15 PM
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SurpassingPeace
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The way I read it was the father sets his own alarm at 9 am even though the child gets up between 8-8:30am.
Karen
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 8:23:27 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
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Couldn't you put your son to bed about 30 minutes later so that he will sleep a little later in the morning? That way it works out for everyone. Is there any reason he has to wake up at that certain time like he goes to day care or something? If not, I don't see what harm there'd be in compromising a bit. Of course if dad is letting the child cry every morning simply because he wants to sleep in that's not right. But allowing your son to sleep in would solve that problem. I'm a night owl too so I understand where he's coming from. But I don't neglect to get up with my son when he wakes up. If I don't get enough sleep it's my own fault and I just have to deal with being sleepy for a day.
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RE: hmmph - 1/2/2009 10:50:26 PM
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sen10tious
Posts: 232
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
To me, really only doctors & experts have even the slightest prerogative to set their own parenting ideas above the preferences of a child's parent.
Please do not run for any legislative office.
Obviously any agreement the OP thought she had isn't working. Go back to the drawing board and work out a new agreement. If you need designated office hours for your family income, start there. Say, "I need this time uninterrupted and guaranteed. I am willing to make concessions on any other schedules. How do you want to make this work?" Then let him say what he needs.
_____________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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RE: hmmph - 1/3/2009 11:24:58 AM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 905
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
quote:
If your child is crying then of course he should get up with him.
I'm confused, Mrs. Tracy.
Ok, let me unconfuse you. First, I said that if the child is just talking that he is probably fine and should be left, but if the child has spent the entire night in bed and is CRYING after being in bed for however many hours, then yes, somebody should go and tend to that child, or at least look in on him. Since the mother has stated that she is working and not able to do that and dad has made it his choice to stay up late, then of course that responsibility should fall on him. I have let my children cry, but I never left them for half an hour without even looking in on them. So I don't think I am telling this mom that she has the right to make the decision. I simply said that a crying child needs to be taken care of.
quote:
It sounds like you are saying that since you think that attending to a crying child in the morning is the absolute right way to do things, then the preferences of the child's father bear no weight in the decision and ought to be disregarded.
It would sound that way to you because you seem to make assumptions about people without really knowing or reading what they write. I do think that if the child has spent the night in bed and is left for half an hour crying, then SOMEBODY needs to look in on that child. The father chosing to let the child go for half an hour without even getting up to look in on him is not something I would like going on in my house. That is my OPINION not an absolute. If I thought it was that black and white, I would have said so.
quote:
To me, really only doctors & experts have even the slightest prerogative to set their own parenting ideas above the preferences of a child's parent.
If you really believe that, then why are you putting in your opinion here?
quote:
Lots of people agree with the mom in this situation (like you) but lots of people would say that the dad has the right idea.
So people who agree with the mom are wrong? The OP asked for opinions, and that is what she is getting. You are the only person who seems to have a problem with that.
quote:
When you tell the mom that you think her idea is right, are you just trying to tell her that she's got some merit? Or do you genuinely support the idea that she should dictate parenting practice to her husband, in contradiction of his own ideas?
So should I tell her that I think her idea is wrong? I don't recall telling her that I thought she was right. I do remember telling her that she could do a few things differently to help the situation out, but that if the child was actually crying for that half an hour, then he needed to be taken care of.
Are you still confused?
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RE: hmmph - 1/3/2009 2:39:59 PM
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Kath
Posts: 17279
Joined: 2/28/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
quote:
If your child is crying then of course he should get up with him.
I'm confused, Mrs. Tracy.
It sounds like you are saying that since you think that attending to a crying child in the morning is the absolute right way to do things, then the preferences of the child's father bear no weight in the decision and ought to be disregarded.
To me, really only doctors & experts have even the slightest prerogative to set their own parenting ideas above the preferences of a child's parent.
Lots of people agree with the mom in this situation (like you) but lots of people would say that the dad has the right idea.
When you tell the mom that you think her idea is right, are you just trying to tell her that she's got some merit? Or do you genuinely support the idea that she should dictate parenting practice to her husband, in contradiction of his own ideas?
Tracy is not the focus of this thread. Please stick to the OP and answer her questions instead of debating the advice given by others. Thank you.
Sincerely
Kath
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RE: hmmph - 1/5/2009 1:57:18 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1146
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From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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I thought HisLittleOne had a good idea. Many children will shift their schedule if you put them to bed earlier or later (not all...I have at least one child who could go to bed at 1am and wake up at 730 but many).
We had a 5-10 minute cry rule as well, but again, that's something you two have to talk about.
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: hmmph - 1/5/2009 2:35:27 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 5043
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If your son is not crying/sobbing, if your hubby would hear and get up and respond to a fearful or "hurt" sounding cry, I would say at 27 months that your hubby's method is "Ok". It would be good to have some toys in his room/crib for him to play with.
If hearing him is distracting, and given the assumption above that your husband would respond to fear/hurt cries, I think the idea of turning on the radio or something would be a good idea. If for some reason you can not do that and you simply can not work with the "nosie" your son is making perhaps Daddy needs to be more flexible, but on the surface it seems to me that you could be more flexible in this circumstance and let Dad parent the way he feels is best- as long as your son is not being harmed.
I don't know if there is more to this than presented, if it is a pattern that Dad thinks his wishes are to be put before your child's, I understand that you would be concerned. But on the face of this circumstance I think you could let Dad deal with it as he wants to.
_____________________________
Arrogance boasts. Confidence is quiet, it has no need to boast.
Wisdom from an email I received a few days ago.
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RE: hmmph - 1/6/2009 1:44:07 AM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 217
Joined: 3/14/2008
From: Fresno CA
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Question for the op. Is there any way that you could change your schedule to accommodate your son? It seems to me that either the agreement you made with your husband wasn't clear to both of you or he has decided not to live up to his part of the deal. It also seems to me that he is more concerned about whatever he is doing at night and getting enough sleep for himself than the well-being of your son or honoring any agreement. I short I wouldn't count on him to follow through on anything. You are unfortunately going to have to be both mother and father in this case.
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RE: hmmph - 1/6/2009 12:46:38 PM
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Lyrach
Posts: 133
Joined: 10/20/2008
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Hey there Hislittleone. My son goes down at 9pm at night, 9:30 latest on a regular basis. He does not attend daycare right now. My problem is figuring out whether my husband is using his "parental judgement" of what is "best for our son" to shield his own selfish wants & desires to sleep in. He likes (my husband) to stay up until 2:30 in the morning at times. He works part time (music director for our congregation) and is a student full time. I work full time from home.
Sometimes we get help from grandma, who is up at 7am, and usually gets my son up by 9am latest (only because I have set that in stone with her, and she agrees it's a later wake up time than most normal kids). My son's wake up time & bedtime have both gotten progressively later over the course of his life - not because of my schedule (I'm the type of gal who gets up at 5am, and goes to bed at 11pm, because after I'm done with my job, I have the wifely duties to do also, and I'm a sap for getting everything done -my husband is not, and we both have our strong points....I'm just a bit more military style I guess). As my husband has requested a later dinner time (because he gets up later & eats breakfast later), and as HIS schedule has changed,
interestingly enough, so has my son's schedule. It's hard, because I know it's sooo beneficial for my son to be taken care of by the family, yet at the same time, I know he'd benefit from actually having a playgroup or organized activity at least one other time during the week than just during Sunday school .... but this is also put on my shoulders, because I am the mom (this is one duty - organizing the children's activities - that my husband has clearly stated HE wants me to initiate because I'm the mom....but I'm also a working mom with other appointments, etc.). It's really hard for me to figure out where I should draw the line as far as my son being at home every single day (last night he asked if we could go to Target to walk around, because he'd been inside all day, and he wanted to talk to people...he sought out kids his age in the isles to talk to!) with his family versus going to a playgroup which is something that I'd have to organize, initiate , and take him to on my own "extra" time besides my FT job. Sorry, I'm not trying to complain, I really just want to look for scheduling options and if I'm really just over-reacting to certain things. My husband's mother was a SAHM & has NEVER had to work...so her kids got to be taken to playgroups, taken to the YMCA, etc... I however, had 2 working parents, my mother tried to work her schedule (she's an RN) to be home with us at least some of the time, and my dad worked (works) full time for the USPS. So, I grew up with some daycare in my life until I went to school. So maybe it's just our two backgrounds clashing, but I think our son needs a bit of both worlds - ??
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RE: hmmph - 1/6/2009 12:56:08 PM
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Lyrach
Posts: 133
Joined: 10/20/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Auben
Frankly it doesn't sound like you made a mutual decision. It sounds like you made a decision based on what you think is the right way to care for your son.
There's nothing wrong with your son being alone for 30 minutes, as long as he has objects around him he can play with. The question becomes can you work through any distractions he hands out and will your husband respond to emergencies or excessively loud behavior?
Sounds like it's time to go back to the negotiations table. This time remind yourself that being the mother does not give you the right to set the schedule. Take notes for 1-2 weeks. Make note of every time your son is crying or yelling and the length of time for each. Make note of any emergencies you had to respond to because he was sleeping. Note what time your son gets up every day and then what time your husband comes and gets him.
If at the end of this time you see that most of what is happening is your son calling for someone (not afraid or hurt) sometimes, let it go. If he's not sitting in his crib for more than 30-60 minutes and is not unhappy, then I think you should try your best to cope with the situation. Turn on some music. Move to a different room in the house. Your son is not hurt. He is learning to entertain himself. Just make sure he has toys to play with when he wakes up.
If at the end of this time you see that your son is distressed or that you are spending significant time every day in dealing with him during this time (he's climbing out of the crib, he's wet the bed, he's screaming), show your husband your findings and let him know that you can't work at home under these conditions. Give him options. He gets up at a specific time every day. Your son goes to day care. Someone comes in for an hour or two every morning. You leave the home for 2 hours every morning or you work in an office. If he chooses to get up and he doesn't there has to be a consequence. For instance, you will sign your son up for daycare or hire a babysitter from 730-930 every morning after you have to deal with X more number of situations during work time.
And if things don't work out, go through with it. Don't say 'he said no.' You are an independent person with a job that deserves your time. Probably you work for someone else. Even though you work at home you want to be honest about the time you are spending on your job. It's unfair for your husband to expect you to cheat your boss on that hour.
And if your son is calm and unhurt, it's unfair of you to expect your husband to jump up when you start work. Let him parent your son in his own way during that time and do your best to cope.
I do like the suggestions in this post too.  It's really hard for my family when I'm working from home. I have gotten to the point where I have e-mailed my hubby and told him if certain things can't be met (e.g. when I am on the phone in a meeting to have it 95% like noise free in the house) then I can't work from home. That wouldn't really work out well with his schedule, or when he wants/ needs to practice, so I've put a consequence out there - it feels like I have another child - only he's a 27 year old man!
I will do the toy thing....or, I've even told my husband that I will bring our son in the room in the morning if need be. It's harder for my son to transition when he's seen mommy in the morning, and then I leave him, and then reappear, and then leave again, but I'm training him too, to realize that mommy is here, but not available at certain times....feels like a balancing act sometimes. Thank you for the suggestion!
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RE: hmmph - 1/7/2009 10:31:19 AM
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Lyrach
Posts: 133
Joined: 10/20/2008
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Hislittleone - yep. that all makes sense. I guess there are things I will change, and if this is going to distract me from working (e.g. having to listen to him whine & cry in the morning, today it was for 45 min whilst my husband laid in bed, awake, with his arm over his eyes)... I literally cannot work with all the distractions, so I guess that's the biggest problem for me. The fact that I'm home, the fact that he's home, and where do I beging to be another versus a worker for my employer who is paying me to be on the clock? My husband's schedule will slightly change when the semester begins again, so hopefull that will help some. We are two very different people, that is for sure. Most of the reason he stays at hom with our son is because of the fact that he is a music major and has to practice (minimum of 2 hrs a day), and he just doesn't like going out. He had all these plans to take our son out while he was on his break, but they only got out once. So, I brought up the possibility of my son being in a playgroup, and all my husband would do is sigh and groan and say, "that's fine, if it doesn't cost anything, and that's what you want" (the 'if that's what you want' means that I am responsible for arranging, taking and doing this on my own)........so, in this case, it looks like I am going to have to be more of the woman that ladyingrace1979 suggests. I guess there's a difference between a mother and a father. I am learning I am truly willing to give my time, my energy, my sleep & my body in order that my kids may have better opportunities in life. I know right now my husband is working in order to get a job that truly provides (benefits, retirement, etc) for his family's future. We're in process right now, and so maybe for the next couple of years I will just have to assume the role of provider and full time mom (w/help from grandma). Thank you for all your help.
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RE: hmmph - 1/7/2009 11:39:58 AM
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Deepseeking
Posts: 200
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lyrach
I don't quite get it. My husband agreed to a schedule for our 27month old son, and yet he still sets his alarm for a later wake up time than we agreed to. HE justifies this by saying that when he's in charge of our son, that he will decide what parenting actions are best, but when my son wakes up at 8:30am , and (I work from home, now, contrary to what most peoples' misconceptions are, I have set hours, and I have to left alone in the office d/t confidentiality issues, concentration, etc, or I lose my job!) I hear him saying "Mommy, Daddy" for over a half an hour, and my husband is to be up at around 9am latest - he says it's good for our son to have some alone time , e.g. my husband wants to sleep in longer- I figure this is all in selfishness. If you want alone time as a parent, you either do it when the kids are asleep, you get a babysitter or daycare, or you don't get it. Sorry. That's being a parent. My husband always says these things aren't about him & his sleep or schedule, but he's a night owl & doesn't like to get up until later - but, in my opinion, you are a father first, then comes your night-owling. If you want to stay up until 2:30a.m. every morning, fine. Just know that your son's wake up time is between 8am-8:30 am (which, if I must say, is a lot later than most toddlers I know, but that's another issue in and of itself). Sorry to vent, I have asked my hubby about getting our son into a morning learning program (from like 8 - noon), to which he always says , "no, we're not spending the money when we can work out our schedules"...Well, this apparently isn't working. I am the mother, and I feel it is my job to call the shots on the kids' schedules. Did anyone else have problems like this? I could also work on - site for my job, but that doesn't help the problem either, because he'd just get our son up at the same time, I just wouldn't be around to express my distaste about it.
I'm answering without reading others so they probably covered this also, but I didn't want other opinions informing my own. I say this as one with a youngest child of 21 and a new grandchild, so I've been through three of my own and a step.
1. You agreed to a schedule, he should stand by his agreement. (I say that unless you just badgered him into the agreement).
2. As the parent in charge, he gets to make the decisions. If you want to make the decisions, you keep the child. You one-upping his decisions is going to create marital problems.
3. Your attempt to get a child into early morning "learning program" sound more like an attempt to get your husband up earlier than helping the child. Children are ALWAYS better off with a parent than daycare.
4. you don't get to call the shots just because you are the mother.
5. This seems like you are just trying to control the whole situation to me. How much damage is it doing your child if he gets out of bed at 9:00 than at 8:30? I don't think there would be any other than getting tired of calling for Mommy and Daddy for 30 minutes.
6. Perhaps you should work on-site then you wouldn't see, hear or have to deal with the situation and it would get taken care of by your husband, without you looking over his shoulder telling him how incompetent he is. This might be better for both of you.
The above does not mitigate the fact that your husband is acting childishly. You are correct that he should be going to bed at a time that permits him to fulfill the agreed upon schedule (if it was agreed upon and just not put upon him). You might find more success by actually getting input from him.
Why isn't he working?
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