Kicka - #5 (Full Version)

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TwinCityGirl -> Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 4:55:15 PM)

Here is a short summary of what Kicka is:

1. Kicka is a thread where you can discuss what's going on, issues going on, in-depth things you've been thinking about...whatever is on your mind.

2. This is a stickier point and I think that now most people do understand what this means and doesn't mean:

It's a fact there are any number of women on these forums who are engaged in a struggle to conceive a child. Due to sensitivities toward those women, I did ask that people not turn Kicka into "Here's what I do to get my child to sleep at night" or "When did you first feel your baby kick?"

It's not that those types of discussions aren't valid -- they absolutely ARE, and I understand why people have those discussions. HOWEVER, there are threads specifically designed for topics like that (the pregnancy thread, the post-partum thread, the breastfeeding thread, etc.) that are custom-made for women to discuss any and all issues pregnancy and child related.

What I have asked here in Kicka is merely that if you want to come here and talk about your child turning over for the first time -- that's great! We can celebrate that milestone with you, but let's not let that segue into the topic of the day. You ARE welcome to mention your pregnancy or mention your children. It's just if you're looking for lots of discussion or advice on those subjects, please see the corresponding threads in the Women Only folder instead.

Infertile people deal with other people's pregnancies and babies and children all the time. It's part of their life. But I just wanted to make sure we had a chat space here that wasn't child-centric or pregnancy-centric. If I am being unclear please let me know and I will offer further explanation.

Please read a handful of posts to get a flavor for the camaraderie here.

EVERYBODY IS WELCOME. (well, not the boys) [;)]

Jeanie



Nicole_Michelle -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 5:01:18 PM)

Wooohooo for Kicka 5!!! [:)]

About laws and wishing police would do something about them.

There are a lot of people breaking simple laws in this city. At first it annoyed me, but now I realize that cops have more to deal with than someone parked on the wrong side of the road, someone parked on their lawn, someone littering etc etc. They are more focused on catching gang members, stopping shootings, stopping crazy speeders etc. So now it doesn't bother me as much... unless I'm in a bad mood. [8D]



stampinlady -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 5:06:41 PM)

quote:

unless I'm in a bad mood.

That's so true. If I go for a walk and my PMS is in full swing I get bothered by anything!

Anyone have to tell a friend that you couldn't be friends anymore? I'm going through something like this and told her how felt today. What do you do when they over spiritualize it? It saddens me, but I think it's best.



TwinCityGirl -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 5:08:12 PM)

Hello, Nicole and Deb!

Thank you for making the trip over to Kicka #5. I know it's a pain to switch mid-stream but I'm so glad we're allowed to go a whole 100 pages before starting anew.

Thank you for coming over!

Jeanie



TwinCityGirl -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 5:15:40 PM)

There is a group of people from another country who now live here -- they have a church in our neighborhood.

Oh my word. Their witness to our neighborhood is TERRIBLE. They do not care about us AT ALL.

It makes me really, really sad. They don't obey parking rules AT ALL. They park in front of the fire hydrant every week. They park literally TO THE END OF THE BLOCK -- every square inch of it.

Many times they have parked several feet into our driveway so we can hardly get out ourselves to go to church or anywhere we want to go.

I hate it that they are Christians and they don't obey the parking rules. It is such a bad witness, and as a fellow Christian I just think they can and should do better.

The church I attended for years was a city church and went way out of their way to make sure to thank the local neighbors for being so understanding that we all had to park our cars on the street (no church parking lot). They did appreciation dinners and picnics and service projects for the local people.

This other group that we live by could care less, and in fact, seems irritated that we don't run at their speed and that we might actually, I DON'T KNOW -- WANT TO BE ABLE TO PULL OUT OF OUR OWN DRIVEWAY SOMETIMES???!?!

Makes me sad. [&o]



TwinCityGirl -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 5:22:22 PM)

Donna,

It's not that I don't see any validity to bike helmets. I just don't like the government telling me that I have to wear one, or my kid does.

Jeanie



agapetos -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 5:53:25 PM)

quote:

Well, bike helmets for kids is a law in most states, which makes it a legal issue, not a parenting issue.
I'd have thought it would be a parent's responsibility to ensure that their child had a cycle helmet that fitted and was in good repair, regardless of whether it was law to have a child wear a helmet.

I am so fortunate that while I had a lot of serious injuries when I was on a bike as a child, my head was never damaged.

quote:

I just don't like the government telling me that I have to wear one, or my kid does.
Sometimes laws aren't set for the many incredibly sensible parents but the few irresponsible idiots who happen to have become parents and think that because the parent never had to wear a helmet, the child doesn't either.



PinkCarnations -> Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 6:00:01 PM)

[sm=mouse.gif]



agapetos -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 6:04:28 PM)

quote:

When I see my pdoc I usually have to wait 15-20 minutes just to talk to her for 10 minutes or so. My wait for my therapist is usually about 10-15 minutes to talk to her for 75-90 minutes. If you are more than five minutes late and you didn't call them, they will cancel your apt. If you do call, they allow you to be up to 15 minutes late before cancelling you. Stinks if you take the bus and don't have a cell phone.
But there are many other things that we seem to accept we have to wait for (how many times do you spend in a queue at a supermarket?

Sometimes I have to wait a while to see my GP but it doesn't bother me. I know that when I go into her office she will stop and listen to me and give me the time that I need, no matter how much it throws her appointments out. Last time I went I was a bit late going in, very late coming out to see her because of the nature of the appointment ~ and it wasn't just me taking up more of her time, she went out of her way with a couple of things to make sure that they were done without my having to go back.



PinkCarnations -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 6:07:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agapetos

quote:

When I see my pdoc I usually have to wait 15-20 minutes just to talk to her for 10 minutes or so. My wait for my therapist is usually about 10-15 minutes to talk to her for 75-90 minutes. If you are more than five minutes late and you didn't call them, they will cancel your apt. If you do call, they allow you to be up to 15 minutes late before cancelling you. Stinks if you take the bus and don't have a cell phone.
But there are many other things that we seem to accept we have to wait for (how many times do you spend in a queue at a supermarket?


Not very often. I can't handle the crowds so I either go when the stores are quiet or someone else goes for me.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 6:18:41 PM)

Jeanie, that church would irk me too. Can you send them a nicely written note...I'm glad you all are so diligent to gather for worship, but your parking in the way of my driveway is keeping me from my place of worship. Something like that? I'm sorry people don't think of their witness.[:@]

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwinCityGirl

Donna,

It's not that I don't see any validity to bike helmets. I just don't like the government telling me that I have to wear one, or my kid does.

Jeanie


I can appreciate that. And I know you love your kidlet and do what's best for him.

quote:

Sometimes laws aren't set for the many incredibly sensible parents but the few irresponsible idiots


As I was washing dishes, I was thinking of this issue in terms of the idiotic farmer that has his employees driving tractors around that are too big for the road. Should the government have to get involved? No, they shouldn't. But clearly some people have no sense, and so when our lawsuit is done, we will be working to change the law. Why? So other people don't get hurt and/or killed because a handful of farmers think they own the roads. I think quite a few laws have come about this way, KWIM?

Doctors running late...ohmyword. Brian has a couple who we routinely wait over an hour for, even if our appointment is early morning. We've just decided to make the best of it and always bring something to read/do. Only time it really bothers me is the rare occasion that we have to take the kids with us because we can't get someone to watch them. I've no problem sitting in a waiting room if the only ones I have to get to behave are Brian, Esther, and myself.



agapetos -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 6:21:57 PM)

quote:

I think quite a few laws have come about this way, KWIM?
Yep.



Nicole_Michelle -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 6:24:17 PM)

quote:

That's so true. If I go for a walk and my PMS is in full swing I get bothered by anything!


I'm usually in a bad mood if I'm sleep deprived or not wanting to deal with someone or a situation anymore. Then everything bothers me. [8D]

quote:

Anyone have to tell a friend that you couldn't be friends anymore? I'm going through something like this and told her how felt today. What do you do when they over spiritualize it? It saddens me, but I think it's best.


No. I've never had to do this. Are you gonna be ok?

Hey Jeanie!!!

Man, that is sad... very sad. Talk about rude people. Sounds like they were related to all the people from our last church in our last town. [:D]



magdaleine -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 6:46:58 PM)

quote:

Nicole, you just send him my way. We'll treat him right and give him some good homecooked food. (You should come, too!) (Bring Lexie.)

I want to come too! Though I've never been ill-treated as a Canadian in the US.

quote:

My kids are growing up knowing that both helmets and seatbelts are mandatory. Something we decided waaaaaay back when Noah was a baby.

My first son was born before there was any legislation here for child and infant seats. I insisted we use one and had to argue with the nurse who walked baby and me down to the car. She did not want me to use the infant seat but rather have me hold him in the front seat. I wonder if she remembered that when the infant seat laws were made.



agapetos -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 6:55:41 PM)

I can remember my cousin and his wife visiting with their baby before there was any legislation. While they hadn't bought a car seat, they had talked about getting one and while they were visiting we went into a big department store and they talked for a long time with the sales assistant about which was best to get and why etc.

I can also remember being in a friend's car, with another friend before seat belt law came into force. The other friend asked the owner/driver 'I don't have to wear this stupid belt do I?' The response was short and to the point. 'Seatbelts saved my parents lives. Either wear it or walk.'



Nicole_Michelle -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 7:04:40 PM)

quote:

I can also remember being in a friend's car, with another friend before seat belt law came into force. The other friend asked the owner/driver 'I don't have to wear this stupid belt do I?' The response was short and to the point. 'Seatbelts saved my parents lives. Either wear it or walk.'


I've made other adults wear seat belts in our car. When I was driving 2 guys didn't want to use their seat belts so I told them that I will not start driving till they are buckled up. They buckled up right away. I never start driving until everyone is buckled up. I also told them that if they didn't shut up I would pull over and kick them out of my car, but that is another story[;)]. I have sounded like a mom for years. [8D][:D]



ncgrlnhisgrip -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 7:35:04 PM)

quote:

I just don't like the government telling me that I have to wear one, or my kid does.


I am with you on that one, Jeanie. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty much against any "this sounds like a really good idea" laws. Just think of where the path we are on leads us: illegal homeschooling is the first that comes to mind. Parents should have the right to raise their children however they see fit (of course so long as that includes safety- not in an abusive manner, of course, so let's not even go there)- even if that means sending them out in the front yard without a helmet. In my state, not immunizing already equates with abuse in some people's minds. We're only a few years away from them telling us as parents we can never spank a child again.



agapetos -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 7:42:39 PM)

quote:

We're only a few years away from them telling us as parents we can never spank a child again.
But spanking doesn't work for all children ~ and too many parents (and I've seen in in these forums) use spanking as an easy option because they won't invest the initial time in 'time out'. I am not saying spanking is wrong, but I am saying that parents should take responsibility for their child's discipline and not take the easy option.



ncgrlnhisgrip -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 7:49:42 PM)

Oh and I totally agree with you and we are not spanking parents. Our family does not support physical discipline because my husband suffered at the hands of an alcoholic abuser as a child. But, I don't think it should be illegal. I'm sure there are children and families in this world for whom physical discipline works.



Sideways -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 8:05:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ncgrlnhisgrip
even if that means sending them out in the front yard without a helmet.


I would contest that parents who do that are raising their child in a grossly unsafe manner, therefore the need for the law. Without such laws we have moms like Brittany Spears sitting their kid on their front lap while they drive.

Cycling without a helmet is very dangerous, and while I agree that an adult has the right to end their own lives, kids need to be protected from dumb parents.



agapetos -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 8:07:46 PM)

But there are many children who will suffer, as your husband suffered if something is not done. I'm not suggesting that spanking should be against the law ~ I am suggesting that something needs to be done to change children suffering.



ncgrlnhisgrip -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 8:08:05 PM)

To what extent?



agapetos -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 8:10:47 PM)

quote:

kids need to be protected from dumb parents.
Amen!

So the question is...

How do you make educate the dumb parents so the parents with at least a couple of brain cells (who bring their children up in a reasonable manner) aren't subjected to every single law?



Sideways -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 8:12:56 PM)

I would say that if there is cold, scientific proof that a certain behavior is always dangerous or abusive, then there would be cause to possibly make it a law.

Spanking is not always dangerous or abusive, often it is not. Homeschooling is obviously not dangerous or abusive. Driving with your kid on your lap is obviously very dangerous. Riding a bike without a helmet is always dangerous, even if something doesn't happen to you on that particular day.



ncgrlnhisgrip -> RE: Kicka - #5 (2/10/2009 8:21:57 PM)

quote:

How do you make educate the dumb parents so the parents with at least a couple of brain cells (who bring their children up in a reasonable manner) aren't subjected to every single law?


I think if we could answer that one, both our countries would benefit from a lot less unnecessary legislation! I sure wish the US had a better answer than where we are headed.

---

OTOH, feeding your kid's McDonalds every day could be dangerous AND abusive- should it be illegal? There's just such a fine line. I tend to err on the side of non-legislation, and stricter enforcement of the laws already in place, with a less significant emphasis on victimless crimes.



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