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Bro_Shane -> This is hard for me, but here goes... (2/27/2009 1:21:50 PM)
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Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it
Those are tough words, really tough. The Lord has been working on my heart recently, and in an area in which I am not very comfortable. I strive to live a Godly life and I like to think of myself as a good person. I'm honest, I treat people fairly, I'm a pastor, a father, a husband - and I thought I was being good at all of them. As a man, it is hard to admit failure, especially when it is in an area in which I believe so strongly. But I have to admit it if I want to remain honest. I have failed.
It is tough for me to write this, and I do so in hopes that none of you will make the same mistake. You see, I love my wife. I would die for her. She is the mother of my two children and has put up with me for a long time, always loving me, always supporting me. I have always loved her and I always will. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would change that. But, even though I love her, I had stopped respecting her, who she is, what she does, and what God meant for her to be to me.
In doing that, it became easier for me to be angry with her. It became easier for me to ignore her feelings, or to write them off as feminine craziness, a "it must be that time of the month again" sort of thing. It became easier for her feelings and desires to be less real, less important. Without realizing it, I had relegated my wife to something less than what she should be, to less than who she was.
This is what hurts. I love my wife, enough to die for her - but was I giving myself for her? Dying for something does not take the same level of commitment as living for something; as continuing every single day to make the decision, for the rest of your life, to continue giving yourself. This is what I had forgotten. It is not just a one-time sacrifice God has called us to. Christ, at this very moment, sits at the right hand of God making intercession for us. He did not stop loving us, He did not stop caring about us, He did not stop making preparations for us after His resurrection. For almost two thousand years He has been there, knowing us better then we know ourselves, guiding, convicting, giving peace and strength. Every single moment of every single day He is there, wholly God yet continuing to love us and work on our behalf.
I am wrong. I have not been making that sacrifice. I had done what a man was supposed to do in that my family had a home, food, and all other needs were met. But that is what a man is supposed to do anyway. I wasn't going out of my way to appreciate who and what she is. I quit seeing the absolute blessing, the wonderful gift God had given me in her. I was there in body, but not in any other way.
I have never strayed or been unfaithful to my wife in any way. I would work at any job to provide for my family, but that's not enough. I need to be her husband in every sense of the word. Without leaving, I had abandoned her. But not anymore.
Men, please learn from what I am saying. Tell your wives you love them. Show it by listening to them. Don't dismiss their feelings just because you can't understand them sometimes. Keep in mind the sacrifices she has made for you, what she puts up with just to be with you. See her again with a new vision, see her as the most precious thing you have ever been given by God outside of your salvation. Fight for her heart, her mind, her attention. Be grateful.
Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
And now, as I see this, God is again proven true. I feel, in my own heart and mind, things that I would have otherwise missed if I had not submitted to God. My entire outlook has changed. Men, this will be just as good for me as for her. I feel better already, more alive.
I was wrong but, through the grace and mercy of a loving God, I now know it, have repented to both God and her, and will strive to never, never, make the same mistake again.
I hopes this helps someone. If it does, please say a quick prayer for me. I have a lot of making up to do.
God bless.
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