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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 7:34:34 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3368
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Garsy, I'm sorry about your pet.
Maggie, yeah, I think learning to let go is a hard lesson for all of us to learn, husbands and wives. My feminist side used to get riled about this, as in why should the wife have to keep her mouth shut and the husband gets to say whatever he wants? But then I realized my husband has come a long way in restraining himself, too.
Sometimes in the past dH would get on me about something I forgot to do or did wrong, and he'd go on and on about it, and my defensive reaction would be to tune him out or get into fighting mode. But I think we've both gotten better about stating our case once and then letting go.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 7:44:46 AM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 402
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
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They could get me in sooner with a different doctor. There are 8 doctors in the practice. The one I see is a friend from church and is the most well-liked there. She almost always has a full schedule and it is nearly impossible to see her for a sick visit. The only 2 doctors that had open appointments are doctors I refuse to take my child too.
I would go buy him some other formula, but right now we have about $20 in the bank and Chris doesn't get paid until the 15th.
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Happily married to Chris since 8-5-2006 and mommy to David (6-13-2008) and James (9-27-2009.)
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 8:07:28 AM
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manda59
Posts: 8214
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EmilyAnn
They could get me in sooner with a different doctor. There are 8 doctors in the practice. The one I see is a friend from church and is the most well-liked there. She almost always has a full schedule and it is nearly impossible to see her for a sick visit. The only 2 doctors that had open appointments are doctors I refuse to take my child too.
Emily, I understand that there are doctors there that you don't like, and am not at all saying you're wrong not to like them, but, surely, mightn't it be worth laying aside your principles for one visit so that David's suffering might be eased sooner? If you go and are not happy with what that doctor says, at least you'd still have the other appointment to fall back on.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 8:57:27 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3587
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quote:
Maggie, yeah, I think learning to let go is a hard lesson for all of us to learn, husbands and wives. My feminist side used to get riled about this, as in why should the wife have to keep her mouth shut and the husband gets to say whatever he wants? But then I realized my husband has come a long way in restraining himself, too.
Sometimes in the past dH would get on me about something I forgot to do or did wrong, and he'd go on and on about it, and my defensive reaction would be to tune him out or get into fighting mode. But I think we've both gotten better about stating our case once and then letting go.
Oh yeah. I don't have a feminist side  but there is definitely part of me that wanted to tell him "NO WAY" on this house. And get on his case about the lack of plumbing. No question he made a mistake.
But....fighting about it and forcing my way has *never* been any benefit. And letting him do what he really, really wants to do and make mistakes and have to take full responsibility for them is so much more satisfying. I feel bad for him, but this is also something he will remember forever because it was his thing and he wasn't making a decision out of reaction to something I said. And there aren't any bad feelings, either about the purchase or about the mistake. I just have been saying "I know. Ouch. Well, painful lesson learned, huh?" and hugging him every time he brings it up. 
I didn't have to keep my mouth shut. But it works better in some situations. Especially when he is not neglecting his responsibilities to us at all, and always puts us first. If it weren't for family responsibilities, he'd be able to do a lot of stuff that he can't right now. Honestly, it's just doing for him what I want him to do for me when I make a big mistake.
_____________________________
 Moo
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 9:05:56 AM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 402
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
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It's really hard for me to submit to Chris, but I am getting better. I grew up with 1 younger sister and 3 younger female cousins. I was used to being the boss and telling everyone what to do. I was the oldest so they thought I was cool and did whatever I told them too, no questions asked. What makes it even more difficult is that Chris is a very passive person. He has 3 older brothers and his dad was very demanding when he was younger so he is used to being the one told what to do and doing it. He makes it really easy for me to tell him what to do. But I have been working on it for 2 1/2 years and I think I'm getting better.
David's eczema isn't bleeding today. I covered him in coconut oil last night and that seems to have helped a little. He is still super fussy today. Poor baby has to deal with the eczema and teething, so I know he must feel miserable.
My mom and sister are coming over today to bring me lunch and hang out for a while. The weather is supposed to be really nice this afternoon so we might go to a park of something when Chris gets home from work.
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Happily married to Chris since 8-5-2006 and mommy to David (6-13-2008) and James (9-27-2009.)
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 9:18:47 AM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 402
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From: Thomasville, NC
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yep, those are the 2. One is old (I saw him once when I was a kid) and has no bedside manner. He also wrote a prescription wrong when David was a newborn and if I would have given that medicine to him it would have been way too much. He is also known for not listening to patients and being very old fashioned. The other is the one that bullied Chris into letting David get a combo vaccine. He flat out lied to Chris and went against the vaccine schedule I had for David that was in his chart and his regular doctor was okay with. If I ever see that man I am scared I will have some not-so-nice things to say to him. 
_____________________________
Happily married to Chris since 8-5-2006 and mommy to David (6-13-2008) and James (9-27-2009.)
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 9:56:44 AM
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lexie
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From: Toronto
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Emily - I'm sorry that David is having a rough time. There's been so many suggestions here...can I give one more? LOL...actually I was just going to say that I use Jasons Cocoa Butter on mine as soon while the skin is still very moist. It's helped a lot, the last time I had a flare up it cleared it up within a few days which is amazing considering everything else I have tried.
Also, the son of a friend of mine had it very severe when he was less than a year old. She found switching to organic fibers in his clothing helped, in addition to a few other things she was doing.
Submission - I am definitely a submit to your husband type of wife when it comes to family matters (which took some time to become) however my husband is far from that kind of husband. He really doesn't care so much about that stuff and thinks because I'm the wife and mother that these things should be handled by me. We always have a good laugh, because he's always asking why I defer to him on things and I yell "because you're the head of the household!" I think part of it comes down to the role of women in his culture. He appreciates that I'm more subdued and that's what he had hoped for in a wife, but I think it's still strange for him to actually have.
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I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 12:18:37 PM
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myka
Posts: 982
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Submission: If I did not voice my opposition to something that my dh was going to do, he would be really angry with me for not telling him. We've had this discussion many times because earlier in our marriage, I wouldn't tell him what I thought and just let him make his own mistakes. When he found out about what I had been doing, he 'corrected' me and some of my understandings (from the teachings that I had on submission).
Emily could you talk to a nurse and find out if you can use other things to treat David's eczema? My little one was complaining about her eczema--it was hurting and she wanted a bandaid.
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 1:51:44 PM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 980
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
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What a day this has been so far. I took my son to see a psychiatrist this morning and she has diagnosed him with Bipolar disorder. Considering my own past, this has my head swimming. It took me 2 days to find a doc even willing to talk with an 11-year old who is cutting himself. This is not a normal situation, I guess, so I don't know what to think. I was expecting the doc to tell me he was just doing it to get attention, and never in a trillion years would I have considered she might tell me this.
To add to the confusion, I just found out my 12-year old found a bag of marijuana outside our apartment complex yesterday and sold it to another kid down the street! WHAT IS GOING ON in my household that everyone seems to have lost their minds???
On top of all of that, I have at least 3 loads of laundry and I need to straighten up the kids' room (their definition of clean is so different than mine lol), vacuum and dust or else the apartment will look like a tornado has hit it by Sunday evening. UGH, I hate laundry LOL!
Ok, so done with my mini-rant. I'm tired, I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm still trying to process this morning's happenings. I have a prescription for Depakote for him, and I can't bring myself to go get it filled yet. I know I am not being objective, but this disease destroyed my life and almost killed me. It's hard to be objective about it, I guess.
ANYWAY, glad to see how healthy the chatting is here today. Maggie, I'm sorry about your new house. Yes, it's hard to learn things the hard way, but when we learn them that way, we generally never forget the lesson, right?
Emily, I am so sorry about your baby's eczema. My boys all had it but never so bad it bled. I'll keep your precious in my prayers today.
Jennifer (fluffmonkey) I am so sorry to hear you have a cold. I hope you feel better soon!
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We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 2:27:28 PM
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myka
Posts: 982
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Maggie, I think that the important thing is to be supportive of our husbands in whatever way that they can best receive it.
Jenn, I think you are doing really good; you have noticed that he needed help and found some help for him (that is a very good thing -- IMHO).
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 3:17:05 PM
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fluffmonkey
Posts: 858
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From: some where over the rainbow
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((Jenn)) Your doing the right thing, and like myka said you noticed that he needed help and you are getting him help... alot times parents don't see things, and alot of issues go un-noticed... It sounds like alot is happening at the moment but there is always peace after the storm. (praying for your family)
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Jennifer
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 3:20:30 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8214
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EmilyAnn
yep, those are the 2. One is old (I saw him once when I was a kid) and has no bedside manner. He also wrote a prescription wrong when David was a newborn and if I would have given that medicine to him it would have been way too much. He is also known for not listening to patients and being very old fashioned. The other is the one that bullied Chris into letting David get a combo vaccine.
Well, I'd imagine that either of those could manage to write a note for WIC for some non-dairy formula - it doesn't require much skill, effort or bedside manner!
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 3:25:05 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8214
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
What a day this has been so far. I took my son to see a psychiatrist this morning and she has diagnosed him with Bipolar disorder. Considering my own past, this has my head swimming. It took me 2 days to find a doc even willing to talk with an 11-year old who is cutting himself. This is not a normal situation, I guess, so I don't know what to think. I was expecting the doc to tell me he was just doing it to get attention, and never in a trillion years would I have considered she might tell me this.
jennleigh
I would personally suggest that you consider getting a second opinion from another doctor. I would be sceptical of a doctor making such a serious diagnosis on just one visit. I am the carer for a guy in his 30's who is exhibiting a number of signs of being bipolar, yet his psychiatrist is taking things slow and gradual and not leaping to any quick conclusions about a diagnosis. How long was the appointment?
quote:
To add to the confusion, I just found out my 12-year old found a bag of marijuana outside our apartment complex yesterday and sold it to another kid down the street! WHAT IS GOING ON in my household that everyone seems to have lost their minds???
Are you involving the police?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 3:44:52 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3416
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
What a day this has been so far. I took my son to see a psychiatrist this morning and she has diagnosed him with Bipolar disorder. Considering my own past, this has my head swimming. It took me 2 days to find a doc even willing to talk with an 11-year old who is cutting himself. This is not a normal situation, I guess, so I don't know what to think. I was expecting the doc to tell me he was just doing it to get attention, and never in a trillion years would I have considered she might tell me this.
jennleigh
I would personally suggest that you consider getting a second opinion from another doctor. I would be sceptical of a doctor making such a serious diagnosis on just one visit. I am the carer for a guy in his 30's who is exhibiting a number of signs of being bipolar, yet his psychiatrist is taking things slow and gradual and not leaping to any quick conclusions about a diagnosis. How long was the appointment?
I agree. Not to dismiss the severity of bipolar but it really seems to be the mental health diagnosis of the week lately.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 3/6/2009 5:38:41 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8214
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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jennleigh
Could I just ask was there a particular reason you chose a psychiatrist over a psychologist? Psychiatrists tend to ask a list of questions and then prescribe something based on the answers to those questions, rather than looking any deeper or at the bigger picture. That's a slight generalisation on my part, but I would definitely suggest that at least one of the second opinions should come from a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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We think the previous owner may have just torn everything out when he lost the house. Maybe? I will not say "I told you so!" (even though i really want to!). I think dh has learned the "look before you leap" lesson for good now. 
It's going to cost us to put plumbing back in, but...dh made the decision, he took this project on, and because we're frugal and he always insists on having cash on hand, we have money to at least get started on it. He will probably figure out a way to do half or three quarters of the labor himself, too. 
And next year it will all end up being major tax deductions. 
The meds used in treatment are a big deal so it's important to be sure! 