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Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 1:44:15 PM
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prayNact
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NOTE: As of January 2005, my blog has been called "Becoming Myself." Prior to that, the blog was called "Things Go Better With Christ." I'll post the whole thing (not that huge yet), noting the original post dates for reference.
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All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 1:46:46 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/11/2004) Jesus and/or His followers
Christianity is much maligned by those who see supposed Christians who so poorly model Jesus Christ. And many of those poor Christian examples have the bumper-sticker excuse, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven," that, in their mind takes some of the seriousness out of sin.
Let's face it, we Christians sin. Only Jesus never sinned. And even though we have a Savior and the Holy Spirit helps us live properly, we too often allow our human nature to control us. That always leads to trouble.
But Christians should live in such a way that when people see us they see something of Christ in us. We shouldn't expect to live sinless lives, but our hearts' desires should be to honor and glorify God in all we do, say, and are. Jesus spoke very harshly to hypocrites, those who professed His name while actually dragging it through the mud.
I wish Christians could provide a better picture of Christianity. We certainly have a God who gives us the power to do so, and maybe if one on-the-fence Christian reading this becomes more true to his faith, he'll be able to encourage another borderline Christian and Jesus will become at least a little more properly represented.
Nonbelievers have every right to criticize hypocrites who slander Jesus' name. I do hope, however, that they give equal attention to the Christians who honor Jesus' name. And I hope they don't blame Jesus for His many un-Christlike followers. You self-professed Christians who make Jesus into who you want Him to be just to satisfy your own selfish pleasures, please stop. Your eternity is in question, since Jesus says that if we love Him we'll (mostly) keep His commandments, and we'll love one another
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All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 1:48:11 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/11/2004) Oops, I didn't realize the word "intro" would be a permanent part of the title. However, now that I think about it, I realize that my words and yours are only an introduction to the vast realm of proofs supporting the superiority of Christ and the Christian life. Imagine when we get to heaven and see Jesus in all His glory, and "when we've been there ten thousand years." Wow, even that will be just an intro.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 1:50:37 PM
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prayNact
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(OK, I'm going to skip any posts of mine that aren't directly relevant to the topics).
(Posted 2/11/2004) The gap separating "is" from "should be"
Well, as long as I'm on a roll... 
Why am I writing about the superiority of Christ when I so often seem to forget and instead believe in the superiority of my feelings or passions or even fears?
The Bible tells us who we are in Christ, and what promises we receive as His children. Yet so many Christians, it seems, live oblivious to those truths. Ravi Zacharias said in a recent message that the Christians of today do not by and large give a very attractive picture of true Christianity.
We are "more than conquerors" (Rom. 8:37). We are "free indeed" (Rom. 8:36).
Yet so many Christian men struggle with lust and pornography. They do not feel able to conquer or flee the enslavement of their passions. I have struggled in this area. When I allow passion to compete with truth, it too often wins out. Satan tells me (and many others), "If it feels good, do it." If we give in, is it because we don't truly believe that we can conquer the temptation, or is it because we don't care? In other words, during those moments do we see God as impotent or as a spoil-sport.
So much of accepting who Jesus is in our lives comes from accepting the whole Jesus, not just what makes us feel good. C.S. Lewis said Jesus never gave us the option of accepting Him as just a teacher. Likewise, He also never gave us the option of accepting Him as some benign entity with only our immediate pleasure and comfort in mind.
I'm guilty of attempting to place Him in that mold. Which is why I said at the outset of this blog that I hope my approach is biblically based. If you see me proposing any solutions that in any way distort the Bible's true message, please let me know and I'll take it into consideration.
----- All attempts to live godly or to influence people toward godliness must be undergirded with prayer.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 1:54:25 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/11/2004)
Why do I so often feel inadequate? My heart longs to possess the same continuous (seemingly, at least) intensity it had when I first believed. Isn't this a common sentiment? So many of us Christians think those days are of a bygone era.
When we first called ourselves a "couple," when we started feeling our hearts flutter around each other, my fiancee and I knew those feelings alone couldn't and mustn't define our relationship. Yet several months later we feel more "gushy" than ever. Not always, for sure, but when things are going well we can look into each other's eyes with such a depth of intense love. Can I guarantee that we'll always feel our hearts going "pitter patter" (OK, sorry for all the lovey-dovey terms, I'm just a romantic at heart  )? No, but what has helped things go well so far is our commitment to do what is necessary, even when those steps are not easy.
When I decide to allow Christ to truly be Lord of my life, things do go better. I'm made in God's image (Gen. 1:26-27), and He enables me to do His will for His pleasure (Phil. 2:13). Theologians speak of the self-authenticating witness of the Holy Spirit. As Rom. 8:16 says, "The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children" (NIV). So when my spirit is "in tune" with the Holy Spirit, I love doing His will as expressed in Scripture.
Yet we can also grieve the Holy Spirit (Eph. 4:30). Satan makes us think that our happiness is God's greatest desire for us. He thinks that we deserve "heaven on earth," that pain or discomfort are surely not of God. Our human nature grabs onto that more quickly than a hungry dog snatches up a dropped morsel of food.
It's difficult to allow God to be God. I so often think that my opinions are of equal weight with His, and if He'd consider my thoughts He'd say, "Hmm, maybe you're right, Jeff. My ways are really *not* always higher than your ways." That's how I've gotten into financial trouble. I see something I want, and before I have a chance to consider whether I can afford it (and how being in debt is not a good witness) I buy it. After all, God wants me to feel good, right? Only later do I realize I should not have been so impulsive, that the road to true happiness does require doing without at times.
I've failed to witness because it might offend somebody. I've cursed at a less-than-perfect driver (other than myself, of course) because I deserve revenge. I've been late to work because my bed is so-o-o comfortable in the morning.
Feeling follow action. Perhaps not always true, but many of you who have stumbled out of bed or who have dragged ourselves to the writing desk know what I mean. When we look back, we appreciate having taken that first step.
That's what happened at the Jordan. Joshua 3 says that when the priests carrying the ark of the covenant approached that river, it was at flood stage. The waters didn't divide until their feet touched the water's edge. I'm sure you've seen how turbulent a flooded river can be. Wouldn't it have been better for God to divide the waters well in advance of their crossing? Likewise, the Jews got angry when they realized Pharoahs army was approaching and the Red Sea blocked their hope of escape. Why didn't God tell them well in advance that He'd divide the waters?
Why does God ask us to act in faith, with the action seeming to bring about God's assurance of success? Why can't we just "know" as surely as we did during those first moments of our conversion?
I'll present some of my thoughts on this soon, and would love to read yours.
----- All attempts to live godly or to influence people toward godliness must be undergirded with prayer.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 1:57:43 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/12/2004)
By the way, if this seems like just a teaching thread, please know that I'm just as eager as many of you to learn more about Christ's superiority in His person and His commands. At times I forget, or doubt, and need a fresh word from God to help me rekindle these truths.
QUOTE
"Why does God ask us to act in faith, with the action seeming to bring about God's assurance of success? Why can't we just "know" as surely as we did during those first moments of our conversion?
I'll present some of my thoughts on this soon, and would love to read yours."
Well, I guess I should have some good answers by now. Um, can I use the excuse that I've been busy and haven't had sufficient time to think about it? 
Well actually, I've had a whole lifetime to think about it. Too often I think it stinks, like God is some cosmic sadist (I'm sure you've heard those views from non-believers in their expressions of hostility toward God).
Is faith in the unseen, the yet-to-be, really better than knowing for sure? God seems to give us enough evidence of His existence for us to believe He might exist, but not enough to prove beyond a doubt. He gives us a measure of hope that when we go where He leads He'll be there for us, but He allows room for doubt. Why do I believe in Christ but certain people in my family don't? We were all raised in a similar setting. They look for something tangible. I can't provide that. God chooses not to provide it. At times doubt creeps in my mind. Why do so many not believe?
The Bible gives evidences of His presence. I can read and discover how God blessed those who placed their faith in Him and His commands. Hebrews 11 says that some were faithful through torture and even death, though they didn't receive their reward until heaven. Throughout the Old Testament God is shown protecting His people, performing miracles. Yet we are so much like doubting Thomas, who wanted to see the nail marks in the resurrected Jesus (John 20:25). We don't have that privilege, and Jesus says later (v. 29)to Thomas that if we who haven't seen His incarnate form believe, we're blessed more than those who saw Him. In effect, believing in the unseen is better than believing in the seen.
That's scary. I mean, I'm called upon to rely on an ancient manuscript and what God says is the conviction of the Holy Spirit within me. And even with that I have my human nature, the world, and the Devil all telling me it's not true, that I can only believe what I see?
But God provides the Holy Spirit as an internal witness to authenticate our faith, says Rom. 8:16 (as I mentioned in an earlier post). I wonder if this is to take the focus off of how (supposedly) wise I am in believing in what is right in front of me, and putting the focus on how wonderful He is for helping me believe in what I can't see. It's only by His grace that I see the Bible is "living and active" (Heb. 4:12). The people without the Holy Spirit believe the truth about God to be "foolishness" (1 Cor. 1:18). In verse 19 He says he'll destroy the wisdom of the wise (that is, those who are wise in their own eyes, apart from the Spirit).
It seems one theme in the Gospels is that God sets up Jesus' disciples for failure. He performs all kinds of miracles, including raising people from the dead (Lazarus after a few days!). Yet when He is arrested all the disciples flee. Peter denies Him (he who when Jesus was tangible said he'd never forsake Jesus, even unto death).
I think I would be quite prideful if I could say that I was responsible for my faith in Christ and the paths He leads me on. I could imply to non-believers once my faith was proven by fact, "See, I told you so." If my "intelligence" or "wisdom" (prefix those words with "Godless") led to me believing, would I be as self-adoring as those who don't believe in God?
It seems I may have broached the subjects of election, predestination, etc. Does God provide our faith? Do we choose whether to believe? I know He says He approaches us first(e.g., Rom. 5:10, 8:29-30; 1 John 4:10), but from there what happens? (Part of me wonders if my vacillation stems in part from a prideful desire to take some credit for believing, and for easing my discomfort with a God who would choose some as "vessels of destruction" (Rom. 9:19ff). Many strict Calvinists say that we are all sinners and thus worthy only of death save for God's grace. Therefore rather than complaining that many are going to hell, we should be thankful that God chooses many to go to heaven. Unbelievers will say, "Well, those supposedly destined for hell didn't ask to be born. If they knew they'd spend eternity in hell and were not given a chance to believe, they'd be better off never existing." And yet God says that it's not about us, it's about Him (see Rom. 9:23)
Even the most respectable theologians disagree on this. What I do know is that whether God pre-determines a person's destiny or whether He gives them the option to choose, He does call me to witness. He does, amid the doubts fomented by my human nature, the world, and the devil, keep my hoping in Him and His ways.
So is God's way truly better? Do things truly go better with a Christ who is not seen, who leads us down dangerous paths with no perfectly clear view of the outcome? I think so, and I have more reasons to add to what I've already written. I'll do that in future posts.
----- All attempts to live godly or to influence people toward godliness must be undergirded with prayer.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:01:31 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/24/2004) OK, I realize I have some unanswered questions. But I'll have to get back to them because I made the mistake of not writing my brilliant answers down somewhere (which means my answers were more brilliant than me!). 
For now, I'll focus on some particularly good things about God and godly living. If and when my brilliant answers return, I'll be sure to enlighten you.
To me, the foundation of the Christian faith is not that God promises all good things about himself and the Christian life. Rather, I see the foundation as being this.
God is.
Other religions promise this and that. But so many have a "placebo" for a source of their faith. They want to believe something is true, so they make things up. Indeed, Jehovah's Witnesses have changed their "Bible" several times to fit their desires, and perhaps cultural norms. But our God has decreed things from ancient past, and because we know He is real, we also know that to alter His word is heresy. He is, so it's not just another person's opinion about Him that we're agreeing with or opposing. It's the very word of God.
Like the song goes, "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow." Faith in anything less than a certain thing leads to disillusionment in the end. I have trusted in false promises, and though like a placebo they seemed to help for a while, in the end they made things worse. Ben Lerner, fitness coach and head of The Body By God ministry, says that we may feel awakened by things like caffeine and sugar, but they leave us feeling ultimately more tired than before. So too with false gods, which in today's world might be such things as hedonistic pleasure, drugs, or food.
An Aaron Jeffrey song of a few years back, He is, ends with the lyrics (at least something like this): "And when time is no more, He is. He is." God has been, is, and always will be. Not because we made Him up. But because, well, He is.
----- All attempts to live godly or to influence people toward godliness must be undergirded with prayer.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:03:10 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 3/1/2004) As have millions of others in the past few days, I viewed The Passion of the Christ.
It's still hard to find words to express. That movie helped open my eyes to the brutality that Jesus must have faced.
I sat totally drained. My fiancee wept. Both of us knew this movie had changed us.
Of course, it's not the movie itself but the Christ portrayed in the movie that changed us.
After all, He who created all things, including Gethsemane and Golgotha, would later suffer and die in those places.
I wish to consider for the moment the part of the movie where Peter cuts off Malchus' ear.
Here's Jesus, having just prayed to the point of sweating drops of blood. He has on more than one occasion seen his closest disciples falling asleep. They thought they were tired; imagine the emotional wear and tear on Jesus as He pondered the horrid last hours of His life.
Then comes Judas. Thankless, selfish Judas. The hoard of soldiers surrounds him as they eagerly await to humiliate and abuse Jesus. Judas gains 30 pieces of silver in exchange for Jesus--and in exchange for Judas' soul.
The disciples would run away as they realized that following this Jesus was pretty dangerous stuff. "Deny yourselves, take up your cross, and follow me" sounded good to them, as long as it wasn't necessary to actually put it into practice.
So back to the Malchus incident. Peter, desperate to prove his love for Christ, angrily cuts off Malchus' ear. They all realized it had happened. Here's Malchus with a bloody pulp on one side of his head, blood splattered over him and maybe some others close to him. Peter's sword is now bloody, with wet blood dripping from it. And somewhere on the ground lay a cleanly sliced ear. If the visual didn't get everybody's attention, then Malchus' screams of agony would have.
In short, several sets of eyes, friends and enemies, were focused on Malchus and on Peter.
They would soon be focused on Jesus.
He took Malchus' ear, put it back on nice and easy as you please, and chastised Peter.
This miraculous and loving act registered quite low on the spiritual impact scale of those involved. The Romans still arrested Jesus. The disciples still fled. We don't hear more of Malchus, so we assume he carried out his duties as a Roman.
Was Malchus spirit changed? Or could his heart be so hardened that even a miraculous act of love wouldn't change things?
In my previous post, I mentioned that God's existence is the foundation to a life whereby things go better with Christ. All His attributes don't matter unless He is, in fact, real.
In this passage about Malchus is evidence of Jesus deity. I suppose doctors don't just pick up a sliced-off ear, pop it on, and say, "OK, I'll see you soon."
Jesus' attributes as God are clearly expressed in Scripture. Writers like J. I. Packer go into significant detail expounding on His eternality, His omnipotence, His omnipresence, His omniscience, His infiniteness, and so on. I'll speak more on those later.
But I'll finish this post by saying that things do indeed go better with a Christ who is, and whose attributes of power and glory and wisdom and foreknowlege and so on far surpass what we could even imagine.
Surely it would take more than even a 2X4 to knock that into our heads. After all, a sword failed to convince those in Gethsemane nearly 2000 years ago.
----- All attempts to live godly or to influence people toward godliness must be undergirded with prayer.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:04:23 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 3/5/2004) Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth"
He didn't have to do this. He is plenty sufficient within the Godhead. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in perfect communion. No potential for sin, no rebellion.
Yet in these opening words of Scripture, God changes all that. Indeed, the opening words of Scripture are not the opening words of God's story. Actually, there are no opening words, just snippets of the God who has always been, who obviously had to have been there before the heavens and the earth since He created them.
Along with the heavens and the earth, God created angels, 1/3 of whom would turn against Him. And He created humans, perhaps even a larger percentage of whom would turn against Him. He knew the result. He knew there would be rebellion. He knew people would hate Him. And He knew He'd have to send Jesus to die in the most painful and ignoble manner for our sins.
"What wondrous love is this?" indeed! He who is perfection and complete harmony creates the potential for disharmony, so he can show the depths of His love and mercy. He who is invisible reveals a bit of His glory and majesty by creating a universe we'll never come close to understanding this side of heaven, a universe of such immensity and beauty and order that Romans 1 says it's ridiculous to deny His existence. He created so we, the creation, could come to know Him and adore Him, to rest in Him and, as a result, experience His very presence in us.
"O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder consider all the worlds Thy hands have made. I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, Thy power througout the universe displayed.... Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to Thee, how great Thou art, how great Thou art!"
He of indescribable greatness chose to share that greatness by creating, and though we have often chosen to reject and mock him (both explicitly and implicitly), He loves us and keeps showing us more of Himself and His creation each day. He has so much to show us that we'll be amazed when we get to heaven and realize we've barely gotten started!
----- All attempts to live godly or to influence people toward godliness must be undergirded with prayer.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:06:07 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 3/23/2004) I'll be quick for now. Another thing that's great about being a Christian is that we have a God who KNOWS He can do all things. I mean in the beginning of Genesis He simply speaks, and all kinds of things happen. He could have spoken man into existence like everything else, but like it says in Psalm 139, He seemed to want to have a personal touch. We know how important personal touch is. Words are nice, but there's something about a hug that reaches deep down.
But God doesn't NEED to touch us to make things happen. He seems to want to because He loves us so much. Think of it. We humans are atom-sized in comparison with the universe, yet out of all that exists He holds us as so much more precious. Wow!
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:08:37 PM
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prayNact
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Here started my current blog, Becoming Myself
(Posted 1/11/2005)
I'm back to blogging after nearly a year. It was just too much for me then, with getting my home ready for sale, getting ready for marriage, preparing to move into my new wife's place.
God willing, I'm somewhat more settled--at least for now! Though who knows what will come at me in the future?
I had originally title my blog, "Things Go Better With Christ." While that theme is still very much a part of what I will be writing in subsequent posts, I felt it didn't fully embrace what I wanted to say.
So what do I want to say? What does "becoming myself" mean? Is it some sort of New Age, "becoming God" cult?
No. I hope to be thoroughly biblical in my posts, and I hope you will let me know if I go off the mark. What I mean by "becoming myself" is becoming who God made me to be.
I'm not always "myself." In fact, I won't be fully myself until I enter heaven in my glorified body. But in my sinful body I still fall short of who I can be while on this earth.
What you'll see in this blog are some aspects of where I feel I'm doing well and not so well in being who God made me to be. I will post things I have learned that have helped me, things I've learned that have been detrimental to me, things I should have tried but didn't. And while I hope some of what I say will be helpful to others, I don't want to claim that what has helped me will always help everybody. We should all follow core biblical principles, but we shouldn't all do the same type work (though we should be moral in the workplace) or get married and have children.
I'd also love to hear some successes and struggles you have had in "becoming yourself."
Yes, things do go better with Christ. Please don't let that theme be forgotten, even if it is not all I cover in this blog. I will go beyond that, but I will not contradict it. Some of my posts will show where I haven't practiced that so well, but they won't glorify those wrongdoings.
Finally, I realize I can't promote on here, so if you want to know where I have learned certain principles, etc., feel free to send me a note. Of course it's up to you to determine whether the material is useful to you.
So be who God made you to be. I wonder if I was fully me whether I would recognize myself!!
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:11:29 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 1/11/2005)
I did not have any hope of "becoming myself" until I became a Christian. I could become my fleshly self before that, "aspiring" to my sinful nature, but being pleasing in God's eyes would not be possible, even if I acted wonderfully externally. I'm sure God wants people to act good, but not to earn His favor.
And what has also become disturbingly obvious is that while in this sinful body I won't automatically fully be who I'm meant to be. That is, I will still sin and do dumb things. Even as a Christian. In God's eyes I am washed clean by Jesus' blood because of my faith in Him, but I still do things at times that don't represent Christ.
"Where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more." I think there is a fine line between realizing the grace of God in our lives by not being too hard on ourselves, and doing nothing and expecting God to bestow spiritual maturity upon us.
I do need to realize where I am at before I can move on. If I'm caught up in sin, for example, I should question whether I'm ready for spiritual leadership. I can fool myself into thinking, "I won't do THAT sin again," but if I've said that 100 times in the last year, I MIGHT be fooling myself.
But to berate myself and not step into a ministry until I'm perfect is also unreasonable. I admit I struggle with knowing when I should or shouldn't be in ministry. There have been times in my life when I was sinning more than other times, but I was also crying out to God and repenting. But was I being true to myself? That is, was I truly repenting, or did I try to make myself believe I was? I think if we work hard enough and long enough at making ourselves believe something that isn't true, we will.
At times I keep too busy to really look at who I am and how I'm doing. It's uncomfortable for me. I can tell you that I struggle at times with lust, anger, laziness, self-righteousness, and self-deprecation (for starters), but I don't typically take the time to look at why such is the case. Why, for example, do I tend toward doing nothing too often? My wife's example is why I work as hard around the house as I do. If it was just me (as it was until last summer) I would too often waste my days. But, again, why? Sure, sometimes I'm tired, but not always. Is it rebellion against my father for the years he made me clean my room when I didn't want to? Or is it simply a spiritual issue, my flesh and the devil teaming up to lead me astray?
I do need to set aside time to more see how I'm doing and who I am. Pray that I'll have the courage to do so and the wisdom to know how.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:12:52 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 1/14/2005)
I too often fool myself into thinking success in life is based on how I feel, not on how I'm really doing. So if I feel comfort, pleasure, or superiority, for example, then I'm supposedly doing well.
Of course I could never justify these traits in my mind. My emotions too often determine my "truth." But the end result is that I simply am too lazy too often, I tell people (often anonymously) how they are doing things wrong (often after I do so I am convicted how many things I do wrong), and I seek to feel good sexually or through tasty food (unhealthy as it may be).
I think I'm enjoying these times, even though they are often ways to cover up things about myself I don't like. I don't necessarily realize that when I'm binging on chocolate or chips it might be because I'm nervous or angry or sad about something. But I look back and am troubled how I let these things control me.
It's the "me" that the devil wants me to see in myself. And it's easy to continue the status quo (or addiction, in some cases?), rather than changing what has become a deep part of me. I have plans to change (don't we all?). In future posts I'll include ways I'm working on changing and growing. Let me know what has worked for you. God bless.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:14:13 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 1/18/2005)
I'm on vacation, so I can't spend too much time here today. Just making sure my blog stays alive.
I have a tough time accepting criticism. Of course, sometimes the criticism is given harshly or sarcastically (and sometimes I do that to others). Those who criticize something I do are usually trying to help me, so I need to look for the good in what they're saying. I could disregard all they say just because one small part of it isn't spoken as nicely as it could be, and then I'd lose out in the end. I can't change how that person says it, I can only change my part.
I have often been too critical of myself, but at the same time I seem to often perpetuate things by not acting on what I need to do to make things better. I guess I feel that if I keep telling myself things need to change I'll eventually start taking the necessary actions. And I know it's very satisfying to do something beneficial for myself or others, even something small. That reminds me: as much as I have criticized myself, I also need to appreciate (not narcissistically) the positive things I do. But there needs to be a fine balance. And, again, I need to act where action is necessary.
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All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:16:55 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 1/28/2005)
OK, I'm slowly getting back to normal mode. I won't say more about our return home, other than it was quite eventful and very delayed. Be very wary of traveling anywhere near the time of a major snowstorm! 
I've gone over some of my past posts to make sure that I don't repeat myself. BUT, then I figured if I do repeat myself it may not be so bad after all, since it just shows areas that are impacting my life more significantly or more regularly. (But I WILL try to avoid being too boring in the process! 
OK, now to the subject of my blog.
Becoming myself involves focusing most of my time on that which will guide me toward my mission (who God made me to be). I used to spend a lot of time reading and commenting on news stories, especially related to terrorism and the war in Iraq and other politically-related issues. As I began to evaluate my mission, I realized I was spending too much time on that. While I do care about those subjects, I don't feel that I should focus my time or actions on them. Also, I have found myself less interested in following those topics in such detail. I still review them at a surface level. Perhaps it's in part because I got overly immersed in them, and then got burnt out. I wonder if I went too far in the other direction into being too apathetic.
I appreciate those who do follow those subjects with great interest, and I pray they continue to do so if that's how God leads them (especially since liberal media bias seems so prevalent; at least that's how I see it).
I think I'll write down in great detail how I spend my days for the next month (or something like that). It'll show how well (or not well) I'm living my values. Of course, writing it down will make me more prone to do well, since I don't want to have a written record of failure. I've read that doing something for 21 days or so makes it more likely that it will become a habit (whether good or bad). Not that I want to make that detailed record of my schedule a habit, but if I do good things then I hope they become habitual.
Here are some habits I hope to develop or improve: Proactivity, acting on what is best rather than on how I feel, promptness, gaining a better understanding and comfort with feeling my feelings, understanding my motives, practicing and enjoying God's presence, putting my knowledge to action rather than just feeling good about having the information, planning my day better (but leaving time for serendipitous moments), becoming less tempermental, becoming more focused on what matters most, and optimism.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:29:34 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/2/2005)
I'm not a detailed person, even though I so often try to make my life detailed.
Case in point: My plan to keep a detailed account of my days. I sort of did for one day, but then it fell by the wayside. For me, overcomplicating things can lead me to stagnate. Sure, many of you have no problem keeping track of several things in great detail, but for me, it's "the simpler, the better" plan.
However, I should keep at least a general log on how I spend my days. What do you think? My ultimate purpose in doing so is to see whether I am making the most of my days or wasting too much time on wrong pursuits.
Today has been pretty good. I have been proactive in seeking work, while yesterday I did honor my workplace since I spent too much time doing personal things. After work, I'm going to church to help them fix up some rooms.
I'm part of AT&T, and as such I have some concerns about my future in the company. There is a rumor (not sure yet if AT&T has substantiated it) that some 13,000 jobs could be cut. My understanding is that typically the cuts are made in the acquired company (in this case, AT&T). I'm sure many of those will be through those who agree to accept some form of early retirement package, but many will likely be involuntary.
I spoke with my wife, and she encouraged me not to get worried. After all, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, through prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:6-7).
All right, so I can't be anxious. But I also can't be idle in preparing for the worst should it come. Yes, I might be one of those cut. All the prayers in the world won't change that if God has other plans for me. I can't tell you how many books on job hunting I have bought or borrowed, how many classes I have taken, etc. But I have not internalized their contents as well as I could. I have a bad habit of buying good books with the intent of reading them, but then buying more books on the same subject because I want to know all I can on that subject. Of course, there are always more books, so I too rarely finish any of them. In recent years I have gotten rid of many books (but, admittedly, have still gotten more that I didn't really need at the time).
In my next post I plan to write some ideas for how to best deal with my job situation.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:31:02 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/14/2005)
Sorry for my delay. My stepfather died last Tuesday, so I and my family (especially my mother) were dealing with that. Thankfully, he was a believer.
I'll be back shortly. Please keep us in prayer. Thank you.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:32:03 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/23/2005)
I've been working through the book, I Really Want To Change...So, Help Me God, by James MacDonald. It's about facing those areas of life that are troubling us about ourselves and then seeking God's help in getting rid of them. So far I've seen it discuss faulty change methods and why it's important to eliminate them (any method of changing spiritual things that is not centered on God is faulty). It asks what excuses we have used for not changing, and why I think things will be different this time.
Chapter 2 discusses God's work of sanctification in us. It shows God's "resume" of changed lives, from Moses to David to Paul to Deion Sanders. It asks why Christians often stop at being saved and are not willing to be transformed day by day into Jesus' likeness.
I'll give some of my responses in future posts. God willing (and I believe He is both willing and able), I'll be changed for the better.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:33:30 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/24/2005)
Well, I realize I had said earlier that I would keep a detailed log of my days for a month or so, but I guess it just isn't meant to be. God willing, if He really means me to do that, I will. Someday.
Let's see if I can stay the course on that James MacDonald book.
Here are some questions from the book, and my answers, which I hope will gradually lead me to becoming myself:
Why is it essential to elimate faulty change methods? Because they don't provide long-lasting, internal change. Because it's impossible without God, and attempts to make him unnecessary. Finally, because I've seen they just don't work.
Which of the faulty methods [mentioned in the book] have you tried, and what success have they brought?
-Environmental [changing my surroundings]: I can be tempted with no external triggers. It helps to avoid external temptations, but they aren't why I lust for things or people.
-Digging up the past: Again, helpful, so long as I don't get into a pity party, and don't live in the past. It's easy to hold onto what happened years ago.
-Self-discovery: Feels like I'm going forward, but ultimate letdown. Like a panacea. I can know all about myself and my problems, but catharsis isn't in itself a cure-all.
-Intellectual: I know all I need to do. In fact, too much, because I always "need" to learn more until I know it all. Which is never.
Excuses I have used for not changing: I'm not as bad as some people/I'm going to start as soon as I'm done with.../I haven't been able or willing to change yet, so why bother?/Too painful to leave status quo/Too much involved in changing/I need to know more/I'm not in the mood now/Don't know where to start/God hasn't pushed my hard enough, so....
***************
I'll continue the next time with, "Why things will be different this time," which will give some possible solutions to the above question on excuses I have used for not changing.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:34:58 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/24/2005)
BTW, I have also been listening to two cassettes by Bob Buford. One is "Halftime," and the other is "Game Plan." They are about those of us in the mid-30s to mid-50s and how we can make the best of our "second half." I might have more to say later, but for now here are a few things I think might help me (some of these may not be Mr. Buford's ideas):
Stay focused: I like doing a lot of things, but with being married and working full time, I don't have time to do all of them well. Not that everything I do must be mission-focused (can I say that crossword puzzles benefit me because I am a writer? Perhaps. But watching "American Idol" and "The Apprentice" probably aren't beneficial, except that they are a form of relaxation, which is OK. Right?), but I should be headed more directly at my mission and have it more a part of my thought process. While it's hard giving up or backing up on certain things, it will be harder if I look back on my life 20 years from now and realize that by trying to do it all I accomplished very little.
Don't think my chronological age: I like to be a kid at times. Childlike versus childish (the latter being immature). When I'm in my 70s I hope I don't give the typical litany of ailments when asked how I'm doing.
Get/stay in shape: I have managed to be fairly healthy in spite of my lack of exercise. My eating is decent, but could be better. However, I have a bit more of a belly than I used to, so perhaps my metabolism is slowing. Who knows what I'll be like in 5, 10 years if I don't start improving my health habits. I keeps saying "tomorrow," but that doesn't seem to come. It will soon be here, and I'll be glued to the couch with a bag of chips resting on my belly.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:36:03 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 2/25/2005)
I had quite a comeuppance yesterday. My wife told me that my stepson asked her why I don't want to do things with him. Ouch! She told him that I'm not a very good planner, which is true. For most of my 41 years I lived alone, and when I did join others it was usually them who planned things. I was a homebody (probably too much so). So it has been difficult to change my paradigm to being a head of household and to suggest places to go, things to eat, etc. I'm so easygoing, but of course that places the burden on my wife and stepson. I could just sit at home and read or watch TV most of the time. My wife likes to relax at times too, but she also likes to do things. Once I'm out I also like to do things, I just have difficulty getting started.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:37:19 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 3/2/2005)
My wife and I have been led by the Lord to actively seek a child for adoption. We had put it in the background, but at a recent Steven Curtis Chapman concert he spoke on it, and our hearts were touched to the core. We're attending a seminar next month sponsored by America World Adoption Association (http://www.awaa.org). Please keep this in prayer.
OK, back to the James MacDonald Book, and my response to "Why things will be different this time"
What I tried to do here is to respond to the previous issue, which was "Excuses I have used for not changing."
I've seen underdogs, downtrodden, "hopeless" people come back and win mightily. David v. Goliath, Seabiscuit (I refer to this horse quite a few times, since my wife and I watched the video recently!), Dave Wottle, Joseph, etc. God doesn't simply want me to be so-so. I have great potential, which I've tapped into once or twice, but now it's time. It's not just to be OK compared to others. It's to step out and grab all God has for me by letting Him do His thing through me.
The time is now. I can't wait until I feel like it, because so far I haven't for any significant length of time. I'll see the results and be inspired after I step out and into the destiny God has for me. It's easy to do the simpler things, but when I take hold of the makings of a true prize, it may be uncomfortable at first, but its reward will make it worthwhile. Besides, I'll never be fully done with the other things. I need to prioritize, including letting go of that which is not my destiny.
More the next time...
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:38:28 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 3/3/2005)
It's never too late. Seabiscuit knew & so did his rider, Red Pollard. They had a fire that said, "I'm made for this." Don't ever give up. Abraham and Sarah. Grandma Moses. Moses. All were "too old." David committed adultery and murder, and became a great man of God. Joseph was put down and sent off to Egypt. The woman at the well. The woman in John 8. All were given more chances. I'm still alive, so God hasn't given up on me yet.
Yes, leaving the status quo is often painful, but am I thrilled, or even happy, when I stay where I was? Paul took hold of the prize, but it took discipline. It took hard work and pain, but I imagine he experienced true joy at the end. Henry Ford stayed with what was comfortable for him, and lost ground to more innovative car makers. I was so nervous about stepping into marriage. A Christian counselor helped me gain confidence and get back into dating, and I'm so blessed I did. Nobody ever made a big difference by being comfortable.
Change is neither fast nor easy. There is a lot involved. I see Seabiscuit's trainers realizing the horse had been through a lot, and being patient. They moved forward, but not until the "hole" was there and he could make his way through it. I'll get opposition from Satan and others. I'll need training and time and experience. But God will bring me through.
I always need to know more, but people who are great move forward while they learn. They act on what they know. They don't wait to learn it all. They aren't afraid to fail, because as Zig Ziglar (I believe) said, "Failure is an event, not a person." They learn from mistakes, and only the greats make big mistakes because they think and act big. They realize "it might have been" are four of the saddest words to say.
Just start moving. Even a wrong move is usually better than stagnation. Seek God. Only stay still if I'm sure He says so.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:39:30 PM
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prayNact
Posts: 34
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(Posted 3/14/2005)
I was driving to work and listening to a Christian tape, and something the speaker said smacked me between the eyes.
Did that ever happen to you? In this case he was speaking about anger. That's a biggie for me. I find it easy to complain about so many drivers on the road. Granted, some drivers need to be complained about. But I realized my anger was consuming me, to the point that it was hurting me more to keep getting angry than it was helping them or society. I need to think about whether my actions are really making a positive difference.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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RE: Becoming Myself - 4/21/2005 2:42:37 PM
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prayNact
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(Posted 3/15/2005)
Back to I Really Want to Change...So Help Me God
Again, I'm responding to certain questions in this book so I can work on those things that will help me to better become the self God envisions.
What does my willingness to read this book say about the sincerity of my desire to change?
This book in itself is part of the evidence of my desire to change. But not all. It's the actions I take from the book, and from my notes. That will show my level of sincerity. Also, to follow through, not stopping after chapter 2 nor trying to work on 10 other books simultaneously.
How am I beginning to sense that God wants to help me change?
I feel such pain for myself when I see stories like Rocky and Seabiscuit. I wouldn't feel that if I was satisfied with what I am now. But again, it's not how well I do compared to others, it's how well I do compared to what I could do.
Why are Christians so often content to be forgiven and not transformed? Because being forgiven is simply receiving. We allow God to act and we don't necessarily notice any difficult moments. With transformation, however, comes a removing of or a changing of what we were, what we grew used to and comfortable with. People may not agree with our changes. The process is usually hard. Especially these days we want the benefits without the work, the gain without the effort or pain. We don't realize that the process is often the best part, as it helps us meet challenges later in life.
Why is it hard to accept the truth that God loves me?
Because I sometimes think (perhaps not in my head but in my heart) His love for me is based on how I feel. Also, I too often base it on relationships I have. Love is "conditional" in so many human relationships, so I must have lost His love when I sin, then apologize, but sin again. "If only I did better, I wouldn't be loved less," is the lie that often comes to me.
How has my past been used by the enemy to stall God's transformation in my life? Makes me feel like, "Why bother?" sometimes. After all, I keep messing up, and though I keep intending otherwise, it doesn't change. Satan never reminds me of my successes, only my failures. He never gives hope for the future, but focuses on what was, as though what was must always be. He leads me to think I can't ask God for help because God has already given up on me.
_____________________________
All attempts to be holy or influence others toward holiness must be undergirded with prayer.
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