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abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 4:23:09 PM
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shakezula
Posts: 938
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i doubt there's much i can do, but here goes.
i have a nephew who's 15. on friday he punched his mother in the mouth. then he threatened to kill his dad (my brother). hate to say it, but they're big softies as parents. they're afraid to punish the kid because they think that'll make him angrier. so he gets to keep playing lacrosse and baseball when that starts up. he got scolded, and that's it. he wasn't even grounded.
bottom line is they want my advice. i live far away and can't make much of a difference in the kid's life. any suggestions?
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 4:32:22 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2624
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Next time he does it, they need to call the police right then and there.
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Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 4:52:39 PM
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deedeeowens
Posts: 217
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I agree. He needs a consequence. They aren't doing him any favors by letting him off the hook.
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abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 5:14:53 PM
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PinkCarnations
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agreed- they need to call the police.
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Thank you Veterans.
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 5:50:25 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 1749
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The first time my 15 year old ever did that sort of thing he would not only have the police called on him, He'd be sitting on the floor wondering how he got there. And it wouldn't have been my husband that put him there.
This boy needs serious consequences and quick or this will continue into all of his relationships and he just might land his rear in jail for more then just assaulting his parents!
Blessings,
Garsy
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My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 6:30:09 PM
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crankius
Posts: 3760
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YIKES!!!
quote:
they're afraid to punish the kid because they think that'll make him angrier.
They are caring more for their temporary happiness than for his character. Parenting is not "punishment" but training, and they should have been training him all along.
Sadly, he is 15, and it is waaaay late to be molding his character. What he is today they helped to make by their leadership and parenting throughout his childhood.
At this point, they could try anger management counseling for him, and counseling for them as parents to learn how to better relate to their son as parents, and give them tools for helping their son as much as possible (with proper boundaries, healthy behaviors, etc.).
They might ask at their church for a referral to a qualified Christian counselor.
(The dad really needs to step up here, in my opinion. A son desperately needs the leadership and genuine love of his father.)
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 6:57:47 PM
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delete123
Posts: 540
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shakezula
on friday he punched his mother in the mouth. then he threatened to kill his dad (my brother).
That's really all you had to say. Yeah 15 y/o he would find himself living somewhere else. His parents unfortunately did not grow him in the way of the Lord.
My humble opinion, there is the door! He knows it all well so does tough love and right now this is all they can do to grow him up.
I would not allow him back into my home, unfortunately this child needs tough discpline and for his family not to intercede.
He need to learn many thing, including how to control his temper, It may cost him, but the lesson will truly be learned.
They need to let him go and you should not stop them, abuse towards his parents is truly #1 against God's word and #2 Against the Law
According to God we are to obey the law of the land. He certainly is not
His parents should not be living in fear.
Since they did not grow him up, they need to let him go. God forbid I pray he doesn't hurt no one else.
My son is 3 y/o and let m tell you in his little tantrums, it is not passed up and he is immediately rebuked. This is what they should have done. This child is not 3 /yo. Now they have to teach him in another way to grow him and his spirit, it will be hard, but doable.
Hey I am certainly not talking out of turn, I am a middle child and have seen and lived both.
They have to grow a child, ok I am done
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 9:33:26 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 1749
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: the bottom of the laundry basket
Status: online
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quote:
That's really all you had to say. Yeah 15 y/o he would find himself living somewhere else. His parents unfortunately did not grow him in the way of the Lord.
My humble opinion, there is the door! He knows it all well so does tough love and right now this is all they can do to grow him up.
I would not allow him back into my home, unfortunately this child needs tough discpline and for his family not to intercede.
He need to learn many thing, including how to control his temper, It may cost him, but the lesson will truly be learned.
The only problem with the parents kicking him out WITHOUT police coming in and taking him out of the home, is that they, the parents COULD be charged with child neglect or child endangerment. I agree that this child needs some serious tough love, but just kicking the child out with no intervention by the police is asking for this child to maybe go to the police and "play" the good kid and get the parents in trouble.
Mom and Dad need to suck it up and call the police. I'd see also about contacting the school he attends and seeing how things are there and if they can help.
Blessings,
Garsy
_____________________________
My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/9/2009 9:58:07 PM
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his_chosen
Posts: 1303
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Wow...
Ds2 is 14yo. He can be the most bull headed kid you ever wanna meet. One time he and dh were going at it. Ds2 attempted to punch dh. Dh caught ds2 and told him to never, ever do that again. Ds2 is still bull headed, but he KNOWS there is a line and will not be crossed.
In some states, domestic abuse is an arrestable offense, even if the victim doesn't want to press charges.
_____________________________
You have a choice. You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face.
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/10/2009 11:52:27 AM
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shakezula
Posts: 938
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quote:
ORIGINAL: crankius
(The dad really needs to step up here, in my opinion. A son desperately needs the leadership and genuine love of his father.)
i'm with you guys. i hate to say it, but i saw this coming. the kid has a history of tantrums. one time i tried to lay down the law when he threw a fit in front of me. my brother intervened. only 'he" could scold the kid, he said. he did not discipline the kid at all.
nowadays my brother (his dad) is usually absent from the kid's life. his job takes him all over the country. and he tries to make up for it on weekends. he knows he needs to be tougher, but he doesn't have the nerve. my sister in law doesn't help. she's a softy, too.
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/10/2009 12:15:17 PM
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deedeeowens
Posts: 217
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"The next time it happens" THAT'S A FRIGHTENING THOUGHT!
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/10/2009 6:07:11 PM
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delete123
Posts: 540
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quote:
ORIGINAL: garsyt
The only problem with the parents kicking him out WITHOUT police coming in and taking him out of the home, is that they, the parents COULD be charged with child neglect or child endangerment. I agree that this child needs some serious tough love, but just kicking the child out with no intervention by the police is asking for this child to maybe go to the police and "play" the good kid and get the parents in trouble.
Mom and Dad need to suck it up and call the police. I'd see also about contacting the school he attends and seeing how things are there and if they can help.
Blessings,
Garsy
I agree but some states do consider him of age, so it would depend where they live.
Anyhow I agree with you call the police and have him removed. The parents will lose much more than face if they allow an outsider to handle it.
And for them to wait until it "Happens" again is a grave mistake and actually frighting, not just for them but for other folks who have to indulge in his terrible behaviour. To say the least
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RE: abusive nephew - 3/11/2009 3:54:00 PM
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Martachoo
Posts: 119
Joined: 4/13/2005
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They should consider taking him to the doctor and have him evaluated. If he is depressed and has no friends there may be other things going on with him beyond lack of discipline. Waiting until it happens again is a crazy idea. What will he do next? The boy punched his mother already and threatened to kill his father. What are they waiting for?
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