Help Me Save My Son (Full Version)

All Forums >> [People] >> Men Only



Message

biuldingfaith -> Help Me Save My Son (4/22/2009 11:04:02 PM)

Dear Brothers,

I need help with saving my son and his salvation.

It's a long story so I'll get to the point.

My son is 30 yrs old. He just married for the second time in January. The lady he married is a Christian and I tried to persuade her to "not" marry him. Here's why.

He doesn't respect her , her daughter , his children from a previous marrage or the rest of his family. He throws temper fits, fains illness for attention, shirks work whenever he can, and lies constantly.

He was here at my home with several other family members and elected to use the "F" word on my wife. Brothers I seen red and grabbed him by the neck. It took several other family members to pull me off which I am grateful. It wasn't but two weeks ago he did the same thing with his kids at my house and I told him then "heatedly" that I have O tolerence for that in my home.

Is he mental or just disrespectful ? he's not a child. He's not saved and I worry myself sick over it. I wasn't a Christian when he was growing up and am guilty of not bringing him up in a Christian home . However , it awas never disfunctional like he tries to make it.

What can I do to help him ?

How can I covince him to seek the LORD ?

I don't want to loose him and want satan out of his life. I hope someone can help me .

I told him that I don't know him anymore and the man I see in his body , I don't like.

Thanks for listening and any advice will be appreciated.

Building Faith



BarKochbah -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (4/23/2009 8:18:29 AM)

Hmm.

Maybe the situation is not so bad as you imagine.
After all the lady still married your son despite your warnings- and apparently is still comforted with him.
Maybe he (and she) just wanted to provoke you ?
Did he actually want to say something like "You oppose our marriage, but she- and her children- still love me whatever I do !"

My bit of advice would be first make clear that you now fully accept your son's marriage, but also be ready to help you daughter-in-law and her children if your son still hurts them.

P.S.
Perhaps you should also tell a psychologian this story.
I am no expert.



mrf084 -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (4/23/2009 11:10:46 AM)

It seems that you have fallen into the trap. You believe the pernicious lie that we can affect anyone elses decisions by our actions or inactions. God calls us to his grace, but we must accept the call and the grace. God chooses to do it this way so that there is value in both the chooser and the choice. We too often try to take over these choices for our children.

It appears that you have taken the value out of your son's life. He finds you as the enemy of his happiness. When you told his current wife not to marry him, in his eyes you tried to deprive him of one the primary covenents in our lives. When you reacted in rage to his disrespect he accomplished a goal of retaliation in his mind by inflaming this rage.

You need to step back and relinquish his soul to God. In the end all our souls are God's anyway. By trying to direct and manipulate his life even at the age of 30 you are providing an open door for the enemy. He is quite likely under an opression because of this door.

You first need to be the bigger man and apologize for the many mistakes you have made as a parent. This will quite likely be rejected. You then need to pray for the removal of any animosity you have for your son and for the ability to forgive him for what he has done to harm your relationship. It could be a long road unless God provides you the grace to deal with it. Pray for that grace and the relief of this opression in both your lives.

Once you remove the animosity in your relationship it will allow dialogue about the more important issues such as salvation. Without building that relationship up you won't even gain access to the foundational beliefs that lie resident in his soul. I pray and hope that there aren't any other influences that will make your journey more difficult such as addictions or bad company.

Just remember that your voice isn't worth anything to him if his voice isn't worth anything to you. Value him and show it. God Bless and keep you.



APZR -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (4/23/2009 1:34:30 PM)

Even as an adult, "Dad's" are authority figures. With such a large riff in your relationship, it is impossible to counsel your own son. Seek outside help and pray for him. Even in children who are abused, they still long for a relationship with their mom or dad. That desire never goes away, so you need to step back, work to remain calm, and offer love in trade for getting the respect you deserve. If he continues to behave badly, then rather than inviting trouble into your house, meet in more neutral areas.



7arrows -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (4/25/2009 6:35:37 AM)

[:D][:D][:D]Okay, I believe I heard someone say this; Be a good witness, use words if you have to. The most important thing for you to do is make sure you're walking upright before God. The Word says that we are living epistles read by all men(2Cor3:2). WE CAN, AND NEVER MAKE ANYONE SAVED. Noone can even come to Jesus on their own, even if they wanted to. A person must be drawn to Jesus by the Father(John6:44).

Maybe the drawing of your son by the Father unto Jesus will begin by your lifestyle, and everyday activities. People, from adults to children pay more attention to our actions, than our words. Please be mindful of your relationship with God first, then maybe God will use you to impact your son's life in such a way, that he will see your light so shining before him, and glorify your Father which is in heaven(Matt5:16).

I'll be praying for you. [:D][:D][:D] Oh remember your righteousness is as filthy rags(Isa64:6). If on the way of trying to live a life that will impact others, including your son, you commit sin, repent, trust in God's mercy, and the blood of Jesus Christ which cleanses us from All sin(1John1:9). (1John1:9).

Pray (Psalm 136) to God when you sin, and condemnation comes, because satan will try to bring it. Agree with satan when he accuses you of not being able to walk upright before God, because we can't. If we could we wouldn't need the sacrifice Jesus made. Tell satan, yea I sinned, but
quote:

if I confess my sins He is faithful and just to forgive me of my sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness(1John1:9).



graceaddict -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (4/30/2009 9:29:33 PM)

First of all, this needs to be established: You can't save him. What I mean is that you can't make him accept Christ. That is an act of free will. The best thing for you to do is bath him in love. If he refuses to live for God he is bound for a fall. It will hurt and there's nothing you can do about it. The only reason he isn't living for God is because God hasn't drawn him. Let God use you to witness to him by loving him with the love of God first. This will help you grow in God and remove the pride and judgement that you may be dealing with and may be causing you both to butt heads. 1 Corinthians 13 says "love never fails" it's true!



terryjohn -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (5/17/2009 12:53:18 AM)

Sons are great and yes as a father you have a relationship with your son that no other person can have. Conflict causes conflict. Go to your son and confess your sins and your love for him and ask for his forgiveness. If you do not humble yourself he will never know what you are asking of him.

If he will not listen then chain yourself to his front lawn in sack cloth and ashes until he does. Sounds crazy but what will you not do to save your sons life?



ScottJon82 -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (5/18/2009 11:49:10 AM)

Paul cut to the heart of the Corinthians with the word, the sword (Heb. 4:12).

"For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death" (2 Cor. 7:10).

You've got to allow his heart to produce godly sorrow. He must submit to the fact that he is guilty to sin. His conscience will do this (Rom. 2:15).

There are many ways to do this. Ask him if he has ever felt guilty or if he has ever lied, slandered, or reviled someone. Quote the most simple and sublime morals of Christ (Luke 6:31, Matt. 5:44, 6:19-21). Show him his reflection in the mirror that is God's word.

You may have to confront him and disfellowship him (Matt. 18).

God bless.



jn1010lf -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (5/19/2009 2:01:18 PM)

Hello biuldingfaith

It seems to me that you need a long talk with your son. He needs Jesus Christ in his heart as well as being filled with the Holy Spirit. There are obviously may issues in his life that need supernatural attenting. I say supernatural as his problems require power and ability that lies beyond the reach of human resources.

In addition, I would offery myself to the Lord. If you displayed violence to your son, pershaps it's a trait in both of you that need to be addressed. I don't say this to place blame on you but it's apparent that our adversery has gained some inroads into your family.

There is nothing like Christian men praying with other Christian men. I would like to see every man find a good men's fellowship just for that purpose.

If yhour son seems change in you, it can encourage him to search for what you have. It's not too late to start but do start, now.



mec -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (5/19/2009 5:58:19 PM)

No matter how much you want to, You cant save him, thats the sad part. You can only give him the news of Jesus Christ, it is only up to him if he allows Jesus in or not.
His new wife might be able to spread the love of God in his life, but him witnessing her actions and what she does in his life, (if she is the Christina she says she is)
she might have a better opportunity to do so than you, your prayer I hope might be answered by her actions.



yankeedoodled -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (6/6/2009 2:21:26 AM)

Pray and patience, he is a grown man. Influence, but not dictate or attempt to force. Some times it takes God and time. It is a hard ship that comes with not instructing well enough the young. You have no gurantees, but plenty of time to agonize.
Good luck
God Bless



Teaching_The_Way -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (6/15/2009 1:48:38 PM)

Pray for his salvation

If you really love Jesus Christ and are (Born Again) and have denied your self and follow Jesus Christ our Lord, God might answer your prayers and say yes to your sons salvation. And if says yes then God may draw him to Jesus Christ.

As it is written;
John 6:43-44

43 Jesus therefore answered and said to them, "Do not murmur among yourselves. 44 No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.NKJV

Well Friend, if God draws him to Jesus Christ then he will be part of the elect, and have been predestined for salvation, As it is written;
Romans 8:28-30

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined , these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
NKJV



SavedByGraceMD -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (6/15/2009 2:28:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: biuldingfaith

Dear Brothers,

I need help with saving my son and his salvation.

It's a long story so I'll get to the point.

My son is 30 yrs old. He just married for the second time in January. The lady he married is a Christian and I tried to persuade her to "not" marry him. Here's why.

He doesn't respect her , her daughter , his children from a previous marrage or the rest of his family. He throws temper fits, fains illness for attention, shirks work whenever he can, and lies constantly.

He was here at my home with several other family members and elected to use the "F" word on my wife. Brothers I seen red and grabbed him by the neck. It took several other family members to pull me off which I am grateful. It wasn't but two weeks ago he did the same thing with his kids at my house and I told him then "heatedly" that I have O tolerence for that in my home.

Is he mental or just disrespectful ? he's not a child. He's not saved and I worry myself sick over it. I wasn't a Christian when he was growing up and am guilty of not bringing him up in a Christian home . However , it awas never disfunctional like he tries to make it.

What can I do to help him ?

How can I covince him to seek the LORD ?

I don't want to loose him and want satan out of his life. I hope someone can help me .

I told him that I don't know him anymore and the man I see in his body , I don't like.

Thanks for listening and any advice will be appreciated.

Building Faith

Hello building, how are you. I have a couple of things I could say. I hope in the past 7-8 weeks things have gotten better.

1st-your post is titled, "help me save my son", to put it bluntly, we can't help you save him, you can't save him, only Jesus can. What you can do is love him as the Lord loves him, even in his current state, with all of his faults.

2nd-you asked how you could convince him to seek the Lord- the answer is you can't. What you can do is tell him what the Lord has done for you, and why you believe. But each one of us must make our own decision to seek the Lord. You could point him to Jeremiah 29:11-14 to show him that God is open to receiving him just as he is.

3rd-you said you don't know him anymore and the person you see, you don't like. I would apologize for that, and repeat that phrase word for word, but end it with, I love you anyway. You need to show him that you love him no matter what.

Now that doesn't mean you have to let him disrespect you, your wife, your home, or your family in any way. Stand up to him but in a loving way, as hard as that will be, and show him the love of Christ. Pray for him, and love him, but don't tolerate the language and abuse. But don't strike back, and don't sin in your anger as we are told in the epistles.

I hope this helps, and may God be with you.

James 1:19

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.



IamLibertarian -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (6/27/2009 3:22:11 AM)

Give him a Bible as a gift. It may not seem like great advice, and he may already have one, but a day, or a week, or a month after you give it to him, he may decide to pick it up and start looking at it. From time to time recommend books (like Hebrews or James) for him to read. He might make some negative comments, but when he finally decides to pick the Bible up, he will look for those books first.


The reason I give this advice is because I this is how I truly found God, and it was only recently. It may not reap immediate results as you hope, but give it time and IF he decides to pick up the Bible and read it, it will make an impact on his life. And if he's as lucky as me, it will change him forever.


I pray for him and hope God kicks him in the butt, as life is short. God bless.



PatriotUSA76 -> RE: Help Me Save My Son (7/23/2009 4:13:55 AM)

These are all great answers. My deeply spiritual uncle had a similar situation with his son (my cousin). Cocaine addict, habitual liar, regularly broke into his father's own house to steal things, jailed several times. He tried so hard to reach my cousin, but each attempt was sadly futile. My uncle finally had to let go and let God's will be done. He died in prison a few years ago.
To be honest, I really don't know how my uncle resolved his feelings with his son, but he does seem to be more at peace now. I'm actually afraid to ask him about it, it's a taboo subject in our family, and I don't want to open up old wounds.



Page: [1]



Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.5 ANSI