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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself?
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 5/22/2009 1:05:12 PM
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laughinggirl
Posts: 219
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
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We were in our 30's when we married, so both of us were used to doing everything ourselves. Plus, we are both working full-time. When we got married and had someone else to help, it was such a bonus! We each were happy to realize, hey, now I don't have to do it all myself anymore!! Brian has always been very helpful. In fact, he took the initiative to became a much neater person after we married, because he realized that if he didn't put his stuff away it made more work for me. And for that, I'm eternally grateful! 
There have been times when I've had to ask him to help me with a particular chore, but he was more than happy to step in. I don't expect him to read my mind, and I appreciate his willingness whenever I have to ask. But things like doing the dishes, taking out the trash, and picking up after himself were tasks he just assumed on his own.
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 5/23/2009 1:14:12 AM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 794
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fluffmonkey
Most of you ladies who have help from your hubby was it always that way ? Or something that later came into play?
Hello, Jen!
I have lots of help from my husband and yes, it has always been this way. We have been married 10 and a half years and he has always been clean and helpful.
quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
But many men come home and think "It's my weekend, I'm off, I don't have to work. Taking care of all the kids' problems is Mommy's job"
I won't say my husband has NEVER said that or thought it but I will say that he is a realist: and lawns don't mow themselves, driveways don't shovel themselves, dinners don't cook themselves. If you want something done YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT.
We're a lot like Bethany and Brian. Marrying in our early 30's we were just used to each tending to our own apartment -- taking out trash and recycling, dusting, cooking, laundry, cleaning the bathroom.
It just isn't really that big of a deal. It might be work to clean the house and the yard but it's something that has some importance to us (not to a fanatical level but we do like things kept nicely; not always possible with a 14-month-old and the toys in the living room).  Anyhow, we just pitch in and do it.
I have always loved it about my DH and me that we never had to have a conversation on "So, now who's going to take out the garbage -- you or me?" "So, which of us is going to wipe out the refrigerator -- you or me?" It never needed to be delegated as "his chore" or "my chore" because we both just want it done.
I will say I would have a very hard time being married to someone who was not helpful in the home. My husband is a developer/programmer and he worked over 12 hours straight today on a project and has to work tomorrow as they deal with this situation that has cropped up, but he still came straight from working to taking the baby and playing with him to making himself some dinner (I was on the phone with a friend I have not talked to in months). When my husband fell asleep (baby was already asleep) I went and picked up the living room, put the baby's stuff back in his room, and did all the dishes including his dirty dinner dishes and pots and pans. It always just works out like that. We don't realize we're doing it but it's like running a relay race and instinctively reaching for the baton or passing it on. 
Jeanie
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/11/2009 6:21:17 PM
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dboe
Posts: 130
Joined: 1/19/2009
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Since my husband and I both work FT (well I am not now that it is summer and I am a teacher) I expect him to pitch in. He does. In the summer I expect to do most of it and dont mind. During the school year- another story. My job is intense and we both bring work home... so the house is pretty much a disaster actually. We usually have dishes in the sink but at least try to cook and not eat out so much. I usually end up doing dishes and laundry. I refuse to clean the bathroom or clean out the refrigerator... my husband will do both of those things but it usally takes him a week or so to get around to it after the request is made... I will cook more and do more laundry now that it is summer but I will still have husband do the bathroom and clean out the fridge... so i guess its rather even but really it couldnt be any other way with two hardworking people in one house....
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/11/2009 6:24:28 PM
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dboe
Posts: 130
Joined: 1/19/2009
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Oh and Im not picky about how anything gets done. Actually I am terrible at most of it anyway and he actually cleans better than I do... I am a domestic freak of nature or maybe just an overzealous product of the womens lib movement... but did I mention my husband cooks? But usually only gourmet on special occasions, he is a food scientist so this is his area of expertise but I do better with the everyday mundane stuff (and we can afford it more easily) :)
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/12/2009 2:52:25 PM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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Do you have a maid? Yes, we have a rather big house (6500 sqft) which is way too much for me to clean so we have a woman who lives in. She also provides backup childcare which equals on average maybe two hours a day. She is is just super but also kind of new with us ... I think she is our 7th person in two years so I try to not get too hopeful. We used to have a weekly service but it cost not much less than our full time help and the quality of work was always an issue. Also, I struggled to keep up with the childcare, dishes, and laundry. I don't know how you all do it! We've got a separate living space for our housekeeper so we all coexist rather well.
How much do you leave to the other members of your family? I do all of the organization which is a lot in our house with little children and dogs and lots of rooms. Nearly every trip from room to room is a combined trip (return toys to nursery, carry bottles down from nursery to kitchen, pick up toys on floor in kitchen put at bottom of stairs to go up to my childrens' bedroom ... it is endless!) I find that this is enough to keep me feeling productive. I also volunteer in the local Women's League. Do I sound like I am trying to justify my existence 
Do you do all of it? Do the other family members help out? John is incrediby helpful on weekends (which Carolina has off) with things like dishes ... he also cooks if I am not feeling well enough to be digging around in the fridge (pregnant)
Do you divide all the housework evenly? No, Carolina does the cleaning, dishes and laundry. She makes my job really JUST taking care of my daughters. I love the arrangement! It's kind of funny ... sometimes she'll come upstairs and start cleaning the kitchen in the morning just when I come DOWNstairs with the girls to start our day. We're kind of like coworkers ... I'm the "nanny", she's the housekeeper. For us, it works!
Do the other members of the family do more housework than you do? Just that angel, Carolina. She is really the sweetest tempered person and she's young with energy to swing C & A around in countless circles. She has a wonderful smile and it is hard to not be cheerful when she's around 
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/12/2009 3:20:24 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Your just lucky that John pays for the live in help, Lisa. Micah is so cheap, he would never pay for that much, lol.
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Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/12/2009 4:32:54 PM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
Your just lucky that John pays for the live in help, Lisa. Micah is so cheap, he would never pay for that much, lol.
Ryanne, it started out that I literally couldn't clean it all while taking care of the girls, etc. Honestly, I didn't try ... we moved in to this big house just after I'd had Claire and I was recovering from a stroke and a cesarean and had newborn hangover. I was like "cleaning? whatever". Also, I hadn't cleaned anything since I moved out of my parents' house at 19 ... when I lived on my own and when we were in NYC and Singapore, I'd always paid someone.
Anyway, when we lost our first live in, it was JOHN who pushed me to find someone else ASAP lol. He is as or more hooked than I am! He doesn't have to empty the trash anymore which was his only real household job. Micah might surprise you.
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/17/2009 9:37:08 PM
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cachingweds
Posts: 61
Joined: 3/25/2009
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No kids, so the family is the DH, the cat, and me.
We live in a smallish apartment, so not so much effort to clean.
We both pick up the clutter and do the dishes.
I clean kitchen, bedroom, and both bathrooms. DH does the dusting and vacuuming and takes out the trash.
The cat, however, has the most important task. He supervises. You have no idea how many times I would have messed up dusting the air vents in the bedroom or cleaning the mirrors without his guidance... 
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/19/2009 11:23:18 AM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wherever I am
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NB: it's my TOM, so I am venting here.
DH and I don't have kids yet and both work full-time, so we try to divide the chores evenly. We married in our late 20s/early 30s. I was used to sharing jobs with roommates, and he was used to (literally) "letting the maids get it." Not a great combo. We've been talking for months about setting up a chore list.
We have an everything-in-its-place approach that means that it's never about tidying, only about dealing with dirt, which helps. The difficulty is that DH can't stand clutter, therefore we both keep clutter at bay at his insistence (I used to be very untidy, so this was a lot of work for me). I can't stand dirt... but I can't say that the house is clean or that DH's cleaning habits have changed.
Some things we divide up because of how they affect us: I dust because of DH's allergies, and he mows because of my grass allergies (although I do the weeding). DH vacuums because it gives me an earrache, and makes the bed because I always have a bus to catch.
We do quite a bit together: laundry, groceries, cooking, dishwasher. Although DH still expects me to take the lead on all those things (ie I sort all the laundry, hang it out to dry, and put it away; I plan all the meals an the grocery lists). I wish we cooked every other day instead of once a week but DH is convinced we don't have the time, so we often eat the same thing all week. We're getting better about cooking and freezing ahead, so we have two meals to alternate, but it's still really dull. But I have an hour-long commute, and DH puts in long hours, so we really don't have time. We both detest washing dishes so we take turns; even then we often bicker about whose turn it is, and whether the last load of dishes was big enough to constitute a "turn." LOL Once I'm at home with the kids full-time I would expect to carry more of the load; at least then I'll have the time.
DH does the finances and bills (we track every cent), and takes out the trash. Other than above, I do the rest of the cleaning: sweeping, washing floors, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the kitchen, wiping down the shutters, windows, baseboards & stairs, hanging out wet laundry, folding & putting away clothes. The dusting and sweeping and washing is pretty constant because of DH's allergies. Even then I feel guilty that I'm not washing the bedroom walls weekly like his mother did.
I think each of us probably feels hard done by and thinks the other person isn't pulling their weight. I think it's because I often take the FlyLady approach and spot-clean when something needs a lick and a promise, whereas DH just never sees the dirt until it's disgusting. Also, I wind up doing most of the stuff we both hate doing; DH's self-assigned chores are things he doesn't mind doing, and he's talented at, or "man chores" that he was taught to do as a child and does without my asking (eg garbage). He's good at coming up with excuses to get out of doing the other stuff, and likes to think he's convinced me that I should do it all because I'm better at it.
DH had a maid before we were married; he had a tiny apartment that he kept spotlessly tidy, so they were only in 2 hrs a month. It was great for him because he just can't handle dusting because of allergies, but it's otherwise proven to be a great disadvantage... DH has an ingrained habit (regarding dirt) of "letting the maid get it." We don't have a maid now, but we did get snow-blowing service this winter, after the previous winter's insane 250-cm shovelling... we both have back/shoulder issues and we realized it was well worth the money.
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/19/2009 2:16:27 PM
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Powerchick
Posts: 49
Joined: 6/4/2009
From: Georgia
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I still live with my parents and do some of the housework like cleaning the bathrooms, taking out the trash, vacuuming, doing dishes and cleaning my bathroom. My mom does the laundry and cooks sometimes(stepdad cooks too).
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/19/2009 6:33:43 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2104
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
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I'm single and don't have a roomie, so it's me, myself, and I.... unless a friend or family member offers her help.
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Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/21/2009 1:00:14 PM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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Elena, those were hard days! When I finally got married, I remember thinking "FINALLY! Someone else to change a lightbulb!"
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 6/30/2009 11:34:22 AM
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LaDy_SHePPaRD
Posts: 6
Joined: 6/30/2009
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i got lucky and married a man who loves to help me out in the cleaning department. he was deployed for a year so i did it all by myself and i enjoy cleaning very much, so its hard adjusting to someone else doing it for me from time to time. however, the area that i NEED the MOST help is with the girlies but he always seems to have an excuse to stay away from that area..my prayers are that in time he comes around to that. i mean he doesnt stay clear of them completely because he loves playing with them and watching tv with them and all the fun stuff..its the discipline and the cleaning up after them and diapers and bedtime and all that stuff ...uuumm yeah i guess i should have saved that for another post huh? lol sorry!!
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" Blessed is she who has believed that what the LORD has said shall come to pass.." LUKE 1:45
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 7/2/2009 3:58:29 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
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quote:
and how much do you leave to the other members of your family?
Do you do all of it? Do the other family members help out?
Do you divide all the housework evenly?
Do the other members of the family do more housework than you do?
Do you have a maid?
It kind of depends on the day as to how much housework I do. Sometimes I do it all and sometimes my husband does it all. Then there are days we each do a little.
My husband and son take care of yard/pool maintenance. My husband cleans the "boys" bathroom (stepping foot in there scares me  ). He also does all the folding and putting away of clothes. Ds unloads dishwasher and takes out trash. He also straightens his room, the family room, little bros room, and "boys" bathroom on a regular basis. They also take care of cleaning the floors because I have to be careful with my back.
I do the kitchen which includes dishes, wiping all surfaces, cleaning fridge, my and ds#2's laundry, and all other deep cleaning. I also do most of the cooking and general straightening up (picking up toys, clothes, shoes etc.).
We really compliment each other because I go slow and pay attention to details and my husband is good at seeing the big picture and can really straighten up a big mess rather quickly.
I've never really had a maid. We had a girl who came to help us out once a week for a while. But I really don't like having strangers in my home so that didn't last long.
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Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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RE: How much of the cleaning/housework do you do yourself? - 7/8/2009 1:56:54 PM
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merlethepearl
Posts: 61
Joined: 4/8/2009
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Being a single mom. I do it ALLl. Which includes the cooking, cleaning, shopping, mowing and other yard work, helping son with homework, school issues/volunteering (unfortunately there has been alot since he been dx with Aspergers), taking DS to his therapies and arranging doctor visits (There again there has been alot recently) and taking him to Cub Scouts (I am a parent volunteer so he is able to participate), church, helping friends/families the list goes on forever, I also work fulltime (since I am sole provider).
Whew!! no wonder I stay so tired.
OneofhisJewels, it sounds like you are also carrying a very big responsibility at this point in your life may God richly bless you. Merle
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-------yeah, right! 
doing errands on the week-end and coming back home to things laying around and dishes not washed and seeing him and/or the boys playing the X-box or watching t.v. So I think we've got an understanding that when mom is out please pick up while she's gone. 
