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Seeking Advice and Prayer - 5/19/2009 1:17:44 PM
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agapeflight
Posts: 120
Joined: 3/29/2009
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I am not going to make this long, my wife and I are at what appears to be a road block. In the past I almost had an affair and have struggled with those little emotional affairs which are really not little. Fortunately we are able to talk about most of that stuff and pray for each other. We both came in with alot of baggage and did not realize it for many years. now, personally we both want to get on and give it all to the Lord but there is a cycle that seems to keep happening and we don't seem able to make it stop. It usually happens like this, I notice someting in the news that troubles me, or I feel uncomfortable with how someone is acting etc. Then she does'nt want to talk about it. Then sometime later it seems like she will do something that really pusshes all my buttons and I get angry and blow up and can't believe she could do x and so with money or... then we spiral into along uncomfortable conversation and make our way back to the Bible and God. My take on her is that she is passive agressive and is angry because God is not willing to save her parents. For my part I seem in the flesh to carry so much fear of betrayal that any little thing can become a big thing. I know that for me my responses when she does'nt shine like the sun need to be kinder and more patient. I think we are headed for victory in the Lord because we do understand the cost of discipleship and the obligations and joys of marriage. It seems like when things are going right we have the happiest family, people seem to envy what they think they see. When things start getting tense we seem to be at the brink of divorce. There are alot of ther things involved but basically I am wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences and how you may have overcome them. I love my wife and she loves me despite our weaknesses we believe we are hear to help each other in the Lord to encourage and be encouraged. Is this just the enemy attacking or is it something more personal? My perspective is that all I have ever expected was for her to love God's word and place God first. Her perspective on me is that I have been bitter about past hurts from the church and tend to be overly critical and impatient with people. We see many of the reasons under all of these things, we see the father and mother problems we both inherited and have walked in, we just can't seem to make it over the hump to where we move into that consistent empowering relationship. We have determined that we are going to win this battle in our midst by God's grace and through His love. This perspective though seems to be dimmed in the midst of the more intense arguments.
God bless you and thanks.
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RE: Seeking Advice and Prayer - 5/19/2009 1:24:05 PM
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TXRedhead
Posts: 156
Joined: 4/28/2009
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The two of you have at least conquered one major hurtle: you know there's a problem and you recognize that it's cyclical. You just don't know how to break the cycle [i.e. you don't know why you keep doing the same stuff over and over].
I'd recommend seeking the help of a Christian counselor. Many counselors tend to like to see you as individuals and as a couple. You'll probably find you'll see the counselor more as an individual than as a couple, in fact. Counselors are great because they help you diagnose the problem and then give you practical solutions to fixing it.
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RE: Seeking Advice and Prayer - 7/11/2009 1:10:43 AM
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agapeflight
Posts: 120
Joined: 3/29/2009
Status: offline
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Things have improved alot since that post. We are both making efforts in the right directions and God seems to be blessing us. Thanks to anyone who prayed. The Lord answers prayer!
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RE: Seeking Advice and Prayer - 7/15/2009 7:29:08 PM
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nmcdowel
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/15/2009
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As I read you post i was amazed at how much it sounds like my marriage. My husband and I have been married for about 10 years but have been together for over 30 years. When we were dating I broke it off with him and was going to start dating again. Well that did not last long we got back together and have been together every since....shortly after we married he asked about someone I had seen during that time and I told him i was involved with him (only once) and all hell broke loose. It seems that every since I have been reliving that torment every couple of years whenever something triggers it, my being gone too long, not answering my cell phone, thinking I am to friendly with other males we deal with. It has gotten so bad i has decided to leave at least twice, of course he would convince me to come home and it would not come up again. Wellthat recently happened a few weeks ago and I had made up my mind to leave and never come back. Then something hit me, I was trying to understand why we have to keep going though this over and over again when I realized that maybe the lesson to be learned is mine. The Lord was trying to get me to realize that I was not allowing Him to deal with it by running away and that running away would only let the devil win. That when i decided that no matter what my husband did so said I would keep thanking the Lord for dealing with his demons dealing with his heart and his mind. And most of all his drinking, which is when he is most vunerable to the attacks of the devel. Most of our family and friends would not believe we could have such major issues going on and yes they too envy us because they beileve we are so in love most of the time. Only the ones that I go to when I want to leave know what has happened. So I glad to hear that things are better for you, know that the battle is yours. You must have something pretty amazing for the devil to be attacking you marriage like that. Stay strong in the Lord, He will work it out for you ans I know He will do for me. Thank you Lord.
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RE: Seeking Advice and Prayer - 7/16/2009 2:09:45 AM
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Redjasper
Posts: 344
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quote:
We have determined that we are going to win this battle in our midst by God's grace and through His love.
Agapeflight, I can only congratulate you on your and your wife's godly decision not to give into the devil's attempts to ruin your marriage. You need to realize that most of us come in with a lot of baggage but there is God's ways to conquer, I believe that with my entire heart.
I've only been married for 5 years, but as the going gets tougher every day (unemployment, vicious parents, loneliness, geographical separation from loved ones etc.) I get these thoughts of separation quite often on some of those days... the bottom line is... as some people have pointed out even on this forum: the devil is running out of time and is refining his tricks to lull people into thinking it's the other person or ourselves in the relationship that is doing something so wrong that cannot be reconciled. Read your first post again, you said YOU PRAY FOR EACH OTHER and hold onto God. It's wonderful! Where two people can do that for each other in a marriage, there is a lot of hope.
On a very practical note, I found an important outlet for my everyday frustrations, I started journaling. I have a notebook and a stack of cheap blank papers. I use the latter ones to scribble my angry feelings over some things I can't change or is too difficult but need to come to terms with. I also learnt through it to learn about my marriage and re-reading some of my thoughts gave me some insights where we are going wrong in terms of our relationship. Many times I write down my prayers to the Lord as well along with some relevant Scripture. It's easy for us to spiral into arguments and thoughts that lead to not being able to distinguish between "deal-breaking" problems or everyday frustration and seeing annoying things in each other, so that in the end we can't see the forest from the trees, so to speak.
I pray that you and your wife will never give up.
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