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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:12:37 PM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10818
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
I feel he deserves to have a thin wife and I deserve to be healthy. Dont know where that fits into this thread, but I just wanted to share that.
What if your future husband doesn't like a thin woman?
Excellent point!
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Thank you Veterans.
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:22:33 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 2611
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From: Northern IL
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
I'm having trouble believing a Christian man would suggest surgery if someone is overweight. Niiiice.
But what if it's needed? What does being a christian have to do with it? If my dh was grossly obese and stuggled with loosing weight and wanted the surgery I would support him as long as I knew it was the last straw and safe.
I think sometimes think that because someone if a believer looks shouldn't mean anything. We're human after all and God created us to be atrracted to each other. Yes, man looks on the outside and God looks at the heart. God's doesn't care what we look like, but He does care that we take care of ourselves.
_____________________________
Deb
"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
Author unknown
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:30:22 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 9776
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Might I suggest that those who want to discuss weight loss surgery post here to save derailing this thread.
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Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:39:20 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 6324
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From: Crimson Tide Country
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
I'm having trouble believing a Christian man would suggest surgery if someone is overweight. Niiiice.
But what if it's needed? What does being a christian have to do with it? If my dh was grossly obese and stuggled with loosing weight and wanted the surgery I would support him as long as I knew it was the last straw and safe.
I think sometimes think that because someone if a believer looks shouldn't mean anything. We're human after all and God created us to be attracted to each other. Yes, man looks on the outside and God looks at the heart. God's doesn't care what we look like, but He does care that we take care of ourselves.
Needed for whom?
My wife and I may be on the wrong track here. Shoot our marriage may dissolve and not make it another 35 years. But, we have always been of the opinion that what is good for her is good for us. What is good for me is good for us and what is good for us is good for both individuals.
If my wife, who is overweight, elected to have surgery I would support her 100%. However, I would not push her into that unless it became a clear health issue.
I think, as Benelchi I believe pointed out, these issues can be discussed. It depends on the direction the discussion comes from. If it is all about me then I need to keep my mouth shut. Discussion about my wife's weight or any number of issues that may come up similar to this should be dealt with on a basis of what is good for her. To many people have taken we and us out of marriage and substituted them with I.
In a few words if I want my wife to loose weight for her benefit that is one thing. If I want her to loose weight because I find her fat, repulsive and just not pretty enough to walk down the street with me then I am the one with a problem not her.
_____________________________
At one time Jesus was my co-pilot. Things are much better now that He and I have changed seats.
<Me & my happyplate at Lobster Hut
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:45:25 PM
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agapetos
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It flies in the face of popular culture, but women are actually supposed to have a bit of a belly. Why? Because it protects the uterus (and therefore a baby). I'm not saying it's good to be grossly overweight, it's not, but it's not good to be stick thin either.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:45:28 PM
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-Justyna-
Posts: 1922
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But Ross does have a point. I see it clearly. Why are we as Christians so shy about looks and how one looks on the outside. I know God looks on the inside, so maybe that is one reason, but we as human beings have a body..and its a beautiful thing to have one. Why not see that?
_____________________________
"In your madness, you can justify anything"
--Me
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:46:42 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3423
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: -Justyna-
But Ross does have a point. I see it clearly. Why are we as Christians so shy about looks and how one looks on the outside. I know God looks on the inside, so maybe that is one reason, but we as human beings have a body..and its a beautiful thing to have one. Why not see that?
Who decided that thin is beautiful? It's entirely a cultural thing and is perpetrated by the media.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:47:02 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 9776
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quote:
In a few words if I want my wife to loose weight for her benefit that is one thing. If I want her to loose weight because I find her fat, repulsive and just not pretty enough to walk down the street with me then I am the one with a problem not her. That deserves stars...
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 4:56:53 PM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 733
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quote:
Who decided that thin is beautiful?
Good question! I don't recall the OP suggesting that we should be thin for our partners, nor the 2 or 3 people who understand his POV 
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 5:08:48 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 6324
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The difference as I see it Justyna is like your original post. I counted at least 10 times you said I. It is obvious you are doing this because YOU want to and not because someone is pushing you to do so. That is totally o.k. in my book.
On the other hand had you posted he wants me to have, to do, etc., then I would have a problem with it.
_____________________________
At one time Jesus was my co-pilot. Things are much better now that He and I have changed seats.
<Me & my happyplate at Lobster Hut
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 5:10:15 PM
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-Justyna-
Posts: 1922
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: Northampton, U.K.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Qtman
The difference as I see it Justyna is like your original post. I counted at least 10 times you said I. It is obvious you are doing this because YOU want to and not because someone is pushing you to do so. That is totally o.k. in my book.
On the other hand had you posted he wants me to have, to do, etc., then I would have a problem with it.
I see your point
_____________________________
"In your madness, you can justify anything"
--Me
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 5:12:08 PM
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truthrevealed
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I had to re-read the OP in addition to his responses to make sure I hadn't misunderstood his point or the question he posed.
If a woman(or man) has a complaint that their spouse fails to communicate as they used to, or if they don't spend the time doing things that they once did etc. etc. why is it okay to mention these things but not mention that their partner should loose weight? If I understand the question, I think it's a valid point. Why are some things permissable to discuss spouse to spouse but weight is not?
< Message edited by truthrevealed -- 5/26/2009 5:18:54 PM >
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 5:17:04 PM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 733
Joined: 12/6/2007
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quote:
His POV is that if you're fat, starve yourself or get surgery
I thought he cleared that misconception in post 104. Am I reading the same thread  ?
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 5:43:20 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3423
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
There are millions of women trying to be "thin enough" and some of them are right here on these boards. It's heart-breaking.
Oh, I know. It is heartbreaking, especially when some of them are doing permanent damage to their bodies and metabolism all in pursuit of being "thin".
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 5:49:22 PM
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solo_soprano23
Posts: 2085
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
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quote:
However, unwillingness to fast or undergo surgery is still a question of will, not ability, which although noble and in the right place, is a self-imposed barrier. For some people, it may be so difficult that it feels impossible, but this is very different from something actually being impossible.
That quote is directly from Ross, AFTER post 104.
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Why does weight get the shaft? - 5/26/2009 5:59:49 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
quote:
QTman: In a few words if I want my wife to loose weight for her benefit that is one thing. If I want her to loose weight because I find her fat, repulsive and just not pretty enough to walk down the street with me then I am the one with a problem not her. That deserves stars...
I'll ditto that!
quote:
Truthrevealed: Why are some things permissable to discuss spouse to spouse but weight is not?
The other things you mentioned are different. There's a big difference between failure to communicate properly and telling someone you aren't attracted to them anymore because of their weight. Telling your spouse that is a form of rejection. It's basically saying, "Hey, you aren't good enough for me anymore".
Most people are saying it's ok to discuss weight issues but that the heart behind the discussion is what's important. If it's from purely selfish motives then it's not ok.
I wouldn't recommend you tell your spouse that they've become boring (as in the hypothetical situation the op mentioned) either. I'd recommend you try to understand them and find out the root cause of the changes. We all change over time.
And I'm not one to advocate "letting yourself go". I don't think that's ok for a number of reasons. BUT, just because someone gains weight doens't mean they have "let themselves go".
As Ryanne said, it's very true that thin=beautiful is a cultural thing. Our culture has taken it way too far. People are killing themselves trying to achieve the "perfect" level of thinness. It's really sad. So if a husband tells his wife he's no longer attracted to her because she's gained some weight then he's more than likely just buying into what the media has ingrained in him as the ideal of beauty. I don't think any of us realizes just how much the media affects our ideas about beauty.
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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