|
|
|
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 5/31/2009 1:01:22 AM
|
|
|
Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3402
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
|
Yeah, but if it doesn't effect you?
It's obviously not our choice, and I think it's a bit ridiculous but your money, your choice. Unless it was causing marital discord it's just not a big deal.
FWIW, we know couples with joint accounts who have serious money issues and a lack of communication in that department.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 5/31/2009 1:34:27 AM
|
|
|
nealmorsefan
Posts: 584
Joined: 10/18/2007
From: Boise
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
Yeah, but if it doesn't effect you?
This isn't about me, it's about the way things ought to be. Wait, am I channelling my inner Rush Limbaugh? *shrug*
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
Unless it was causing marital discord it's just not a big deal.
Jesus talked about money more than any other subject. Draw the obvious conclusions...
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
FWIW, we know couples with joint accounts who have serious money issues and a lack of communication in that department.
Well, yeah. The whole point of the thread is relationship and the backbone of any relationship is communication.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 5/31/2009 9:50:09 AM
|
|
|
Holdcard
Posts: 269
Joined: 1/14/2009
From: Phoenix, Arizona
Status: offline
|
Just for the record, I didn't open this thread to cause big debates and this thread is not aimed at any particular method of bookkeeping. Although discussion/definition is welcome it was not the original goal of the post.
As a young couple (19 and 17) we fell into the "money pool" method and it's worked well for us for more than 28 years now, of course we've improved the process as we've matured in Christ. Since we've been doing it this way for so long, a "his money, her money" method just seemed foreign (not necessarily wrong, but very different) to us, and the couples we talked to using this method did not fair well. Understand that finance was not their only problem that needed to be worked on.
As stated before since seeing the results of this thread I'm surprised at the number of Christian couples using this method. What I have noticed is that the successful ones use communication and prayer for the bigger decisions. So when you look at it from one perspective it seems a lot different, but from a bigger perspective it's not really that much different at all. Both methods rely on spiritual guidance to make big decisions, and both methods bring glory to God as far as being financially responsible.
I must admit I'm kind of missing the "can't really be married" if your funds are not joint comments. What I'm seeing is that couples have found what's working well for them, they've prayed and communicated about it so I really don't see any martial issues using either method as long as the couple continues to follow God.
Holdcard
_____________________________
---
If You Want To POPULATE Heaven
You Have To PLUNDER Hell!!
4th Man Ministries
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 5/31/2009 11:39:48 AM
|
|
|
Martachoo
Posts: 119
Joined: 4/13/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Holdcard
I must admit I'm kind of missing the "can't really be married" if your funds are not joint comments. What I'm seeing is that couples have found what's working well for them, they've prayed and communicated about it so I really don't see any martial issues using either method as long as the couple continues to follow God.
Same here. I don't get it either. If the bookkeeping method (and that's all this is!) the couple have agreed upon works for them, why is it an issue? Who said married couples MUST have joined bank accounts to prove they are committed to each other? It's more important that a couple share common financial goals and trust each other.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 5/31/2009 1:27:36 PM
|
|
|
ta_mosquito
Posts: 10981
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
Status: offline
|
MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
Please refrain from unwelcome counsel in this thread - judging another's marriage by a certain standard and saying that the marriage isn't good (or as good as it could be) due to how they do their finances is unwelcome counsel.
Thank you!
Tricia
Forums Moderator
Please do not reply to this message within the forums or chat.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 5/31/2009 5:15:17 PM
|
|
|
NotDoneYet
Posts: 209
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Martachoo
quote:
ORIGINAL: Holdcard
I must admit I'm kind of missing the "can't really be married" if your funds are not joint comments. What I'm seeing is that couples have found what's working well for them, they've prayed and communicated about it so I really don't see any martial issues using either method as long as the couple continues to follow God.
Same here. I don't get it either. If the bookkeeping method (and that's all this is!) the couple have agreed upon works for them, why is it an issue? Who said married couples MUST have joined bank accounts to prove they are committed to each other? It's more important that a couple share common financial goals and trust each other.
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If it works, it works...different people do things different ways. If the way you're doing it doesn't cause strife, then it's the RIGHT method for you...don't understand the issue!
_____________________________
Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 5/31/2009 7:20:39 PM
|
|
|
Kerrlaw
Posts: 6668
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Holdcard
Over the years we have counseled with many couples. We are not professional counselors by any means but we have a very strong marriage for 28 years now.
One of the big things couples seem to fight over is money, most of the people we've talked to have a his money and her money set up. For us, that is totally foreign. We have always pooled our money and made decisions together, thus there has never been a dispute over money. I'm just curious how many couples use which method and how it actually works for you.
Thanks,
Holdcard
Mrs. K and I pool our money into joint accounts. I am responsible for bookkeeping and bill paying, by mutual agreement.
We each have a certain amount of discretionary funds each month. She tends to spend as she goes and I tend to save up for something big.
Any major joint purchases (home improvement, vacations, etc.) are discussed thoroughly.
I am 100% confident that we are very rare in that in our 20 years together we have never had an argument about money.
_____________________________
That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
Coffee sinners lovers click here.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/1/2009 12:23:50 AM
|
|
|
nealmorsefan
Posts: 584
Joined: 10/18/2007
From: Boise
Status: offline
|
Well, I'll leave you with just one parting challenge: If you currently are using separate accounts in your marriage, try consolidating into a joint account. I think you will find the level of communication necessary for a couple with a joint account heightens the overall level of communication in your marriage. It may bring out trouble spots and cause you to struggle, but those are things that would come out eventually anyway and the longer they fester, the worse they are likely to be. It will also bring about a great sense of accomplishment when you are both clearly on the same page, accomplishing the same goals. In the end, it all belongs to HIM anyway, so keep that in mind.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/1/2009 10:35:20 AM
|
|
|
davelinde
Posts: 472
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: New Jersey
Status: online
|
I've thought about this thread a little and just got back to reading it again. Ironically I'd also thought along the lines of this being more like a room mate arrangement than a marriage and then saw that mentioned here with some very harsh reactions...
So I thought a little more.
IF this is just a method of keeping the books and a mechanism to split out discretionary funds... I suppose it's one way to do that. It seems that's how some are doing it.
What I imagined when I heard "your money" vs "my money" seemed to extend to your bills and my bills.... So what would happen if one person ran short (maybe for a good reason) does the other person loan them money to pay a bill? Let the bill go unpaid? I'm sorry, but if a husband and wife are loaning each other money it seems off to me...
If there would be no circumstance where money would need to be loaned (and repaid??) then I'd say that the funds really are co-mingled (no matter how the accounts are set up) and the definition of your money and my money is not very strict (as it should be).
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/1/2009 10:46:38 AM
|
|
|
Holdcard
Posts: 269
Joined: 1/14/2009
From: Phoenix, Arizona
Status: offline
|
nealmorsefan
I believe your statements are based on your opinion or possibly tradition. It's only my opinion but in all honestly I think it would take more communication and cooperation to have separate money streams. Like I said the concept of separate money is pretty foreign to me, but that does not make it wrong in any way. That's why I opened the thread because I was curious. Based on my personal experience I was kind of leaning one way, but since the scripture was neither pro or against I wanted to know how other Christian couples handled their finances. As I've stated a few times now, I've been surprised and enlightened.
It doesn't seem to matter from a scriptural sense who writes in the book or clicks the keys on the computer. There is no scriptural basis for having one or two money streams. In fact in Proverbs 31 you may even get the idea that the faithful wife handles her own business affairs separately, that is implied but not directly stated.
Marriage is so much more than finances. It involves sharing yourself and becoming one. Where I have a deficit she has a strength, together we are lacking but God built us for each other and together we put forth an effort to become whole. Yes, I agree that finances are important in a marriage, they can make or break a relationship. The thing is though, as long as they allow God to be in charge of the finances the rest falls under stewardship and I see no scripture requiring a married couple to do the mechanical part of their finances together.
In this thread we've heard testimony from both sides of the coin from couples with enough time in their respective marriages to be authoritative. Either method works, what matters is that they allowed God to set up their system in the first place, and they come together and pray over decisions when necessary. In my eyes, that honors God.
Even though it's a little off topic I'd like to ask you a few questions nealmorsefan,
1. Are you married?
2. If so, how long?
3. How many times?
3. At what level to you share "Everything", for example;
Do you each take out the same poundage of trash each week?
Do you put the same mileage on the vehicle?
Do you each pump the same number of gallons in the vehicle when gassing it up.
Do you cook the same number of meals as your spouse?
These questions are not meant to be offensive, just to clarify what you're trying to say and maybe help us to understand your point better.
I'm going to guess (based on experience) that you and your spouse have fallen into some household jobs being predominately his, and some predominately hers. Sometimes you'll preform the same task but in different ways. There's nothing wrong with that at all, my point is that married couples have so much more than how, who, and what process is used in accomplishing specific tasks. Albeit and important one, finances is only ONE aspect of marriage.
Holdcard
_____________________________
---
If You Want To POPULATE Heaven
You Have To PLUNDER Hell!!
4th Man Ministries
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/1/2009 12:18:10 PM
|
|
|
GregandJenny
Posts: 664
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Near Seattle Washington
Status: offline
|
quote:
What I imagined when I heard "your money" vs "my money" seemed to extend to your bills and my bills.... So what would happen if one person ran short (maybe for a good reason) does the other person loan them money to pay a bill? Let the bill go unpaid? I'm sorry, but if a husband and wife are loaning each other money it seems off to me...
If there would be no circumstance where money would need to be loaned (and repaid??) then I'd say that the funds really are co-mingled (no matter how the accounts are set up) and the definition of your money and my money is not very strict (as it should be).
I agree with this. From reading many of the posts here this is really not a his money her money thing. It's a way of managing money.
_____________________________
It does not have to be well with my circumstance to be well with my soul!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/1/2009 12:23:28 PM
|
|
|
reach
Posts: 1297
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
When I have a bill that is bigger than I bugeted for, we talk about it and decide if we want to pay it from the bigger account or carry it over until the next month. Again, my husband and I communicate on how to spend larger amounts.
We have been married 2 years and I am spoiled my husband does most of the house work. So we don't share on that much. :) But we make sure my bills are paid and the rest goes into the house account.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/1/2009 12:36:21 PM
|
|
|
GregandJenny
Posts: 664
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Near Seattle Washington
Status: offline
|
quote:
When I have a bill that is bigger than I bugeted for, we talk about it and decide if we want to pay it from the bigger account or carry it over until the next month. Again, my husband and I communicate on how to spend larger amounts.
I don't really think that is "HIS" money or "HER" money it's more of away of accounting. Like one business different accounts.
_____________________________
It does not have to be well with my circumstance to be well with my soul!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/1/2009 4:23:50 PM
|
|
|
Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3170
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: being knit together in my mother's womb
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: nealmorsefan
quote:
ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
As I had written above, we don't need to talk about it. If I hear that he is intending to spend more than can be spent in a particular account, I ask him to wait or take the money from a different account -- that is the extent of our normal discussions.
Huh? How are you not being the financial head in that situation? Your statement indicates that your husband needs your permission to access your account/accounts...and you don't see a problem with that?
If this troubles you, that is your problem and not my husband's, since he has not said it was a problem. It is also neither a spiritual nor marriage problem, or he would have said so. I am sorry it bothers you.
Let's take a real life example for how this works in my husband's and my life. He decided to hire some people to come out and insulate our over-100-year-old house. Let's suppose I had just kept silent, as you seem to indicate I should have. They come out and insulate, he takes the money from whatever account he chooses, and we bounce sky-high. Would this have either pleased or glorified our L-rd? But no; because this is a large-ticket item, we discussed it, and I advised him which account I would put the money in, so that it could be handled properly. Was that somehow wrong?
Here's a different example: I bought a camper quite a time back, and it is making a funny noise that makes me leary about driving it. Should I take it down and get it fixed without saying anything to him? "But wait a minute, Abiyah!" someone might respond, "You are supposed to emmulate the woman in Proverbs 31, who worked with her own hands, who bought a field and planted it. Shouldn't you take care of this without bothering your husband with it?" Well, no. I don't have enough mechanical knowledge, and I see this as a possible large bill, so I will consult my husband.
You do things your way, and if you are married, and she is in unity with you on that, fine and dandy. But no where in my Bible does it say that the check book is his, he carries it, and he makes all the decisions or is consulted on each one. Rather, the Proverbs 31 woman makes decisions to "buy the field," to earn a living, etc. Perhaps Proverbs 31 is mistaken?
_____________________________
While in prayer or praise, I am only as devoted to G-d as I am in my most private moments.
Abiyah, if you had known them as G-d knows them, you would have answered them differently.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/1/2009 7:14:55 PM
|
|
|
creationtalk
Posts: 475
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline
|
Whether "our" money is kept in joint accounts or separate has no bearing on the strength of the marriage or the level of communication. However, if the marriage is struggling, having a joint account(s) has the potential to result in bigger financial problems than there would be if the accounts were separate.
Separate accounts can keep a person who has a habit of overspending from spending ALL the family money.
In at least one case I know, a joint account enabled a husband to walk out on his wife and son, cleaning out all of their joint financial accounts leaving her with only the cash in her wallet--with rent due and few groceries in the house...on the day she was fired from her job.
My parents were married for 53 years when my father passed away. They originally had joint accounts but switched to separate accounts when my mother started working because it worked better for them that way. My mom always said that every year was better than the last in their marriage.
My grandparents were married 70 years when my grandfather passed away. My grandmother did not even know where the checkbook was kept and had NO idea how to write a check to pay the bills. Maybe if she'd had her own account she would not have been so lost financially in the end.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/20/2009 9:31:49 AM
|
|
|
ctpruitt
Posts: 394
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline
|
Well, my brother does not subscribe to the "our money" idea either becuase of something that happened recently...
He deposited their tax return (I say "theirs" loosely; she has only had one job that I am aware of (and she did not get paid; more on that later) And judging from what I have seen she does not do a lot at home either but that's another post...) and was in a good mood for a change.
Well, it did not last. Somewhere around the first of April he calls about to cry saying "the bank has taken out $2000 out of my account and I don't know why!" So I said "come over here and let's look at your account on their website" So we did and I discovered quickly that the bank had done this to cover a check that his wife had written on an account that her mother's business also had at the same bank. Ok, so a little background here will help:
My brother's in-laws have a samll trucking company. I mean real small. About a year ago his father-in-law passed away, actually sitting in the truck cab after just having his truck loaded. After about 30 minutes some of the loading employees noticed his truck still there and went to tell him to move and discovered that he was gone. So the company goes to his wife. Now my brother's wife worked for he parents for the first 3 years of their marriage, but, (get this!): her father would not pay her. She would work 40 hours and he would give her $50. He would say "well you are married, so tell your husband to make up the difference.." I never understood how he legally got away with it but he did. Ok so now her and her mother run the company.
Now I could not figure out why the bank would have taken money from his account to cover a check written on some business that my brother was not involved in. So I called a few business people I do know and got this:
If you have a business account at Bank A and you and your spouse both have a joint account at Bank A, the Bank A can legally withdraw money from your joint account to cover any bounced checks that you may write on your business. The only way to avoid this to remove the spouse who has the business from the joint account.
I guess the moral of this story is if you own a business, keep your spouse off of any joint accounts with you!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: His Money, Her Money - 6/24/2009 3:04:03 PM
|
|
|
MamaAng
Posts: 127
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
|
Wow, this thread is kind of heated.
I have been married for 2 years now and here is how we work the finances.
We have 2 checking accounts and a savings account that we both have access to. I pay the household bills and food. He pays the car payment, his car gas and church contributions plus any entertainment/ eating out that we do. We have access to one another's accounts to see what is being spent and don't purchase "large" items -- over $100 or so -- without first discussing. Once one of our checking accounts builds up with a carrying balance of a couple hundred dollars, we transfer money into savings. This works well for us. He gets to pay at restaurants and for family outings while I take care of the essentials.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS! 
