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Holdcard -> His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 12:33:33 PM)

Over the years we have counseled with many couples. We are not professional counselors by any means but we have a very strong marriage for 28 years now.

One of the big things couples seem to fight over is money, most of the people we've talked to have a his money and her money set up. For us, that is totally foreign. We have always pooled our money and made decisions together, thus there has never been a dispute over money. I'm just curious how many couples use which method and how it actually works for you.

Thanks,

Holdcard



BlueAdept -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 12:59:22 PM)

I guess my question is when in a row boat, is there a his oar and a her oar? Or is it a our oars?

In my house it is our money. It has always been that way. She was employeed out of the home for the first 7-8 years of marriage, after that she became the mom and home maker.

We talk about how to spend the money, and generally it gets done without issue. If we did not plan and think about what we were doing, it could be a major issue.



reach -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 1:25:46 PM)

We have been married for 2 years, and this has worked for us, but subject to change. :)

My husband pays the household bills. I have some bills that I have in my name (ie Phone, Credit Card, Gym, etc). I pay these from my wages, and then I give myself money for Gas, and some spending money for my pocket. This is my money to spend as I want. The rest goes to my husband and we make decisions together on pretty much any decision for buying anything.

It works for me because I like having money that I can blow and not ask my frugal husband for. :) He has learned to not ask how much I paid for things from that money. :)



Random -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 2:30:33 PM)

The vast majority of our money is our money, but we each get an "allowance" that is my money and her money. This money can be spent on whatever, and I think this is important in a marriage -- to have a little bit of money that you can spend however you want, but it is also important to have most of the money being joint money.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 3:43:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Random

The vast majority of our money is our money, but we each get an "allowance" that is my money and her money. This money can be spent on whatever, and I think this is important in a marriage -- to have a little bit of money that you can spend however you want, but it is also important to have most of the money being joint money.


That is our system as well. It's worked really well thus far.



doinkdom -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 3:52:16 PM)

We have 2 checking accounts....both are joint and both have a savings account attached to them.

One account is household from which I pay bills, groceries, etc. The other is a convenience account for my husband's gas money, etc. each week for work so he can just use a debit card.

We are biblical counselors, too and never recommend separating anything. However, if a couple insists it works for them...then there ya go...it must work.

Not a hill to die on unless the couple experiences issues.



truthrevealed -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 4:50:46 PM)

I've only worked a couple years off and on since being married but when I do work again(and please pray for me I have an exam coming next Saturday[:)]) it goes into a joint account to be spent how we both see fit. We've already discussed our plans when I bring in income(numerous times) so we're on one accord.

When he gets paid, he really doesn't see any money but for his lunch. I buy clothes and household neccesities, pay the bills etc. We've noticed that some men have a huge problem with being the one who works and not delegating and holding on to the money but it works for us, very well.

Our savings will be joint. If we want something "special" for ourselves we discuss it first, agree on it then proceed.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 5:02:06 PM)

Ours is joint.

Dh does the big financial stuff (real estate investment) and I do the household stuff. We don't have allowances. If there's something bigger either one of us wants but doesn't need, we talk about it. Snacks/treats are included in the grocery budget. I know what I like, and I know what dh likes, so there's always something available, no need to hit the drive through or a vending machine.



Eutychus -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 5:05:58 PM)

We have a strong 37 year marriage and we have a "her account" and an "our account". The arrangement has caused us neither angst nor conflict.



Martachoo -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 5:13:50 PM)

We have a joint checking/savings account we use for bills, husband's gas and whatever else he wants. I have a separate checking account that my pay is deposited in and I use this account to pay for groceries, household supplies, my gas and miscellaneous children's needs. I keep all the accounts balanced and pay the bills. Since I am the one who keeps track of spending, I usually tell my husband how much is available to spend as he wishes and he stays within the limit. I don't ask what he does with "his" funds and he doesn't ask what I do with mine. So far (thank God) it's worked for 18 years.

It's not His or Her money as such...it's all our money but we get to spend a small portion as we please.



Mollymouser -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 7:10:16 PM)

We have an absolutely wonderful system in our house ... my wonderful DH EARNS the money, and I SPEND it. (Joint accounts, of course!)

[sm=funny.gif]



Holdcard -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/22/2009 7:54:15 PM)

Thanks for all the replies. it's interesting.

We've learned that she can do the books or I can do the books, but we can not do them together. We have totally different ways of thinking and planning. We can both accomplish the task but can not follow one another if that makes any sense. We had tried doing the "whoever has the time" method but drove each other nuts. Now the responsibility is relegated to the one spending the most daytime hours at home. For now, I'm it.

We don't really do an allowance, it's more like we each keep $20-30 in hand for lunches, treats for the grand kids whatever. Sometimes it goes faster than others so we don't really consider it an allowance. Since my wife works out of the house she tends to go through the money quicker, although completely understandable it is cause for teasing. Most of the time we keep the money in the safe and when she lets me know she needs more it's usually when she's running late and on the way out the door, so I usually give her my 20 and just tell her I was holding it for her. It's actually gotten to be a pretty good running joke between us.

We have also found that if we try to save money in the checkbook we will spend it. We tried for years but finally found a work around. We now have our paychecks direct deposited in a higher yield savings account, then do bi-monthly transfers for our monthly obligations. The few dollars extra stays there instead of being spent. We wish we were more disciplined but this works well for now. We're not saving a ton of money, but we are in fact saving now and we just couldn't seem to for years.

We've always pooled our money so I was pretty curious to see if having separate accounting was actually working for some people. So far with the people we've talked to it seems to be a real bone of contention. But then again, their marriages weren't the strongest anyway and were young in Christ or they wouldn't have been talking to us in the first place.

Thanks again,

Holdcard



truthrevealed -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/23/2009 1:51:59 AM)

quote:

We have an absolutely wonderful system in our house ... my wonderful DH EARNS the money, and I SPEND it. (Joint accounts, of course!)


Now, see, THAT'S what I'm talkin' about[;)]



Mollymouser -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/23/2009 1:43:28 PM)

[sm=dance.gif][sm=funny.gif][sm=dance.gif][sm=funny.gif][sm=dance.gif][sm=funny.gif][sm=dance.gif]



PinkCarnations -> His Money, Her Money (5/23/2009 10:02:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harvie

We have an absolutely wonderful system in our house ... my wonderful DH EARNS the money, and I SPEND it. (Joint accounts, of course!)

[sm=funny.gif]


Now if more couples would do this, I bet there would be way less divorce! [8D]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/23/2009 10:09:59 PM)

He earns the majority of the money, and I work part time. We have three checking accounts and three savings accounts, and we both have access to everything.

I pay the bills. He used to, but it tore me up that around the 10th of each month, his shoulders would start drooping and would droop more each day, until the 15th, when he made a mad rush to pay them all. One day, I told him, "I'm paying the bills from now on. Period." He still has to do the taxes, though.



NotDoneYet -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/23/2009 11:42:41 PM)

We have separate accounts...his pay is direct deposited in his account and mine is direct deposited in my account. He pays certain bills and I pay certain bills. Anything left in either account belongs to the account owner and does not have to be accounted for...(although it's usually obvious, the kids get new clothes, a car is repaired, something bought for the house, etc).

We've never fought over money this way...he makes considerably more than I do, but the split seems to be working.



Martachoo -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/24/2009 4:34:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harvie

We have an absolutely wonderful system in our house ... my wonderful DH EARNS the money, and I SPEND it. (Joint accounts, of course!)

[sm=funny.gif]


[:D] I love it.



Martachoo -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/24/2009 4:38:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga

He earns the majority of the money, and I work part time. We have three checking accounts and three savings accounts, and we both have access to everything.

I pay the bills. He used to, but it tore me up that around the 10th of each month, his shoulders would start drooping and would droop more each day, until the 15th, when he made a mad rush to pay them all. One day, I told him, "I'm paying the bills from now on. Period." He still has to do the taxes, though.


I pay the bills because I have more time than he does on a regular basis... but my husband does the taxes also.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/26/2009 7:35:13 PM)

Ah, bless the men who will do this, Marta! I used to do the taxes for my first husband, but I do enough of that kind of thing at work -- I just don't deal with it well at home.



creationtalk -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/27/2009 9:26:59 PM)

We started with joint accounts. This did not work well...he would write checks and not record them, if he saw a positive balance in the checkbook he would buy something...not taking into consideration that we still had to pay rent, utilities, etc...we had more than once when we had no money for food because he bought something before bills were paid. We ended up with my pay (only one working) going into my account and I would give him money for personal spending...so he started getting credit cards behind my back...lets just say he's long gone, but the debt lingers on.



PastorPatricia -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/28/2009 1:08:00 PM)

We've been happily married for 47 years and separate accounts works for us. We both have pension income, plus I have a small income from the church I co-pastor. Our chequing accounts are joint but we don't use each others account. We each have bills and expenses we're responsible for. We also have two saving accounts, both joint, that money is deposited into from my farm ( inheritance) income,and any "found" money for holidays. Large purchases are discussed. Small purchases (under $200.00) are entirely up to the purchaser. It's worked for us for all the years of our marriage and solved the problem of one party not recording cheques or withdrawals.



nealmorsefan -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/28/2009 1:11:47 PM)

Oh man, this bugs me sooo much! I currently work part-time as a cashier at Wal-Mart (no comments please [;)]) and when couples come to the stand to pay and divide up their stuff paying separately, I just roll my eyes. [8|] If you're not financially married, you may as well NOT be married.



PastorPatricia -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/28/2009 1:22:51 PM)

Dear Nealmorsefan
I think our five children, fourteen grandchildren and three great grandchildren might disagree with you. We are very much married and it's simply a method that works for us. Maybe it works for others - maybe not.



nealmorsefan -> RE: His Money, Her Money (5/28/2009 1:32:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PastorPatricia

Dear Nealmorsefan
I think our five children, fourteen grandchildren and three great grandchildren might disagree with you. We are very much married and it's simply a method that works for us. Maybe it works for others - maybe not.


Ever had to ask for a loan from your spouse? Who pays for the check at dinner? Do you cover your spouse's tithe when he forgets? C'mon Pat. Finances are part of a relationship. If you've decided not to completely accept your husband into your life, that's your business. But that also means he hasn't completely accepted you into his life. Does he show you his bank statements? Would he refuse if you asked to see them?

Don't get me wrong, my relationship with my wife isn't perfect...far from it...but at least I know our finances are a realm of solidarity. If I can't trust my spouse with every single part of my life, what's the point? Marriage is supposed to be the most perfect union this side of heaven...

Speaking of heaven.......



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