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I need some encouragement - 5/25/2009 6:16:46 PM
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Jess77
Posts: 165
Joined: 1/26/2008
From: Deep in the heart of Texas
Status: offline
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Last month I was told by my doctor that I may have cancer. The following Sunday I mentioned it in Sunday School class and asked for prayer. We have a fairly small class... about 10 regulars. Since that time, I have had 1 person give me a card of encouragement. Another person has prayed for me a couple times after church, but that is it. No one else in the class has tried to contact me in any way to see how I am doing. Before going out of town for the weekend, I asked the class leader to mention me during prayer request time because I wouldn't be there. I thought for sure he would e-mail back a "sure thing" or a "Have fun" or something, but I have not received a single word from him. I thought all these people were my friends, but now I am having serious doubts about whether they even care about me at all.
I learned about an hour ago that a guy that I have liked (who is also in the class) for several years and was giving signals that he liked me too, doesn't like me as anything more than a friend. Not only that, but he is one of the several who has yet to ask me how I am doing. I am frustrated, I am hurt, I am upset, and I am about ready to leave that class altogether and just go to my parents' class where the people at least care about me. I thought those people were my friends. Now I am not sure I have any friends at all. I am just so upset.
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RE: I need some encouragement - 5/25/2009 6:38:21 PM
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blueeyedgirl2
Posts: 2230
Joined: 8/31/2008
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I'm sorry Jess. . . this situation is just adding unwanted stress to an already stressful situation.
Different people handle things differently. For a lot of people (myself included sometimes), they struggle with what to say to someone who is hurting. In turn, many end up saying nothing at all, which is not at all encouraging to you. I'm quite confident that this group is thinking of you and remembering you in prayer, but is just not letting you know that they are doing that.
The stress of the situation is more than likely making you react more strongly than you normally would to something like this. I would be in prayer for the people in your group. And maybe even mention to your leader that you are feeling discouraged. If this is the first time you have felt this way I wouldn't leave the group. They could be a great blessing to you (and you to them) in the days ahead.
We are here for you. . . (((Jess77)))
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RE: I need some encouragement - 5/26/2009 9:16:11 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1927
Joined: 4/25/2005
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I am so sorry to hear about you are going through Jess. I will be praying for you.
rgod
_____________________________
We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes! If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking ...
- Kim Walker "How He Loves Us"
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RE: I need some encouragement - 5/28/2009 10:47:05 AM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5187
Status: offline
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Hey Jess
I am sorry I didn't see this thread till today.......please know I am praying for you as well.
Joy
_____________________________
A Christian community should be a place where our common purpose is strong enough to make our differences of secondary importance.
Lake Michigan
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RE: I need some encouragement - 5/30/2009 5:18:51 PM
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RubySparkles
Posts: 279
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
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Hey Jess
It's a shame that in such a small class people obviously don't feel comfortable enough to approach you. Perhaps they feel it's too personal to approach you openly, but they're still praying for you.
_____________________________
Lord, all our success is because of what you have done, so give us peace.
Is 26:12
http://writing.com/authors/rubysparkles
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RE: I need some encouragement - 5/30/2009 10:57:26 PM
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mec
Posts: 174
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline
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I dont know how words can be comforting saying Im sorry twice. Once for the cancer which I hope you dont have and a second for the guy who is leaving you heart broken, a double whammy if you will.
I think the health is your primary concern. If a guy can not like you because you have cancer or sick or have some other illness, he has no business being with you. Remember what is said about health in marriage vows, if he wont accept you in your bad times....
He only wants a part of you, when you are in better days, which it should not be.
As for the rest of the class, they shouldnt treat you like you have leprosy. They should still be there for you if the are true friends. Unfortunately, this is one of the times you find out who your true friends are, when they are there for you at low points in your life.
Im sorry you feel alone right now, and you feel you got no one there, but you do have us, here praying for you.
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/1/2009 12:01:11 AM
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Jess77
Posts: 165
Joined: 1/26/2008
From: Deep in the heart of Texas
Status: offline
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Thanks guys. I have my ups and downs, mostly ups. Right now though, I am down again.
I am tired of playing the waiting game with my doctor. Fortunately, that will hopefully end on Wed. when I go in for a follow up. I am tired of being single. I am tired of watching the ladies around me talk about their SO and feeling out of the loop all the time. If I hear one more guy in my singles group mention wanting to join eharmony, I think I am going to scream. I am tired of guys not paying attention to me. I am tired of people asking me when I am going to have a baby and then suggesting that I don't need a man to have one. I am tired of even considering this as an option. I am tired of my best friend asking me to have a baby for her and her husband. I am tired of considering this option too. I am tired of spending weekends alone. I am tired of having no one to talk to. I am tired of dreaming what a relationship would be like or what it would be like to have someone love me and support me. I am tired of looking at every new guy I see and wondering if he's the one. I'm tired of finding out that they don't want me either. I am tired of being tired!
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/1/2009 12:25:37 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 4027
Status: offline
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(((Jess)))
Oh, dear....I know how that feels. Having someone to talk to makes the world of a difference. Do you have a close friend who you can talk to and understand?
I've been there before. I can't promise you it'll get better, because to be honest, it would take an effort from you to change your circumstances and your mindset. It'll take you stepping out in faith and taking some risks. I have this view of life as an adventure with God, so even in my lowest days, I feel or know deep in my heart that he's with me through the valleys of life. And I know that this too shall pass. Sometimes, I sit still and pray and read, but at times, I'm more proactive in making some change in my life. Even little changes help.
God isn't passive. He doesn't want us to sit still and mope around. You're feeling like your circumstances won't change. How about starting with this one thing...just think that you are not omniscient. You don't know what will happen tomorrow. You don't even know for sure if some handsome gentleman will knock on your door any minute now by mistake and you'll start a friendship...lol...sorry, I'm just optimistic. I think when I really left my circumstances to my sovereign God who is good and who cares for me, a god who knows the number of hair on my head, my view of my life changed...not drastically at first, but it somehow shifted.
So, how about that....you don't know what tomorrow will bring. You can start making little changes. View life as an adventure. But start with knowing that God is sovereign, and He's good and that He loves you. And He'd be ok if you desire to change a little about your life's routine so you can experience life from a different perspective.
Does that make sense. If you were only here...I'll hang out with you...and trust me, you'll see my down days too and though they're not pretty, they don't seem to last as long as they used to. I don't spiral into minor depression anymore as I used to.
Take care, Jess, and I'll keep you in prayers tonight and during my prayer walks.
_____________________________
Search me, Oh God, and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, and
Lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:22-24
-------------------------------------
Go Steelers!!!
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/1/2009 9:58:42 AM
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Jess77
Posts: 165
Joined: 1/26/2008
From: Deep in the heart of Texas
Status: offline
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Most days I am fine and even happy. But sometimes I down and I don't like being down. I am trying to open up new opportunities for myself, but I don't know what else to do. As far as friends to talk to, I only have one and she absolutely doesn't understand. Maybe when all my health issues blow over, I'll be able to see things through a more balanced perspective. I keep praying and I know that God has not abandoned me. It's just sometimes it feels like I have been forgotten.
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/2/2009 12:19:49 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2104
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jess77
I keep praying and I know that God has not abandoned me. It's just sometimes it feels like I have been forgotten.
Those are the times when it helps to read and pray Scriptures that remind you that (1) God hasn't left you or forsaken you, (2) He hasn't forgotten you, and (3) feelings are not His truth. Feeling come, go, and change. He does not. His Word does not.
I'll come back later and post some suggested Scriptures for ya.
In the meantime, hang in there, sister!! You've got a lot on your mind -- ask God for His peace, and thank Him in advance for granting it to you...for surely it is coming, it is already on its way. (See Isaiah 65:24.)
_____________________________
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/2/2009 12:33:33 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5187
Status: offline
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And remember people hear are listening, well reading, and hear your heart.........we are praying.
_____________________________
A Christian community should be a place where our common purpose is strong enough to make our differences of secondary importance.
Lake Michigan
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/3/2009 12:43:16 AM
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solo_soprano23
Posts: 2082
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jess77
Last month I was told by my doctor that I may have cancer. The following Sunday I mentioned it in Sunday School class and asked for prayer. We have a fairly small class... about 10 regulars. Since that time, I have had 1 person give me a card of encouragement. Another person has prayed for me a couple times after church, but that is it. No one else in the class has tried to contact me in any way to see how I am doing. Before going out of town for the weekend, I asked the class leader to mention me during prayer request time because I wouldn't be there. I thought for sure he would e-mail back a "sure thing" or a "Have fun" or something, but I have not received a single word from him. I thought all these people were my friends, but now I am having serious doubts about whether they even care about me at all.
I learned about an hour ago that a guy that I have liked (who is also in the class) for several years and was giving signals that he liked me too, doesn't like me as anything more than a friend. Not only that, but he is one of the several who has yet to ask me how I am doing. I am frustrated, I am hurt, I am upset, and I am about ready to leave that class altogether and just go to my parents' class where the people at least care about me. I thought those people were my friends. Now I am not sure I have any friends at all. I am just so upset.
I've been in (kind of) similar circumstances; it wasn't with cancer though... although about the same time they found a tumor, and since insurance didn't approve anything, I never could get it biopsied. I had to have surgery a while back, and it was horrific-- both the surgery and the recovery. I told all my friends, and although I thought I'd be able to return to classes, I had to drop out (but I went back and graduated). I couldn't walk or sit, etc.; it just wasn't happening. So I spent four months in the bed waiting to heal (which never did happen completely), and I realized none of my friends ever checked on me, called, sent a note, etc.  The person that called me the most was my lab partner, and she didn't call to check on me. She called several times about lab reports that were due the day I had to go in to surgery. And what made me feel worse was seeing people get visitors, and I'm laying on my bed getting yelled at by my father (long story, lol).
I think it's fine to feel upset and dissappointed... and frustrated and alone when things like that happen. Even after I returned to classes a few months later, no one asked me how I was or called. I did end up just letting a few of them go, and I may let them all go; I guess I feel like it's not too much to ask that a true friend care about another friend, and perhaps show it. I always did it for them, and I always would. I think friends should stick by each other especially during hard times.
I suggest maybe trying to find another group of people in addition to that one you mentioned above. Perhaps find some people in the same boat as you that you could talk to, even if it's just online.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/3/2009 1:42:28 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2623
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: out of the everywhere into here
Status: offline
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Tami, none of those people on your FB page even called? Weird.
Jess, I'm sorry this happened to you.
_____________________________
Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/3/2009 2:14:57 PM
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solo_soprano23
Posts: 2082
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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One person from here did message me on fb, but I think she was before your CW time. :)
I remember though, when I did get back on my feet a little, people seemed like it was a sin to want others to care about you... or visit, call, etc. I guess I feel like that's natural. Maybe I wouldn't have thought that way before it happened to me, but having devastating news and/or being sick or possibly sick at the same time, added to the fact that no one checks on you or anything doesn't usually make for a good feeling. I guess some would see it selfish to want that, but I guess it seems like to me that friends should be there at those times.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: I need some encouragement - 6/3/2009 6:28:35 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2623
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: out of the everywhere into here
Status: offline
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Well, I meant the local people (the ones in all your pictures).
_____________________________
Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: I need some encouragement - 7/3/2009 4:57:15 PM
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shymama
Posts: 1
Joined: 5/23/2009
Status: offline
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Sorry to hear what you are going threw, just keep your chin up.
I will be praying for you also
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RE: I need some encouragement - 7/5/2009 12:44:19 AM
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ANewDayDawns714
Posts: 8
Joined: 2/28/2006
From: Florida
Status: offline
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Jess:
I'm so sorry that you are feeling discouragement and abandoned.
You are in my prayers.
Sometimes, especially with CANCER, people are just plain scared of what to say and do.
When I was going through chemo and surgery, I was blessed to have brothers and sisters in the Lord offer to help. Of course, I'm knew that I wouldn't be up for visitors so I asked them to respect my privacy unless a call came from me or my children. Of course they came to the hospital to pray with me and my family. One woman though, whom i hadnt seen in years scheduled herself for each Wednesday with one caveat.......... i would be on the couch in my pj's.
She came each wednesday evening and either brought or made dinner for the four of us.... and we just talked. she often brought a few groceries with her, milk, etc. one night a big pot of chicken soup cooked as we visited. Her visits were such a blessing, but also a reminder. How often have i been unaware or just too scheduled to take the time to just sit with a friend???
prayers are wonderful, and cards as well, but sometimes our physical presence is what God is calling us to.
I pray that the Lord sends one or a bunch to you.
Dawn
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RE: I need some encouragement - 7/5/2009 8:48:59 PM
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FlamingFantods
Posts: 43
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
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Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through all this, and on top of that so few people are saying anything. I bet a lot feel horrible for you but think it's better not to remind you of it. How did the follow-up go? Are you OK?
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RE: I need some encouragement - 7/31/2009 8:28:32 PM
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johnny103068
Posts: 107
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline
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Sorry to hear about your situation if i was one of your friends i probably would 'nt know what to say. In other words i would be one of those you feel has abandoned you.
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