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reversal - 6/3/2009 9:31:50 PM
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Joy4ELA
Posts: 19
Joined: 10/4/2005
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It's been a long time since I posted.
I'm curious if anyone has gone through a VR (vasectomy reversal) & how they chose the surgeon.
My wife and I did a lot of online research and are having to travel halfway across the country. It saves us a lot though and gets us to a specialist in this area.
My other concern is how we can get the other kids watched while we are out of town. They are 18, 16, & 7. I can probably have my mom watch the youngest, but what do I tell her? I am concerned about having to deal with judgement and opinions that counter mine.
I am 40 and my wife is 39. had my V in Jan. of 2007.
Thx
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Good Spirits & Health,
Joy4ELA
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RE: reversal - 6/3/2009 10:10:24 PM
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BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1709
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
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first of all...congrats on the reversal! I hope God blesses you and makes it fruitful for you!!
I have no advice on choosing a surgeon ect.
But as for the childcare, are there other options for your youngest?
Of course...you are adults and if you are having you mom watch the young one, then be honest and be prepared to deal with the possible judgment. It's something you may be dealing with anyways, should the subject come up.
Of course, depending on the kind of mom you have, must you be detailed? Perhaps a simple, "We're going out of town, can you watch X?" Would she press for details?
If so, be honest. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Your choices regarding your fertility are between you, your wife and God. With the choice you are making, you will need to be prepared to stand up for yourself anyways...for some reason, fertility is an area everyone and their mom (hehe) feels the need to comment on
Good luck!
_____________________________
Atheism: The belief that there was nothing, nothing happened to nothing, then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything, then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself into self-replicating bits that then turned into dinosaurs
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RE: reversal - 6/4/2009 11:27:18 PM
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Joy4ELA
Posts: 19
Joined: 10/4/2005
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You are right about the judgment and I do struggle with condemnations (but that's for a different topic).
I guess I just fantasized about telling everyone that we were pregnant. I can tell her, but would also have to tell about the V too and I feel like that kind of stuff is not for them to discuss (but I guess its not really a secret).
The older kids can easily stay with friends so that is a good idea.
_____________________________
Good Spirits & Health,
Joy4ELA
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RE: reversal - 6/5/2009 7:29:17 AM
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Joy4ELA
Posts: 19
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You know, that's a very, very good point. In a way I know people will make it their business, but what you said is the key, "be prepared". I will need to give that to God as I can work on expecting it, but don't know where to begin preparing.
Have you gone through something similar?
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Good Spirits & Health,
Joy4ELA
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RE: reversal - 6/5/2009 7:44:41 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3575
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quote:
Have you gone through something similar?
In terms of prying people, yes.  We don't advertise, but we answer honestly if asked--we want a large family. We consider kids a joy and a blessing. 
When our third child was born and also happened to be our third son, many, many people expressed sympathy for us, assuming that we'd only had a third child in order to try to "get a girl". When I have been asked "So, you're "done" right?" and answered that we hope not, the response is either confusion or outright negativity. I was told before my first was even born that if I had too many children I'd end up like Andrea Yates. When I was pregnant with my second, my first was a toddler, and I got grief for that (too close in age, apparently),. I was accosted in a grocery store by a woman I didn't know, who insisted that I'd better stop having children because it's just not responsible in this day and age to have "so many" (that was just after my third son was born). I did not initiate *any* of these conversations, and in all of them I was looking around desperately for a gracious way out.
On the flip side of that, I know there are plenty of couples who couldn't have children, or lost children, who have experienced meddling from people as well. Told they should have a kid by now, or they have to give a sibling to their child, or some other such thing.
Basically, family, friends, and strangers, at least in these parts, feel they have a right to comment on your fertility or lack thereof.
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 Moo
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: reversal - 6/5/2009 7:54:14 AM
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BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1709
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From: Just north of nowhere
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I have felt it too. I'm currently pregnant with my fifth child.
I get less from strangers and church members and more from certain members of our family. FIL thinks we are irresponsible and stupid for not 'preventing that' and can't understand how we desire more children, and are happy and content to allow God to bless us when He sees fit (he is also not a christian)
He comments constantly. After our third (and first son) was born, he called ME in the hospital to say, "Thank you for the grandson, now you can stop having kids please" (seriously. Almost verbatim)
Hubby has been clear and honest with him that we are NOT done having children, but out of respect for his father will not blow his stack like I would
I hope this doesn't sound discouraging...but it is true that the more children you have, the more people feel the need to comment. Sometimes it's just a 'joke' "Dont' you know what causes that? Hardeeharhar" Sometimes it's a little sadder "Gosh...my kids are awful. I don't know how you do it" sometimes it's meant to be respectful, as I've had a few women tell me they admire me, when really...I don't do much LOL. It's not like I had 4 kids yesterday...I've had lots of time to adjust 
the point is...patience, humility and a thick skin are required...much like parenting in general LOL
_____________________________
Atheism: The belief that there was nothing, nothing happened to nothing, then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything, then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself into self-replicating bits that then turned into dinosaurs
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RE: reversal - 6/5/2009 7:55:04 AM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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Wow, well good for you! Your V is very recent anyway ... reversal at this point is more like an anullment, right? I know of lots of families who have older children and then the "straggler". It is not a big deal! I'd just not discuss any of it until you are expecting!
Congratulations on your adventure! On "babysitting" teenagers, what if you had couple friends just stay at the house to monitor things? Your children are really too old to be controlled by an outside party, but having someone just be there would make it clear to everyone that they are still accountable to your rules (curfew, friends, etc). It is also scary for even older children to be in a house with no adults!
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Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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RE: reversal - 6/5/2009 7:58:39 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3361
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
Basically, family, friends, and strangers, at least in these parts, feel they have a right to comment on your fertility or lack thereof.
Boy ain't that the truth. I have several friends with only 1 child, and they get harrassed all the time by folks who think they are harming their child by not giving them a sibling!
This may be because I live in the South, and larger families are way more common. Three or four kids will not earn you a second glance and even 5 or 6 isn't terribly unusual.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: reversal - 6/5/2009 2:13:02 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3404
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
Basically, family, friends, and strangers, at least in these parts, feel they have a right to comment on your fertility or lack thereof.
Boy ain't that the truth. I have several friends with only 1 child, and they get harassed all the time by folks who think they are harming their child by not giving them a sibling!
This may be because I live in the South, and larger families are way more common. Three or four kids will not earn you a second glance and even 5 or 6 isn't terribly unusual.
Gabby isn't even two yet and we have already gotten some of those comments
I would just leave the 7yo with your mother, either way she's going to find out you had a reversal whether you tell her now or when your wife is pregnant, right?
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: reversal - 6/5/2009 8:30:44 PM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 973
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: online
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Having just celebrated my newest arrival's 1st birthday on Monday after 11 years since our 3rd boy was born, I am stocked to the brim with ridiculous, innappropriate comments from family and strangers alike.
I'm not sure why, but people just feel the need to assume so much. I've had more than a handful of people assume that we just "had to try once more for a girl" (they are all boys) and if I hear "You'd think you'd have figured out what causes that by now" one more time, I might just scream!
Yes, be prepared for comments and opinions. Of course, being a parent opens you up for that in general, so since you already have 3, I would just expect more of the same.
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We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: reversal - 6/10/2009 7:28:58 AM
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Joy4ELA
Posts: 19
Joined: 10/4/2005
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I suppose we will be getting the comments about trying to have a girl too, since we have 3 boys now. It really doesn't matter to us, but its good to be ready for those comments.
_____________________________
Good Spirits & Health,
Joy4ELA
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RE: reversal - 6/10/2009 12:38:48 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 2589
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
After our third (and first son) was born, he called ME in the hospital to say, "Thank you for the grandson, now you can stop having kids please" (seriously. Almost verbatim)
Why would he say something like that? Does he have good reason too? I'm shocked at the responses I've read. Do some people feel the need to comment because they might have to help out in some way? I don't get it.
We only have 2 and I have felt for year we shouldn't have stopped, but that's between us and God.
Seriously, why do people make such rude comments?
_____________________________
Deb
"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
Author unknown
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RE: reversal - 6/10/2009 1:16:54 PM
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BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1709
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
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I'm not kidding Deb! He actually went on and on about it for a few months until hubby finally told him to quit it. Now he's not as direct, but still comments about our 'irresponsibility'
I think in his case...he views 'success' in the same terms of the world, material goods. We have tremendous blessings in our babies, but he doesn't see it that way. What he sees is what we *don't* have.
_____________________________
Atheism: The belief that there was nothing, nothing happened to nothing, then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything, then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself into self-replicating bits that then turned into dinosaurs
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RE: reversal - 6/16/2009 10:33:21 PM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 402
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
Status: offline
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I am pregnant with my 2nd and already getting comments. My son David just turned a year old so they will be about 15 months apart. I was in the grocery store the other day. David was sitting in the cart eating a snack and being really sweet. There was a man and woman in the checkout line behind me. When I turned to unload my groceries from my cart she noticed my belly and said "Wow, looks like you are going to be busy soon!" And then the man rolled his eyes and said "Looks like she already has been." I was so upset and embarrassed.
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Happily married to Chris since 8-5-2006 and mommy to David (6-13-2008) and James (9-27-2009.)
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RE: reversal - 6/17/2009 10:17:59 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 2589
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
She was just a bitter, cranky old woman who had many 'issues', no faith in God, and who had said many times that she wished she hadn't had her 3 youngest children (my mother included.
I think this is true about many people who makes these rude comments. They are just bitter people. I know when I get in a mood I can can become bitter and have to stop and "renew my thoughts."
_____________________________
Deb
"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
Author unknown
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RE: reversal - 6/17/2009 10:35:37 AM
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laura...
Posts: 3278
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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quote:
My other concern is how we can get the other kids watched while we are out of town. They are 18, 16, & 7. I can probably have my mom watch the youngest, but what do I tell her? I am concerned about having to deal with judgement and opinions that counter mine.
Why can't the 18 and 16 year old care for the 7 year old?
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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