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SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be parents - 6/6/2009 1:22:20 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2626
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: out of the everywhere into here
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Some of us for some reason or another still have this desire.....
Yes, I know the risks go up when you are older
(although I've met plenty of moms who had their child at 20, and
the kid still had-sometimes severe- birth defects, and I've
met women who had PERFECTLY HEALTHY children when older)....
So, this is not a thread for jumping in and warning people about risks...
Which is why even though I still want kids, I think I'd probably go the adoption route rather than the biological route....
(although some people, for whatever reason still have the desire for biological children, and they are welcome here)...
and yes, I know it can get harder to adopt when you are older.....
but I HAVE seen ads for agencies that place no age limit on the adoptive parent.
This isn't the thread for naysayers....this is a thread for SUPPORT for those, who, for whatever reason still have GOD GIVEN desires for children.....if you have children and want more, you are welcome here.....but this isn't a thread for posting how many you have and then stating that you're done.
If you don't want more kids(or any) and are offering moral support (and not criticizing those who do), you are welcome.
< Message edited by OneOfHisJewels -- 6/6/2009 6:10:16 PM >
_____________________________
Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/6/2009 1:45:37 AM
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solo_soprano23
Posts: 2082
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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I really want to have children (and be married), but if I cannot lessen my physical pain, it won't happen. I've been very down about it lately, probably because I'm seeing many of my friends have no problem having a healthy marriage and family, but I can never have that and I have to somehow cope with that forever (probably). Someone told me to just pretend like that's what I wanted and chose, but it's not-- I have the desire for children. I've always wanted children, but you have to be able to make them to have them (biologically). So, in some ways, I understand wanting them, but not being able to have them. I just have different reasons for not being able to have them.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/6/2009 12:08:45 PM
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pruned
Posts: 1582
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Even the thread title brought tears to my eyes, rolling down my cheeks. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. I wanted a passel of children. God gave me one. There's still a hole in my heart for more.
Therefore, I'm eager for grandchildren at the right time. And I'll need a new address... closer to DS. I've always told him, when he gets married and buys a house it should have a m-i-l apt! 
_____________________________
I owe more to the fire, and the hammer, and the file, than anything else in the Lord's workshop. -- Charles Spurgeon
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/6/2009 12:19:46 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2363
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
Status: offline
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(((pruned)))
I guess I get to be the first guy to post in this thread.
I would love get married and be a dad to a few kids. I never thought of a specific number but at least 2. I would probably have to find someone a few years younger than me for that though. A lot of women close to my age don't seem to want to have kids.
_____________________________
Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/6/2009 9:59:39 PM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 794
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Hi, everybody:
I've been married for 10.5 years now, and was 33 when we got married. The first half of our marriage my husband wasn't sure he wanted kids so we made sure not to have any (which is pretty funny given the second half-->). The second half we struggled with infertility. In 2007 I was going to continue to have us try for the rest of the year and then give up.
Well, God had other plans and in July of 2007 I took a test and was pregnant. Finally. And almost 42. Without any medical intervention, without finding out exactly what was wrong with my reproductive system -- but truly due to God blessing us -- we were pregnant. WOW. Talk about a shock.
I was 42 when our son was born - perfectly healthy. My pregnancy was fine. I lost the 24 baby-weight pounds within a week or two.
I just came here to offer support to those of you men and women whose hearts yearn to parent a little one. Our son is testament to God's faithfulness, although I know we don't all get the desires of our hearts -- just please don't lose heart and continue to know that God is with you in your daily walk.
May you feel God near you as you seek His path for you.
Jeanie
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/7/2009 8:38:57 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2104
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
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Jewels,
Thanks for starting this thread!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jeanie,
Thanks for chiming in. That was such an encouragement!! (And I love that y'all over in the Women Only folder celebrate babies so much!! Fun, fun!!)
Congratulations on your little one!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
trainfan,
I'm applauding you for being so open about your desire to be a dad. That's awesome!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I turn 34 this year, and I still want to be a wife and mother. Ideally, 2 kids. But I think I'd be willing to have 3 or more, depending on my health. (Um... not more than 5, please!! I'm not a potential Michelle Duggar, bless that woman's pea-pickin' heart!!!)
I'm sure it's gonna be a huge miracle for me to have any -- given that I'm a diabetic and have no idea how fertile or infertile I may be. That's why I like to read about the women who have experienced successes and miracles... 
So... in the meantime, I love on other people's kids. (I love babies!!!!)
My cousin and his wife are expecting their 2nd boy this month, and I can't wait to meet the lil' fella!!! 
_____________________________
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/8/2009 9:28:57 PM
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drmomjoyce
Posts: 95
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: hamilton, canada via perth aust
Status: offline
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Hi
I have shown my face here on and off in the past but this post really caught my eye. Im now 35 and marriage doesnt seem to be on my horizon. Yet last year, after months of deliberation, I adopted my now 5yo son.
My boy was born with a heart defect and I met him at 3 weeks of age, and fell in love with him at that point, along with all the other babies that i am known to fall in love. He had open heart surgery as a baby and still has some whacky things going on in his heart. He was fostered by 2 families over the course of his 4 years before coming home. I did relief fostering for him for the last 2+years that he spent in foster care. So i knew him pretty well and when he became available for adoption, I spent a lot of time praying for a family to take him home. Finally it dawned on me that perhaps, i was the family I was praying for. It took another 6 months before I decided to persue it and apporached the appropriate people.
The journey has not been easy - we are now a forever family for 15 months but it certainly is worth it. I wouldnt recommend single parenting by choice for everyone, and truth be told had i known how hard it was.. who knows what I would have done. But I am so glad we are where we are today. I know we arent the normal formation of a family and I have struggled with his earthly fatherless state, but I also realize that he now is totally attached to me and doesnt deisre anything else.
For anyone considering adoption or even foster care, i say go for it , with your eyes wide open, to fill the life of a child, not only your own life. I wasnt looking for a child (not to say that its wrong) but he was placed squarely on my path and I answered his and His call.
Joyce
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/9/2009 6:20:16 AM
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bootsNspurs
Posts: 1283
Joined: 1/24/2007
From: Wisconsin, but currently in the desert!
Status: online
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I desire kids... and a lot of them. I do feel bad, though, for expressing my concerns about the clock ticking as I know there are many older than me who desire kids. I'm almost 23, and I am not even in a relationship. It slightly concerns me because the process of meeting someone / getting serious / getting married can take a while. Then... like someone mentioned earlier... I would love a ton of kids... 9 would be fun. More would be cool. I would really like at least 5 though. I have decided that if that's not the Lord's will for me, though, it's okay and I will still follow Him above all else. But I do find encouragement from others with 'success stories' as well as those who are still desiring children (or more children) and are pressing on after the Lord and not losing hope.
I will probably lurk in this thread as, like I said, I feel badly for complaining at all. I have been very blessed. I am glad you started this thread though, Jewels.
_____________________________
<~~ Briezers
Ziva - "There is a smurf war."
Tony - "Turf war."
NCIS Zividioms
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/9/2009 1:34:29 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2626
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: out of the everywhere into here
Status: offline
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Oh, hun, you're only almost 23? You're a youngun' Though, I didn't feel young at that age either, lol.
I know a lady that didn't marry until 29 and still had 7 PERFECTLY HEALTHY children....you've got time m'dear.
_____________________________
Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 6/11/2009 1:19:36 PM
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GrowinBaptist
Posts: 17
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline
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I am 33 and have always wanted to be a mom. In my family-oriented church sometimes it's hard when people ask you if you have children and you say no. Without meaning to, that can make you feel like something is wrong with you because you don't have kids yet. But that's a big ol' fat lie from the master of liars himself...the devil. I would love to be married and have a family, and the more I study God's Word and allow Him to shape me some more, I am learning to finding my identity in Him. This makes all the difference because you gradually know that you are exactly where He wants you to be...geographically, in (or out of) relationships, etc.
In other words, even though I do have the desire for children, I'm finding that it's easier than ever to lay that desire at His feet and leave it there. Plus there is always the fear factor...the idea of having children in this day and age scares me to death. But I don't think that's a viable excuse not to have them. But for right now, I am single and am rather glad I am right now (I am currently looking for work as I lost my job in December). The Lord knows my desires, so it's all up to Him. And for the first time in my life, I can truly say I'm at peace with it.
_____________________________
I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.
Phil. 4:13
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 7/10/2009 1:18:04 AM
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atate2
Posts: 14
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
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Thank you for starting this thread. It has been a real encouragement to me! I am 27 and have had a strong desire for children for several years now. I always thought that I would have kids before age 30, but since I am newly single again, it doesn't seem like that is going to happen. It's great to hear that women have had success having children at an older age, since, if the Lord is willing and blesses me with children, I will probably be older when it happens.
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 7/12/2009 8:09:47 PM
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wfisaac
Posts: 1179
Joined: 3/18/2007
From: Tip of the Mitt
Status: offline
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This is a struggle for me as well. Especially the last few years. I think my biggest battle is trying to figure out the "why" did God not allow this in my life. Sometimes I think maybe I would have been a bad mom or maybe I did something to prevent it. I think by reading everyone's posts in here it was a reminder to me that I need to be careful not to give in to that negative thinking. And I many never have the "why" explained to me. Thanks to you all who were open in sharing your hearts in here. It does help to feel you're not alone.
_____________________________
Veronica
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 7/12/2009 9:25:56 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1927
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: drmomjoyce
Hi
I have shown my face here on and off in the past but this post really caught my eye. Im now 35 and marriage doesnt seem to be on my horizon. Yet last year, after months of deliberation, I adopted my now 5yo son.
My boy was born with a heart defect and I met him at 3 weeks of age, and fell in love with him at that point, along with all the other babies that i am known to fall in love. He had open heart surgery as a baby and still has some whacky things going on in his heart. He was fostered by 2 families over the course of his 4 years before coming home. I did relief fostering for him for the last 2+years that he spent in foster care. So i knew him pretty well and when he became available for adoption, I spent a lot of time praying for a family to take him home. Finally it dawned on me that perhaps, i was the family I was praying for. It took another 6 months before I decided to persue it and apporached the appropriate people.
The journey has not been easy - we are now a forever family for 15 months but it certainly is worth it. I wouldnt recommend single parenting by choice for everyone, and truth be told had i known how hard it was.. who knows what I would have done. But I am so glad we are where we are today. I know we arent the normal formation of a family and I have struggled with his earthly fatherless state, but I also realize that he now is totally attached to me and doesnt deisre anything else.
For anyone considering adoption or even foster care, i say go for it , with your eyes wide open, to fill the life of a child, not only your own life. I wasnt looking for a child (not to say that its wrong) but he was placed squarely on my path and I answered his and His call.
Joyce
We were talking about adoption in one of the other threads - so this particularly blessed me when I came across this. I'm glad that you decided to adopt Joyce. I pray all the best for you and your son!
_____________________________
We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes! If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking ...
- Kim Walker "How He Loves Us"
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 7/12/2009 9:42:11 PM
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Jess_M
Posts: 47
Status: offline
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I love babies. I hope God blesses me with a couple.
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 7/12/2009 10:32:37 PM
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willfs
Posts: 555
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline
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My friend gave me a picture of his daughter, who I enjoy going and seeing whenever I can get a chance. The night he gave the picture to me I looked back at it a few times.
I knew that the health risks went up as one gets older. I had never thought of adoption to counter that.
_____________________________
If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. - C.S. Lewis
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 8/10/2009 12:31:23 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2104
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
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I spent time with a mama-friend and her almost-5-year-old daughter last night. And it was such a sweet, precious time! The little one, E-bit, has learned to swim, and she's so fishlike in her antics that a neighbor kept calling her "the little mermaid"!
I listened from the living room as Mama-friend washed her daughter, and E-bit entertained us all with her warbling in the bathtub!
I said silently to God, tears forming, I still want to be a mother, Father. And I still believe that can happen. *sniff*
After her bath, E-bit snuggled with me while we watched Scooby-Doo (new episodes... same premises, though! aah, nostalgia). I got to smell her clean hair. Aawwww!!!!
It's so cool to know this little one... and to have known her her entire life... We're not biologically related, but she's like family to me. And I think she regards me that way too.
Relationships like these are such treasures!!! \o/
_____________________________
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: SUPPORT thread for those who still desire to be par... - 8/10/2009 6:57:43 PM
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SavedByGraceMD
Posts: 1263
Joined: 2/13/2008
From: the poconos
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
I spent time with a mama-friend and her almost-5-year-old daughter last night. And it was such a sweet, precious time! The little one, E-bit, has learned to swim, and she's so fishlike in her antics that a neighbor kept calling her "the little mermaid"!
I listened from the living room as Mama-friend washed her daughter, and E-bit entertained us all with her warbling in the bathtub!
I said silently to God, tears forming, I still want to be a mother, Father. And I still believe that can happen. *sniff*
After her bath, E-bit snuggled with me while we watched Scooby-Doo (new episodes... same premises, though! aah, nostalgia). I got to smell her clean hair. Aawwww!!!!
It's so cool to know this little one... and to have known her her entire life... We're not biologically related, but she's like family to me. And I think she regards me that way too.
Relationships like these are such treasures!!! \o/
Wow...that was sweet Elena.
I also want to be a dad. But right now I treasure the opportunity to be an uncle to my 2 nephews. They are a joy to be with.
_____________________________
Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not for I am with you,
Do not be dismayed for I am your God,
I will strengthen you and help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"
http://followtheleader-mat1624.blogspot.com/
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(I'm 28) but I know plenty of people who've had children into the late 30's/early 40s. And I want to adopt at least a few children also.
