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what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 2:49:07 PM
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bricole77
Posts: 108
Joined: 7/28/2006
From: Grand Haven, MI
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*Sigh*
After 2 years of struggling in a long distance relationship, and going back and forth, my ex fiancee decided to call off our engagement, and following, our relationship. I'm working throught the big emotions I'm feeling right now, but wondering about a more trivial thing.... what should I do with my engagement ring.
I feel the ring is rightfully mine, he gave it to me, and it was He who called off the wedding not once, but several times. He however, is keeping the matching wedding band, he says "to remind him never to hurt anyone the way he hurt me" (rolls eyes)
Anyways, its a beautiful ring. I have grown very fond of it, but I do feel a tad guilty for keeping it. He helped me out financially a great deal in our relationship and I feel sort of obligated because of it. He obviously couldn't return it, he could pawn it for a few hundred maybe but its worth $6,000.
I don't want to sell the ring, because I feel like I'm closing the door on a possible future with him, but I feel like I should because this cycle he's created of getting back together than dumping me, and selling the ring would give me a sense of closure maybe?
What should I do with it....?
_____________________________
~*britanni *~
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 3:12:08 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3366
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If he left you, then the ring is yours to do with as you please. The ring was given to you as part of a pledge to marry you. He broke that pledge and the ring is your property.
Do you want to give the ring back? You certainly don't have to, but is he going through any financial hard times? It sounds like he has money from your post.
Maybe wait a while before selling it, so that there is no regret when you do. But don't keep it out of hope that he will one day come back to you. I would close that door forever, personally. If you simply like the ring because it's pretty, then keep it.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 3:18:09 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3416
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
If he left you, then the ring is yours to do with as you please. The ring was given to you as part of a pledge to marry you. He broke that pledge and the ring is your property.
Do you want to give the ring back? You certainly don't have to, but is he going through any financial hard times? It sounds like he has money from your post.
Maybe wait a while before selling it, so that there is no regret when you do. But don't keep it out of hope that he will one day come back to you. I would close that door forever, personally. If you simply like the ring because it's pretty, then keep it.
That.
I personally would take it down the jeweler and have it remade into something else that I loved and could wear on my right hand.
But that's just me :)
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 3:41:02 PM
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merlethepearl
Posts: 61
Joined: 4/8/2009
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Personally, I would mail the ring back to him or put it in his mailbox. Since it was an "engagement ring". On court shows they always say and engagement ring goes back to the giver because it is an item purchased on a condition of marriage.
I have a few pieces of jewelry that past boyfriends have given me, also some from my ex-husband. I always offered the jewelry back and the giver refused. I occasionally wear some pieces. Honestly, though most of what is from my ex-husband, I picked out/purchased the item he just provided the funds. Our wedding rings I have put aside to give our son one day if he wants them. I have thought about selling some at a pawn shop also.
I guess each situation is different and after offering them back to the person. The decision is yours.
Merle
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 4:44:16 PM
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Szaftoo
Posts: 499
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: So. Calif.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: merlethepearl
Personally, I would mail the ring back to him or put it in his mailbox. Since it was an "engagement ring". On court shows they always say and engagement ring goes back to the giver because it is an item purchased on a condition of marriage.
I have a few pieces of jewelry that past boyfriends have given me, also some from my ex-husband. I always offered the jewelry back and the giver refused. I occasionally wear some pieces. Honestly, though most of what is from my ex-husband, I picked out/purchased the item he just provided the funds. Our wedding rings I have put aside to give our son one day if he wants them. I have thought about selling some at a pawn shop also.
I guess each situation is different and after offering them back to the person. The decision is yours.
Merle
I agree with Merle. An engagment ring is not a gift but a symbol of an intent to get married. It doesn't matter who ended it, once the wedding is called off, the engagement rings goes back to the person who bought it.
I personally wouldn't want a ring or any part of a ring that means nothing to me and I don't feel it's right to get money for it.
Just my opinion.
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 4:49:43 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 9760
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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Judge Judy would say the ring belongs to him and you should give it back.
Personally, I wouldn't want to keep it in any way, shape or form. No matter what you do, it's a reminder of the pain that you went through.
Have you considered donating it to charity, thereby allowing something good to come out of something painful?
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 4:57:47 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1024
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I would give it back and be done with it all.
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*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
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Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 8:17:46 PM
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sharonjef2007
Posts: 2301
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I also don't think you are obligated to give it back. However, if it were me, I would return it for two reasons.
1. It would be putting a final "end" to the relationship on both ends.
2. It would continue to be a reminder of what might have been. Who needs that kind of reminder?
Anywho...that is my 2 cents.
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my blog......Picture This.......
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 8:25:07 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 9760
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quote:
Return the Engagement Ring: Regardless of who broke the engagement, according to protocol, the bride should return the engagement ring. The only exceptions to this is if the ring is an heirloom from her own family or if she received the ring as a Christmas or birthday gift.
Link
It may also be worth remembering that there may come a time (when you've healed) that you date someone else and go on to decide to marry him. How is your new love going to feel about you wearing a ring that symbolised an engagement to another man (even if the ring were remade)?
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 8:25:33 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 1688
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Yup agree with majority, I would give it back. I wouldn't feel right keeping it when the relationship is over. Like Sharon said, who would want a reminder of a broken relationship hanging around. No matter if you make it into something different or sell it and buy something, you will still look at it and think of what was never to be. Too depressing IMO
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/8/2009 8:26:09 PM
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HisSweetGypsyRose
Posts: 1757
Joined: 2/28/2005
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If he purchased the ring or it's a family heirloom, I believe you are obliged to return the ring. It's symbolic of the promise (contract) to marry, and now that the contract has been nullified, you should return the ring to him.
It's
From about.com:
quote:
Regardless of who broke the engagement, according to protocol, the bride should return the engagement ring. The only exceptions to this is if the ring is an heirloom from her own family or if she received the ring as a Christmas or birthday gift.
From lovetoknow.com:
quote:
A Broken Engagement: Who Gets The Ring?
Regardless of who may have precipitated the end of the relationship, the question of who gets the engagement ring is not as clear-cut as it may seem. As the price of engagement rings
rises, they become not only treasured tokens of love and affection, but also a significant financial investment. Because of this, the couple needs to collaborate on disposing of the ring when an engagement ends.
While every couple’s situation is different, general guidelines and etiquette for the engagement ring in regards to a severed relationship are as follows:
* First and foremost, the ring is returned to whomever purchased it, generally to the man.
* If the man does not wish the ring to be returned, the woman may keep it or dispose of it as she sees fit.
* Heirloom rings are invariably returned to the family of origin, regardless of who proposed to whom or who wears the ring.
* If the couple purchased the ring together using joint funds, the ring should be returned or sold and the money split proportionally based on the original collaboration of funds.
Some states have precise laws about the status of the ring in a broken engagement: the woman may keep it as a gift or may be required to return it on the basis of a bad faith agreement, or returning the ring may depend on who is responsible for terminating the engagement. If there is a conflict over the dispensation of the ring, it is wise to consult an attorney about local laws and precedents. For very expensive and valuable rings, a prenuptial agreement may note what should happen to the token in case of a split either before or after the wedding.
You may also want to look into the laws of your state as noted above.
Lastly,
quote:
The ring should always be returned. It's a token of the marriage to come, and when that marriage doesn't happen, that token becomes inappropriate. Why would you want a reminder of a failed relationship? It's not like this is a consolation prize in monetary value. Even if the man cheats, that's not what this is about. If you've already said goodbye to the relationship, it's time to say goodbye to the ring. —Anna Post, author of Emily Post's Wedding Parties
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/9/2009 12:11:01 AM
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myhusbandswife76
Posts: 237
Joined: 4/24/2009
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quote:
You may also want to look into the laws of your state
That's what I was going to say. In some states he could sue you for not returning it as required by law.
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/9/2009 12:47:24 AM
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spitzu
Posts: 521
Joined: 4/19/2005
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I'm with the majority here... give it back.
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<- Ahh, the sound of a real shutter. It's like music!
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/9/2009 7:06:32 PM
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Eliana
Posts: 183
Joined: 7/27/2005
From: Norway
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Chiming in with the majority opinion...give the ring back.
Sorry that things did not work out.
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/9/2009 11:11:13 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1147
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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I would give it back.
But if he doesn't want it, my SIL had hers made into a charms for a bracelet (hers are tiny fish). It's something she can look at and remember what came before without feeling tied to what happened.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/11/2009 3:32:37 PM
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MissInnocent
Posts: 647
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline
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I'd either give it back or sell it. Sell it would depend on 1) How wrong he had done me and how angry I was or 2) If I tried to give it back and he didn't want it. I personally don't understand keeping an engagement ring from a guy you DON'T marry, regardless of why y'all don't end up marrying. For goodness sake though...don't do something stupid like...flush it down the toilet. Yeah I know someone who in a fit of anger did that. Oy!
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/11/2009 3:39:04 PM
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MissInnocent
Posts: 647
Joined: 5/3/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
quote:
Return the Engagement Ring: Regardless of who broke the engagement, according to protocol, the bride should return the engagement ring. The only exceptions to this is if the ring is an heirloom from her own family or if she received the ring as a Christmas or birthday gift.
Link
It may also be worth remembering that there may come a time (when you've healed) that you date someone else and go on to decide to marry him. How is your new love going to feel about you wearing a ring that symbolised an engagement to another man (even if the ring were remade)?
That would explain why my cousin's first fiancee refused to give back the ring...since he proposed on Christmas Eve. Still odd why she'd want to keep it to me. And though men don't typically wear "engagement" rings I would be bothered if my future man wore something he got from an ex.
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/12/2009 12:25:36 PM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 837
Joined: 5/29/2008
From: A bit north of the Big Chicken
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You know there are jewelers who will take trade in diamonds. Like if you move on in life, meet someone wonderful and get engaged, you could actually trade "up" and get a break on a new ring. Of course it sounds a bit unromantic and all....
Or you could use it to trade toward a piece of jewelry that you truly love, something that represents you and your strength to carry on.
Just a thought.
_____________________________
Allison
A work in progress so please be patient, God is still working on me. Ouch, it sure is painful!
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/12/2009 1:27:21 PM
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angel_wings13
Posts: 2868
Joined: 12/31/2008
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I've read a lot about this topic when I split from my husband...
If the ring was given to you as a gift (Birthday, Christmas, V-day, etc) then it is yours to keep no matter who broke it off. If the woman ends the "contract" then she is to return the ring. If the man breaks the "contract" then the woman is free to keep the ring if she chooses.
Now if you choose to keep the ring I would take it to a jeweler and have it made into a necklace or another ring.
If you choose to give it back to him he probably won't financially gain much from it. Like you said....he probably won't be able to pawn it for much or he could take it to a jeweler who may buy the diamond off of him, but will only give him store credit for it not cash.
_____________________________
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
John 8:7
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RE: what to do with the ring... - 6/12/2009 2:33:08 PM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
I'd want to give it back.
I suppose ethically if he gave it to you and then broke the promise, it's yours. But I wouldn't want to keep it. Especially looking forward to the next relationships and the feelings of my potential spouse about it.
Yes, I agree with this. Honestly, in the end you have a few choices:
- give it back and "BE DONE WITH IT"!
- sell it ... pocket the money, but as others have said, it is likely (legally) his so you probably wouldn't feel right, no?
- have it reset into something more "wearable" ... seems a little nastalgic, though
- keep wearing it ... no, right?
I think you have a chance to wipe the slate clean, a grand gesture to say "thanks but no thanks" (I love his line re keepng HIS ring ... yes, BIG eyeroll). If it is right for the two of you to be together, he will either 1) represent you with the ring or 2) get you something even better!
I had some odds and ends from exes that I have disposed of since I found a real man  . I mean, what do I want THOSE trinkets for?!
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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