Feeling really down about finances (Full Version)

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inhimonly -> Feeling really down about finances (6/12/2009 9:05:23 PM)

hello all.

My husband has been laid off since December 2008. He is an educated structural designer/engineer. I stay home with our 3 children, 4 yr old twins and my youngest just turned 3. I got pg again last November, I am due with our 4th child in less than a week. I would have looked for work while he is laid off, but due to the economy, I was visably pregnant and no employer with their pick of 100+ applicants would chose a pregnant woman.

Since December, God has blessed us so much in providing for us and our family. We are in awe how much God has done for us, we are strictly living on unemployment benefits, food stamps, county medical insurance etc. I have everything I need for the new baby from people giving to us, we are truly blessed.

I can't help but be discouraged every day because nobody that we know (friends or family) have lost their jobs. They are all living the high life. They question why we don't have cell phones anymore, why one of our cars is "missing" (it got repo'd), etc. They are all buying new cars, big screen televisions, going to Mexico, etc. See, the thing is, I don't care about any of those things, but we struggle just to get by every month, we have even used the food shelf. All I want is to be able to pay our bills and have a sense of security back in my life. We pray and pray, and see how God helps us every month, but why won't he intervene and help my husband get a job? It has been six months and his last interview was in February. Our unemployment is up next month and then we have to file for an extension. Basically we have a 20-week extension and then we have ZERO income, and are on the streets. It is so hard to trust in God knowing I could be on the streets in 4-5 months with a newborn and 3 other small children.

Our marriage is suffering due to the stress, we snap at our children due to stress and never getting a break, they feel the tension. We live penny to penny and it is very frustrating, and now a new baby is coming which means more expenses and more stress. I just want to enjoy life again. I know God loves me and my family, I KNOW this with all my heart, but I don't understand why He wants us to live under extreme fear and stress every single day.

I don't mind being poor for the next 5 years, I really don't, at least I know that we will have an income. But at this point, our income is going to end in 4-5 months if he doesn't get a job, and every day he looks and there are no jobs. Even jobs he applies for out of state never call him back.

Please give me some advice or even some encouragement to keep trusting God, it is soooooo hard right now.

Thank you and God bless.



Szaftoo -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/12/2009 9:59:45 PM)

I am sorry I don't have any advice for you but I will be praying for you and your family.



GroupW -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/12/2009 10:32:30 PM)

Been there, but not quite as severely as you. I was laid off last fall. Am working again now, but remember very clearly the level of stress this entails.

My heart goes out to you.

There's really only one answer. Just keep pounding the pavement - eventually something will work out. Network like mad, join professional organizations, call your alma mater, etc. etc. If you're willing and able to relocate, your opportunities may be a bit better, although that comes with a big cost as well.

Keep the faith - even though it's tough.

BT



Mollymouser -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/13/2009 12:26:25 AM)

Prayers for you and your family.

Is your husband young/healthy enough to join the military? That may be something to consider.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/13/2009 5:57:01 AM)

Well, a year and a half of this is enough to stress even the most optomistic husband out.

Your husband, has he been looking for *any* job, or just ones in his field?



inhimonly -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/13/2009 9:18:37 AM)

My husband is almost 38, so the military is not an option. Yes, he has been looking for "anything". He even made a comment the other day that now he can't even apply for Home Depot because they are laying off 200,000 people too.

Jobs he has applied for they say he is way "over qualified". He just can't win.



peace77 -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/13/2009 9:41:13 AM)

What kind of work is your husband looking for?

Have you applied for WIC and energy assistance?

God has a plan for your family. Do not fret or worry. You and your little ones will be taken care of.


Peace,
Anne



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/13/2009 12:08:02 PM)

I never quite understood the overqualified thing. [&:] Do you have to put that you're harvard educated on an application for a nurses assitant position? [&:]

I am still seeing ads in our area looking for nurses assitants, actually. It's not glamorous at all. Pretty gross at times. But the turnover is high and they're usually looking for hardworking, dependable folks.



GregandJenny -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/13/2009 1:05:05 PM)

quote:

I never quite understood the overqualified thing.


Many people don't understand this at all. I didn't for the longest time until I was training in management. I think the jist of being over qualified is that some people/ companies believe that if you're over qualified the time you will be working for them will be less which will make their turnover expense higher. For instance someone who have a Master's degree needs to work so they put that on their application at the fastfood joint. When an employer looks at that many of them think that if something better comes up that the person would leave (well who wouldn't right), which is understandable but sometimes more costly to the business.

Greg



Martachoo -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/13/2009 1:56:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom

I am still seeing ads in our area looking for nurses assitants, actually. It's not glamorous at all. Pretty gross at times. But the turnover is high and they're usually looking for hardworking, dependable folks.


Employers may be looking for hardworking, dependable folks who are more likely to stay at this type of job. Unless he knows someone personally, her husband would probably have to lie about his training, experience and background to be able to get one of these advertised nurse assistant jobs. It isn't fair but unfortunately that's how it is.

I am sorry for what you're going through and I have no advise other than continued prayer. Another option he could consider is a temp agency. They usually don't care if you're overqualified since the job is temporary anyway. It's not a long term solution but it brings in income and it may open new doors. There is all types of temp agencies so he could try.



Mollymouser -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/14/2009 12:56:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: inhimonly

My husband is almost 38, so the military is not an option.


I thought that the Army would take people up to age 40-42. He may want to check this out.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/14/2009 10:03:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harvie

quote:

ORIGINAL: inhimonly

My husband is almost 38, so the military is not an option.


I thought that the Army would take people up to age 40-42. He may want to check this out.


You could also possibly get an age waiver for OCS.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/14/2009 10:20:13 AM)

quote:

I am sorry for what you're going through and I have no advise other than continued prayer. Another option he could consider is a temp agency. They usually don't care if you're overqualified since the job is temporary anyway.


That's a good suggestion! I'd forgotten that option. My husband's first job in the States was through a temp agency adn he worked with all sorts of people, including a former college professor. [:)]



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/14/2009 11:05:25 AM)

My brother found his current job through a temp agency, it's nothing near what your husband was making before but it's adequate for putting food on the table plus it has health insurance benefits.



blessedinnyc -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/14/2009 4:45:48 PM)

Praying for you, as well. Given that my company declared BK back in mid-September, I've come close to your situation.

quote:

Many people don't understand this at all. I didn't for the longest time until I was training in management. I think the jist of being over qualified is that some people/ companies believe that if you're over qualified the time you will be working for them will be less which will make their turnover expense higher. For instance someone who have a Master's degree needs to work so they put that on their application at the fastfood joint. When an employer looks at that many of them think that if something better comes up that the person would leave (well who wouldn't right), which is understandable but sometimes more costly to the business.

What would you do if an overqualified applicant came to you and agreed to treat half of his pay for the first six months as a loan that would either get forgiven after 1-2 years or if his employment was terminated through no fault of his own? This way, if the employee leaves early, the firm's employment costs have just decreased.



macokjc -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/14/2009 5:15:14 PM)

Oh my, sweetie!! I can really relate. My husband got "downsized" from his job 3 days before our 5th child was born. What made it worse was that it was from a Christian company, and we had to go to church and see these people. In the last 4 1/2 months he had applied for hundreds and hundreds of jobs; contacted many recruiters, and many temp agencies - there are not many jobs out there in our part of the country. The few interviews that he actually landed, he was also told he was over-qualified and made too much money. That one really upset him, because they asked him how much he made, so he told them, but he also said that he realized he would not get that and would be willing to work for a lot less.

He has found a new job, but it is for a non-profit ministry at a fraction of his old salary and 8 hours away from our current home. We are in the process of selling our house and moving our family, and I cry almost every day.

Now that I have told you my story so you don't feel so alone, let me reassure you that God is there. I often think of the verse in the O.T. that says "They meant is for evil, but God meant it for good." He does have a plan and a purpose for you. I often remark that this is horribly discouraging, even knowing that God is in control. How do people make it through w/out God? Look for the little joys and blessings and cling to those. Try to be patient with your children - they often don't understand what you are going through. If you have family that can help, even with childcare, take them up on it. Right now you are your husbands biggest cheerleader. Find some friends who can be YOUR cheerleader, because you need one as well!!

One last note - I know that you all mean well, but if you have never been through this situation; suggesting where and when he might find work in not normally helpful. Any man who is used to providing for his family has probably moved heaven and earth to find a job at this point -and it gets very discouraging to hear "have you done this" over and over. A simple and SINCERE "we are praying for you" means much more than any advice. If you live close to somebody who is going through this - take the wife out for coffee, offer to watch the kids, or bring them a meal. All of those are helpful in many ways. My husband and I have learned a lot through this trial in our lives, and it definitely has opened my eyes to the needs of others who are going through trials.



inhimonly -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/14/2009 7:17:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: macokjc

One last note - I know that you all mean well, but if you have never been through this situation; suggesting where and when he might find work in not normally helpful. Any man who is used to providing for his family has probably moved heaven and earth to find a job at this point -and it gets very discouraging to hear "have you done this" over and over. A simple and SINCERE "we are praying for you" means much more than any advice. If you live close to somebody who is going through this - take the wife out for coffee, offer to watch the kids, or bring them a meal. All of those are helpful in many ways. My husband and I have learned a lot through this trial in our lives, and it definitely has opened my eyes to the needs of others who are going through trials.


Thank you for writing this!! I thank everyone for their replies, but I couldn't help but be discouraged from reading most of them until the last poster wrote this. And it is because she has been through it. My husband has done "everything" and 100 times more than people have suggested. He knows lots of people in the military, the truth is they won't even look at him because of his age, it is NOT an option. There are probably TONS of 20 year olds looking to join, who do you think they are going to take first?

I have learned through this that we can't even count on the people who we thought loved us the most, family. They all "suggest" that we go live with another family member if we were every homeless. Nobody wants 4 small children in their home. It is too much an inconvienence to them. His parents who have lots of money haven't given us a dime. He has never asked them for money in his life. It is scary to think that when unemployment runs out we WILL be homeless. My mom just says, "well, you will have to go on welfare then".

I agree that this has definitely opened my eyes to what "needy" really means and I will never turn my cheek away if I find out someone doesn't have enough money to pay rent, heat, electric, groceries, etc. I will give as much as I can because I know how it feels now. For that I am grateful to God, even going through this painful situation.



momma_bee -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/15/2009 6:43:47 AM)

From the been there, done that crew. . . I would also get extremely annoyed by tv / newspaper articles that told me how to cut expenses and suggested things like 'eat out less' or 'consider store brands' - I would want to scream. I know - work with a neighbor to share babysitting expenses for a shopping trip or night out. Carpool. Folks don't get that if you don't have money to put gas in the car, you can't go anywhere anyways.

I'm with you on the neighbor thing too. I often wonder if they are trying to keep things 'normal' as long as they can because they are in denial.

What can you do? When I was there my kids weren't as young and I was able to start volunteering. My local library had budget cuts and needed help and that made me get dressed and gave me the chance to be productive. No, I didn't get paid, but I used it on my resume and it allowed community people to get to know me. And, I could set my own 'schedule' as well as bring my kids in with me.

I really think that helped my mood more than an income could. Doing things at church didn't provide the same thing for me, because folks looked at it as a ministry, so you will help financially as well and as though I didn't need to be working anywhere, so I could just do more and more. "Go and buy this for VBS, we will reimburse you if you want" - without thinking that $50 could overdraw your account and there is some guilt associated with turning in a slip for a ministry.

For a chuckle...I went thru a temp agency when I was pregnant but not showing and they placed me in a job several months later. I wasn't interviewed for it, just sent - almost seven months along, in June. They had a pool of folks to cover a software problem (20+ folks) and after you had worked it for a few weeks you were offered a flexible schedule. They just asked what I wanted to do and I pointed out they had AC and I did not and I started coming in before it got hot and working until it cooled down - so I parleyed pregnant into a 4-day work week with 4 day weekends. I think I should get a medal for that. [8D]

I have seen temp agencies for engineers and I have noticed a need for people (draftsmen) with CAD training in the Pittsburgh and Erie areas. I don't know if that is true elsewhere, but that is where I was looking. I know that the petro end of my pseudo-employer has engineering jobs posted in TX, but they want folks with some oil experience. I don't know how that translates into structural work. (If you build a control building, does it really matter WHAT you are controling?)



Martachoo -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/15/2009 9:07:41 AM)

I got my current job through an accounting temp agency. It was very difficult returning to work after 11 years as a stay at home mom. It was difficult to even get a job interview even though I had job experience and a masters degree.

A door will open for your husband soon. God is in control. He has blessed you with little ones to care for, so he will provide.



GroupW -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/15/2009 11:51:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: inhimonly
I agree that this has definitely opened my eyes to what "needy" really means and I will never turn my cheek away if I find out someone doesn't have enough money to pay rent, heat, electric, groceries, etc. I will give as much as I can because I know how it feels now. For that I am grateful to God, even going through this painful situation.


Sometimes I think everyone should have to go through this at least once. The experience definitely softens one's heart. I know it did mine.

Hang in there. At some point it just becomes a big numbers game. The math goes something like this - 10 interviews to get a job, 100 resumes to get an interview = 1,000 resumes to land a job.

Very daunting numbers, so it's obvious why one would feel extremely discouraged.

The only way to to beat the game is to keep plugging away.

Oh - and going down into your basement and screaming at the top of your lungs when you get really frustrated is sometimes helpful (and fun as long as the kids aren't around and you don't freak out your wife.)

Doesn't accomplish anything, but it feels good.[:D] I never did that, but I have this friend ....

BT



merlethepearl -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/24/2009 12:19:07 PM)

quote:

Since December, God has blessed us so much in providing for us and our family. We are in awe how much God has done for us, we are strictly living on unemployment benefits, food stamps, county medical insurance etc. I have everything I need for the new baby from people giving to us, we are truly blessed.

I can't help but be discouraged every day because nobody that we know (friends or family) have lost their jobs. They are all living the high life. They question why we don't have cell phones anymore, why one of our cars is "missing" (it got repo'd), etc. They are all buying new cars, big screen televisions, going to Mexico, etc. See, the thing is, I don't care about any of those things, but we struggle just to get by every month, we have even used the food shelf. All I want is to be able to pay our bills and have a sense of security back in my life. We pray and pray, and see how God helps us every month, but why won't he intervene and help my husband get a job? It has been six months and his last interview was in February. Our unemployment is up next month and then we have to file for an extension. Basically we have a 20-week extension and then we have ZERO income, and are on the streets. It is so hard to trust in God knowing I could be on the streets in 4-5 months with a newborn and 3 other small children.



madelin1970 -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/27/2009 11:16:42 PM)

I can't imagine what a tough situation this is for you and I am so sorry.
Has your husband thought about teaching? Teachers in the math and science subjects are needed. Which state do you live in? In texas they offer alternative certification but I think that americorp also trains teachers if they are willing to go to places that really need teachers. Let us know how it all works out.



Coffee_Drinker -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (6/30/2009 12:56:38 PM)

My daughter is in a similar position. Single mother of three children, a professional and unemployed. Another victim of the economic crash. No point is saying more, right. No, that's not a question.

When it happened all of us prayed that God will find her the "perfect" job. And, we are still praying. That is NOT a bad thing. That is a good thing. She has had a couple "bites" for possible employment but, none really fit into the "perfect - God found" category and quickly fizzled out (not by our doing). However, about a month ago she was called in for an interview at a most unlikely place. A rather small but financially stable company that has not been affected by this economic crisis. She went to the interview and, according to what she had told her mother and me, the interview went very well. Several weeks went by, we still prayed for the "perfect" job and are trusting God for it. Low and behold, last week she was called and was informed she was going to be scheduled for a second interview this week (she hasn't received the call yet - not to my knowledge anyway). But, we are still trusting God this "perfect " job will be found (quite honestly, this is the best of the best so far for lots of reasons).

I realize this thread is not about my daughter but, about inhimonly's family. The point I am trying to make is to trust God. God has given you his word that he will take care of his own. The hard part is waiting.

quote:

Matthew 21:22
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

Mark 11:24
Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

John 16:24
Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

1 John 3:22
And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.


Trust in God. God will never ever let his children down.

Write down what you want, pray for it and expect an answer. Then keep on praying and thanking God for that answer.

I know I may sound a bit arrogant but, I also know God answers prayers - I write them down and all I can say is God is true to his word.



PixieSunBelle -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (7/1/2009 12:00:57 AM)

I lost my job at the supermarket before the economic crash... and I have no money for the few things i do need to pay for. Fortunately i am still living at home so its not terrible but it is hard being home all of the time "wasting my life". Although, things at the previous job were slowly getting worse and i was "taunted". Not long ago, I had talked to a friend about that place and he said things were bad there. Even though I'm broke, I am happy that I was laid off instead of got mad and quit... and i still shop there when i have to. The few people that were nice to me get excited to see me when I come in and often ask if I found a job yet.
Another daunting task was finding an internship.... i couldn't believe how difficult it was to find an UNPAID job! Like seriously they cannot expect someone to already have experience when that is what the internship is for.... *sigh* I sent out lots of resumes- not many but for every place pertaining to my major that I could find and get to. I got 1 call back and they told me that for journalism they wanted someone to actually market! Like, I have no training in that and my interest does not lie there... however, not long ago my bf's mother missed a meeting at her work and they threw a job no one wanted to do at her. It is updating a website and designing things on a site. She asked me if I wanted to take it as an unpaid internship! I was ecstatic because she works at a fairly well known college as an assistant to a director to their architecture department. This will look really really good on my resume and it should be really fun!
It took a lot of looking for me, about 1 year to get something. No, i did not find a job and in fact I've been putting it off because everytime i want to, i end up having something scheduled to leave for and then I cannot apply because I'm sure the first interview you cannot say "The second week in June I will be gone for a week for Heart Camp and then late July I will be gone again for 2 weeks to visit relatives in Floridia"
Then I find out that I cannot even apply for a paid job because financial aid requires me to have classes while I take my internship! like, so I don't know what I'll do.... maybe the weekends so i dont know.

Anyways, the best you can do right now is to keep looking. I had some resumes ready to be sent out when I found my bf's mom had the perfect one for me. So right now I don't have the perfect job, but i did find out one of my best friend's works at Wal-Mart... i keep wanting to apply but like i said, i don't know how good they are about vacations. This was one i was waiting for- for a long long time. And I would rather try to things together for bf to go to the military and spend less of my summer away from him when soon- we won't see each other.
So anyways, I can't remember but yeah i think military cut off is 38, but you could still talk to a recruiter and see what they say. If you could, I would do Air Force. Navy requires every 2 years for him to be out at sea. Bf's cousin is in the Navy and he really likes it though.



calamtykelagain -> RE: Feeling really down about finances (7/13/2009 4:20:05 PM)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. However, I had to scroll up to look at your name again, because I almost wondered if your post was mine from a couple of years ago! We have been through this - three kids with one on the way and unemployed...and a sick child just out of the hospital.... We went through 2 years of unemployment and I definitely understand every single thing you are saying.

First, I will tell you to stop listening to everyone's advice that there is "more" that he could do. If he's doing everything he can, and you can, then you must stop listening to what people are saying and looking at others' situation. You, and he, will drive yourselves crazy and you will eventually turn on each other; thinking there is something either of you
"need" to be doing. I know this from experience - I had people telling me that it was our fault that my DH could not find a job for the most ridiculous reasons. I had one well meaning woman in church tell me that it was all my husband's fault because he was raised Jewish and would not acknowlege Christ and until he did, that God would not bless us with provision. (Gee, thanks a lot!) I had people tell us that we weren't believing enough -that we weren't trying "hard" enough. That we needed to learn "lessons" first and if we weren't learning them, that it was our fault that we were being held back. That he wasn't looking in the "right" place -wasn't trying "hard" enough to find a job, even after 100's of interviews. People with crazy ideas for employment that never would have worked. People with tons of "advice" that just served to make us feel more frustrated, confused and guilty.

I'll tell you straight out - Satan sends ALL of those lies our way on purpose. He's trying to frustrate you; trying to destroy your relationships on top of everything else. He will also throw people in your face who have so much more - usually other believers -- and it becomes so glaringly apparent. You are NOT alone - there are SO many others who are struggling and unemployed. When we went through this, our dearest friends were living the high life - they took multiple vacations a year. My daughter had to give up gymnastics and a well meaning friend thought she would have "fun" if she went with her daughter to watch her in her own class. I burst out in tears (privately of course!) because it just did not seem fair -- how could she not see that, I thought? Everything that happened to us seemed to widen the gap between us and everyone else and nobody seemed to understand exactly what it was like. People at church would approach us asking for donations for gifts for ministry teachers, etc. and we could not give. It just seemed at every turn nobody understood what it was like to live unemployed. How it can consume your all in all every minute of every day; every decision and conversation.

Please dear one, know you are in God's care. He will not abandon you nor your children. It is the hardest thing in the world to wait on God, and see the end of the line coming (or what you think is the end of the line) - - as our unemployment benefits termination loomed closer and closer, it got darker and darker. But in retrospect that is when God shone the brightest, even in little ways just to remind us that He was in control.

I am here to tell you that my husband got a job that he was ridiculously unqualified for. So much so that when we got the call for it after the interview, he didn't even return the call until the next day, as he was so positive it was another rejection. He gave a very poor interview - - didn't answer any of their questions "right" - nothing they asked him was he qualified for! And yet they chose him.

He has been there for three years now and I can see how all the jobs we wanted would have been wrong. I begged God ---begged, pleaded, rebuked the enemy, CLAIMED in the name of Jesus one particular job that he was perfectly qualified for - so much so that the interviewer promised it to him. And he didn't get it. Talk about confusion on our part! WHy would God drag us through all that? It was torture - in fact, if you search you might be able to find my old messages on here when SO many on this board prayed for us!

I don't know why God allowed all of that. But I do know that He was in control all along. And he's in control of your situation too. I know it's not easy - and that's an understatement. I won't sit here and say "just have faith" or " you should not be worried" or any of those things - because I understand; I have been there. Those feeling are there - and each day you just have to keep giving it to the Lord, even if it's 100 times a day.

Please hang in there and keep us posted! I would assume you had the baby by now and hope all is well.



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