Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (Full Version)

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7arrows -> Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (6/21/2009 9:52:50 PM)

you just don't know how much I mess up. I'm really not a good father. I allow my children to see my frustration. I'm not a good provider. I'm still living off unemployment, which isn't as much as a good job.
So many other feelings and thoughts similar to this were what I really wanted to say to everyone who told me "happy Father's Day". Yes, I know it possibly was satan or my flesh, but its true. I told my wife I didn't want anything. I said this because I don't want her to go through so much for me, as much as I mess up.

quote:

Teach me to be a better father and husband is almost a regular prayer. I just



W.O.F. -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (6/22/2009 9:16:54 AM)

As a wife of an imperfect man (and he is the husband of an very imperfect woman), I have to tell you something....

Father's Day (and Mother's Day) IS NOT about you...not really. It isn't about how good you are at the job of being a dad or husband. It isn't about YOU at all. It is about how much OTHERS LOVE you...in spite of, or maybe because of, your imperfections.

So...when you told your wife not to do anything for you, you were telling her, "don't show me love, because I don't deserve it".

Not scolding you....just telling you so that next year....you'll remember this, and be able to say "thank you for loving me...."

even if you don't feel like you deserve anything.

AFTER all...what do any of us a deserve?



bolt. -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (6/22/2009 9:24:20 AM)

My friend, my good friend -- this is a difficult season for you, and I feel for you.

Believe me when I tell you that God knows you, and He knows that your heart is for your kids. You are for your kids. You are an honest man with honest troubles, but you know your duty and you will overcome these things. God honours your intent to become the father he sees inside you.

And if God honours and blesses that, why should others not? I honour you as a father. I bless you as a father.

Once more into the 'battle' my friend. You are master of yourself, and you are in the process of training yourself. Nobody starts a 'job' of any kind fully trained -- and nobody expects them to. Instead there is an on the job training process that may take a while. In that situation, everybody can tell the person who is picking up the training well and willingly apart from the slacker.

I can tell you apart from the slacker. It may be true that you have more skills to learn, and that perhaps you are not doing the whole job like a pro yet... but as long as you are learning well and willingly, you will be living up to your true responsibilities in no time.

My friend, it seems to me that a lot of your difficulties are part of the same category of problems -- problems of self mastery. I may be wrong, so don't hear this as an accusation, but is it your experience that you often have good intentions, but your body, or your mouth, or your feelings just seem to go their own way, paying no attention to your good plans?

If this is the case, that's good, because I actually know a plan to get 'you' (real godly 'you') back in your own driver's seat, under the direction of God -- but it's a tough one -- do you want to hear it?



7arrows -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (6/22/2009 3:02:53 PM)

[:)]Whats self mastery? I think I know, but I'm not sure. Yes I want to hear what you have to say.



bolt. -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (6/22/2009 6:15:39 PM)

"Self mastery" would be my personal term for godly self control that works all/most of the time, without being a lot of effort each and every time. It's also called 'temperance' in the old-fashioned way.



7arrows -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (6/22/2009 8:32:47 PM)

[8D]Yes, it is a self control issue. You know what though, God has held to His word. He has and always does make a way of escape. He has given me words that are in my spirit, but doing and knowing are two different things. As a father I know not to provoke my children to anger, I know that a man who doesn't know how to rule his spirit, is like a city broken down and without walls. I know a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. I know these things and more. Thats what makes it so bad. He who knows to do good, and doesn't do it, to him it is sin.



7arrows -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (6/30/2009 3:46:45 PM)

I do have rules in the home. I have a chore chart and a rule chart with the punishments of breaking those rules on the same chart. I will say that I don't know how to enjoy my family, as I don't know how to enjoy my God. I will also admit that I mostly view God as more of behaivor monitor than a father. I get frustrated with the breaking of the rules to the point that I get angry, but refrain myself from punishing in anger. I instead go somewhere to be alone and put my head down. I know my children see me doing this. I may have interperted (1Tim3:5) wrong. If a man does not know how to rule his own household, how can he take care of the church of God. My home needs a lot of improvement. I mean a lot of improvement. I put the rules of on the basis of (Hababuk 2:2), so that the children could run that read it. In my own disobedience to the LORD, I often times get depressed. I know my children see it. I also haven't handled rebellion good either. I realize that my relationship with the children reflects my relationship with my God. After my mood changes, or I'll just say when my fleshly behaivor has ceased, I weep inside and outside because my children want me to enjoy them, but I don't know how.



bolt. -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (6/30/2009 11:33:51 PM)

I hear you -- I hear frustration, and I hear pain; I hear loss. Please know that you are not alone.

If you want improvement you are going to need an approach that starts slowly. It also has to work from the inside out.

Firstly, you need to take up the discipline of fasting. This is the most straight forward and powerful way to show your fleshly-self who's boss. You are boss, and you are not going to let your impulses make your choices for you any more.

Presuming you are an ordinary healthy man who has no issues with blood sugar, and taking no ongoing medications, I'm going to go so far as to make the specific suggestion of a fast of two full days, ending at dinner time on the 2nd day -- some people find water-only to be more comfortable than allowing juice, milk or soup broth. That's a personal choice.

During this fast, pray as constantly as you are able, as if you had been asked to provide a running commentary of your day and your thoughts over a radio (although you do not need to speak out loud). Seek God's guidance, His revelation, His rebuke if necessary -- seek to know His fullness both in prayer and by reading the Bible (or listening to it in audio form). Again, a specific recommendation of mine would be the gospel of John followed by bite sized chunks of the minor prophets. Then a re-reading of the entire gospel, or perhaps just the passion week. Your assignment is to come back and post on this board why you think somebody thought up the idea of calling it the 'passion' week.

When you are in a more nitty-gritty mood, during or after the fast, another project is to re-write your rules. Consider your short term goal to be to enforce in your home behaviour that qualifies as 'civilized' including basic interpersonal consideration... and that's all. By wanting a higher standard, you have made yourself unable to consistently accomplish the basics. It is a more honest approach to define the bare minimum requirements, accomplish those, then add other desirable standards.

You really can't enjoy your children if you insist on picking fights and resenting their autonomy. The tension is too thick, and it will take a while to dis-assemble the walls that have been built up between you all. But you can start small. How have you been doing with saying, "Good morning." and trying to be pleasant in that space?

In addition to a common-courtesy morning greeting, I'm going to ask that you say each evening to each child, "Johnny, I like you, and I love you. Have a good night." These will be your book ends, and they are 'mandatory' no matter what has passed between them during the day. Even if you are angry etc. and have an incident at bed time, as soon as you are calm enough, go quietly and open their door and say it. It's 12 words, and it will prove to you each and every day that you are indeed the boss of your own voice and tongue.

Be blessed, my brother, and be brave. There is great honour in this duty and this special calling.



7arrows -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (7/2/2009 4:10:23 AM)

We must serve the same God. I say that because according to my computer it is 3:00am Thursday. About an hour or so I finished a three day water only fast that began at midnight Monday.
quote:

(Pro 29:22) An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.
Tuesday God delivered me from the spirit of anger. Through an online Pastor who did a deep study on anger, God showed me that an angry man stirs or keeps strife going. This was me. The pastor learned through much conseling of others that the main root or begininig, or cause of rebellion in a child begins with the anger of the father. It is the reaction to the anger of the father that causes the rebellion to begin in the child.

I won't say this is the case in all rebellion, but after reading this Pastor's testimonies and scriptural research, I am convinced that it was my anger that caused rebellion in my children. The verse above from God's mouth plainly says that an angry man stirs or keeps up strife or discord, brawling, contest, and quarrelling. That is what my house was full of when I made this last post. The next sentence in the verse above says;
quote:

and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.

I am even more convicted and assured by God when I read what He meant by furious. In the original hebrew, which is what most or all of the Old Testament was written in. Furious means H2534
חמא חמה
chêmâh chêmâ'
khay-maw', khay-maw'
From H3179; heat; figuratively anger, poison (from its fever): - anger, bottles, hot displeasure, furious (-ly, -ry), heat, indignation, poison, rage, wrath (-ful). See H2529.
The definitions above pierce me even now as I type. I have no doubt that God has showed me the problem was my anger. The anger inside me was as heat, poison, hot displeasure, indignation, rage, and wrath. All these definitions pierce me because that was me.
quote:

Heb 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

The word of God is quick(living). That means that God's word is alive and speaking to me. Matthew Henry's commentary says this;
quote:

That is quick; it is very lively and active, in all its efforts, in seizing the conscience of the sinner, in cutting him to the heart, and in comforting him and binding up the wounds of the soul.
I am even more pierced because the verse finishes saying;
quote:

and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.
In the original hebrew this says that a furious man (who I used to be by faith in the deliverance I received Tuesday) abounds(increases) in transgression(rebellion, revolt). God's word is right. When bound by anger, I did increase in rebellion myself, and I also believe that included my children because of the atmosphere that I the leader of the household set in the house.
I know this was long, but I felt I had to say all this. I am not ashamed or too prideful to not receive conviction from God in order to become who God has ordained me from the foundation of the world to be. I also know that the battle is not over, and I still have to take one day at a time. Thanks bolt for allowing God to use you in such glorious ways. [:D][:D][:D]



bolt. -> RE: Thanks for telling me happy 'Father' Day' but, (7/2/2009 9:48:26 AM)

So how are the "assignments" going?

1. Read the gospel of John, focusing on the passion week and come back to post why you think somebody thought up the idea of calling it the 'passion' week.

2. Re-write your rules, considering your short term goal to be to enforce in your home behaviour that qualifies as 'civilized' including basic interpersonal consideration... and that's all. A low standard, but real workable rules with consequences that you can try to act on without excessive anger.

3. Saying, "Good morning." to each child each morning, and trying to be pleasant in that space before anything has a chance to go wrong that day.

4. Saying each evening to each child, "Johnny, I like you, and I love you. Have a good night."



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