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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 2:34:53 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 6792
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito
It probably doesn't cost more per member, but it does cost more. 100 weddings a year works out to about one every other week. There's set up, tear down, and clean up involved. In a smaller church, there might be 2-3 weddings a year. It's easier to volunteer (or GET volunteers) to do the necessary work for free with fewer events going on. But every other week (and probably not spaced out that evenly)? Very few people have the time nor inclination to do that much volunteer work, on top of whatever else they're doing.
I understand that, but as a percentage of the budget it would probalbly be less in a large Church than in a smaller Chruch.
So are these higher charges intended to cut down on the use of the Chruch or what?
Or possible to eliminate the less fortunate member the use of the Church?
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 3:05:37 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2224
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
I guess my feeling is that the church budget should include these expenses for members if they need to pay janitors. I have noticed that large churches have lots of frivolous things in their budget. For example, when we visited my grandparents church every child gets this big goodie bad of stuff including a Christian video.
As for the family disappearing I don't the actual biological family of the bride and groom should necessarily be sticking around to clean up but there should be spiritual family that is willing to do this.
We were not paid well for the time we put in in the first place. Weddings added at least 4 hours on Saturdays and sometimes as many as 8 hours. That is for a single wedding. The multiples turned into 10-12 hour fiascos.Not to mention 1-2 more hours for rehersal.
There was nothing frivalous like the childrens thing you pointed out going on at that church.
If you have never dealt with cleaning up after weddings on a consistant basis you have no idea what stunts people will pull. Dripless candles means they don't drip unless you tip them over which people did. Try getting huge wax spots out of carpet. We required plastic on the floor too only to have it pulled out when we weren't looking. We also required that flower pedals that were thrown be fake or that they use a runner on the aisle. Only to have real pedals thrown down on the carpet then get ground in by the guests. We never thought about saying you couldn't throw down cedar bark....until someone did it that is. Guess what? Bark doesn't go through vacuums so it had to picked up on your hands and knees by hand. We had one couple have their wedding and then wait 2-3 hours to take pictures. They still had to go to the reception after that.... I have no idea how that worked. We had a couple come back an hour after they left to take more pictures after they got all liquored up in the limo. We had locked the door and refused to open it. We had people scream at us for not removing the drum set and various other things on the stage that they knew were there. Some attempted to move it themselves. This church used chairs that were zip tied together instead of benches or pews and people would cut the zip ties and rearrange them.
I forgot outdoor cleanup! It is fine to let people throw birdseed but if the birds don't eat it all before church the next morning guess what gets tracked right back in? Then there are times when it is raining and you want to throw birdseed oh well what's a little birdseed inside? What about blowing bubbles? That's OK as long as you are far enough away from the building otherwise it gets on the windows and doors and makes a mess.
BTW I was refering to the spiritual family ditching us after the wedding in my other post, the couple both had very small biological families.
_____________________________
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 3:25:19 PM
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gcsmithjr
Posts: 519
Joined: 11/23/2008
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quote:
Please explain why the cost per member of letting someone use the facilities for a wedding more in a large Chruch than in a small church.
I know that most large churches chage (and sometime charge really large fees) for the facilities, but what is the justification as opposed to the no charge of most smaller Chruches?
And why is a Pastor of a large Church justified in charging multiple hundreds or even thousands of dollars to do a wedding, when a smaller Chruch Pastor will do it as part of his ministry?
Thanks
RC
I didn't try to justify pastors charging - as I said our pastors don't charge anything for doing a wedding.
As for justifying why large churches charge more than small churches, I suspect the actual cost is simply higher.
We simply ask people to cover what it costs us. It takes a minimum of 4 people (a lighting tech, a sound tech and 2 operations team members) for both the rehearsal and the actual wedding.
That's 4 hours per person x 4 people x $15 an hour, so it costs us a minimum of $240 extra for each wedding. With a couple of weddings per weekend there's no realistic way to get volunteers who are trained to use the equipment and who are willing to give up the Friday and Saturday evenings every weekend (plus, I'm not sure too many people getting married would want to risk a volunteer not showing up).
Instead of taking that money out of our ministry budget, we simply ask people who use our facility to cover the cost of staffing for the wedding (we don't ask them to pay for the costs of any salaried employees).
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 3:34:44 PM
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kernsfamily
Posts: 837
Joined: 4/26/2006
From: Dallas (originally Detroit)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
quote:
ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito
It probably doesn't cost more per member, but it does cost more. 100 weddings a year works out to about one every other week. There's set up, tear down, and clean up involved. In a smaller church, there might be 2-3 weddings a year. It's easier to volunteer (or GET volunteers) to do the necessary work for free with fewer events going on. But every other week (and probably not spaced out that evenly)? Very few people have the time nor inclination to do that much volunteer work, on top of whatever else they're doing.
I understand that, but as a percentage of the budget it would probalbly be less in a large Church than in a smaller Chruch.
So are these higher charges intended to cut down on the use of the Chruch or what?
Or possible to eliminate the less fortunate member the use of the Church?
Thanks
RC
If a particular church wants to be assured that the many employees of the church, who are there to make the wedding "happen", are properly compensated for their time (working on saturday afternoons/evenings or whenever) then the church is likely to have some sort of charge to use the facility.
to eliminate the less fortunate using the church? even with the fees associated with having a wedding at our church, it is a BARGAIN compared to other facilities in the area. And, there are "options" in which there are weddings with "no fee", or fees for as little as $100 (depending on the particular venue you want to use at the church).
If the fees were keeping people from using the church, our church wouldn't be nearly booked solid...almost year-round...with weddings. (weddings can only be scheduled during a few specific times during the 7-day week)....
quote:
Wedding Coordinator?
What Can a Wedding Coordinator Do For Me?
* Help you to create the type of wedding you want. With that knowledge you'll be able to pick your venue, vendors, colour scheme, theme, music, etc.
* Help you create a budget sheet and keep track of where your money is going and how much is still owing.
* Help keep you on your budget and not go over...too much!!
* Suggest vendors that fit your budget and ideas.
* Make a wedding planning schedule so that you know what you've done and what still needs to be done.
* In most cases a coordinator can save you money because of their connection in the industry.
* Take care of any emergencies that arise.
* Create a wedding day schedule.
we didn't have one at our wedding....but, wish we did!
_____________________________
Proud dad of 3 great girls....Blessed to have all of them in a "totally awesome" public elementary school!
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 3:53:33 PM
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solo_soprano23
Posts: 2044
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
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I know what a wedding coordinator does, but usually it's the bride and groom that get one, IF they want one...not because the church had a "wedding coordinator" mandatory fee to use the facilities.
She said she had to pay the church's wedding coordinator, but it sounded like she didn't have one on her own. Plus she says she never did figure out what the person did for the pay... shouldn't you be able to see it? Maybe it was something behind the scenes I guess.
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 4:00:49 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 6792
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kernsfamily
to eliminate the less fortunate using the church? even with the fees associated with having a wedding at our church, it is a BARGAIN compared to other facilities in the area. And, there are "options" in which there are weddings with "no fee", or fees for as little as $100 (depending on the particular venue you want to use at the church).
And just what would a "Free" or a hundred dollar wedding intail at your Church?
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 5:11:13 PM
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kernsfamily
Posts: 837
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From: Dallas (originally Detroit)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
quote:
ORIGINAL: kernsfamily
to eliminate the less fortunate using the church? even with the fees associated with having a wedding at our church, it is a BARGAIN compared to other facilities in the area. And, there are "options" in which there are weddings with "no fee", or fees for as little as $100 (depending on the particular venue you want to use at the church).
And just what would a "Free" or a hundred dollar wedding intail at your Church?
Thanks
RC
You can have your wedding in the "Prayer Suite", which is a VERY nice room within the church, or out at the Gazebo by the lake....for $100 (and, those each accomodate approximately 20 guests)
There is a "Fireside Room" (which is a much larger version of the "Prayer suite")....you can have the wedding there for only $500...and it accomodates 60.
By far, the most popular "venue" at the church for weddings is at our Chapel (seats 550).
Or, if you choose an "office wedding", perhaps with the pastor in his office, with only immediate family in attendance, that is at "no charge".
As with anything at the church....IF you're a member, and the pricing is an "issue", I would be VERY surprised if the wedding staff would not make sure that the wedding would meet ANY budget requirements. If the cost was an issue....just ask...they will certainly work with you on that....
I just don't understand why, if you're having several hundred people (or more) coming into a church for YOUR wedding, that you should EXPECT to use that facility "for free"......if you do, that's great....but, why "expect" to have use of all the facilities for YOUR event at no charge?
_____________________________
Proud dad of 3 great girls....Blessed to have all of them in a "totally awesome" public elementary school!
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 6:13:57 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 6792
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kernsfamily
I just don't understand why, if you're having several hundred people (or more) coming into a church for YOUR wedding, that you should EXPECT to use that facility "for free"......if you do, that's great....but, why "expect" to have use of all the facilities for YOUR event at no charge?
That's fair for you not to understand;
As for me, I just do not understand why a Church would charge members for the use of their Church.
but that just might be me.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 7:14:19 PM
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DoveMinistries
Posts: 299
Joined: 6/8/2009
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I agree that members of that church get free services. However there are alot of folks that the only time they will ever be in a church is to get married then buried. Sad thing but true, but that's another tread though. I still stick with post # 2
God Bless
R Dove
_____________________________
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Love has been perfected amoung us in this; that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 1John 4:17
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 7:43:37 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8008
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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quote:
There is a "Fireside Room" (which is a much larger version of the "Prayer suite")....you can have the wedding there for only $500...and it accomodates 60.
That's mind boggling to me. That's about the size of our wedding but our entire budget was under $1000. To have had to spend $500 on a room that would hold us would have added 50% to our wedding costs.
quote:
It takes a minimum of 4 people (a lighting tech, a sound tech and 2 operations team members) for both the rehearsal and the actual wedding.
I realize the above quotes were from 2 different people however....
In a room that only holds 60 people why do you need a lighting tech and operations team members? WHatever those are. For the lights you walk in the room and flick the light switch.
I didn't have a wedding coordinator either and got a very nice wedding for my $1000 which included my dress and suits for my dad and brothers and a sit down dinner cooked by a four-star chef.
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L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 8:20:44 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 10823
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From: Washington State
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I guess I don't understand the concept of a free ride. In my family, I don't expect or require anyone to do anything for me and I contribute to the household. Others in my family do the same and I am blessed by that. That's how family works - it's not about "You owe me this" and "I owe you that". That's not family. That's business. Personally, I think if we stopped spending our time wondering what the church can do for us and start spending our time wondering what we can do for our church, this wouldn't even be a thread.
A "free" to members wedding from a church is a GIFT and I am shocked that anyone thinks the church OWES them a gift. If the church can and does give this gift, that is up to the church but it is not an obligation. In either case I'd rather my tithe money go to preach to the lost than give me, who has been blessed with much (although the world may not think so), a free wedding.
As far as wedding coordinators - at our church the wedding coordinator is a huge asset for the couple. They have the experience to know what works, what needs to happen & when, who to call for what. They make sure that everything goes off on the wedding day without having mom or dad miss the wedding to take care of those little crises and such that inevitably come up. I can't imagine NOT having one.
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~Kristin~
Did you ever notice there are no recipes for leftover chocolate?
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 8:39:29 PM
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gcsmithjr
Posts: 519
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: online
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quote:
realize the above quotes were from 2 different people however....
In a room that only holds 60 people why do you need a lighting tech and operations team members? WHatever those are. For the lights you walk in the room and flick the light switch.
I wasn't referring to a room that only holds 60 people - our sanctuary seats 800 and would be absolutely impossible to use without someone to run the lights and the sound system. As for the operations team, it's usually our facilities manager and one of his assistants who are there to unlock doors, turn on the rest of the lights a/c, etc (we don't typically heat and air condition the building when nobody is using it), and clean up after everyone when they leave (most wedding parties don't hang around for the clean up).
While your wedding may have cost $1,000, the average couple spends more than $25,000 on a wedding today, and even people who use our chapel space usually want microphones and lighting.
If someone wanted to get married in the youth room (which would seat about 60) I'm sure we'd let them use it for free.
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 8:48:43 PM
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solo_soprano23
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gcsmithjr, the average is creeping up.
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/29/2009 9:12:09 PM
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MissGizmo
Posts: 3184
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From: Roanoke, Virginia
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My church does not charge for the use on the church & fellowship hall for a wedding, but I as the church piano player {we have no one else that plays} do charge for the music. I have had to meet with the bride & groom at least 1 time, meet & pratice with whoever is singing usually 2 time for each different person that sings, the wedding service, & I have even had brides that wanted me to purchase a dress to go with their colors. I have a standard black or cream colored dress that should go with any color they have. With all of this I do expect to be paid a reasonable price.
< Message edited by MissGizmo -- 6/29/2009 9:44:59 PM >
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/30/2009 8:18:52 AM
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LizzieJ.
Posts: 257
Joined: 6/30/2009
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quote:
do you charge people to use the church and/or to marry them? Do you think that it's a good practise?
Anyone who has been a member of our church for a year does not have to pay to be married in our church. Those who are non-members have to pay. We have found this to be beneficial to our church in many ways.
Our pastor has the right to charge or not charge.
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/30/2009 12:07:55 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1146
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From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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quote:
A "free" to members wedding from a church is a GIFT and I am shocked that anyone thinks the church OWES them a gift. If the church can and does give this gift, that is up to the church but it is not an obligation. In either case I'd rather my tithe money go to preach to the lost than give me, who has been blessed with much (although the world may not think so), a free wedding.
But it's not a gift. If you and your family have consistently attended, tithed, gifted, volunteered, and have a relationship at a church, you have already paid for the time they are investing in you by investing it in others.
We were married at my husband's church. We were not charged for the sanctuary. Were not charged for the fellowship hall. We were not charged by the pastor (although we did give him a gift).
We have a relationship with the church. That's the difference. That means that if the caterer left a mess they know they can call up my inlaws (if we're not available) and let them know so they can help clean up the mess! That means that we will pay for cleaning that was missed or that we will go clean in-laws house for thanks when we're back from our honeymoon. That means that the 100 people invited love us enough that they will pitch in...not just assume that this is a party.
Every family wedding I've been to the aunts all gather round and do this stuff. I was at a wedding in April. I walked around, watched my kids, packed up, cleaned up, straightened up while photos were being taken. This is what we're supposed to do. I had my boys help. They need to learn this stuff too.
Granted not everyone in this country understands this anymore, but if you have a relationship with the church and a relationship with each other there is no need for fees. It's only when you have no relationship that people need to protect themselves from selfish behavior with fees.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/30/2009 1:46:14 PM
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Eliana
Posts: 183
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From: Norway
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Auben
But it's not a gift. If you and your family have consistently attended, tithed, gifted, volunteered, and have a relationship at a church, you have already paid for the time they are investing in you by investing it in others.
...
Granted not everyone in this country understands this anymore, but if you have a relationship with the church and a relationship with each other there is no need for fees. It's only when you have no relationship that people need to protect themselves from selfish behavior with fees.
It's fascinating to read about churches' vastly different policies on charging for weddings. Both sides have come across very clearly, with good points, and Tamara's summary above hits the nail on the head for me.
I think that in smaller churches, there is a greater chance that the couples getting married will have a closer relationship with the pastor and with the other people who help out (musicians, technicians, janitors, decorators, etc). This in turn means that some of the ugly behaviour described is less of a factor.
In the church I'm in now, I'm not sure whether there is a charge for the use of the sanctuary. But the sound technicians, musicians, and decorators work for free. The decorators will charge only for the cost of materials used, and they clean up afterwards. The church's welfare ministry prepares the reception dinner, serves it and cleans up afterwards. They were doing it for free, but now will charge a nominal fee, not to compensate them, but which goes towards funding the welfare ministry's other work.
All this is possible because these people know each other and are used to helping each other out.
I've been a member of bigger churches before can understand how, with a very large congregation, it would be next to impossible to operate like this, and why charging for weddings seems unavoidable.
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/30/2009 2:12:25 PM
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seagullplayer
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Seems there are some great big advantages to being “small”.
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There is only one solution, Jesus.
Seems a lot of people watch evangelist on TV and call it going to church.
My kids use to play Mario Cart and think they where driving…
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/30/2009 2:17:06 PM
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kernsfamily
Posts: 837
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From: Dallas (originally Detroit)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: seagullplayer
Seems there are some great big advantages to being “small”.
I've been in small...I've been in REALLY big.
There's definitely "pros" and "cons" to both.
_____________________________
Proud dad of 3 great girls....Blessed to have all of them in a "totally awesome" public elementary school!
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RE: Churches / pastors charging $$$ for weddings? - 6/30/2009 4:56:22 PM
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laughinggirl
Posts: 208
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
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My church is not super large, especially for this area. I had been an active, involved member there for 7 years by the time I got married. I fully expected to pay a fee to cover janitorial/utilities for use of the sanctuary and fellowship hall during our wedding. I would have guessed $200? $300?
They charged me $1,200. As a long-term member. It still upsets me when I think about it.
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I can understand if there's one person to make sure the facility things go okay while you are at the church though (and calling that person the coordinator/charging for it).
