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tz3 -> RE: trying again (6/27/2009 12:50:54 AM)
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ORIGINAL: bolt. quote:
Well, I am 'listening' and I'm so sorry for your loss. It hits me close to home because my husband is often unhealthy and sometimes I wonder if he's in the eary stages of something that might turn out to be debilitating or life-threatening.quote:
Sorry to hear this; I will be praying for both of you. quote:
Sometimes I think it would be easier if He would just say to me, "Pick this ministry up. Put that one down. Go here. Speak to that person. Tell them this." I'm a little jealous -- but then I'm just fine doing without the flogging and fleeing for my life, so maybe quote:
there's some of the 'it comes with the territory' sort of balance that goes on. Ya, IKWYM. Not always that clear, but when I heard him audibly tell me for a year every Saturday night to go I was Obediant. A previous time at a different Church I was tapped by one of the Ministers. It is so nice when things are clear cut, and you are right the bad comes with the good, but then again if you count it all joy because you wouldn't be pursecuted if you were not in the Will of God then it is an honor. It doesn't make it easy and you need a good support system, but God never gives us more than we can handle and will see us through. quote:
With regard to your specific situation, having been asked to step down from youth ministry due to your grief situation, and now you are perceiving the leadership to be taking inordinately long to ask you back. You seem to be taking an awfully passive track. People grieve differently and for different lengths of time, and it seems natural to me that the 'first move' of restoring you to ministry would be for you to make it known that you are ready, capable and eager. But this does not seem to be your impulse -- you think an invitation would be more appropriate... and I wonder why. (In wondering why, I do wonder if maybe you were hurt or experienced a sense of rejection, unwantedness, belittlement or subordination at the time you were asked to step down -- which would make you consider the 'ball' to have been stolen, rather than left 'in your court' as the saying goes.)quote:
Yes, I was hurt. I felt as if I could not trusted to make that decision for myself or be given the opportunity to prove I could rise above and still perform adiquetly. At the time I felt like that was the straw that broke the camels back and like I was loosing everything. Actually serving God was helping me keep it all together and was a source of great joy. Having it taken from me plunged me into a deep depression that took months to snap out of and was the worst thing that could be done to my children, but they were of the opinion that I could grieve properly now or it could come back to bite me later when it was really inconvienent and might be 10 times worse. Maybe that was their experience in the past with others and this being my first time around with this I just have to say okay you have my best interest a heart but it still hurt. But as always God uses things for our good and His Glory. I did a lot of spiritual house cleaning and forgiving and letting go and blessing and praising and singing and praying in tongues not to mention a plethera of reading and digging into His word. I definately am a stronger person. I definately can lead someone through hard times now with confidence and assurance and hope. As for the whole grieving thing well I am past it but what they don't seem to get on a personal level because none of them have experienced it is that there will be things that will trigger an old memory of my late husband at the most in opportune times even if I were to remarry and I will have no control over it and it is quite possible I can keep it together until clear of the situation but then I will breakdown and cry and it is not a sign of mental instability or weekness it is simply a sign that I loved someone so deeply he is not forgotten even though he is gone. To think grieving hard would eliminate this is erroneous and nieve. quote:
BUT -- no matter why this is, it is, and it should not stop you from serving and ministering according to the Spirit's Word to every Christian, according to the gifts and personality and preferences that are in you. Unless you are hearing a clear, "Do not." from Him, then the Word is clear -- just express your love and ministry to those who are near enough to recieve it, or choose a group that has good potential to recieve your ministry and make yourself available to them. There's no need for Him to pick your specifics for you each and every time, if you are submitted to Him and in His will at all times. So, I'm saying I think you are incorrect in thinking you need an invitation or specific direction to become involved in a ministry that simply appeals to you and you seem to be effective at. You are definitely incorrect, saying, "it seems quite clear that if God wanted me there I would have heard from Him or someone would have tapped me on the shoulder because they would have heard from Him." I'm thinking that the leaders, like you, are not getting the kind of clarity that the Apostles got. The Spirit is not telling them, "Susan's done her grieving this month, so stand up, pick up your phone, and invite her back into ministry." Rather you, who are full of that Spirit should be able to trust that the godly leanings within you have Him as a source. (And where else could a ministry leaning come from? Do non Christians just suddenly sit up and say, "You know what? I think telling Bible stories to teens would be really fulfilling." It's clear that the Spirit placed that urge in you, because it has no other concievable source. If you can't help but do ministry -- why do you feel the need for a clearer call?) It is awkward for a former leader to visit, but have no reference and role, especially if nobody knows where you are with your grief. That's a normal human thing. You should offer those around you some clarity, so they know where you stand.quote:
You have a good point here. Perhaps I need to be more obviose for lack of better terminology with letting them know I am done grieving. quote:
However, the issue where your Church leadership, if it had it's way, would stifle your ministry and direct your gifts inappropreately, because of how they are 'set up' -- well that's a serious problem that warrents more discussion. Your leaders are not Moses, and God does not 'honour' them when they make mistakes, hurt people or cripple His Church. Yes, you should speak to them respectfully, but that does not mean that you can let them prevent you from obeying God. ("Who should we obey, God or men?") You are going to have to (very politely) buck their system or find another Church with a different system -- or you could deny your call and disobey your Lord. (That doesn't sound like a choice to me, but I thought I'd put all the options on the table.)quote:
No, I am not trying to disobey the Lord. And while it is still unclear as to weather they were right or wrong in how they handled it with me, as no two people are the same and what is not right for me may be right for the next person or the person previous to me. God did place them in a position of power and authority over his flock to protect and serve and I believe directed them in how their Church was to be structured and they take that very seriously, and I believe in my heart of hearts that they never intended to hurt me and have forgiven them for it. I also believe that they did not make the decision lightly. They say they prayed about it before talking to me and I have to take them at their word on this. I also believe like Job that God allows certain things to happen in our lives to stretch and grow us ...for everything there is a season....and at other times he protects us from bad things. Another example of this is when the disciples were in the boat with Jesus sleeping and a storm arose up. Jesus knew they would not sink and that they would indeed make it to the other side and chided the men for not having faith. It was a done deal and Jesus was going to see them through the storm, but he had mercy on them and rescude them by calming the sea that time. God may not have rescuded me from the storm but he did see me through. Much good has come from this and perhaps this was just a tool to stretch and grow and strengthen me for what is to come as well as to test me. Perhaps I am still being tested to see if I will continue to be obediant and serve were I was called until told otherwise and mustering up the courage to talk to the people who asked me to step down is just a part of that. Your right I need to let them know I am ready to return.
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