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[Poll]
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Is pornography really adultery?
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| yes it is adultery- I am not married. |
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| no it is not adultery- I am not married |
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| yes it is- I am married/have used pornography |
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| no it isn't- married/ have used pornography |
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| yes it is- married/ neither have used pornography |
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| no it isn't- married/neither have used pornography |
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| yes it is- married/ spouse has used pornography |
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| no it isn't-married/spouse has used pornography |
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| other |
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Total Votes : 50
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(last vote on : 9/7/2009 10:28:41 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 6/29/2009 10:30:26 AM
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Zhi
Posts: 1037
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Look, I'm not saying it's not a bad thing and a sin and that it shouldn't be repented of and dealt with. I'm saying all those things. It IS a problem, it SHOULD be repented of and dealt with, and it IS most definitely a bad thing and very sinful. But, I'm also saying that a basic understanding of the real motivations and the real compulsions involved is helpful in dealing with it. Otherwise you have women wailing and bemoaning their husband's "drinking problem" evidenced by the fact that he drinks 4 cans of Dr. Pepper every single morning. Bad idea? Yes. Matching up with the severity of what "drinking problem" is supposed to be, and the extent of the fallout of a REAL drinking problem? Well, no.
I'm not sure what you expect from me here. Yes, I realize that porn is a bad thing. I do not, however, consider it AS BAD as full-blown adultery. I'm not going to change my mind and suddenly freak out about it, we've been married twelve and a half years at this point, and he's pretty much made it through the addiction in the last few years. If anything, the last year (which was porn-free) has been one of the worst years of my life, but that's due to things like house fires and car wrecks and emergency surgeries, not anything he did.
I guess I can illustrate it this way.... my husband was in the hospital recently, for a full week. He had high fevers and a very high white blood cell count. It turned out to be some sort of infection. That was bad. However, it could also have been leukemia, which would have been REALLY REALLY bad. Given a choice, I'll take a nasty infection over leukemia. Given a choice, I'll take porn addiction over full-blown adultery. Both are something you want "cured", but one has much worse physical, financial, and psychological repercussions. Claiming that the two are completely equivalent is silly. At least as far as I see it.
_____________________________
The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 6/29/2009 10:54:47 AM
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PastorSteveMT
Posts: 109
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I'm about to stir up the hornets nest a bit. Sorry in advance.
I hear a lot of women saying that it is the same as adultery because the men are expending their sexual energy on someone other than their spouse. Ok. I get that and it is a completely sound argument. When a husband spends time masturbating to porn rather than have sex with his wife, how could that not be considered sin?
But I do have a question. Out of all of those men who do that, how well are the women in their lives living the Scriptures that "their bodies are no longer their own, but their husbands" and that they "should come together often"?
PLEASE understand that I in no way want to try to excuse porn use by saying if a women doesn't have sex with her husband that it is then ok to look at porn. Not saying that at all. Just like it isn't an excuse for a spouse to run out and have an affair because they aren't getting any at home.
However, I will state that I have heard from many women who don't feel it is their responsibility to meet those needs of their husbands. I have heard of women who actually enjoy the control they get out of NOT giving their bodies to their husbands.
In my opinion, this is just as bad as the other. As husbands and wives, we are the only source of legitimate, non-sinning sexual pleasure that eachother will ever get. And by denying that to a spouse, is quite a horrible thing to do. And I believe it is against Scripture so it is a sin.
We are here to meet the sexual needs of our spouses. No one else can lay claim to that. So if you are denying that to your spouse, you may have some responsibility to a porn habit. READ THIS!!! I AM NOT SAYING IT'S YOUR FAULT!! I'm simply saying that it isn't helping.
Withholding sex from a spouse because they didn't do the "honey do" list just right, or didn't talk just right, or didn't do this or that just right is nothing more than being a control freak on a power trip.
I am also NOT saying that a husband should be able to treat his wife like a pile of garbage and then just expect her to roll over in bead and be willing and able. It is certainly a two way street. But I have seen over and over again, women who want to remain in control of their relationships by withholding sex or using sex as a barter to get what they want. In any case, doing this is a sin.
I guess I post this for the simple reason that I would like to encourage all of you to look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is you. If it is, get on your knees before the Lord and ask for strength to let go of your controlled grip on your relationship and let God have control. Give control of your body back to your spouse where it is supposed to be. Then watch as God begins to move in your relationship.
OK, hopefully I can go find some cream for all of the hornet bites I'll probably get, but I just felt that this is another side of this issue that needed to be discussed.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 6/29/2009 11:18:39 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1738
Joined: 5/23/2006
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Some couples view porn together. I don't think lusting for the actor and actresses in the porn movie has to come into play at all. I don't lust after a person on the screen in a reg. movie...and can separate acting from reality. I don't know why it would be impossible for a couple to watch a movie focused on sex and not be able to do the same.
I'm not all that familiar with the details, but I know it's possible to have sexual thoughts without having sex so why would viewing sexual acts be any different? It's 1 thing to see a woman or man acting on a screen doing a job they are getting paid for and deliberating going out and finding a woman or man to have sex with without one's spouse.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 6/29/2009 1:59:29 PM
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pruned
Posts: 1582
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We need to remember that Men and Women think / process differently. Men are able to compartmentalize. Women jumble everything together. This is why men do not understand what washing the dishes has to do with sex, and why women think that sex begins in the kitchen.
So... the subject is about giving up your rights as an individual. Does it hurt your spouse for you to view pornography? Has s/he told you that it does? Then you know. And if you don't acquiesce to her/his pain and preference, you are being selfish and foolish for tearing your own marriage apart.
Let me put Pastor's Steve's question another way... When your wife is standing next to your computer inviting you to come to bed while wearing her sexy nightie, do you drop what you're doing and follow her? Or do you say, "in a minute"... and hours later show up? Withholding is a two-way road. To believe otherwise is naive.
_____________________________
I owe more to the fire, and the hammer, and the file, than anything else in the Lord's workshop. -- Charles Spurgeon
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 6/29/2009 3:48:37 PM
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ColtsFan1912
Posts: 6
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From: Indiana
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yes i believe it is. The Bible says if a man looks at a women lustily he has committed adultery. I find porn can shatter trust, & do a lot of emotional damage in a relationship. My DH use to look at porn before we were actually married. . i almost did NOT marry him due to that.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 6/30/2009 12:43:38 AM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
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quote:
ORIGINAL: backing
Some couples view porn together. I don't think lusting for the actor and actresses in the porn movie has to come into play at all. I don't lust after a person on the screen in a reg. movie...and can separate acting from reality. I don't know why it would be impossible for a couple to watch a movie focused on sex and not be able to do the same.
I'm not all that familiar with the details, but I know it's possible to have sexual thoughts without having sex so why would viewing sexual acts be any different? It's 1 thing to see a woman or man acting on a screen doing a job they are getting paid for and deliberating going out and finding a woman or man to have sex with without one's spouse.
From what I remember of my studies in psych that is a physical impossibility for a healthy person. Now it's been a few years so I could be wrong. But I think when a stimulating image is presented the person will become somewhat aroused, often without even realizing it (the physical response was being monitored). Heart rate, breathing, and blood flow to the area is monitored. During the very early stages of arousal, a person might not yet be aware that it's happening.
And in response to PastorSteve:
I was always very willing in the bedroom but my husband preferred porn. I take care of myself, always have. He preferred porn when I was younger and very petite. He preferred porn when I was older and had gained a little weight. He preferred porn when I was a "good" wife (i.e. more easy going and willing to let things go). He preferred porn when I rocked the boat (i.e. drew boundaries). Nothing I did or didn't do mattered to him. He preferred porn until Jesus got hold of his heart. That's the bottom line. And that's been what I've witnessed in other marriages that face this problem.
That's not to say I believe it's ok to withhold yourself physically. In a healthy marriage it's not ok for either party. Only under certain circumstances is it ok (like when your spouse is an unrepentant adulterer).
And as far as the whole "addiction" angle goes I just don't think it's a good enough excuse for men to keep on going back to something they know is wrong. I used to smoke. They say nicotene is one of the most addictive drugs. If I can quit that addiction then surely my Christian brothers can quit pornography.
And as far as I know, it's only considered an addiction because it causes "feel good" chemicals to be released in the brain. But that's no different than eating a piece of chocolate. Certain "feel good" chemicals are released when we eat chocolate. That's why so many people like it. But chocolate's not sinful. 
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 6/30/2009 7:55:02 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1738
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
From what I remember of my studies in psych that is a physical impossibility for a healthy person.
I think you are talking about sexual desire. That is different than desire for the person. I see women 95% plus naked at the beach...it doesn't make me break my marriage vows because I see someone else who looks good. (although many would prob look better with more clothes ON)
Physical reaction is temporary...whats in the heart is not going to change as swiftly.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/1/2009 8:55:00 PM
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myka
Posts: 978
Status: offline
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quote:
Some couples view porn together. I don't think lusting for the actor and actresses in the porn movie has to come into play at all. I don't lust after a person on the screen in a reg. movie...and can separate acting from reality. I don't know why it would be impossible for a couple to watch a movie focused on sex and not be able to do the same.
I'm not all that familiar with the details, but I know it's possible to have sexual thoughts without having sex so why would viewing sexual acts be any different? It's 1 thing to see a woman or man acting on a screen doing a job they are getting paid for and deliberating going out and finding a woman or man to have sex with without one's spouse.
Those couples who view porn together are getting excited intentionally through using other people's sexuality. Usually these things are unmarried couples (and usually not the couple themselves) who are usually doing it for pay...
I do believe that pornography is 'really' adultery (as does my dh). I also tend to define 'pornography' rather broadly -- at least for my own self and my actions.
quote:
I am also NOT saying that a husband should be able to treat his wife like a pile of garbage and then just expect her to roll over in bead and be willing and able. It is certainly a two way street. But I have seen over and over again, women who want to remain in control of their relationships by withholding sex or using sex as a barter to get what they want. In any case, doing this is a sin.
The withholding of sex definitely goes both ways -- I've heard it from both sides (although, more often it is men who are withholding... )
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/2/2009 6:52:36 AM
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iluvatar
Posts: 3044
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quote:
ORIGINAL: myka
The withholding of sex definitely goes both ways -- I've heard it from both sides (although, more often it is men who are withholding... )
typo?
-Dan.
_____________________________
Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/2/2009 8:11:43 AM
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Trilletrill
Posts: 5
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Coming from a wife whose husband struggles with this. When he is into the mood of it he is trapped, I know this because I have called him in the middle of things and he later told me what he really was doing..feeling terrible off course. This is an addiction, when u r caught in the net u r caught in the net and the hope and goal should be to stay away from that temptning net so you wont get trapped bye it.
Does it hurt? yes! Does it affect you as a women? Yes! Does it hurt your marriage? yes!
Would it hurt as much if he had actually physically slept with a women, smelled her hair and whispered things into her ear and so on and so fort? no no no no! In this case every man has slept around, every women has slept around. He once told me, its not the womens faces that triggers him, he doesent even remember their looks in particular, its the act he watches not the ppl. us women are not like that, we find someone attractive and remember the face and how that man perhaps is and so on and so forth. Men are not wired like that. At least I dont think so.
My man has told me that I should buy some nice lingerie, he has no problem having sex with me and loves me. He has given hints about buying nice lingeries and stuff. Why I know his addiction has nothing to do with me is the fact that (and please dont judge because I mean this in a most humbling way) alot of men trough our relationship has expressed that i am quite an attractive women. Even hubby says he doesen understand how he could find someone as attractive as me. thats why I dont think it has annything to do with my physical appearence. Its simply and addiction like anny other.
Its a terrible sin which men are exposed to everywhere they go..litterarly..magazine, commercial tv. But you cannot compare it to a man who physically touches and looks another women in they while having intercourse in real life, no way. thats At least my opinion.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/2/2009 3:05:51 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
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From: The South
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Trilletill, you're right in saying it has nothing to do with how a woman looks. Many, many men who have beautiful wives still look at porn and/or commit physical adultery. Look at Hugh Grant. He was caught with a prostitute when he had a supermodel for a wife (or girlfriend?). It's really not about the wife but it certainly affects us and makes most of us feel inadequate in some way.
I agree that in the worldly sense there is some difference between physical adultery and mental/emotional adultery. But in the spiritual sense it's all the same. So as a Christian I would say that yes, porn use is adultery.
ETA: Buck, I was referring to physical arousal.
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/2/2009 11:01:55 PM
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myka
Posts: 978
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quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: myka
The withholding of sex definitely goes both ways -- I've heard it from both sides (although, more often it is men who are withholding... )
typo?
-Dan.
not a typo...
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/3/2009 7:09:01 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1738
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I am not so sure "witholding" has much to do with being addicted to porn. The addiction is there regardless. It also has nothing to do with the spouse and how attractive they may or may not be.
Women often blame themselves for their husband's addiction, but the addiction would exist for some whether they were married or single.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/3/2009 7:51:22 AM
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Katie51
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does it matter if you call it adultery or lust or evil? It is all of those but does it really matter what you call it? It is SIN. It is addicting. You cant justify it for any reason. Its a poison that destroys families and lives.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/6/2009 8:47:24 AM
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iluvatar
Posts: 3044
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quote:
ORIGINAL: myka
quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: myka
The withholding of sex definitely goes both ways -- I've heard it from both sides (although, more often it is men who are withholding... )
typo?
-Dan.
not a typo...
Really? Men hold out more than women?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Katie51
does it matter if you call it adultery or lust or evil? It is all of those but does it really matter what you call it?
It does when you're trying to formulate an appropriate response to it.
-Dan.
_____________________________
Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/6/2009 2:24:01 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
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From: The South
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iluvatar
quote:
ORIGINAL: myka
quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: myka
The withholding of sex definitely goes both ways -- I've heard it from both sides (although, more often it is men who are withholding... )
typo?
-Dan.
not a typo...
Really? Men hold out more than women?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Katie51
does it matter if you call it adultery or lust or evil? It is all of those but does it really matter what you call it?
It does when you're trying to formulate an appropriate response to it.
-Dan.
How so? Shouldn't a Christian's response to continued, willful sin be to shun it? To reprove and correct our brother/sister? That's what the Bible says to do. As far as I can see, that is the only correct response.
ETA: In my experience it was the man holding out. Over the last couple of years I've discovered that it happens more than most people realize.
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/6/2009 7:23:23 PM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1460
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If I was married to a man who used porn and wasnt repentant and wasnt prepared to try and stop I would definately seperate, and if he stilll didnt I would definately see that as grounds for divorce. I would give him the choice of me or the porn.
The word used as the allowance for divorce by Jesus wasnt actually adultery anyway, it was 'pornea' which means sexual immorality and not just adultery, so if porn use isnt sexual immorality then what is it? Porn destroys people, Christian lives, ministries and marriages, and is incredibly damaging.
I know that I personally couldnt cope with a husband who did this. It would destroy me as it has many women.
A Christisn lady I used to know divorced her husband after finding out that he was looking at it while she was out, in the same room as his children, aged 2 and 4, were playing. Not only did he loose his wife, but he lost out on his children who he was then only allowed to see for 2 hours once a week with supervision.A very sensible judge to decide that in my opinion.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/6/2009 8:41:12 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
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Herestores, you make an interesting point about the use of the word pornea. Like you said, even if one doesn't consider it adultery it is still sexual immorality.
As Christians we need to be very careful not to minimize something that Jesus clearly warns us to avoid.
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/6/2009 9:58:15 PM
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Luxurious_Ivy
Posts: 70
Joined: 7/6/2009
From: New York, in Philippines for college
Status: offline
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I got a little confused with the topic since I think adultery was more associated with people who are married so I voted no and I am not married but looks like based on some verses people don't have to be married to commit adultery.
I for one really want to tell married people especially women that even if they don't sexually satisfy their spouses, the porn problem with their spouses is not their fault. We weren't born into the world to just have sex. We were suppose to procreate. It didn't say anything about feeling out of this world.
I've talked to a few guy who say that porn is addicting. My advice is "Get a Life" LOL!
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/6/2009 10:42:24 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1738
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
My advice is "Get a Life" LOL!
umm I don't think "life" is what they are searching for if they are addicted to porn.
I don't think anyone is defending porn here- I just think we are asking a question posed by the op...is it adultery...and as someone pointed out you don't have to be married to be addicted to porn,,so how could it possibly be the same?
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/6/2009 10:49:57 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
quote:
My advice is "Get a Life" LOL!
umm I don't think "life" is what they are searching for if they are addicted to porn.
I don't think anyone is defending porn here- I just think we are asking a question posed by the op...is it adultery...and as someone pointed out you don't have to be married to be addicted to porn,,so how could it possibly be the same?
The same as what? You lost me there.... 
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/7/2009 8:13:51 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 7961
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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If you are having sex and aren't married you are committing adultery because you are having sex with someone who is not your spouse and so is your partner.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/7/2009 9:39:44 AM
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DaveW
Posts: 3792
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
If you are having sex and aren't married you are committing adultery because you are having sex with someone who is not your spouse and so is your partner. Actually that would be fornication, not adultery. Adultery is violation of existing marriage vows, and does not apply to unmarrieds.
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
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RE: Is pornography really adultery? - 7/7/2009 10:36:50 AM
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myka
Posts: 978
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quote:
Really? Men hold out more than women?
It happens more than is commonly known about...
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