Upset with husband for forcing me to paddle stepson (Full Version)

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sarahdear -> Upset with husband for forcing me to paddle stepson (6/28/2009 5:58:24 AM)

Hello, I am new here, and want to thank you for welcoming me. My husband is overseas in the Army, and I am in charge of our children, our 1 year old daughter, and my 14 year stepson. I love my stepson dearly, but am at my wits end right now. We are believers in spanking, and have had to punish both of them occasionally. Our daughter is too young to spank, but 'Alan' much more recently. I usually use a paddle on the bare bottom. I realize this may seem late to use an a 14 year old, but my husband insists on it. I have caught Alan masturbating several times recently, and now am horrified to see he has shaved his pubic area, and has managed to pierce his frenum with a ring. I have no idea where he got this ring, or even the idea for it, as I monitor his internet and tv use. I spoke to my husband, and he ordered Alan to remove the ring, but he says you need a special tool..I'm unsure of the truth of that....I am ready to take him to our doctor to have it removed but am mortified to do so. Also I found myself blushing and feeling quite nervous when my husband told me to paddle him, but he was resolute in that he should be disciplined harshly . During the punishment both Alan and I were sobbing uncontrolably and I was flushed and feeling sick to my stomach considering the circumstances.. I feel that it is inappropriate for me bare bottom paddle a 14 year old, especially as there is only 9 years difference in our ages. I find myself furious with my husband for commanding me to act this way. yet feel I cannot go against his wishes. There are no strong male roles in his life, we have recently moved and I am embarressed to tell our pastor. Any advice would be welcome. Thank you and God bless.



Sideways -> RE: Upset with husband for forcing me to paddle stepson (6/28/2009 8:19:50 AM)

Wiser souls then me will more to say on this, but I do have one point. No matter how patriarchal your family may be, your husband should not be ordering you to do something that may put you into trouble with the law. A 23 year old woman spanking a 14 year old boy on his bare bottom could easily be accused of physical and/or sexual abuse. It is beyond inappropriate. There are many other good ways to punish a teen boy, although I would argue if it is wise to "punish" a teen for masturbating.

It sounds like this boy needs someone to talk to, someone who will speak to him in love and godly counsel. Even if you are embarrassed you need to speak to your pastor.

And just because you are female doesn't mean you are a mindless servant of your husband. You need to stand up to him on this. Be firm but respectful.

This is wrong on so many levels, I have to wonder if you are for real or not, honestly.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Upset with husband for forcing me to paddle stepson (6/28/2009 8:32:23 AM)

This is so bizarre, I too wonder if it's real.[&:]

However, taking things at face value:

I am a big believer in the complementarian model of marriage, including wifely submission.

However, paddling the bare bottom of a teenager (of either gender) goes way beyond spanking and teeters on the edge of sexual abuse, especially considering the nature of his "crime" being a sexual one.

Two things:
1. Your husband didn't force you. You chose to obey an order from him which dishonored God and may have broken laws and statutes of the land.

2. If you are so afraid of him that you cannot say "No" when he tells you to sin from across the ocean, then you need to get help. You must tell someone, embarassed or not. He's a military man, you need to work with his chain of command. That man needs his peers and authorities to knock his head off and screw it back on straight. [:@]



sarahdear -> RE: Upset with husband for forcing me to paddle stepson (6/28/2009 8:34:54 AM)

I am going to speak to my pastor this afternoon...in both mine and my husbands families we believe old fashioned 'love and obey' but I am going to listen to our pastor advice on this. It is not the first impression I would like to make for our family, but I cannot do this again..perhaps if he has a word with my husband. Also it was not just for masturbation, but for the shaving and piercing, not to mention the cursing in the vilest language. I will ask the pastor to speak with Alan also.



bolt. -> RE: Upset with husband for forcing me to paddle stepson (6/28/2009 9:09:17 AM)

Never ever do this again!

It seems to me that having his bare bottom exposed to an attractive young woman to whom he is not physically related, and then enduring pain in that personal manner is probably a strong contributing factor to his sexuality developing in this odd way.

If your husband wants his son to be paddled like this, then he can just get leave, come home, and do it himself. You, yourself, have got to commit to behaving in a moral and ethical way -- which might occasionally mean standing against your husband's wishes.

Here is an example:

You: "Honey, we're out of milk and bread. Is your pay coming in soon?"
Him: "No, dear, there's been a problem with the pay system. It will be at least two weeks."
You: "Well, how shall we live for two weeks?"
Him: "I want you to take my rifle, load it, and go to the bank on the corner. Rob the bank and use the money. Don't forget to wear a ski mask."
You: "Really?"
Him: "Yes. That's exactly what you have to do. It's an order. Do it tomorrow."

That's insane right? We must obey God before men -- even if you believe in a husband's absolute authority in the family, that authority ends when he asks you to go against your conscience, the Spirit and the law.



Sideways -> RE: Upset with husband for forcing me to paddle stepson (6/28/2009 9:15:59 AM)

We should remember that this is a young wife married to a much older man and raised with the belief that "man orders and wife submits". This, of course, has the potential to be a very dangerous abuse of power, especially if the church is the type of patriarchy where the answer is always that the wife should submit more, no matter what. I'm not saying this is always the case, but everyone here has seen those kind of situations.

Even if the pastor tells you to obey your husband, you really shouldn't. If CPS gets wind of this, you could go to jail, or at the least they may remove your daughter from your home as well as your stepson.



ta_mosquito -> RE: Upset with husband for forcing me to paddle stepson (6/28/2009 9:40:09 AM)

In an attempt to consolidate for the purpose of effective moderation we have created a One Stop thread for the topic of spanking. Therefore, this thread on the topic is being closed.

Please continue your discussion in the One Stop Thread.

Here is the link:
CLICK HERE

Thank you!
Tricia
Forums Moderator

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