I dont fit in with other Christians! (Full Version)

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IamLibertarian -> I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 4:15:13 AM)

Does anybody ever feel like their past experiences (before coming to Christ) have hindered the way they relate to other Christians now, especially those who have grown up in the church?

I feel like I have to hide my past from them or else ill be condemned and/or get chased around by people trying to shower me with Holy Water.

Everyday discussion are difficult to have as well since our experiences have been so much different.

"hanging out" with other Christians is hard also...I may be a Christian now, but that doesnt mean I want to go bowling every other night and watch movies the other nights (with girls on one side of the room, and boys on the other).

I have no problem with good, clean, sober fun...but sometimes I find Christians waaaay too conservative in their thinking. That may be fine for them, but like the topic of this thread is, I am having a hard time fitting in with this type of group (which dominates the churches I have been to).

sorry if I offended any people who have grown up in the church and who I may have just described. I am not trying to belittle you or anything, I am just having a hard time relating to this type of person, and I know I will for a long time, if not always.



Isaiah331516 -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 4:37:01 AM)

this is a great post, tuck. it brings up so much we face-all of us on on one 'group' or the other.

i remember something similar happening between some friends at church. the ones with the past like you and i felt uncomfortable around those who grew up in the church. something i think is important is:

that is how we want our kids to grow up, right?!?! so let's not think of them as aliens-not that you do..but we can appreciate them more

likewise, while those who grew up in the church may not identify with all of your past, as true Christians what they love is that God brought you into His kingdom with them, right?

i know it can be hard and sometimes conversations are a little awkward, but go to God in all things-even during conversations. i have often had to do this. sometimes asking God, "God, what do you want me to say here?"

another anecdote:
our pastor's daughter was raised in the teachings of Christ and home schooled and in a rural town. guess what? her childhood is soo much different than ours. some parents thought, at first, that she didn't get to experience things we did that would give her stories like ours. then, i think they realized, what a blessing it is she doesn't have many or almost all of those stories!


this might sound odd, but this has more to do with our walk and relationship with God than with anyone in church.

blessings in Christ Jesus to you



bootsNspurs -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 5:55:31 AM)

Tuck, I think this is a very valid question, and please believe me when I say you are not alone in the way you are feeling.

I have felt like that to varying degrees after I came to the Lord. I was 12 when I heard for the first time what Jesus had done for me and that He loved me, and I got saved. Even by that point, my experiences had been so drastically different from those others in the church that had grown up in the church that I didn't think I could ever relate to them. Honestly? I don't have any close friends from that group now.

I felt as if I had to hide who I was because who I was wasn't okay with them. I felt I was judged for my past experiences. I had to try to contain my laughter when something would strike me as funny because of the slight bit of inappropriateness to it, though it was said innocently. Even if I did show my amusement, I would just get awkward stares because they still didn't get it. I didn't get their jokes, and they didn't get mine. I didn't understand when they would reference something that they thought was common knowledge but wasn't unless you grew up in the church.

I did find that as I grew in my relationship with the Lord I did relate better to those who grew up in the church, though in a different way. I was able to relate on where I was at the time, but not on major things that I struggled with or on my past. I did enjoy more the things that they were doing. Clarifying: Though I found I did enjoy myself more at the activities that they were doing, I do not get the whole 'guys on one side of the room and girls on the other' deal. Even as youths at church and at youth functions we intermingled for the most part. I do not think that the genders alway have to be so segregated - especially as adults.

I do hope that you can find a place where you feel more like you fit in. I have absolutely wonderful friends who have been in the church a long time, but most of them have had their share of hard times outside of the church. As a side note, I've found that the people here in the Southwest are much more accepting and less judgemental about my past than those that I was around in Wisconsin and that area.

Lastly, although maybe most importantly, I have come to realize that it doesn't matter what any of these 'Christians' or Christians think of me because it's the Lord that matters. He knows my heart, and He meets me where I am. He thought enough of me - and of you - to meet us where we were at and save us. Those past experiences that I felt so judged for, even though the majority of them were not my fault, are part of what makes me who I am. The Lord loves me as I am, and He will and already has used those experiences that I have to reach out to others that those who grew up in the church could not reach. I also realize that there are a lot of times that I appreciate things much more than those who may not know that the situation could be different. (As in when I see a father leading his family in prayer I am so thankful and my heart melts before the Lord because I am so familiar with the alternative.)

Long and short: You are not alone in the way you feel.



DaveW -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 6:30:36 AM)

Yes it is a valid concern. And it tells me that the "lessons" of the Jesus movement from 40 years ago were forgotten, at least in some degree.

Back then you HAD to have short hair and a clean shaved face as a guy, dress a certain way, speak a certain way, etc to fit in to church culture. When long haired unbathed hippies started getting saved, who had done DRUGS, who did not believe sex was an ultimate evil, etc started getting saved, none of them fit in. New denominations and non-denominational unaffiliated congregations were started to take these new believers in.

I am sure your experience is not unique in this generation. Perhaps you should seek out a congregation that has a more accepting culture than where you are now. I am sure not everyone forgot what it was like.....



slushie -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 9:36:40 AM)

I feel the same way too. I'm the only homeschooled kid in my church. And then I feel like my church is waaaayyy too liberal at times. And then I was one of 5 kids where everyone else had 2 kids...



Liveloved -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 10:30:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tuckonline

Does anybody ever feel like their past experiences (before coming to Christ) have hindered the way they relate to other Christians now, especially those who have grown up in the church?

I feel like I have to hide my past from them or else ill be condemned and/or get chased around by people trying to shower me with Holy Water.

Everyday discussion are difficult to have as well since our experiences have been so much different.

"hanging out" with other Christians is hard also...I may be a Christian now, but that doesnt mean I want to go bowling every other night and watch movies the other nights (with girls on one side of the room, and boys on the other).

I have no problem with good, clean, sober fun...but sometimes I find Christians waaaay too conservative in their thinking. That may be fine for them, but like the topic of this thread is, I am having a hard time fitting in with this type of group (which dominates the churches I have been to).

sorry if I offended any people who have grown up in the church and who I may have just described. I am not trying to belittle you or anything, I am just having a hard time relating to this type of person, and I know I will for a long time, if not always.


Your question is a good one. Will the people who need to read it and think about it in terms of their own life do so? Doubtful.

The longer I live, the fewer I encounter who truly know Jesus. The 'religious' are abundant. The faithful are few. I am not the righteous one. Jesus is my righteousness.

When you cross the path of a faithful one, say thank you, Lord. It doesn't happen often for any of us, tuckonline.

I've had many things confessed to me from people's past (and not too distant as in yesterday or today). None of it surprises me. And the fact that they are honest, truthful, and willing to openly own what they have done is beautiful. Most hide and deceive others and themselves. That's not the Jesus way.

The Lord was drawn to those with pasts like yours. That's who He hung out with. Those in the church should wonder why they are put off by what Jesus drew close to.

I think you are hitting on the reason our church is so powerless today. There is too much pretending and not enough confessing. Truthfulness is lacking. And the power is gone.

Good question. Very good question.



Bro_Shane -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 11:08:29 AM)

Let them be who they are in the Lord, you be who you are in the Lord. Prayerfully seek where the Lord will have you to be and, when you get there, it shouldn't matter who is doing what - you are where God said to be.

Cheer up, we odd balls have our place in the kingdom. It's all good. [8D]



navyblueret -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 11:19:13 AM)

tuckonline, Shalom.

Good on you. Your concern shows me that you are making fantastic progress in your faith, as you sort out the behaviors, and thoughts that are repulsive to Jesus. You are also feeling exactly what most if not all other brothers and sisters feel, to varying degree, based upon their over-all life experiences.

I have always, in a way, admired the bad-guy converted to Faith, as they can see, and praise God for, the great spiritual leap made by their heart, into their new Faith. Those raised 'in' the Faith, and behaved 'in' the faithful ways, often have the fear that they have not given their heart sufficiently, as there sometimes seems to be little, if any, change in their actual feelings. These are the ones that have to realize that all they had to do is accept their Faith to have that Faith. The other extreme, and in between, more and more can see that conversion.

Wherever you fit in that scope of conversion, matters little, as one drop of the blood of Jesus could, if accepted, even have cleansed Hitler (well, maybe Hitler), but, not you, nor any soul, should ever be in a position of feeling outside the 'family.' If you feel as you say you do, then, Shame on Every one of Us, not you. Any group of the Christian family that would allow the possibility that someone would feel outside the family, should be keel-hauled, for lack of Love, and Understanding, that we all are sinners, the lessor sinners being just as sinful and the greater sinners.

IMO, your life experiences, however nifty, or however gross, has had a hand in your overall Christian personality. Yours may be different, to whatever degree, with most all brothers and sisters. Bud, consider, that perhaps diversity of children in in God's plan. Jesus loved Peter greatly, even though he seemed the most 'stumble-bummer-boob' of the twelve.

You do not need fear the attitudes of man, about your past, which is cleansed by Jesus' blood. Worry, the more, for those who would condemn you, and supposedly be a brother or sister. Those who would condemn you, and refuse to learn from your experiences, should...,,,,well,,,,,let us say,,,,,,don't stand too close to them in a thunder storm? They may well still have a whole bunch of Righteous learning to learn yet.

My fingers have rambled more than they should, so I will rest them now. Smile,,no,,Grin, family member mine, Jesus loves a smiling Disciple, content in His Blessing.

In Him. Arley

PS (addition): You are getting fantastic advice, and support, all over the place, here. Bask in your support, and do not doubt your position in the Family of God. //as//



seagullplayer -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 11:19:30 AM)

1 John 3:13 Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.

1 John 3:14 We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.



PinkCarnations -> I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 11:31:55 AM)

How long have you been a Christian?

I am 44 and have been a Christian since I was 29.

I didn't have a lot in common with Christians. Praise God for that! I was very uncomfortable around my non-Christian friends because I was no longer partying like them. That made me very lonely. I did learn a few things:

1- Growing up in the church does not mean that one was saved as a child.
2- Growing up in the church does not mean that one had a happy childhood.
3- Growing up in the church does not mean that one has led a sin-free life.

As I have opened up to people, I have found that there are many who have grown up in the church who have shared the same types of joys, happiness, heartache, trials, pain, suffering, etc. as I have. The problem is getting past the superficial attitudes and getting to know the people. That is easier said than done.



sparkleingsnow -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 11:59:08 AM)

tuck, wouldn't it be boring if all we saw sas a row of:

[:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)][:)]

Praise God, that He made us:

[:)][sm=Canada.gif][sm=Brazil.gif][sm=cowboy.gif][sm=Germany.gif][sm=frenchsmile.gif][sm=farmersmile.gif][sm=hippiesmile.gif][sm=icon_smile.gif][sm=Ireland.gif][sm=icon_smile_tongue.gif][sm=India.gif][sm=raisedbrows.gif][sm=sidesmile.gif][sm=silly.gif][sm=tongue.gif][sm=catinhatsmile.gif][sm=Brazil.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]

It seems to me a lot eaiser to make carbon copys, but He cared enough to make us each one so different in so many ways. Each one precious to Him. And to each other. For example, I love to listen to someone who can make me laugh, although I'm not good at telling a joke. Or who can sing while all I can do is make a joyful noise.

You don't have to fit in. As has already been suggested, maybe you can find a church where you can feel comfortable to be yourself. And perhaps the Lord will use this so that somewhere down the line you can help someone who feels like they don't fit anywhere in the world. [;)]

God bless you my friend. And by the way, you fit in here just fine. [:)]



slushie -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 12:48:13 PM)

I agree with the last poster!!!



Prairiehiker -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 12:51:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tuckonline

Does anybody ever feel like their past experiences (before coming to Christ) have hindered the way they relate to other Christians now, especially those who have grown up in the church?

I feel like I have to hide my past from them or else ill be condemned and/or get chased around by people trying to shower me with Holy Water.

Everyday discussion are difficult to have as well since our experiences have been so much different.

"hanging out" with other Christians is hard also...I may be a Christian now, but that doesnt mean I want to go bowling every other night and watch movies the other nights (with girls on one side of the room, and boys on the other).

I have no problem with good, clean, sober fun...but sometimes I find Christians waaaay too conservative in their thinking. That may be fine for them, but like the topic of this thread is, I am having a hard time fitting in with this type of group (which dominates the churches I have been to).

sorry if I offended any people who have grown up in the church and who I may have just described. I am not trying to belittle you or anything, I am just having a hard time relating to this type of person, and I know I will for a long time, if not always.


I know exactly what you mean because I came from the same background as you....only I had a longer stay as a worldly person than you (I think I'm almost twice your age, lol). It's always difficult for me to fit in with the Christians because I'm way too honest about what I say. I believe in self examination, and saying what's really going on inside of me, instead of what sounds "christian and acceptable to say in the Christian circles"...whether online or in person.

But I do belive there's rooms for people like us in the kingdom of christ. I think we're real, and we know what's inside and we don't get along well with anyone who learned to speak "christianese". So, look for someone like you....who loves the Lord, but is real and honest.



SavedByGraceMD -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 1:39:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PinkCarnations

How long have you been a Christian?

I am 44 and have been a Christian since I was 29.

I didn't have a lot in common with Christians. Praise God for that! I was very uncomfortable around my non-Christian friends because I was no longer partying like them. That made me very lonely. I did learn a few things:

1- Growing up in the church does not mean that one was saved as a child.
2- Growing up in the church does not mean that one had a happy childhood.
3- Growing up in the church does not mean that one has led a sin-free life.

As I have opened up to people, I have found that there are many who have grown up in the church who have shared the same types of joys, happiness, heartache, trials, pain, suffering, etc. as I have. The problem is getting past the superficial attitudes and getting to know the people. That is easier said than done.

I agree with you here.

I have found that most of the people I know who love the Lord, have the kind of past you are talking about Tuck.

One thing you need to remember is, no one is righteous, no not one. Like LL said, Jesus is my righteousness.

That being said, it seems as if your faith is new. I have found that in my time with the Lord that He has changed my ways of thinking. About everything. About what is acceptable, and about what is not.

When I first started going back to church, just over 1 & 1/2 years ago, I was not one who raised my hands in worship, or even sang along most of the time. I always thought that the ones who did were weird. No offense any1. Yet as time went on, and He began to change me, and I sought after Him, all that has changed.

I started desiring to be like those who could sing, and worship with hands raised, because Jesus is worth it. Now I am one of those weird people, and I could care less if someone sees me that way. Because Jesus sees me too.

I think Tuck, that as you start walking this walk, if you are truly seeking the Lord, your opinions on everything will change also. In time. It is a natural reaction to His love for us, and all He has done for us.

So, if you meet or know people who look down on you because you have a past, smile at them. And think in your mind, and in your heart, that the past is gone. All things become new in Jesus, and God sees your past no more. Admit you are a sinner saved by the amazing grace of God, and He loves you regardless of where you have been , and what you have done. If they can't accept that, bid them fair well and say a little prayer for them. They will need it.

Keep seeking Jesus first.



sparkleingsnow -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 1:53:17 PM)

quote:

"christianese"!
LOL I love it! [sm=purplelaugh.gif]



saraimay75 -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 3:20:10 PM)

You don't fit in? How do you know? Do you know the pasts of your fellow Christians? Or are you just making assumptions?

I know many Christians with pasts. The Pastor of my old Church was a singer in Las Vegas at his lowest point he was drunk before he came to the Lord. One of the Pastors of that same church (which has closed) is the Head Chaplin of Good News Jail and Prison Ministry http://www.goodnewsjail.org/Chaplains/us/chaplains.aspx Can you guess where the non-dangerous ex-prisoners came when they got out?

My past my not be sorted in fact it far from it. My past is filled with pain of being rejected by the world.



DeliveredDarling -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 5:37:08 PM)

Tuck, as others have said, you are not alone. Most of us have probably felt that way at some point in time. I presently do in my Sunday School class! Reason being-we have cliques. It is a problem the church faces. It has to do with our comfort zones. We think we are doing the "Christian" thing by only associating with people from our faith, for example. however, the problem with that is, how do others see Christ in you when you won't be around anyone but believers? Not much room for outreach is there?

Allow the leading of the Spirit to take you where He wants you to go. Your eyes will be opened, your heart softened and experiences beyond your imagination! Hang in there-God is with you![:)]



sparkleingsnow -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 6:03:32 PM)

(((((saramay75)))))



PaPaRobert -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 6:27:44 PM)

Tuck, I have been feeling the same way. I was a homeless drunkin bum panhandling for money, and hitchhiking all over the U.S. I have been thinking about how I don't fit in because I can't remember what I read. I remember about maybe 6-10 Bible verses. I never could remember things very well. I know things are in the Bible but I don't know where. Some times I remember what book of the Bible a subject is in but thats all. I gave the Lord control over me 10 years ago. I was saved at about 12 or 13 years old and backslid till I was 38. Now at 48 I can see where the Lord Jesus has change my way of thinking, my behaviors and made me to be someone special in His eye's. I still have a hard time fitting in when it comes to talking verses of Gods word. But I can fit in better if I volunteer to run the sound system, go to small group Bible studies and help set up things like plays. Christmas decorations, youth functions and things like that.
You are our Brother, We love you and you can hang out here anytime.



deermousie -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 6:29:05 PM)

I usually can't talk about my past, because the recitation is too horrible for people to listen to; they can't take it. So, except for this forum, I don't talk about it. Can't talk about it.

On the other hand, and this may prove the case with you, I find my heart can break for the person who was hurt. I've been there. You've been there. This may be the root of the ministry God is going to call you to, and He'll be glorified by it.

People who grew up in loving, protective homes can't identify with me, or at least, couldn't in the past (I'm still growing and changing). They can hang out and feel comfortable talking together, and I don't know what to talk about and in the back of my mind I'm wondering who is going to hurt me. You may be feeling this, too.

And, yeah, sometimes Christians don't know how to have fun or build camaraderie. I'd love to see Christian pubs spring up here and there, where we could eat together and discuss books and laugh and argue loudly about theology. That would be great!* I think if more Christians understood what a treasure they have, they'd be a lot more upbeat and willing to share and hang out. Maybe we can start something? Church should not be deadly dull but shouting and praising and sitting quietly, amazed, at God's Word and provision for us.

Praise His holy name forever!!!

*but there needs to be a chalk board [:D]



yankeedoodled -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 11:01:47 PM)

tuckonline:
I have no problem with good, clean, sober fun...but sometimes I find Christians waaaay too conservative in their thinking.

yankeedoodled:
Actually with many Christians voting and supporting politicians that treat God as a contaminate to our society and school children and war on Family as well as the very beliefs and values of our forefathers down to us and replacing them with non-judgmentalism and alternative beliefs/morals/values that are sacrilege and abomination to God, i think far too many Christians have far to easily let their Christianity be eroded away and supplanted by the worship of the ghastly gods of old. Environmentalism-Earth worshipper-Druid worship. Goddess worship, female dominated society. Abortion-Baal/Molech child murderers. etc. etc. etc.



IamLibertarian -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (6/30/2009 11:28:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: saraimay75

You don't fit in? How do you know? Do you know the pasts of your fellow Christians? Or are you just making assumptions?

I know many Christians with pasts. The Pastor of my old Church was a singer in Las Vegas at his lowest point he was drunk before he came to the Lord. One of the Pastors of that same church (which has closed) is the Head Chaplin of Good News Jail and Prison Ministry http://www.goodnewsjail.org/Chaplains/us/chaplains.aspx Can you guess where the non-dangerous ex-prisoners came when they got out?

My past my not be sorted in fact it far from it. My past is filled with pain of being rejected by the world.


Nope, thats the point of the thread [8|]

Rhetorical Question?

I am fairly young, so the Christians I am talking about dont have too much of a past to cover (K-12 and some College life), so yes, I would say the ones I am talking about I had a pretty good feel for the experiences they have had (or haven't had I should say).

I think we all know what happens when ppl assume [&:]


Anyways, thanks for all the great posts everyone! Glad to hear I am not the only one struggling with this. Hopefully I will have some time to respond to individual posts, but am in no way able to right now, I am exhausted! [8D]



saraimay75 -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (7/1/2009 12:19:37 AM)

Yeah I know the point of this thread I also get that you are young.



19ramman85 -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (7/1/2009 6:50:16 PM)

tuckonline ........ "Does anybody ever feel like their past experiences (before coming to Christ) have hindered the way they relate to other Christians now, especially those who have grown up in the church?"

Yup - been there, done that - especially here!

What I get a kick out of is ...... those who led a pretty-well insulated- "Christian Family growing up experience", and have never, ever lived the life I did..... yet they preach that old tired out - "Christ will turn you into one of us, if you just repent and change your evil ways"

I have changed my - "evil ways", and do my best to walk in His light - yet, I fall and stumble (sound familiar?). Yet, according to some people, then I really haven't given God complete control over my life. Then I'll tell them, that I have gave my life to Christ,prayed and such for God to change - "this or that", behavior/sin, and yet he hasn't. Then they'll go off on another tangent.

And around, and around it goes!

But praise the Lord - that not all Christians are like that!


-charles



IamLibertarian -> RE: I dont fit in with other Christians! (7/2/2009 2:50:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yankeedoodled

tuckonline:
I have no problem with good, clean, sober fun...but sometimes I find Christians waaaay too conservative in their thinking.

yankeedoodled:
Actually with many Christians voting and supporting politicians that treat God as a contaminate to our society and school children and war on Family as well as the very beliefs and values of our forefathers down to us and replacing them with non-judgmentalism and alternative beliefs/morals/values that are sacrilege and abomination to God, i think far too many Christians have far to easily let their Christianity be eroded away and supplanted by the worship of the ghastly gods of old. Environmentalism-Earth worshipper-Druid worship. Goddess worship, female dominated society. Abortion-Baal/Molech child murderers. etc. etc. etc.




lol, what?



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