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My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt believe he has to read his bible & says its made up
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 All Forums >> [Life] >> Marriage >> My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt believe he has to read his bible & says its made up | Page: [1] |
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My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt believ... - 6/30/2009 10:09:06 AM
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LaDy_SHePPaRD
Posts: 6
Joined: 6/30/2009
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Hello..my husband & i have been married for almost 2 yrs now. we knew that it was God that brought us together and it was my hearts desire to have a Christ centered marriage. then everything started to change. we've only prayed together on 4 occassions, two of those were because he was getting ready to board the plane to afghanistan.
while he was away, we talked online and via telephone and when he was encountering a situation i would gently and innocently tell him how we needed to give it to God and go to Him in prayer and find guidance from the Word and he (my husband) would get sooo upset and would say.." i knew i shouldn't have told you..you don't get it..you dont understand.." he would say "the bible is just a book that was written by a bunch of men who CLAIM God told them to write it.." he says that God created us and has basically left us here to fend for ourselves, or to figure it out on our own..he said God lays decisions before him and he chooses from the two and if its wrong its wrong..
he doesnt believe in spanking. he thinks i shouldnt take our children to church until they are "old enough to understand and choose for themselves if they want to go" only because he was a pastors son and was forced to be present every service til the day his father died.
i dont harp on him. i dont tell him how he OUGHT to be. im trying soo soo hard to lead by example but what happened to the man that led? its as if every time i mention walking by faith and believing that God has great things in store for us and that all we need to do is ask in Christ's name and with CONFIDENCE that it is ours..he shuts down tunes me out and walks away.
and in fact religion is the one thing we cannot discuss in our marriage. funny isnt it?/ since we BOTH believed that is was God's will for us to be together.. i just need help!!
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 10:17:35 AM
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ta_mosquito
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I'm familiar with another couple who went through something similar - pastor's son, military, rejected the faith and his wife (because she was a Christian and he now rejected that). She didn't give up but kept praying and praying. She held on to her marriage and her God for all she was worth. She refused to agree to a divorce, and kept praying for him. Eventually he repented and came back to God and to her.
Anecdotal, sure. But I'm not sure what other course is to be taken.
_____________________________
LibriVox: acoustical liberation of books in the public domain
(Avatar: Turkeys are all saying "Moo")
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 10:29:30 AM
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BenQuebec
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From: Québec, Canada
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I agree with ta_mosquito. Keep praying. Don't compromise your walk with the Lord to please your husband. The best thing you can do is display a real relationship with God and love your husband unconditionally. He'll eventually see that you have something that he doesn't have, and he'll want in on it.
In the meantime, if he disagrees with the Bible or what you know is true, simply reply that he is simply stating his opinion, and that you respectfully disagree with him. Kiss him on the cheek, tell him that you love him anyway, and keep believing what you believe.
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 10:40:58 AM
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LaDy_SHePPaRD
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yes i have pretty much come to the conclusion that i must just keep praying and praying til the day he realizes the truth for himself, but how do i not lose heart?? he makes me feel guilty sometimes for putting my Father first..
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 10:49:37 AM
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bolt.
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quote:
In the meantime, if he disagrees with the Bible or what you know is true, simply reply that he is simply stating his opinion, and that you respectfully disagree with him. Kiss him on the cheek, tell him that you love him anyway, and keep believing what you believe.
Really right on, here.
You can keep your marriage calm and yourself faithful by this method. You are going to be saying quite frequently, "I know we have different ideas on this." So practice saying it in a sweet accepting way that does not communicate frustration or a sense of superiority. The fact is that there are two sets of opinions in your 'house' -- each of them held by an adult who is entitled to it.
That plan addresses conversations and opinions -- but it does not address duties. For example, you mentioned that he does not want you to take the children to Church. It's my opinion that to do so is a duty as a Christian parent. I'd suggest you present it this way:
"Honey you know I believe in the Bible, and that I follow God from that understanding. This situation is hard for me, because I feel I have a duty to raise our children that way, and I'm not someone who takes duty lightly.
"I don't like thinking about not doing my duty to God just because you'd rather I not take the kids to Church. I know you'd rather I not -- but I just feel so strongly convicted about it. It's not an area I feel I can compromise. If I do compromise, I will continually feel like I've abandoned that part of my duty, and that would be so hard to live with inside.
"Honey, do you want me to have to live with that sense of failure? Do you really think it would do such great harm for them to go to Church, one service, once a week, with a good kid's program that they would enjoy? I'll be very careful to make sure it is a good experience for them.
"I don't want to keep fighting with you over this, especially when you are away, and I could just do what I want, and I only try to talk to you about your objections because I respect you so much. And you realize I'd be missing Church myself if I can't take them, -- we won't be paying a babysitter just because you don't like the thought of them inside a Church building. So that's another thing that hurts me deeply -- not being able to go to Church myself.
"It's only an hour a week. Does it really matter to you that much? Won't you please say it will be alright if I take them to Church with me?"
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 10:55:02 AM
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BenQuebec
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It won't be easy, but he'll have to reconcile with the fact that his definition of "Christian" differs greatly from your definition of "Christian."
You may have to tell your husband very clearly that you belong to God first. Your heart, your mind, your soul, your strength. God is your first love. This means that you love him and respect him as your husband, but if he disagrees with what God says, you will have to lovingly and respectfully disagree with him.
However, first and foremost, you and he both need to know that if you disagree with him, that does not diminish your love or respect for him as a person. All healthy married couples eventually reconcile with the fact that there will be disagreement; when disagreements come up, they don't have to be disagreeable. If he doesn't understand this, don't let it frustrate you. Keep telling him that you love him, you respect him, you adore him, you cherish him, but you disagree. Keep telling him until he gets it.
You'll also need to go beyond words and demonstrate your love, or he won't believe you. Rub his feet while you tell him, or cook his favorite meal, or something that will demonstrate that your disagreement will not make *you* disagreeable. If it makes *him* disagreeable, pray for him, and let him express it without letting it affect you.
Be courageous in the Lord. He'll help you through this. My prayers are with you.
< Message edited by BenQuebec -- 6/30/2009 11:03:33 AM >
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 11:04:36 AM
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LaDy_SHePPaRD
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i try soo hard to wrap my mind around how he could be the son of a preacher man and NOT believe in the Word. When i try to share my faih with him, and the deepness of my love for Christ he says that i doubt his faith and that he doesnt think he needs to share his relationship with God with me. so how can we overcome this? if Christ is to be the center..how is that possible if one of us is keeping the relationship behind closed doors??
_____________________________
" Blessed is she who has believed that what the LORD has said shall come to pass.." LUKE 1:45
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 11:14:54 AM
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BenQuebec
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It may be hard for you to believe, but there are pastor's kids who rebel against what they've been taught - especially when they feel that they were "forced" to go to church, as seems to be the case here.
He's probably unsure of what he believes, as his childhood faith was forced and therefore not genuine. To avoid pushing him away, you'll need to affirm to him that your faith is different than his. This does not mean that you doubt his faith - it simply means that you recognize that his faith is different than yours.
Throughout the years, he may have seen many people publicize their faith in Christ only to live like the devil, and thus annul their proclamation. Many pastor's kids see lots of negative sides in church that are hidden from most people, and question their faith because of it. I personally know of pastor's kids that have become atheists, agnostics, and some that have chosen a homosexual lifestyle. Axl Rose is a pastor's kid. So the fact that your PK husband still at least professes to be a Christian is a good sign.
You may be disappointed that your husband's faith is not the same as yours, but don't let that disappointment affect your love for him. He'll know you're a Christian by your love. Love him, and show him the love of God as best you can. With time and prayer, he'll see it.
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 11:19:24 AM
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LaDy_SHePPaRD
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thank you so much BenQuebec
it opens my eyes to the fact that this process has already began.
my husband just returned from afghanistan less than a week ago!!! YaY!! and i am soo thrilled to have him home. i knowits gonna take some time to readjust and reintegrate but i know my God is fatihful in keeping Himself near to me when i need him the most. i know my husband will see that i am not going to put Christ on the backburner for him asi have already attended church without him since he has been home. i didnt complain i didnt beg..i simply asked and wasnt disappointed when he said no. he has however pretty much accepted the fact that i am taking the children to church.
i have told him in the last month or so actually, that as much as i love and respect him, God comes first. He'll come around in time. i know we werent drawn together just to be torn apart.
My faith and trust lies not in this man..but in my Father, the One who is faithful in finishing what He began.
thank you all so much.
_____________________________
" Blessed is she who has believed that what the LORD has said shall come to pass.." LUKE 1:45
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 11:35:59 AM
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BenQuebec
Posts: 1479
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: Québec, Canada
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Thanks for the update.
One last thing. You'll also need to remember that the flipside is true. Your husband's faith is different from yours, and his disagreeing with you does *not* diminish his love or respect for you. Accept that your husband disagrees, and accept his love, although it's not the way you imagined it, and encourage him by showing him that you appreciate it.
The worst thing you can do is act like he doesn't love you because he disagrees with you. And even if the worst becomes true, and *if* he stops loving you or respecting you, God will give you the strength to keep loving him, in word and in deed.
Best wishes to you!
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 11:38:03 AM
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bolt.
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Also, recall that war changes men.
Sometimes 'simple' faith does not line up with brutal reality (a fact which many people blessed enough not to have endured the brutal things of life are often ignorant of). There is a depth of faith and devotion that lives out a calling and endures war -- but what we (in our lifestyle) consider 'average' faith often does not. 'Average' faith can shatter, given a few contradictions -- and if you or I took our simple-and-true faith to Afghanistan, perhaps the same thing would have happened to us.
He may recover his faith -- he may not. It seems he was wavering even before he went. But you must treat his 'injury' with compassion and hope, being an example, even a challenge to his non-faith look-out, but not an adversary or an ally of the sense of guilt that must be dogging him just now. This is a calling, a ministry, an evangelism of hope with which God has entrusted you. He must think highly of you.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 6/30/2009 12:01:52 PM
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LaDy_SHePPaRD
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thank you so much for your insight. i know that he has seen things that i cannot imagine and i know in time he will tell me of them..i just pray that these things dont push him further from God but draw him nearer to Him in time.
all i know is that i love this man with all of my heart and i will bend over backwards for him as long as it doesnt compromise what i believe in.
i know that a breakthrough is coming for us. and i also know that the enemy is going to use every tactic he can to TRY to discourage me and prevent this marriage from succeeding but im not dumb ;) i am well aware of his wickedness and i know I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW that when i gave this to my Father, and my Saviour interceded on my behalf for this....
IT IS FINISHED.
the hilarious thing about this is, the enemy knows it too.he's just mad.
_____________________________
" Blessed is she who has believed that what the LORD has said shall come to pass.." LUKE 1:45
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RE: My Husband says he is a christian, but he doesnt be... - 7/5/2009 4:29:25 PM
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northstar
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I just wanted to give you a verse which shows God's formula for winning your husband over...
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1 Peter 3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
God bless... :-)
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Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee.
Psalm 122:6
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