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psalm100 -> Relationship with pastor (6/30/2009 8:09:57 PM)

Are laymembers expected to have a relationship with his or her pastor?

I have belonged to a nondemonational church for about three years. I have yet to talk to my pastor. I will speak when I see him pass by, but I have yet to hold a conversation with him. I have alot of spiritual issues going on and I often talk to my former pastor about these issues. My fomer pastor tells me that I should be talking to my current pastor. In other words, I should be able to come and talk to my current pastor about these spiritual things.

My former pastor kinda of made me feel guilty that I don't talk to my current pastor. So my question is should laymembers be expected to talk to their pastors about their personal or spiritual issues?



Chrio -> RE: Relationship with pastor (6/30/2009 9:49:23 PM)

First i must say i love Psalm 100! It is our call to Worship in every Worship gathering. I have preached from it several times! King David knew how to call Israel to Worship!!

In response to your question: Emphatically YES! Call the church office or send your pastor or his assistant an email and request an appointment with him. Do not feel slighted if you are asked what the meeting is about. I always ask because it helps me pray for the meeting before we meet. (whether with a church member or church leader)

In the meantime, plan what you are going to say and what you are going to ask. Do not be wasteful of your time or your pastor's. Be prepared as if you are going to your boss for a meeting. Bring listening ears so your can hear your pastor's heart and hear from God as well! Your current pastor will be glad to assist you as he is able. your former pastor will feel better because rite now he does not understand why he is the former pastor but the current counselor. It is wonderful he is willing to take time with you since you have left his pastorate. Sadly, I know pastors who would not have given you the time knowing you are under another shepherd. May I recommend that after you meet with your current pastor, that you write your former pastor and let him know you met and appreciate his suggestion. If possible, enclose an offering with the note or card. We should always look for opportunities to be a Blessing to someone.



slushie -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 9:35:32 AM)

YES! What else are pastors there for? A pastor's role should not be restricted to simply standing in a pulpit and preaching. He should also be involved with the congregation.



LizzieJ. -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 9:44:14 AM)

quote:

So my question is should laymembers be expected to talk to their pastors about their personal or spiritual issues?


Goodness no! They are not "expected" to do any such thing.

I do not encourage women to turn to a male pastor for their counseling. I encourage them to turn to the pastor's wife or some other older women who can mentor them or a good Christian friend.

If you are a male you can decide who you want to turn to for this type of help. An Elder or a Bible study leader or some Christian man you admire and respect.

Older Christian men mentor younger men - Older Christian Women mentor younger women.

No scripture teaches us that we Must or are Expected to turn to the pastor with personal or spiritural problems.



rcjames -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 1:04:54 PM)

As for me; I am always available for my folks (male or femae)( for anything that they wish to discuss.

Pastors are called shepherds in Scripture ; and the difinitive meaning of shepherd is to take care of the flock.

So I do desire to take care of everything and anything that I can; to do less would be to not be responsive to my calling as a Pastor.

Thanks
RC



Liveloved -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 1:24:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: psalm100

Are laymembers expected to have a relationship with his or her pastor?

I have belonged to a nondemonational church for about three years. I have yet to talk to my pastor. I will speak when I see him pass by, but I have yet to hold a conversation with him. I have alot of spiritual issues going on and I often talk to my former pastor about these issues. My fomer pastor tells me that I should be talking to my current pastor. In other words, I should be able to come and talk to my current pastor about these spiritual things.

My former pastor kinda of made me feel guilty that I don't talk to my current pastor. So my question is should laymembers be expected to talk to their pastors about their personal or spiritual issues?


I think what your former pastor told you is one of the divisive and haughty ways we keep people from God. Is a 'pastor' closer to God than any other person in the church (the true church)? No. But we want to protect our territory as 'pastor' so we make these kind of divisions to elevate ourselves.

It is all too bad. We do not need a 'pastor' to go to. We need alive, believing, Jesus loving sisters and brothers who desire to know us and help us.

Don't buy into what the western church has bought into and perpetuated. Be the church. Live Christ. And you will put off the old man of pride and divisiveness. Bless ya!

Oh, and BTW, do be a friend to your pastor. He needs fellowship with believing, loving people.



LizzieJ. -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 1:31:15 PM)

quote:

think what your former pastor told you is one of the divisive and haughty ways we keep people from God. Is a 'pastor' closer to God than any other person in the church (the true church)? No. But we want to protect our territory as 'pastor' so we make these kind of divisions to elevate ourselves.


Shew! That is not what I was seeing at all. I believe her/his old pastor believes this individual needs some counseling and is trying to encourage this person to seek it out. I don't believe the pastor is trying to protect territory. I think the pastor is desiring this person to get the help they need.

I believe the pastor is not trying to make this person feel guilty. I believe the pastor is trying to encourage them to do something they may feel uncomfortable doing but need to do.



Chrio -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 4:06:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LizzieJ.


quote:

No scripture teaches us that we Must or are Expected to turn to the pastor with personal or spiritural problems.


Greetings in Jesus Name!

LizzieJ. I must humbly disagree with this statement. Jesus' call for His flock to be shepherded means that the pastor most certainly is to advise and guide not only in personal matters but especially in spiritual matters! He is their spiritual teacher/covering on earth and must give an accounting for his service when he is before Jesus' throne.

Please reference these Scriptures: John 21:16; Acts 20:28; 1 Peter 5:2; Revelation 7:17 contrasted against Jude 12. The greek word poimaino denotes shepherd(as a verb) care for, oversee, feed that which is necessary, protect, inform, teach, warn, instruct, go after, seek/find, rescue etc. all of which were the expectations of shepherds in the field during that time.

I do agree that the older women are to mentor (instruct) the younger but the assignment should come from the pastor, the young woman is not to pick her own mentor w/o input and prayer from the pastor (at the least), who is to know whom among the sheep is best suited to minister to the young.


regret looks back, worry looks around but faith looks up from whence our help comes from ...



buckifn -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 4:08:23 PM)

No, not all pastor's know how to counsel someone in a way that helps instead of hinders. You should find a counselor experienced in the area you need specific guidance for and go that route. Talking to the wrong person can do much more damage than good.

I can tell you from 25 plus years of exp. not all pastor's are qualified to be pastor's and not all advice that comes from someone with a title "pastor" is biblical or beneficial. There are some pastor's who have no qualms whatsoever about giving advice totally against the Bible...such as in the area of divorce...because they have been divorced they see no problem with suggesting it as an easy option for another couple who may be struggling.

Be very careful who you open your soul to. Pray and ask God to help guide you to a GODLY counselor.



psalm100 -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 4:40:29 PM)

Thank you for all your replies. I don't feel comfortable talking to my current pastor. It's not an issue of trust with him, but I just don't feel comfortable talking to him. My former pastor is a female. Some don't believe in female pastors. That's another issue and I don't want that issue to derail the original thread. I am having a lot of problems discerning the gift that I believe God has given me. I often seek my former pastor for spiritual guidance. She told me that I need to talk to my current pastor.

When I left my old church I left on good terms. My former pastor will no ways turn her back on me. This whole situation has really been getting at me. I don't have a desire to talk to my current pastor.



judahwarrior -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 5:14:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LizzieJ.

quote:

So my question is should laymembers be expected to talk to their pastors about their personal or spiritual issues?


Goodness no! They are not "expected" to do any such thing.

I do not encourage women to turn to a male pastor for their counseling. I encourage them to turn to the pastor's wife or some other older women who can mentor them or a good Christian friend.

If you are a male you can decide who you want to turn to for this type of help. An Elder or a Bible study leader or some Christian man you admire and respect.

Older Christian men mentor younger men - Older Christian Women mentor younger women.

No scripture teaches us that we Must or are Expected to turn to the pastor with personal or spiritural problems.


I guess this is a good reason why Pastors ought to get married. But pastors also ought to know that there is still the temptation from a "one on one" talk with the opposite sex.

However men have more authority because they are called to be the head of the household. If the man does talk to the lady, his wife needs to be there so there won't be that temptation.

Since he is the pastor, he has authority over his congregation.



LizzieJ. -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 5:43:05 PM)

quote:

I do agree that the older women are to mentor (instruct) the younger but the assignment should come from the pastor, the young woman is not to pick her own mentor w/o input and prayer from the pastor (at the least), who is to know whom among the sheep is best suited to minister to the young.



quote:

Since he is the pastor, he has authority over his congregation.


Huge red flags here! I would encourage anyone to flee from a Chruch/pastor who played this type of "control leader" in their life rather than "Servant/leader" as Jesus showed us.

quote:

No scripture teaches us that we Must or are Expected to turn to the pastor with personal or spiritural problems.


Ps100,

I stand by what I said. So what if you don't want to talk to your current pastor?. That's ok. Are there any women in your church that you feel comfortable talking to? Are you plugged into a small bible study group?

quote:

No, not all pastor's know how to counsel someone in a way that helps instead of hinders. You should find a counselor experienced in the area you need specific guidance for and go that route. Talking to the wrong person can do much more damage than good.

I can tell you from 25 plus years of exp. not all pastor's are qualified to be pastor's and not all advice that comes from someone with a title "pastor" is biblical or beneficial. There are some pastor's who have no qualms whatsoever about giving advice totally against the Bible...such as in the area of divorce...because they have been divorced they see no problem with suggesting it as an easy option for another couple who may be struggling.

Be very careful who you open your soul to. Pray and ask God to help guide you to a GODLY counselor.


[sm=thumbsup.gif]



jn1010lf -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 5:47:58 PM)

Hello psalm100

First, I would like to share with you that there is no such office in the Bible as layman or lay leader. Why? Simply because any Christian can study the Word and learn truth. Anyone that believes in the Lord can present the gospel to people, lay hands on them to be healed, etc.

There is no greater barrior between pastors and members of a church than the term Layman or Lay leader.

Your former Pastor probably doesn't know the answer to your questions. So, I would contact your current Pastor with any questions you may have. Your former Pastor has no authority because you left there. So, if you are going to stay at your current church, by all means, contact the Pastor there.



Liveloved -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/1/2009 7:46:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LizzieJ.

quote:

think what your former pastor told you is one of the divisive and haughty ways we keep people from God. Is a 'pastor' closer to God than any other person in the church (the true church)? No. But we want to protect our territory as 'pastor' so we make these kind of divisions to elevate ourselves.


Shew! That is not what I was seeing at all. I believe her/his old pastor believes this individual needs some counseling and is trying to encourage this person to seek it out. I don't believe the pastor is trying to protect territory. I think the pastor is desiring this person to get the help they need.

I believe the pastor is not trying to make this person feel guilty. I believe the pastor is trying to encourage them to do something they may feel uncomfortable doing but need to do.


LizzieJ.
I didn't think this is what the OP said either. But it is what is taking place regardless. It is unfortunate that we have this division and more unfortunate that it is perpetuated.

Certainly there are shepherds and gifts of pastoral care. But the position of 'pastor' in the church ususally has little to do with either. It has become a job like any other. I have only known one man who had the position who was a true shepherd/pastor.

Keeping watch over the souls of others. . . yes, this is a shepherd's calling. Few have it.



hjemerson -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/2/2009 12:20:30 PM)

Dear Ps 100 If you feel the need to talk with your pastor call and make appointment Then as you talk with him you will know if this is the person you want to seek advice from, If you are not comforable It may be best to find a another person that you see and feel is strong in the LORD and the Word, If that is still uneasiry you may need to seek tha advice of some one other that the pastor, Again I understand you old pastor suggetion you contact the pastor you are under now agin maybe the formal pastor could suggest a chirstian councler. As some one has stated Many time Patsor are not the Counsler you may need , I have know several that were great pastor,wonderful soul winner but when then it came to counsling on family and person issue he would suggest a local christian counsler, Which I think is a smart person to know what his strenghth is ! Good luck in finding the right person to talk with,



slushie -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/2/2009 1:28:59 PM)

If I were a woman I'd seek a woman out... in my church a lot of people were going to the handsome, charming, knows all the right words to say youth pastor. A LOT of girls. And they all had crushes on him and were mooning over him like goodness knows what.

I used to be one of them.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/2/2009 3:37:42 PM)

I think it's great to have a relationship with the pastor. It doesn't have to be a counseling session--just get to know him a bit. Having a conversation with him doesn't mean you have to bare your soul to him, especially not the first time you talk to him. Pastors want to get to know their parishioners--it's hard to know how to take care of your flock if they are strangers to you. Maybe you could invite the pastor and his family over for dinner sometime? It's a great way to have light conversation and start to develop a friendship.



slushie -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/2/2009 3:55:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

I think it's great to have a relationship with the pastor. It doesn't have to be a counseling session--just get to know him a bit. Having a conversation with him doesn't mean you have to bare your soul to him, especially not the first time you talk to him. Pastors want to get to know their parishioners--it's hard to know how to take care of your flock if they are strangers to you. Maybe you could invite the pastor and his family over for dinner sometime? It's a great way to have light conversation and start to develop a friendship.


I like this. =D



armydude -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/4/2009 12:01:59 PM)

Posting blind. Sorry.
quote:

ORIGINAL: psalm100

My former pastor kinda of made me feel guilty that I don't talk to my current pastor. So my question is should laymembers be expected to talk to their pastors about their personal or spiritual issues?
The pastor is considered to be the shepherd of the flock (the flock being the church). As such, he should be able to assist the church members if they need him. This isn't just financially or providing food if a family is low on either. This is also to provide help with spiritual matters. He cannot help, however, if he does not know about the problem. For that to happen, the member needs to talk to him.
Having said that, I also have to add that if you don't want to talk to him, that's your choice. However, if you don't, he can't help. I am leaving a church to move to another due to personal reasons. Even with that, I'm maintaining a friendship with the old pastor, and I hope to establish a friendship with the pastor of the church where I'm being led.
It's important to remember that the pastor is human too, and the encouraging word you could give could very easily make his day.



psalm100 -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/4/2009 6:49:12 PM)

I think the reason I feel more able to talk to my former pastor is because the church she pastors is the first church I joined after giving my life to the Lord. I stayed under her leadership for 3 yrs. She knows me and she knows some of my family. It's so much easier to talk to her. She started telling me things about myself that was so true. These were things that the Lord was already dealing with me about. I often wonder if I made a mistake in leaving my former church. Did I hear the Lord correctly?



hjemerson -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/5/2009 10:45:43 AM)

Psalm100 from what you have said why not go back to you frist home church? If you feel more comforable and the Lord may have wanted you to get out of the box ans see what other chcurch are like NOthing wrong with retruning to where you feel safe and can serve the Lord, At time we all need to get out side the box and see whar the lord may have for you , I go where i feel the Lord wants me and a safe place to share my self. All just my opipm But the Lord can use you !



rcjames -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/5/2009 2:58:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slushie

If I were a woman I'd seek a woman out...


Why?

Thanks
RC



armydude -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/5/2009 3:01:24 PM)

I'd say the rest of that post answers the question well. JMHO of course.



buckifn -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/5/2009 3:07:34 PM)

God didn't send Elijah to another man...so why do we think He could only use another woman to minister to a woman?



Chrio -> RE: Relationship with pastor (7/6/2009 5:56:01 PM)

quote:

quote:

I do agree that the older women are to mentor (instruct) the younger but the assignment should come from the pastor, the young woman is not to pick her own mentor w/o input and prayer from the pastor (at the least), who is to know whom among the sheep is best suited to minister to the young.



quote:

Since he is the pastor, he has authority over his congregation.

quote: LizzieJ.
Huge red flags here! I would encourage anyone to flee from a Chruch/pastor who played this type of "control leader" in their life rather than "Servant/leader" as Jesus showed us.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LizzieJ. I fear you have gained the wrong concept of Jesus and His leadership. For example His response to a woman in Matthew 15: "(22)A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.”

(23)Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”

(24)He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”

(25)The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.

(26)He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs."

Or in John's gospel chapter 8 verses 39 - 47 where Jesus again is speaking and tells the Jews and some leaders that their father is the devil!! That this is the reason they do not hear from God!! Is this the "servant/leader" you refer?

Servant leadership does not ignore responsibility nor authority. When you make our statements "red flags" and ignore the responsibility of your pastor or his office's authority as a member of that congregation, you are usurping his authority and therefore God's authority! (See Romans 13)

Dear Sister in Christ, you are not debating any of us ... we aim only to point you in the correct direction. My heart's desire for you is that you can get past this and fully discover how (your giftedness) and where God is planning to use you in His Kingdom.

Because He Lives,



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