Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Life] >> Marriage



Message

Trilletrill -> Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/1/2009 8:08:32 AM)

So I have one thread in here regarding my hubby who has been addicted to porn for about 12-13 years. Long before he met me. unfortunately all of this strated with sexual abuse and masturbation when he was around 11 by an older cousin. We have been together for 5 years and married for 3. I LOVE him so much, could never imagine leaving him for porn. He has been able to quit for periods of time, last time this happend was yesterday and he had been clean for about a month..then he had this dream about porn. U know one thing: He has allways been honest with me from day one! I really do bealive he wants to quit...even yesterday when he told me he still gets teary eyed and I see the enourmous dissapointement in him. He later told me "I dont want to be a person who does tese things".

In these five years I have been untrustworthy, calling him things that are not good, even become physical with him...he has said several times that "It was a mistake marriying you" so we have had our shares of ups and downs....After I got pregnant (Im due in july:) Its as if God has done something with me, I havent lost my mind once over this matter in the 9 months..and I have actually started praying for him every day and fasting one week each month, he fell yesterday but its as if God is encouraging me to pray and be there for him. Like Zhi (Love your posts bye the way!) im his accountability partner...after much prayers he actually have started to tell me when he has watched something and opened up for me, we have a looong way to go but I cant imagine losing what we have for something as STUPID as Porn! I simply wont.

One thing God has made clearer and clearer is that my fight isnt with my husband...its with this foul addiction and the spirit behind it. One night I couldnt sleep..I looked over to my husband and felt genuinly love! Then I felt anger..anger for what has bound him and whats trying to destroy him and our marriage. I went out and prayed...thats all I can do. Pray and Fast, Thank God for the power of prayer! Also I have felt that this is something that cant be broken without fasting and prayer..some spirits and addictions wont leave easily. I also have an intuition of weather something is wrong or not so I pray at those times also. Like I said the road is long..it happend yesterday so its not like" this is cool, he is free now..ladidaaaa" but somehow God blesses us. We have also started praying together once a week..he is not a reading bible/praying type but he is Christian and do bealive in Jesus.

One thing I struggle with: He was able to stop everything for one year, even masturbation when we werent married..but stupid as I was I still kept nagging and nagging and I even encouraged to do stuff together that WAS NOT RIGHT..eventually we ended up having regular sex before marriage. Something he truly regrets as do I! I feel bad about this still, feel sometimes its my fault he fell back in it all, the poor guy quitted cold turkey for one year even tough I was really foul with him.
But all that is over, we have to look forward and how to fight this together. This I know: Jesus loves us, he wants marriages to work. My husband loves me, this has nothing to do with me at all..he really does love me and I know it. I love him even tough he does such things...this love makes me want to fight with and for him! The Devil only wants to destroy. We are having a baby and I know he will be the best dad ever, we are soo looking forward to this..and his addiction has nothing to do with the lack of comiitement to me or our baby. Addiction is ugly ugly...Porn in particulur is hard...must admit I have also watched some porn in my life..and I totally understand the addiction, even tough its wrong..it turns you on and get you hooked. I dont struggle with it and certanily dont watch it but I understand where the temptations and craving steems from. Its scary really and makes me realize furthermore that we are dealing with spirits and powers beyond our own lustefull selves.

Annyone else in this situatin who recognize some of these feelings regarding their husbands?



Zhi -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/1/2009 11:16:29 AM)

I'm glad I could be of some encouragement :) Hang in there. As with most addictions, it's something that takes a while, and even once you've conquered it, you have to stay vigilant. It might help for him to get some counseling if possible, especially considering the childhood abuse.

I'm a little confused though... was his "fall" having a dream? Because you can't really control your own dreams, even if you want to.

Otherwise, if you've repented, God has forgiven and forgotten thanks to Jesus. Keep looking forward, and working on what you can change today, not what you can't change in the past. :)

Congratulations on the new baby! Get some sleep while you can, because you won't be getting any very soon. ;)



Trilletrill -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/1/2009 12:57:24 PM)

You have actually encouraged me alot..everyone posts about divorcing and giving up and this and that..its hard off course for us women no doubt, but leaving just doesent feel right!
Also its nice to hear about some wives who are the accountability partner..not necc a friend or whatever..truth is he has talked to several ppl about his porn issue and it just hasent helped. So I figured since I know everything and im his wife I mind as well be there for him instead of pulling him down-he is worth it.

When regarding his abuse he has also spoken to several about that along the years and I do think its no longer an issue for him. His cousin has apologized and he has forgiven him so thank God for that. However thats where all of this has steemed from, the porn and masturbation.

Thirdly he is sick and tired of speaking to ppl about it and doesent want anny counseling and I kinda respect that and pray if it is Gods will for him to get some counseling that he changes hubbys mind..because my nagging wont help. However I am at peace as being the accountability partner because we are best friends and we know everything about eachother. So I have faith that God has started healing him but the road is long, so it is with addiction, everyday is a challenge and as long as we are on this earth temptation will come..thank goodness for scripture.

Regarding the fall..no I did not ment the dream, off course we cant control that:) Altough I do pray for his dreams even and the pictures and films he has memorized in his unconciouss, that he is healed from those too. Porn seems to stick in your mind.

I would love to hear more from you Zhi, you have truly been a strong female inspiration to me and I was quite at peace when reading your posts.
God Bless



Zhi -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/1/2009 4:31:25 PM)

It's great to hear that you're making progress :) If you want to talk, you can always feel free to shoot me a PM or an email :)



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/1/2009 4:37:39 PM)

we've btdt...not all the same things, but the porn addiction and the horrible toll on our marriage.
BUT! We're still married and things are stronger than ever! He's working really hard to stay pure, despite the tendency for porn to be rampant around him (he's military and it's common on long tdy's/deployments)
Keep going. God will honor your commitment!



Hislittleone -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/1/2009 7:49:02 PM)

Like BlessedMama my husband and I have been through this struggle. It's a hard road to walk and takes a lot of work but for us it's been soooo worth it.

My husband was into porn and masturbation for most of his life. I found out about it before we married the first time but forgave him and trusted him when he told me he'd give it up. I walked in on him looking at porn during the first month or so of marriage. After that we went through repeated cycles of him promising to never do it again only for me to discover that he wasn't keeping his word. He always lied to me about it. I think that hurt just as much as the porn use itself.....maybe even worse. We ended up divorcing (his choice, not mine although I did separate from him) then remarried ~7 years later. It was an issue the second time around too until he repented 2 years ago. He hasn't once looked at porn since then, praise God! It took more work to learn how to bounce his eyes from images in everyday life. But that struggle isn't so much of a struggle anymore either.

It's taken time and a lot of work on both our parts but I would go through it all again to have what we have today. [:)]

Oh, and this is slightly off topic but if you're preggers (congrats btw[;)]) you might not need to be fasting. At least not without consulting your OB first.



Trilletrill -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/2/2009 7:47:01 AM)

I have come to understand that im def not an alone Christian wife with a hubby that has this issue.
Lets pray and fast for our husbands that God who is greater and migthier than ANYTHING can free our hubbys from this terrible addiction and this spirit which is so strong in the world.

Regarding the fasting, im not fasting from food..but I do my own little fasting like for instance not eat anny sweet, ice cream chocolate chips..for an entire week. Its not like I eat alot of it but in the weekends there are some sweets..so I reckon since im new to this fasting God will bless my effort;)


Im 25 and my husband is 29 so if anny of you has anny good advice whit this accountability thing (Zhi I know you have been the accountability for your husband, would love to be able to mail you if you dont mind) I would GLADLY hear some good advice.

And also pray for us! God bless you all.



Hislittleone -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/2/2009 2:59:52 PM)

Well, I think that kind of fasting counts and is surely blessed by God. [;)] It's hard give up stuff like that, especially when you're preggers. [:D]

I was my husband's AP and it worked well for us. It helped him to realize the depth of pain he was causing me by lusting after other women. And that in turn helped him to stop doing it. Gave him more incentive to quit.... It also helped me to get to know my husband a little better. It wasn't always pleasant or easy but it did help build a sense of intimacy, I think.

My only advice would be to make sure you communicate clearly as to how much detail you do or do not want to hear.

Do you have a scheduled time to talk about his progress? My husband would give me updates twice per week and we did that for at least the first year, maybe a little longer. It just got to a point where there wasn't anything to talk about because he was doing so well. (Yay!)

This isn't exactly AP related but if your husband struggles with lusting after women in real life (which is very common with men who look at porn) he may want to learn the "bounce your eyes" technique as described by Fred Stoeker in Every Man's Battle. It takes a little while to master but is very helpful. My husband will reassure me that he is "watching his eyes" when we are out in places where their might be scantily clad women. That's really helped me a lot. It puts me at ease knowing that he is on guard with his eyes and that he cares enough about my heart to give me that reassurance. Just another thing to consider.....

I do want to add that it's a great thing that your husband is honest with you. So many men who use porn are dishonest about it with their wives. So that's a very good step in the right direction.



Trilletrill -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/3/2009 12:36:23 PM)

We dont have anny scheduled time to speak about this. The only time its brought up is when he confesses to me or during our weekly pray sessions when I pray for him...quite honestly its a bit embaressing to bring it up when its not happening..dont know why...but also for him I think its good he is not constantly reminded of it. My husband is atleast wired this way.
I may also add im new at this accountability thing so it may take us some time to get used too and matured in communicating about this with eachother other than when it happens. For now Im happy he is being honest with me again and that I can pray and fast for him.

Mind u I put everything in Gods hands and pray he may open doors for us to enter regarding his healing, some men like to speak alot others dont, so I have to respect that about his personality aswell as we need to build a good communication among ourselves.

I agree with you, the fact that he has been honest about his issues from day one is a great thing, it means he really does want to quit and that he trusts me and loves me that he share this with me. I have after 5 years of blaming and saying mean things to him been able to seperate myself from his issues in a way that I can respond in a good way instead of taking it personally and get angry...thats what Satan wants. He has been prophesided for several times as a God`s lion and Gods`warrior who needs to strike and strike again....and If God really has big plans for him Satan def doesent want him to get strong in the Lord. I suppose in many ways my fight for my marriage and husband is with the devil and the spirits behind his addiction..not actually with him personally.



ATtheCROSS923 -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/5/2009 2:41:18 PM)

I am a 38 y/o guy.
I had a porn/masterbation addiction most of my life. The Bible says that if we look at another with lust than we are commiting adultery. Looking at porn is definately looking with lust.
I believe that Porn/masterbation is one of the worst, most evil spirits in our world. It is very hard to break it down, but it is possible with the Holy Spirit.
The Internet was my "trigger". Once I would get on the Internet, I would start to feel the "enemy" starting to get me aroused and the next thing I know, I am on a porn site.
I hate the Devil!!!!

An Internet porn addict needs to remember this: If you dont want to fire the gun, get your finger off the "trigger". When you feel the arousing coming on, get off the computer and go do something else. Put a cross on your computer or a picture of Jesus close by..... ONLY JESUS CAN STOP THIS ADDICTION.
The battlefield is in the mind.

You cannot force a guy to stop his porn addiction. He has to do it for Jesus and for you. He has to realize that he needs to control his body himself and not let pictures control it.
Its just like a food addict. They need to realize that they need to control their mind and not the food. Its all about self control.
The Bible talks about self control alot.


1 Peter 5

5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
5:9
Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.


Porn addiction is unexceptable and is not justifiable in any circumstance. We as humans need to have control of our own bodies, and the only way we can accomplish this is to call on the Holy Spirit.


I pray that God empowers all of your men to stop this addiction.

God Bless you, and if you have any questions, dont hesitate to ask me.



helpmeetinworks -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/12/2009 6:25:39 AM)

It's good to hear from a guy who has experienced this addicition.

My husband grew up with the addicition basically and in past marriages, it was incorporated, too. With me, not so. Unfortunately, he has learned "intimacy" based on what he has viewed. IMO, it's very distorted and very unrealistice (at least for this woman).

He has repented (I had left last October-January.) and is supposedly still victorious in his struggle though I haven't asked for fear of the obvious.

My concern is that he still puts blame on me for it, in part, and even thinks I'm the one with the problem as my drive is less than his. We have never had an intimate experience, only sex. Nothing godly or spriritual in any sort of connection. I feel totally disconnected. No affection unless it's sex or sex-related. He gets very cold and distant when I haven't "serviced" him enough--frequency or intensity. (I say "serviced" b/c, as a woman, it's hard to feel desirious of him w/o any type of non-sexual affection. My love language with my DH is definitely physical touch of which I get little to none, and I'm completely depleted. It's hard to hang on and do what you're supposed to when you feel this.)

He won't really talk much about it, as he still sees it as my problem--even though our pastor has tried to enlighten him, too. (We've gone to pasotral counseling intermittently, but DH won't do his own counseling for it...can handle it himself.)

Curious if guys can be intimate without sex?? Am I in left-field to want some warm up (snuggling, hugging, kissing...whatever...non-sexual...some times!)?? Am I distorted in my view of intimacy just as he is??



Hislittleone -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/12/2009 4:58:34 PM)

Helpmeetinworks, what you desire is normal. It's NOT normal to completely remove emotional intimacy from sex. That is far from God's standard. It's what happens when someone uses porn. They get desensitized, begin objectifying women, and the intimacy is removed from the sexual experience. Fred Stoeker explains this very well in his book, EVERY HEART RESTORED or EVERY MAN'S BATTLE (can't remember which though I think it was in EHR. Both are good books that address this issue and I highly recommend them.

Yes, guys can be very intimate and loving without sex.

If your husband is still looking to place blame for his sin on anyone other than himself then I'd question whether or not he's truly repented. A sign of true repentance is deep sorrow and humility. Blaming you for his sin shows neither of those qualities. Also, his reluctance to seek help shows none of the qualities of repentance.

2 Corinthians 7:11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

A truly repentant man will be more than willing to prove himself innocent and trustworthy. He will long to see justice done. And in a case like yours justice would mean healing your hurting heart through consistent, unconditional love.

A man who is angry, frustrated, and places blame for his sin on someone else's shoulders is not truly repentant IMO.

Your husband needs to understand that until he becomes a Christlike husband (showing consistent unconditional love, putting your needs and desires above his own etc.) and proves himself trustworthy then your sex drive will not increase. That problem will more than likely be fixed once your marriage becomes more healthy as a whole.



ATtheCROSS923 -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/12/2009 6:38:21 PM)

I love snuggling, hugging, kissing with my fiance. We dont have sex because we are not married, but we can be loving toward each other.

Porn is a horrible sin for young men(teens and under) because they start to think that they dont need a woman. They depend on the visuals of many different women. From my experience, that kind of thinking leads to seeking sex apart from their relationship with wife or girlfriend. I cheated on an ex girlfriend before Jesus became my Lord. I was really, really into internet porn and it really drove her self esteem down. I eventually cheated on her because I was tempted to experience a different woman cause I was always looking at the pictures, always fantasizing in the Devils realm. Porn is very, very bad.

I personally believe that looking at other men or women via any kind of Porn for sexual satisfaction is adultery. I believe that when a man and woman love each other, the only naked, sexual thoughts they should have are of each other.

We need to have self control because Jesus says to have self control. I want to always be pleasing my Lord in everything I do. [:)]



spiderman121 -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (7/30/2009 9:46:05 PM)

I am a husband that is addicted to porn. I am fighting and struggling with my addiction on a daily basis. It is not as easy as it seems to kick this addiction with all the temptations that are around us on a daily basis. My porn addiction has put my marriage through the ringer. I was abused when I was 5 and again when I was around 11 y/o. I have been exposed to porn ever since i was 12 y/o, my father used to leave his porn tapes and mags laying around his house. Me and my wife have been married now for 3 years going on 4 in December. I did not tell her about my addiction untill about a year after we got married because I did not realize that it was actually an addiction. I used to make false names on yahoo as well as fake profiles. I did this so that I could look at women online. Then my porn addiction starting getting out of hand where i was looking at Transgendered people. With my wifes help I have been able to get control of my addiction. I have relapses as any person with an addiction would have. So wives I have this to say please do not give up on your husbands, because a porn addiction is just like a drug addiction. If he was addicted to drugs would you give up on him or would you help him get the help that he would need.



RhoMo13 -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/11/2009 5:41:47 PM)

I'm glad to hear a man's perspective. My husband hides his porn addiction from me, or at least he tries. But I always find whatever it is he's hiding and then he lies about it. He also tells me that there is something wrong with me and that he is just a normal male. We have only been married for 4 years and I have been dealing with this for most of that time. What makes it harder is his belligerence when I bring up the subject and how I feel he is committing adultry. He claims to be a Christian but his actions don't show that.
As a Christian woman, I want our marriage to work, but truthfully I'm ready to leave. His lies and empty promises are really wearing me down.



dvddavis -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/12/2009 5:11:37 AM)

My wife and I have a large discrepancy in our libido, she is only in the mood about 1 or 2 days a month and we will often skip two or three months without sex. It is complicated by her history of sexual abuse and my own issues of not being as helpful around the house as I should.

So I am right in the firing line for pron addiction – not that it is an excuse.

My solution is that I masturbate frequently and think of my wife. That way I don’t feel guilty and manage to obtain some sexual relief.

Even so, I still find myself sinning when watching DVD’s (Like Angelina Jolie for example). I don’t think it has to be porn to sin; I get the same kind of thoughts from these kinds of mainstream films.

And for me its kind of cyclic. Some months its easier not to sin than others.

Don’t know if that is of any help to anyone.



herestoresmysoul -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/12/2009 7:16:46 AM)

I have gerat admiration for those of you who put up with this. We all have things that we couldnt do, and while I have been through some awful thinsg in life, I could never marry a man who had this addiction, or who looked at porn at all.
I do think that long term porn use within marriage (especially if the man wont even try to stop) is grounds for divorce, but it is up to each wife to pray and ask God what HE wants them to do. Only God knows the future and whether it will either stop or it will destory the wife first. It would destroy me, I know that.

If any man I married did this, I would give him an ultimatum, the porn or me. It would be his choice. I would also seperate until he gave it up.
A friend of mine divorced her husband after she found out he had been looking at porn when their two small children were playing in the same room. he lost access to them becuase of what he had done and is now only allowed supervised access once a week. The judge decided that.

I admire your strength, but I sometimes wonder if husbands would be more likely to stop if they felt they would loose their wives and family.Maybe some need clear boundaries, that if they step over then there will be consequenses. Yes it is an addiction, but addictions can be broken.

I also wanted to say that porn use invites in evil spirits such as the spirits of lust and these need to be dealt with also to break the hold it has.

Porn use is apparently rampant even among Christians, we cannt give it any room. It destroys people, marriages, and ministries and makes the person who does it totally inneffective for God. It invites in evil spirits which often make the porn user want more and more porn and often worse and worse types of porn.
However it is a CHOICE as to whether to stop or not. No one is powereless with any addiction.If I was addicted to anything and thought i would loose my husband over it ,I definatelty would stop.



deermousie -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/12/2009 12:12:47 PM)

My heart goes out to people struggling with this. Porn isn't like illegal drugs that we don't need, but is like food that we do need but can be taken outside of what God meant to be in a marriage or at a dinner table. It's not necessarily the devil doing this but our own sin nature, taking something good and pushing it beyond what God intended.

There are Christian marriage and family counselors who have groups for guys struggling with porn, and they hold each other accountable with a trained counselor guiding them.

In this fallen world, may God have mercy on His people and bring great glory to Himself as He works in our individual lives and heals us. We are broken people and need Him so much, for so many reasons. God help us.



bigred2610 -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/13/2009 3:43:00 PM)

as a man, i want to respond or actually give my account. I have struggled with porn for years and it started asa curiousity because i come from a very sheltered upbringing and once i got out in the world i wanted to experience it all. Well, anyway, i thought it was fairly harmless until the porn led to talking to other women online. That led to trading sexually explicit pics with said women and then the rock bottom moment of my life. I had an on again, off again affair for the past 18 months. My wife, whom deserves sainthood right now, took me back last week. I dont know other than the grace of God why she would do that. She had every right not to and we had even talked to a lawyer about a disillusion.

I started to pray and asked for forgiveness and talked to my pastor and even started to read my bible again. I begged her to take me back told her even if she didnt im at peace with being alone.

My point being is, i didnt take this addiction seriously enough and pray about it enough. It finally came back to bite me on the behind and i regret everyday not spent reveling in my wife's presence. For all those wife's dealing with your hubby's porn addiction, keep praying. I can almost garuantee he doesnt want to have this "problem" but is too afraid to talk about it because of the stigma attached to it. I finally had to break down and talk to a church friend a few years back. I was surprised to learn he too deals with it. I think this is the easiest tool the devil has to get to men to break up marriages and ruin their lives.

PRAY PRAY PRAY



iquestion -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/16/2009 6:17:10 PM)

men are very visual. many of them struggle with wanting to watch women doing ... well ... you know. instead of criticizing him, belittling him, having him promise you he'll stop (in other words, treating him like a kid), i think each one of you ladies should try making a porn video of yourself "for your husband's eyes only." i'm sure that will turn him on. it'll probably turn you on in the process too ;)

if he promised you he'll stop watching porn or masturbating, and then isn't strong enough to resist the urge (especially if his drive is more frequent than yours and if he accepts you as you are), he's not going to want to disappoint you by telling you that he's gonna slip and watch porn ... instead, he's gonna try to do it while you're not watching. ... and then you catch him and punish him by not sleeping with him ... which makes his urge to see porn even stronger.

it's much harder for a man to be turned on if they see the other person is not turned on. so, how do you think it's fair if you only crave it once a month, you're making him to wait the other 29 days until you are turned on. or ... the wife that says "yes" and then lays there like a log ... completely uninterested. that's a huge turn-off. the Bible says "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." I feel sorry for the husband that feels "stuck" because his wife deprives him, and as a result of the depravation he's tempted and falls (due to lack of self-control). he feels bad, and to add to that, his wife criticizes him and even talks of divorce.


and ... for those of you who feel insecure because of your husband's porn, one of these days, take a look at the porn with him, and you'll see - while some of the girls are pretty, many aren't. what makes men want to see those girls is the girls' enthusiasm. it makes a man feel like a man. i felt insecure at first, but after watching porn with my husband a few times, i became a lot more self-secure, and know how to better please him ... and as a result, i feel a lot more free, and when we're "one", it's soooooo much more fun!



herestoresmysoul -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/16/2009 7:40:40 PM)

iquestion,
to suggest that the wife looks at porn too to help the marriage is extreemly wrong. Porn is
evil and damaging for all those who do it whether that be the husband or the wife. By watching it with him you are doing totally the wrong thing and opening the door for you also to be badly affected by it.
Porn use is serious sexual immorality and anyone who does it for whatever reason.is sinning.I am sure that many men try to put the blame on their wives for this, but that doesnt wash. I am all for having lots of sex in marriage but we are ALL responsible for what we do and if someone watches porn, that is their choice and not something they are 'forced' into by the fact that maybe their wives dont want to have sex every day or twice a week or whatever like their husbands.Its easy to blame someone else for our sin but that doesent wash with God.

Your husband obviously persuaded you that his excuse for porn use was becuase you didnt want sex more.That just isnt the case for many men, Many of them look at porn regardless of how often they have sex. many of them are porn users way before they even met their wives. If they are addicted, it has nothing to do with their sex lives.

Many people in the world say that watching a porn movie together can 'spice up' the marriage. What about what the Bible says about being pure and not looking at things that are evil.What about the fact that none of us should be looking at naked people and lusting or seeing them have sex or whatever.Godly sex does NOT include porn.It is Satans tool for destroying lives and marriages and ministries and for opeing the door to evil. Opening the door to it in anyway is just playting with fire.



leesw -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/16/2009 8:37:26 PM)

Men aren't the only ones addicted to porn. There's plenty of women out there who can't get enough porn. I talk to them often.



herestoresmysoul -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/16/2009 8:52:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leesw

Men aren't the only ones addicted to porn. There's plenty of women out there who can't get enough porn. I talk to them often.


Thats true and that is why it is a REALY bad idea for anyone whether men or women to do this.
However it is true that man are more visually stimulated, and there are far more porn products that are aimed at men than women.



justpassinby -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/16/2009 9:12:40 PM)

If viewing porn on computers, as many men do, many of these sites have viruses on them. So, if he really loves his computer, he'll give it up soon enough (the lunk-headed porn sites mess up the very medium one needs to view them--- what idiots). Porn on computers never tempted me anyways. Women are gorgeous, yes, but no woman is gorgeous enough to mess up my computer. I can imagine an arrogant porno queen who thinks she's God's gift to men spitting nails when the mention of a motherboard with a great looking CPU and memory sticks means more.



iquestion -> RE: Regarding Porn addiction: To all women who struggles with their hubbys on this matter. (8/17/2009 4:58:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: herestoresmysoul

iquestion,
to suggest that the wife looks at porn too to help the marriage is extreemly wrong.


so ... are you saying for a woman who feels insecure because of her husband's porn use, that it's better if she divorces him? (reference to divorce in RhoMo13's post, as well as in herestoresmysoul's post). i think that before giving up on marriage, the wife should know what she's talking about and not unnecessarily go through torture thinking that her husband doesn't like her and is instead interested in prettier women.

quote:


Your husband obviously persuaded you that his excuse for porn use was becuase you didnt want sex more.


nobody obviously persuaded me of anything. my sex drive is quite high up there. what i did was sort of a mini scientific study ... so that i know what i'm talking about.

quote:


Porn ... makes the person who does it totally inneffective for God.


says who? and why? because it's a sin? maybe you're strong enough to resist temptation. other people are in situations where it's a lot harder (such as where one spouse "deprives" the other spouse) ... and yes, everyone is responsible for their own actions, but it's a lot easier to resist a chocolate bar if the chocolate isn't calling out your name.

what about other sins, such as gluttony? i haven't heard a husband giving an ultimatum to his wife such as: "you either stop eating burgers, cheese, and chocolate, or i'm gonna separate from you and eventually divorce you! i don't care that you're pregnant and you're craving all kinds of goodies, you should know that your priority is not to hurt my feelings by looking overweight in front of my friends."

how is that different from "you stop looking at porn and masturbating or else i'm gonna separate from you and eventually divorce you! i don't care that you have more of a sex drive and we haven't had sex in the last week (or month, or however long), you should know that your priority is to not hurt my feelings by making me feel insecure that you're looking at other women."

lets not get carried away in discussing whether porn is a sin or not, as much as whether someone should leave their spouse because of a sin.



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>



Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.5 ANSI