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[Poll]
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"Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing Forward
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| Girl - moved her forward, am pleased with decision |
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| Girl - moved her forward, am NOT pleased with decision |
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| Girl - held back/repeated, am pleased |
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| Girl - held back/repeated, am NOT pleased |
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| Boy - moved him forward, am pleased with decision |
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| Boy - moved him forward, am NOT pleased with decision |
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| Boy - held back/repeated, am pleased |
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| Boy - held back/repeated, am NOT pleased |
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Total Votes : 11
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(last vote on : 7/13/2009 12:11:45 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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"Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing Forward - 7/6/2009 7:58:54 PM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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Hi! I am beginning to ponder the pros and cons of starting my children in school "early" or "late". I have heard so very many arguments for late and know so many gifted, capable children who are repeating or being held back by well meaning parents. I don't really know any proponents of the early argument ...
Any thoughts? I am finding myself a little annoyed with the tremendous tendancy in our town to "hold back". We have eight year olds in the first grade  .
I crafted a poll which attempts to capture your decisions re this issue and subsequent feelings. I allowed multiple selections so that those of you with more than one child can account for more than one experience, but it is clumsy ...
Our cut-off here in ct is unusual in that it goes by calendar year ... so, as I understand, if your child turns five during the fall year, he/she may start kindergarten (fall '10 class could include a child born any time in '10, including Dec 31st!). Most states are Sep, I think.
Also, I have girls ... the first born, at almost three yrs old, seems to be a bit of an overachiever. Her sister, is almost two and much less advanced. As they are only a year apart, I do not have time to hold the oldest back but put the youngest in on time without them being in the same class. My approach for my oldest will have a bit of a trickle down impact on the rest. (Both girls have end of Sep birthdays)
Thanks for your thoughts on this!
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/6/2009 8:22:40 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3575
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We are homeschooling, so it's a bit different for us.
For me it's an issue of letting them work at *their* pace rather than be constrained by age/grade.
Asrat whizzed through an entire kindergarten curriculum in *two months*. Most of what was being taught, he already knew. Since we are with a cyberschool, we had to complete that course, and they told us just to have him do the sample pages and tests and send them in. The rest of the year he finished 1st grade. And now he's slowed down a little bit, but he's still ahead. I have no regrets about him being ahead but I'm also glad he's slowed down.
My second son has the knowledge to test ahead but I'm not going to do that with him. He really, really needs the practice and discipline of daily work and has an utter hatred of workbooks and writing, so he can learn as much as he wants to learn, and we encourage it, but grade-wise he'll be "normal", or even a little behind to begin with. He knows all his letters and is teaching himself to read, for instance, but the only letter he can write is "A" and his "A"s are pretty pathetic.  I could force it and put him ahead based on his knowledge but I think he's going to need a slower start than his brother.
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 Moo
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/6/2009 8:40:43 PM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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Things are a little different here in the UK. The "birthday" year is counted from September 1st. My two are July and August babies respectively, and they started infant school full-time the January after they were 4. That wasn't starting them early, that was "normal" for here (still is).
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"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/6/2009 9:35:18 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4161
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I had two opportunities when I was in school to be put forward into the next grade and my parents declined both. I'm still mad about it.
Edited to add: the first time was kindergarten to first grade, the second time was third grade to fourth grade. I started kindergarten at age 5 and 5 months.
< Message edited by stellaluna -- 7/6/2009 10:05:09 PM >
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/6/2009 9:40:28 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 1738
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The cut off date for Indiana is August 1st. Has been for quite a few years now.
Personally I had some that could have benefited from starting early and some that I should have held back. My eldest dd was almost 6 when she began kindergarten, with her birthday being in November. She would have been fine to start when she was 4.5 the previous year, but I wasn't going to push it. I wanted her home as long as I could keep her with me. My younger ds in fact would have benefited from another year at home. He turned 5 the spring before he started kindergarten. I should have had him repeat kindergarten, JUST for the sake of maturity. Academically he was well prepared and very capable, but he lacked the maturity and while other kids could handle school at the beginning of the school year, it took him until January to get the hang of things and figure out what was expected of him.
To me if a child is starting in a public or private school setting - more so then if they are academically ready - parents also need to consider their child's maturity level as well, both in considering weither to hold a child back or to press forward.
Blessings,
Garsy
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My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/6/2009 10:01:24 PM
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his_chosen
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Ds2 has a September birthdya. He started kindergarten when he ahd just turned 5yo. He had gone to pre-school at the private school and the principal insited that ds2 start kindergarten, rather than have another year of pre-school. BIG MISTAKE!!! Ds2 did fine in half day kindergarten but was not ready for full day 1st grade when he was just turning 6yo. We ended up home schooling him.
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You have a choice. You can throw in the towel or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face.
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/7/2009 9:56:37 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
Also, I have girls ... the first born, at almost three yrs old, seems to be a bit of an overachiever. Her sister, is almost two and much less advanced. As they are only a year apart, I do not have time to hold the oldest back but put the youngest in on time without them being in the same class. My approach for my oldest will have a bit of a trickle down impact on the rest. (Both girls have end of Sep birthdays)
Why would you hold a bright child back? quote:
Things are a little different here in the UK. The "birthday" year is counted from September 1st. My two are July and August babies respectively, and they started infant school full-time the January after they were 4. That wasn't starting them early, that was "normal" for here (still is).
That's how the majority of states are here as well, except we call it "preschool". I think our cutoff is in October 1, but I don't remember. Gabby is an August baby so it's been a moot point.
I think it really depends on the individual child and their maturity level but also on the school setting. I would be more likely to put a child in a Montessori or Waldorf setting for half a day then I would be to put them into a public school(in our area) for a full day(not that we have full day K here).
That being said... Gabby will start on time :)
_____________________________
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I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/7/2009 10:30:13 AM
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myka
Posts: 978
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I think it depends on the state... And sometimes, the city/district -- when my friends' daughter was turning 5, they moved to a neighboring city that had a Sept 1 cutoff date (the previous date was Jan 1). Their daughter was very ready for Kindergarten, but would not have been able to start for another year. They made the choice to put her in a private school that did not have the same birthday cutoff date. It was a good decision for them.
My kids have July and May birthdays, so it is a non-issue for us, but my youngest is very ready for K, and probably would do fine with a full-day program(but around here, they are tuition based). My older kids had full-day programs, but the second half of the day was play time.
Personally, I would not hold a child back if they were 'ready' for kindergarten -- even if they would be younger than their peers in different states.
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/7/2009 10:51:04 AM
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Szaftoo
Posts: 502
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I think it depends on the individual child, some are ready to start early and some aren't. Some parents insist on starting early and then are disappointed when their child can't keep up academically or are much smaller physically. Other parents start later and then are frustrated when their child is bored because they are ahead of the other students. Also, it's not a big deal but when they start could later affect their middle and high school years.
Mine both started early but before making that decision we did our homework to see if they were ready.
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/7/2009 10:56:05 AM
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iluvatar
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I voted for both pleased and not pleased. I skipped Kindergarten and 5th grade and the results were... mixed. I attended small, poorly-equipped Christian schools that had what I now realize were rather low academic standards. I was above average in math and reading, and the only way to challenge me in that environment was to skip me ahead. Socially, it didn't make a difference until I got into high school, at which point my physical size (I've always been taller than my classmates) was no longer enough to overcome my awkwardness and immaturity.
-Dan.
_____________________________
Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/7/2009 11:11:01 AM
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Auben
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They usually have Kindergarten readiness testing in the spring so anything we say is a moot point. I know in our school district you have to get special permission from the school board to place a child in class if their birthday is after the cut off date.
I have an August boy. He's also my most hands on child. At Kindergarten testing he passed all the information easily but he was so silly that they requested he not enter Kindergarten that year. He was disappointed so I put him in preschool. It was a hard time for him. He was bored (but liked the toys). None of the kids got his odd non sequiter conversations. He tried to talk with the teachers but they were always busy and shut him down. His best friend was the 60 year old school van driver Mrs. C. It taught him to doubt himself, nothing more.
Since then we've homeschooled. The school system actually called to offer that he could take preschool AGAIN (lol) and I knew that he was already past Kindergarten skills. They saw him as having immature social skills because he didn't act like a 4 year old.
Really, this depends so much on the child that I could never give an open recommendation. If the two girls end up in the same grade, its not the end of the world. My mother and uncle graduated together because they were close and an illness held my uncle back. Usually they split siblings up into different classes so it doesn't affect them on a day to day basis. There's nothing wrong with holding kids back, especially in the early grades. There's nothing wrong with starting a bit early if the child is ambitious and mature.
I'm sure you'll figure this out when the time comes.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/7/2009 11:17:25 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 2587
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From: Northern IL
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quote:
I think it depends on the individual child, some are ready to start early and some aren't.
Here in IL our district cut off date is Sept. 1 . Both my kids were born the 1st week of Nov. and a year apart. Dd was ready very bored in K, but ds struggled. Dd already knew 90% of what they were going to teach her in K before she started and never thought about having her tested the year before. I liked having them home with me and we did alot. We never did preschool. I think you really have to know your kids well and ask others how they perceive your child because sometimes we don't see things that others do.
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"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
Author unknown
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/7/2009 11:20:09 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 7961
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I had to face this decision with my ds. In the state we lived the cut off was 12/1. His birthday is 11/27. When he finished PK3 I was trying to decide whether I should start him in K in a year or if he needed another year. After talking with his PK teachers we seemed to think he wouldn't be ready for K in a year so he stayed in the PK3 class (1 morning a week vs 3 half days a week for PK4). However, after finishing that year we decided to HS our girls and I decided to start him in K at home rather than go to PK4. He did fine at home but would not have handled sitting in a K classroom I don't think.
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/7/2009 12:35:07 PM
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TXRedhead
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We homeschool, but I used to teach professionally. I would say that a lot of your decision should be based on your child's maturity level. Although my 6 & 7 year olds are doing 3rd grade work, I leave them with their soon-to-be 1st grade class at church in Sunday School and AWANA. I do that because I know that, emotionally, they are really happier with that peer group; they relate on the same level in terms of interests, and they are emotionally as mature as their peers.
We have 2 girls in our church who were advanced academically [one homeschooled and one private schooled]. Both were kept in those advanced scholastic grades in their church classes. Both are obviously immature for their groups, and it shows...dramatically. However, one of those girls, I suspect, will always be behind emotionally. She is a drama queen and very high strung. The other, though, is struggling to connect with girls who are at a different place emotionally than she is.
So, I would definitely recommend looking hard at your daughters' emotional ages as well as their scholastic abilities when deciding about a school situation. For me, as a homeschooler, it's a more-or-less moot point as we can separate the two; however, in a school setting, getting along with and relating to one's peers makes a big difference in how they'll perform in school overall and how much they will or won't enjoy the school experience.
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/8/2009 8:35:01 AM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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Wow, the benefits of homeschooling really shine in this thread! I had a "discussion" with my husband just this morning about this ... so far as he can focus on something of this nature ... he sort of looks to me to decide. He doesn't want our oldest two in the same grade and we are in agreement on this. Other than that point, he sort of shrugged the whole thing off ... having good advice from others is how I will need to make my decisions.
From reading your comments and thinking things through, here is how I am leaning ...
DD1 ... she is a quick study and likes to know things but she is not what I would call emotionally mature for her age. I may start her in K when she is five, almost six, recognizing that a lot of doing well at school has to do with "fitting in" ... she is not among the most socially advanced in her agegroup ... considering virtually our entire town "holds back", she would be one of the youngest in her class (at four, almost five) if I put her through "on time". I'm not sure how well she would fare with classroom politics ... I really struggled with all of that myself, being on the young side in my class.
DD2 ... she is just 12 months younger than DD1 so, to avoid them being in the same class, I'd follow the same principle with her. She is also a lot less mature than her sister was at the same age ... I suspect she will continue on her current "curve".
DD3 ... due in three weeks so very much an unknown quantity ... she is two yrs younger than DD2 so I'll have room to push her forward or hold her back like her sisters.
I am an educator at heart ... I am so looking forward to tutoring my girls at home. I intend to, for each one of them, have a homestudy focused on 1) what they least accel at in school and 2) what they like best in school. Toward that goal, I have already amassed a large library of books on various subjects like art, literature, history (european, chinese and US), science, music, psychology, poetry, geography, philosophy and math. I have such a drive to learn more myself, too ... I really think I can help keep them challenged and (hopefully) bridge any learning gaps they encounter in public school.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and for sharing your experiences! I am eager for my little ones to actually BE school age 
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/8/2009 9:14:13 AM
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becomingwhole
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My dd started school at 4, and turned 5 with in the first month. She was put in the accelerated class, and has enjoyed the challenge very much. She started reading at 3 and half all by herself. She has lead her class to many things, but when asked to push her forward my dh and I have declined. At the track she is on she will graduate at 17, and begin college at 18. She does struggle emotionally, but has a therapist helping her out with that.
My ds son is a March baby, and started school at 5yr. and 5mo. He needed every bit of that time, and according to him even more. If their ages were reversed I would have held him back.
I think one must look at the child’s level, and make the best decision one can. I tell my dh all the time we can only do what we believe is best. In time we may see our decisions were wrong, but I believe God will honor our hearts.
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/8/2009 1:43:18 PM
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thisistheday
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The cut-off for school here is five by August 31 before starting kindergarten. My second daughter was born September 1. I have no regrets about her missing the cut-off. She would have been academically ready to start sooner, but she was a very shy, quiet little girl so I'm not as sure about socially. I think it would have worked out OK, but I'm glad she had the extra year at home before kindergarten, and that she'll have the extra year at home before college.
Dee
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/8/2009 1:54:24 PM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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Does this come down to an added year of childhood versus an added year of "real life"?
One of my nieces has Cystic Fibrosis so may have an abreviated adulthood. My sister is VERY interested in getting her through school as young as possible ... not to be morbid.
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/9/2009 9:49:57 AM
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Sunnymom
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Homeschooler here, that has not started her boys in 'formal' schooling until they were 8. My firstborn was done with school at 16, and worked a full-time job until he was 18 and could enlist in the Army. Second-born is 12 and will be starting Algebra this year. My dd is 10 and is doing what most would consider to be 6th grade work. I haven't started my 7 yob yet, but he can add and subtract and read Early Reader type books.
I myself was moved forward- sort of. They didn't want to send a 10 year old to Jr. High, so they got the curriculum and I did alot of school by myself in the school library and was sent to every academic competition mankind has dreamed up. Then I transferred to a private Christian school where I spent Jr. High bored to tears, and learned the benefits of mediocrity by the time I got into high school. So it's safe to say that I am not happy with my own educational experience.
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Susan R
Sunniemom's Survival Guide
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/9/2009 12:05:48 PM
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JuliaHop
Posts: 286
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When my eldest started school the cut off was November 1 and no option to hold her back was given (she was an October baby and attending public school). She could probably have waited a year and been fine...though she might have been even more bored academically. She finished grad school at the age of 22.
My middle child was a summer baby and the private school wanted him to repeat kindergarten because he was small. He was always going to be small, so he progressed with his peers. In his case he needed to advance because boredom would have been his downfall. He is now a senior in college.
My youngest did not have an age issue because he is a spring baby. He was home educated until the 5th grade and transitioned well into Christian school. Being much younger than his siblings, he would have been bored if he had been held back. He had very strong communication skills.
So, I will maintain that it is a uniquely individual decision as to whether or not a child is held back or progresses. You know your child and just make the decision that you feel would be best for your child.
_____________________________
For God so loved the World, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16
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RE: "Repeating", Holding Back, and Pressing F... - 7/9/2009 12:26:41 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1025
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quote:
So, I will maintain that it is a uniquely individual decision as to whether or not a child is held back or progresses. You know your child and just make the decision that you feel would be best for your child.
I agree. Each child is so unique. DS is 4 yrs. 5 months and breezing through easy readers. He loves solving puzzles and is content to sit at the kitchen table for two hours doing workbooks or puzzles. I'm going to start him in "kindergarten" this fall. I know if I hold him out another year, it wouldn't be good for him or us. He needs the challenge and stimulation. His maturity level is average for his age. We plan on homeschooling him all the way through (unless at some point we are able to afford one of the Christian classical academies, where they attend a couple of days a week and work at home the other days).
DD is 2.5 and is very clever and on-track for her age, but she's also very active and hands-on and not content to sit and learn like her brother has been from that age. She has a very different learning style and I think she will stay on track, but probably not far ahead of her age group.
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*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
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Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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