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husband always angry and violent - 7/8/2009 10:29:48 AM
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tracylmt1987
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/8/2009
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My husband becomes very angry very easily, I can't set down and tell him my thoughts and feelings or anything that bothers me. He just starts flying off the handle and throws things yells at me! He says things to me that are very mean and threatens me at times. We have been thru alot and only been married almost 2 years. Any advise on what to do?
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/8/2009 10:34:55 AM
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laura...
Posts: 3277
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tracylmt1987
My husband becomes very angry very easily, I can't set down and tell him my thoughts and feelings or anything that bothers me. He just starts flying off the handle and throws things yells at me! He says things to me that are very mean and threatens me at times. We have been thru alot and only been married almost 2 years. Any advise on what to do?
Yes. Leave. Separate. Do not live with a violent man. Find a safe place. Contact a domestic violence shelter if necessary. If you have children, get them out of this home. If you don't have children, don't have any with him.
Once you are in a safe place for at least 30 days, contact him about possible steps toward reconciliation. Those steps would need to include long term, on-going domestic violence counseling and individual counseling.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/8/2009 7:08:28 PM
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joyfulheart09
Posts: 9
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girl... leave him... i've been married with my husband for fours 1/2 now... and the same problem with yours... you have divorce in your country... leave now... if our country have divorce i should already left my husband... my heartless husband...
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/8/2009 8:51:56 PM
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pickupyourmat
Posts: 279
Joined: 7/5/2007
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quote:
Once you are in a safe place for at least 30 days, contact him about possible steps toward reconciliation. Those steps would need to include long term, on-going domestic violence counseling and individual counseling.
Hi Laura,
I'm just curious as to why you advise this?
_____________________________
"It's not my opinion but the word of God." That's the same thing Jim Jones said.
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/8/2009 10:04:39 PM
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slushie
Posts: 2205
Joined: 4/30/2006
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I agree. Don't want him to harm you or the kids. Dangerous.
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Testify to Love
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/8/2009 10:06:34 PM
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laura...
Posts: 3277
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pickupyourmat
quote:
Once you are in a safe place for at least 30 days, contact him about possible steps toward reconciliation. Those steps would need to include long term, on-going domestic violence counseling and individual counseling.
Hi Laura,
I'm just curious as to why you advise this?
I believe it takes at least 30 days of no contact for a victim of domestic violence to begin to think straight. Thirty days of no contact may also promote a willingness to get help on the part of the abuser. If she gains a healthy perspective and he becomes willing to do the hard work to change then the marriage may be salvageable. A healthy perspective can also help her recognize if he is not willing to change and put her in a better position to make the decision to end the marriage if necessary.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/10/2009 11:29:41 AM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 426
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tracylmt1987
My husband becomes very angry very easily, I can't set down and tell him my thoughts and feelings or anything that bothers me. He just starts flying off the handle and throws things yells at me! He says things to me that are very mean and threatens me at times. We have been thru alot and only been married almost 2 years. Any advise on what to do?
The thing that always has to be asked is this: Did you know he was like this before you married him?
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/10/2009 1:39:04 PM
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hnt
Posts: 660
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tracylmt1987
My husband becomes very angry very easily, I can't set down and tell him my thoughts and feelings or anything that bothers me. He just starts flying off the handle and throws things yells at me! He says things to me that are very mean and threatens me at times. We have been thru alot and only been married almost 2 years. Any advise on what to do?
You need to educate yourself as to what you are dealing with. You need to find a way of owning this in a way, so you have the strength to truly deal with it.
Yes separating at this point would be a good start, but if you are NOT ready for that yet? You need to find help and support so you can grow stronger in order to deal with it. Its not going away, and you need to find the strength within you to move forward, and deal with this in a healthy manner.
The type of behavior you speak of makes broken people. He may not be ready for healing yet, and if he refuses to speak with you on a rational level towards things that are truly important? You can't force it to happen. You need to work on you, and find a way to be comfortable about making some strong stands.
Rage and violence is sinful, but enabling it due to fear and helplessness can make things worse. Find help for yourself, and if you feel he may be threatened by that - find a way of doing so without his knowledge. Someone has to make that first step, or neither of you will be healed.
Rage and violence isn't a characteristic of a rational person, and when I say do this without his knowledge it isn't said in a way of undermining anything. He may not be capable of handling things at this point, and you need to find help and support in order to start your journey towards healing. Fear of spouse throwing items at you, and raging when you bring up things that are uncomfortable for them to hear isn't a healthy dynamic.
You have taken a first important step by asking for advice, but you need to find some real life support as well. Call your local domestic violence shelter, or the national DV line just to speak to someone. Focus Ministries is another option, and you can email them..and they will return your note. The first step is always the hardest, and ask God to guide you in this journey.
_____________________________
h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/10/2009 1:43:03 PM
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hnt
Posts: 660
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Child4Jesus
quote:
ORIGINAL: tracylmt1987
My husband becomes very angry very easily, I can't set down and tell him my thoughts and feelings or anything that bothers me. He just starts flying off the handle and throws things yells at me! He says things to me that are very mean and threatens me at times. We have been thru alot and only been married almost 2 years. Any advise on what to do?
The thing that always has to be asked is this: Did you know he was like this before you married him?
Safety needs to come first. There is a time to look at the red flags that may or may not have been there. That isn't the first thing that needs to asked. It will be dealt with on the journey towards healing, but the first things must be safety.
_____________________________
h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/11/2009 1:18:42 AM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 426
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tracylmt1987
My husband becomes very angry very easily, I can't set down and tell him my thoughts and feelings or anything that bothers me. He just starts flying off the handle and throws things yells at me! He says things to me that are very mean and threatens me at times. We have been thru alot and only been married almost 2 years. Any advise on what to do?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Child4Jesus
The thing that always has to be asked is this: Did you know he was like this before you married him?
quote:
ORIGINAL: hnt
Safety needs to come first. There is a time to look at the red flags that may or may not have been there. That isn't the first thing that needs to asked. It will be dealt with on the journey towards healing, but the first things must be safety.
I wasn't suggest that that question should literally be asked first over doing all else and asking all else.
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/11/2009 10:03:21 AM
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seagullplayer
Posts: 332
Joined: 9/18/2007
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What did your Pastor say about the situation?
If I understand, he has yet to touch you, but he has a violent temper?
Do you have kids in the home?
_____________________________
The world has only one problem, sin.
There is only one solution, Jesus.
Seems a lot of people watch evangelist on TV and call it going to church.
My kids use to play Mario Cart and think they where driving…
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/12/2009 8:19:30 AM
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armywifey
Posts: 53
Joined: 6/11/2009
Status: offline
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You have to be careful where you get your advice. I remember 5 yrs ago my husband crossed the line physically with one of our children, in disciplining. In my haste i went straight to a christian website(it was my first post) and asked for advice.....most if not all said to ''leave him''. When i went to my regular forum, those ladies there knew me, and the dynamics of our relationship. None of them told me to leave, but offered other healthy suggestions. Only you know the severity of the situation, only you know how many times this has happened. In our younger yrs my hubby was known to slam things, kick things and yell, but he has since grown and matured. He's not saved btw, so there was no intervention or counseling.
I'm not saying don't keep yourself safe, but only you know how bad it really is or isn't. I will ask the obvious. Have you talked to him about his temper? Have you told him it scares you? I think most men would feel like cowards if they knew they physically scared their wives...with some men that knowledge is all it takes.
< Message edited by armywifey -- 7/12/2009 8:31:44 AM >
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RE: husband always angry and violent - 7/12/2009 9:46:53 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 493
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline
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tracylmt1987
I certainly agree with the others posts. First, I would leave this relationship but definitely explain why. Refuse to live this kind of life. If he wants to get help through ministry, that's fine. It would be up to him then.
I would certainly do something before any children entered the picture. My parent fought constantly and it is no picnic growing up in such a home. Everyone deserves a to live in a peaceful home.
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